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Santa is Fake News

Laika

Well-Known Member
Premium Member
There is no Santa. There never was a Santa. Its all an elaborate conspiracy by corporations to get you to buy stuff in the name in giving presents. Loving your children is not enough; you're love needs to be gift wrapped! Santa wasn't even Red until Coca Cola changed it. Why else would people glorify slave labour by tiny people in sweat shops in a foreign country for 364 days of the year unless they are trying to send you a message? These people need a Union!

It is culturally acceptable for parents to lie to their children every December 25th. Should we really congratulate ourselves on being so emotionally stunted that we need our children to believe a burglar broke in to their house only to leave them presents in order to have any credibility when we want our off-springs affection? What kind of weirdos tell their children to idolise burglars? you don't give criminals milk and cookies, you should teach children to call the police!

Breaking and entering is against the law and you don't get away with it just because you're a professional and do it everyone on the same night. That's not compassion; its intimidation to enact a massive global criminal conspiracy. If you want to let people in your house, you let in through the front door, not down a chimney. We're supposed to believe an old man sneaks in to children's bedrooms in the depth of night and will leave them a "present" by exploiting their innocence.

Yeah. That sounds so plausible. you go and sit on Santa's lap kids! :rolleyes:

And this all happens because a sled is pulled by flying reindeer? Who chose that as a getaway vehicle for a crime spree? Why don't air traffic control shoot him down as a terrorist for entering american airspace? Even 9/11 hijackers had flight experience, but no. by all means trust in your genetically modified flying reindeer with a shiny red nose to warn other aircraft your approaching. Why worry about illegal immigrants when you've got a single smuggler illegally crossing your borders?

Its a long night. Are there provisions for when the reindeer have to go to the bathroom mid-flight? Or should we add spreading biological contaminants to the list of laws this "Saint Nicholas" is breaking?

But sure. Its fine. Children can wake up and find presents under a tree and get tucked in to their Christmas turkey. There's nothing like massacring an entire species and eating its carcass to make you feel festive.

So Lets hear it for Kris Kringle! You go get you're children to write a wish list to over burden the postal system with. Why use e-mail when Santa keeps his Christmas traditional?

Ask yourself: What did Santa have to do to convince himself to go through a global guilt trip to make all the little boys and girls happy? Every single year? There is something screwed up there.o_O

bad-santa-211.jpg
 

Stanyon

WWMRD?
There is no Santa. There never was a Santa. Its all an elaborate conspiracy by corporations to get you to buy stuff in the name in giving presents. Loving your children is not enough; you're love needs to be gift wrapped! Santa wasn't even Red until Coca Cola changed it. Why else would people glorify slave labour by tiny people in sweat shops in a foreign country for 364 days of the year unless they are trying to send you a message? These people need a Union!

Bones Of Saint Nicholas Reveal What Santa Claus Really Looked Like

....haha
 

idav

Being
Premium Member
Darn straight it's fake news, fake news to cover the true story of baby Jesus and Saint Nicholas the gift giver!!
 

sun rise

The world is on fire
Premium Member
Besides all of that, have you ever wondered why you can't find things which appear to have disappeared into thin air? Sometimes of course they are misplaced but other times? Why should such breaking and entering only be on one day of the year? Have you ever thought about the loot that is stolen and hocked with the proceeds put in an offshore tax haven?
 

lewisnotmiller

Grand Hat
Staff member
Premium Member
I was confused when you said it's 'culturally acceptable to lie to children on 25th December'.

1) it's culturally acceptable to lie to children every day.
2) Santa is real, dammit
 
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