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Revoltingest and BSM go deer hunting

Discussion in 'Games / Pics / Jokes / Stories' started by KAT-KAT, Jun 24, 2021.

  1. KAT-KAT

    KAT-KAT Veteran Member

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    The night was hot and stale. @BSM1 and @Revoltingest were hiking to a remote place on BSM's grandparents' farm. He had always told Revoltingest about deer hunting but Revolting had never been interested in such a thing before agreeing to go.

    “You mean you've never deer-hunted?” asked BSM.

    “I...” said Revoltingest

    His sentence stopped. There was a strange pattern in the field ahead...

    “Run!” Revoltingest screamed, stumbling backward over a fallen log, but BSM was long gone before Revolting even hit the ground.

    A door to a metal saucer opened... all Revoltingest could see was a puff of steam at the entrance. Out of the saucer stepped a human-looking man in space-clothes as music played

    Suddenly, the humanoid dropped straight to the ground and the music sounded more like alarms blaring out of the metallic object.

    The man's hips were swinging, his feet were stepping, and he started singing. Suddenly Revoltingest felt a hand pull him away from the saucer. He struggled but could not escape his captor.

    Then he realized, he had stumbled into a rock concert, but in the middle of BSM's grandparents' farm?

    It was at that point Revoltingest realized - that it was a Friday and @Wirey was having one of his wild parties hosted by BSM.

    A car ramped over the crowd as people screamed. It had to be a drunk driver, Revoltingest thought. As the car was coming to the ground and about to smash, Revoltingest put out his arms... and caught the car.

    He tried to place the car on the ground but it stuck to his greasy hands. He screamed and ran, but the further he ran, the heavier it got. His hands were stuck through the radiator and caught in the engine block.

    He didn't want to hurt anybody inside so he stopped running. Plus the car was getting heavy. As he stood there in complete confusion, he looked inside the car and to his surprise, he saw BSM.

    A deer was in the car with BSM. “I caught a deer!” BSM exclaimed in excitement.

    Revoltingest was able to finally drop the car on the ground. The deer sprang out of the car's window and ran.

    “After that deer!” hollered BSM.

    They were running extremely fast, but Revoltingest decided to stop. BSM yelled, “What are you doing?!”

    Revoltingest said, "I need to catch my breath for my arteries are filled with bacon."

    Suddenly the deer came charging at them bucking cars and trucks off the road. Revoltingest and BSM ran separate ways, but the deer charged at BSM. The deer bucked BSM and he flew out of sight. Then it turned toward Revoltingest.

    Revoltingest started to back away. He felt himself trembling. “N-nice deer...” he said.

    The deer charged at Revoltingest at full force. The Scott jumped... and with good timing... he had jumped over the charging deer.

    Revoltingest heard the deer stomping its hooves on the ground behind him and snorting angrily. “Uh-oh...” he said.

    It charged again, but he jumped again.

    Suddenly he was moving. That's when he realized... he was now riding the deer.

    “Yeehaw!” he hollered. Hopefully he would know how to ride this thing.

    Suddenly he woke up. He was in the woods and the sun was coming up. He was covered in dew and honey. A bear was licking his face.

    Revoltingest had come to his wits at this point and his Scottish accent returned. "That's th' lest time ah ever accept kat's invitation tae come ower fur tacos," he said.

    The End.
     
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  2. sun rise

    sun rise "This is the Hour of God"
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    You might have a future as a surrealist writer.
     
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  3. Stevicus

    Stevicus Veteran Member
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    I haven't seen @BSM1 around here in quite a while.
     
  4. ChristineM

    ChristineM "Be strong" I whispered to my coffee.
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    Really good story, i don't usually read long posts, i lose the will to live after the 3rd or 4th paragraph but this one had me enthralled from the beginning.

    I would like to very slightly alter that last speech though to

    "That's th' lest time ah ever accept kat's invitation tae come ower fur aggis tacos,"
     
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  5. ChristineM

    ChristineM "Be strong" I whispered to my coffee.
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    So it's not just me he's been hiding from...
     
  6. KAT-KAT

    KAT-KAT Veteran Member

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    I turned my head, I jumped... there Quagmire's monkey was, his face two inches from mine. With @Quagmire nowhere to be seen.

    “Um, I wanted some time by myself,” I said.

    The monkey said, “I did too.”

    We stood there and looked at each other.

    “Don't you have plans today?” I asked.

    “No, none,” the monkey said. “Isn't it great?”

    “Go find something to do,” I told him.

    “What should we do together?” he asked. “I'm not picky, you choose.”

    Ugh! Well, I started to feel sorry for him... so I went along with him. We went skiing, skating, golfing, fishing, bike-riding, bowling, hiking, scuba-diving, bungee-jumping, baking, car racing, knitting, truck racing, boat racing... the list goes on and on.

    The day was finally over with. I was ready for bed, I couldn't wait for a new day.

    Then the monkey said, “What should we do tomorrow?”

    I couldn't take any more of this. “Go back to being on Quagmire's shoulder!” I said.

    The monkey's goofy smile disappeared. “But... I don't understand...” he said.

    I said, “You're driving me crazy. I liked you better when you were trying to rule everyone.”

    The monkey looked sad. “Well, I understand. I guess I need to live my own life too,” he said. “But I thought we were buddies.”

    “I'm sorry,” I said.

    “It's okay,” he said.

    Then, he walked away.

    I felt bad. I hung my head low.

    (Just kidding. Quagmire's monkey is actually quite fun and nice.)
     
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  7. Twilight Hue

    Twilight Hue Twilight, not bright nor dark, good nor bad.

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    Where is the good part involving bacon?

    Or is it in the sequel?
     
  8. KAT-KAT

    KAT-KAT Veteran Member

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    I mentioned bacon, I think.
     
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  9. savagewind

    savagewind Veteran Member
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    Genius!
     
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  10. Twilight Hue

    Twilight Hue Twilight, not bright nor dark, good nor bad.

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    Oh no! I missed it during commercial break!
     
  11. Stevicus

    Stevicus Veteran Member
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    [​IMG]
     
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  12. SigurdReginson

    SigurdReginson Grēne Mann
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    I want to see more stories. These are brilliant. :D
     
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  13. KAT-KAT

    KAT-KAT Veteran Member

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    Aww! Thank you!!
     
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  14. KAT-KAT

    KAT-KAT Veteran Member

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    It was medieval times or around then. I flew above a cave on a dragon where I was told there's a cranky but still very good looking and sophisticated ol' wizard named @lewisnotmiller . The wizard sensed my presence, threw his hands open and a hole was created above the top of the cave and I fell straight through the opening, being sucked in by magical force.

    As I fell, I was then blasted with an energy wave from the wizard, it reflected off my 1980's silvery T-shirt and blew a hole in the side of his home the cave.

    I landed on my feet directly in front of lewisnotmiller. His eyes bugged out at what he saw.

    I looked at him, threw my hands out, and said, “TA-DA!!”
     
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  15. SigurdReginson

    SigurdReginson Grēne Mann
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    I was almost expecting for you to say in a shrill, nasally voice, "Did I do that?" a la Steve Urkel. :D
     
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  16. KAT-KAT

    KAT-KAT Veteran Member

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    I had been arrested for trespassing. The guards said they'd have to take me to the Queen for trial. The lovely Queen @ChristineM sat on a throne and was surrounded by bodyguards.

    She said with power, “Bring him forth!”

    I stepped up to the throne. She stepped down and looked me in the eyes cautiously. Then she walked around me as to inspect me.

    The she gave me a slight hug. “I can't believe you're still alive,” she said.

    I said, “Ditto.”

    She said, “We thought all was lost in the realm of Games forum posting activity!”

    Then she said, “Now go eat and rest. We have an assortment of food from the staff cafetaria.”

    I gave her a confused look.

    "You heard me," she said.

    As I walked off, I heard her say, "Oh brother. This is the one to bring balance to the forum activity?"
     
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  17. KAT-KAT

    KAT-KAT Veteran Member

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    So suppose the OP story about Revoltingest and BSM1 wasn't a dream.... I present the continuation...

    Remember that deer? It backed Revoltingest up against a tree with a rifle. “Don't play games, boy!” it yelled.

    BSM yelled, “Leave him alone!”

    The huge deer turned and stomped toward BSM. It yelled, “Where is the king! I'm sure you've met a king before!”

    “The deer's logic is perfect. We surrender,” said BSM

    Revoltingest and BSM were tied up and drug to a large castle. The castle was huge indeed with a mote around it and several towers. It was surrounded by an enormous stone wall. Suddenly a draw bridge came down and they were drug inside.

    They were drug through the halls and met by 'The King'. Revoltingest soon realized he was at another concert.

    Revoltingest wondered why they drug him to a king after asking where the king was. Suddenly the king, or "space-man" stopped singing and walked toward Revoltingest and BSM.

    He stood over them with an angry look on his face. Then he yelled at a bunch of deer, “We have captured two of the humans! These humans are the reason our king was captured. Let us celebrate this victory!”

    The crowd cheered as they were drug off.

    "Pretty cool concert," said BSM.

    They were drug off to an abandoned factory and thrown inside. The door closed shut on them, and all they saw was darkness. They were trapped in the dark, and it felt like the room was closing in around them.

    “Are you scared?” asked Revoltingest.

    BSM laughed and said, “Me, scared? No way.”

    As they sat they started to talk about what was going on. They were both in confusion, full of many questions like, where were we? And what was a huge castle doing there to begin with?

    BSM proceeded to tell Revoltingest what happened as he ran through the woods away from the metal saucer.

    “Monsters... strange beasts coming from other saucers... were everywhere...” he said. “One of them plopped down before me and challenged me to a duel with our own guns. I lost... but instead of dieing, I restarted...”

    Revoltingest wanted to laugh, but didn't. He could tell BSM was being serious by the serious look on his face. “What are you saying?” he asked.

    “That we are in a video game,” he answered.

    "Good enough for me," said Revolting. "We better win."
     
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  18. KAT-KAT

    KAT-KAT Veteran Member

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    Queen ChristineM said, “I will pass onto you how to be a good poster.”

    She proceeded to teach me many strange concepts... ones which made more sense as we continued with my teachings. I was soon able to better use and control my posting abilities and refrain from writing short stories of more than four paragraphs.

    It took about three years to master my skills. Finally it was time for my mission.

    I had no time to lose. I said, “We must hide the children from the dingos. Then we can go to the future - BSM1, Revoltingest, ChristineM, and me, and four of us can save the king."
     
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  19. savagewind

    savagewind Veteran Member
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    Ouch! She didn't help me!

    That is a wonderful story. The boss might eliminate it as some of it seems to be against RF rules.

    PS. You should alert us when you finally become published somewhere else.
     
  20. Revoltingest

    Revoltingest I have the kavorka
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    I'm glad he left out the part about the shaved weasels.
     
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