Resume Suggestions

[Reptillian]

I wasn't sure which category to post this in but...

I'm working on updating my resume, since it's been several years. I'm trying recast some of my old jobs in a more positive light. For example, I worked as a prep cook for about two years chopping vegetables, slicing meat, and washing dishes. In my job description I wrote: Ensured that an adequate supply of food, ingredients, silverware, and dishes were available to meet the restaurant’s daily needs.

I've got a little writer's block. Is there a nice way of saying; I took out the trash, did some maintenance, and scrubbed floors?...basically some janitorial work. I've got about four different jobs that I have to do this for. I also have to try and pick out career relevant skills from each of these jobs. I'm probably going to go with the obvious ones like learning teamwork, working well under pressure, and the importance of organization.

Anyway, if anyone has any experience writing resumes or reviewing them, I'd appreciate any suggestions or advice at all.

 

[Wirey]

Product Expiditer (RESTAURANT NAME)

As the Expiditer for RESTAURANT NAME, my dutes included planning to ensure the proper amount of each product was readily available, preparing the product for use by staff or for immediate distribution, as well as after-task consultations to identify areas where improvements could be made. This fast paced, high energy position challanged my abilities to pre-identify problem areas and perform my duties in a quick tempo, high stress environment, something at which I excelled.

Sanitation and Safety Officer (COMPANY NAME)

As the S&S Officer for COMPANY NAME, my duties included the identification and correction of all work place safety issues identified, with particular emphasis on issues that could lead to biological or chemical hazards being present in the workplace. I was also responsible to identify and arrange repair of any problems with site equipment that could lead to an unsafe work condition. This task required great attention to detail and a thourough understanding of the work being performed.

 

[Wirey]

Optional:

Porn Wrangler (Revoltingest Movies Inc)

As a Porn Wrangler, my duties including shooting lemmings at Revoltingest with a slingshot while he got it on with those hamsters and chicken. I was also responsible to act as 'Towel Boy' to 4consideration on hot days. This job made it necessary to take frequent showers and a lot of Gravol. This job taught me to pray for death.

 

[Reptillian]

Product Expiditer (RESTAURANT NAME)

As the Expiditer for RESTAURANT NAME, my dutes included planning to ensure the proper amount of each product was readily available, preparing the product for use by staff or for immediate distribution, as well as after-task consultations to identify areas where improvements could be made. This fast paced, high energy position challanged my abilities to pre-identify problem areas and perform my duties in a quick tempo, high stress environment, something at which I excelled.

Sanitation and Safety Officer (COMPANY NAME)

As the S&S Officer for COMPANY NAME, my duties included the identification and correction of all work place safety issues identified, with particular emphasis on issues that could lead to biological or chemical hazards being present in the workplace. I was also responsible to identify and arrange repair of any problems with site equipment that could lead to an unsafe work condition. This task required great attention to detail and a thourough understanding of the work being performed.

Wow! You're good. I don't stand a chance out there if everyone has your resume writing abilities. What's your secret?

 

[Wirey]

Wow! You're good. I don't stand a chance out there if everyone has your resume writing abilities. What's your secret?

Lie like hell.

 

[Wirey]

I hire anywhere from 20-50 people a year for technical positions. I read a lot of resumes.

 

[Reptillian]

Lie like hell.

I hate lying though... Bending or stretching the truth is ok though.

I hire anywhere from 20-50 people a year for technical positions. I read a lot of resumes.

What would make you reject a resume outright? What kinds of resumes catch your eye?

 

[Wirey]

I hate lying though... Bending or stretching the truth is ok though.



What would make you reject a resume outright? What kinds of resumes catch your eye?

Outright rejection:

Spelling errors (first error, in the trash, so proofread)
Obvious lies (I had a guy list my kid's elemenatry school as a technical college)
Huge gaps between jobs
18 jobs in 20 months
Insufficiently descriptive language (I was a cook, and worked there for 3 years)

Bottom of the pile:

No education history identified
No mention of references
No start and finish dates on old jobs

Eye catcher

Use of hard border between name, address, etc. and body of resume
Use of bold typeface for all titles and dates
Sign the damn cover letter with blue ink!

Cover letter basics:

Put your address and contact info in the upper right corner.
If you're sending it to a specific company, put their name and address right abover the :To Whom line
First paragraph - I would like to apply for job A I heard about at B
Second paragraph - I have this skill set (computers, experience, etc.)
Third paragraph - I have these qualities (hard worker, closet drunk, etc.)
Fourth paragraph - Thanks for listening, my phone is blah blah if you'd like to chat

Yours truly,

Reptillian

 

[Revoltingest]

A revolting resume set to a popular tune

Note: Your references (aka, the chorus) are in parentheses.

I'm a kitchenjack & I'm OK.
I sleep all nite & I work all day.

(He's a kitchenjack & he's OK.
he sleeps all nite & he works all day.)

I chop up food, for people's lunch
& go to the lavat'ry.
On Wednesdays I'm still chopping
such greens as broccoliii.

(He chops up food for people's lunch.
He goes to the lavat'ry.
On Wednesdays he's still chopping
such greens as broccoliii.)

(He's a kitchenjack & he's OK.
he sleeps all nite & he works all day.)

I cut up food. I skip and jump.
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars.

(He cuts up food. He skips and jumps.
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women's clothing
And hangs around in bars?!

He's a kitchen, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.)

I chop up food. I wear high heels,
Suspendies, and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie,
Just like my dear Papa.

 

[Wirey]

Example of how to lay out a job:

June 10 - June 12 Billy Bob's Bistro and Biscuit Barn Title: Product Expiditer

As the Expiditer for RESTAURANT NAME, my dutes included planning to ensure the proper amount of each product was readily available, preparing the product for use by staff or for immediate distribution, as well as after-task consultations to identify areas where improvements could be made. This fast paced, high energy position challanged my abilities to pre-identify problem areas and perform my duties in a quick tempo, high stress environment, something at which I excelled. My immediate supervisor was Wirey. He can be reached at (555)-555-1234

Only add the contact stuff for previous employers if you left under good terms, they know you're doing it and said okay, and you can do it for all employers listed on the resume.

 

[Wirey]

A revolting resume set to a popular tune

Note: Your references (aka, the chorus) are in parentheses.

I'm a kitchenjack & I'm OK.
I sleep all nite & I work all day.

(He's a kitchenjack & he's OK.
he sleeps all nite & he works all day.)

I chop up food, for people's lunch
& go to the lavat'ry.
On Wednesdays I'm still chopping
such greens as broccoliii.

(He chops up food for people's lunch.
He goes to the lavat'ry.
On Wednesdays he's still chopping
such greens as broccoliii.)

(He's a kitchenjack & he's OK.
he sleeps all nite & he works all day.)

I cut up food. I skip and jump.
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars.

(He cuts up food. He skips and jumps.
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women's clothing
And hangs around in bars?!

He's a kitchen, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.)

I chop up food. I wear high heels,
Suspendies, and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie,
Just like my dear Papa.

Frankly, that's better than mine.

 

[Revoltingest]

Frankly, that's better than mine.

I have the advantage of plagiarizing quality material.

 

[Wirey]

References:

Never use someone for a reference without asking them first. At the end of your resume, put in a header called References, and state under it that references are available upon request. Never let an employer talk to others about you until he talked to you.

 

[Wirey]

This is a good look:

I actually prefer a resume with an Objective at the beginning (find a job where I can further develop my skills or like that) to a summary, but it depends on the reviewer.

 

[Reptillian]

Lots of fantastic tips...I'm worried about references since they're all pretty old. My only recent references are the bosses I've had at the minimum wage jobs I've had since college to pay the bills...no recent professional references (I'm a physicist by education, but I've been stuck with a lot of non related minimum wage jobs for the past several years...I'm hoping I can get into an entry level position in something at least somewhat related to my field)

 

[Reptillian]

This is a good look:

I actually prefer a resume with an Objective at the beginning (find a job where I can further develop my skills or like that) to a summary, but it depends on the reviewer.

That's the format I've been using, I've got a Qualifications Profile section, an Education section, and an Experience Highlights section. The qualifications profile contains an objective/summary of abilities.

 

[Wirey]

Lots of fantastic tips...I'm worried about references since they're all pretty old. My only recent references are the bosses I've had at the minimum wage jobs I've had since college to pay the bills...no recent professional references (I'm a physicist by education, but I've been stuck with a lot of non related minimum wage jobs for the past several years...I'm hoping I can get into an entry level position in something at least somewhat related to my field)

Old references are still good ones. The fact that they've known you for ten years and you still haven't got them to hate you is actually a positive. And don't be afraid to ask bosses for a reference. Most of us want you to succeed. It makes us look like we knew what we were doing when we hired you.

 

[otokage007]

Product Expiditer (RESTAURANT NAME)

As the Expiditer for RESTAURANT NAME, my dutes included planning to ensure the proper amount of each product was readily available, preparing the product for use by staff or for immediate distribution, as well as after-task consultations to identify areas where improvements could be made. This fast paced, high energy position challanged my abilities to pre-identify problem areas and perform my duties in a quick tempo, high stress environment, something at which I excelled.

Sanitation and Safety Officer (COMPANY NAME)

As the S&S Officer for COMPANY NAME, my duties included the identification and correction of all work place safety issues identified, with particular emphasis on issues that could lead to biological or chemical hazards being present in the workplace. I was also responsible to identify and arrange repair of any problems with site equipment that could lead to an unsafe work condition. This task required great attention to detail and a thourough understanding of the work being performed.

lmfao! Are you serious!? hahahaha "that could lead to biological hazards" hahahaha

 

[Reptillian]

Does it matter that my resume is 2 pages? Should I try to fit it all onto one page?

 

[Wirey]

Does it matter that my resume is 2 pages? Should I try to fit it all onto one page?

Two pages plus one for a cover letter is okay, but don't get longer than that.