Resisting darkness

[agorman]

I recently had a horrible experience with Christianity and to make the story short, I ended up putting Satan on my altar (the goat god). But after a few days I couldn't sleep and couldn't resist the mood he gave me. Let's say I got too much "yin".

This image represents well how I felt:

I thought Satanism was more about enjoying life.

I've been advised by a friend to light a red or black candle for balance, but even then I think it was not enough. Did you guys feel the same when you were beginners?

 

[Mindmaster]

I recently had a horrible experience with Christianity and to make the story short, I ended up putting Satan on my altar (the goat god). But after a few days I couldn't sleep and couldn't resist the mood he gave me. Let's say I got too much "yin".

This image represents well how I felt:

I thought Satanism was more about enjoying life.

I've been advised by a friend to light a red or black candle for balance, but even then I think it was not enough. Did you guys feel the same when you were beginners?

The quicker you start seeing "Satan" as what he is, basically the Pagan/Celtic Horned God the quicker you get away from the dualistic thinking that the divine has some Looney Tunes version of an evil agent that Christianity appropriated into a boogie man to peddle their wares. To me, he's just so much more than that... The only "evil" that "The Horned One" has been involved in, is giving people a choice of whether you embrace him or not. That's what makes him so evil in their eyes, the freedom of choice.

 

[Liu]

Since I, being raised by humanists, don't really have a Christian background (I went to Sunday school, but even there it was a very secular und unspiritual form of religion), I actually didn't have much of a concept of Satan before I started exploring religions on my own in my early twenties. Well, I knew what words like devil or demon mean, but they never were part of my worldview at that time.
So, no, didn't ever have such an unbalanced view of Satan.
Of course he's not all fluffyness, but I rather have the impression that aligning myself with him helps me see even things that might normally depress me in a more positive light, giving me either the strength to face them, or allowing me to revel in them and reach balance and catharsis.

I can only guess, but perhaps your psyche currently needs to process a bunch of negative emotions, and opening yourself up to Satan has caused those to get to the surface?

 

[agorman]

I can only guess, but perhaps your psyche currently needs to process a bunch of negative emotions, and opening yourself up to Satan has caused those to get to the surface?

Probably my negative emotions were amplified, yes.

 

[crossfire]

I recently had a horrible experience with Christianity and to make the story short, I ended up putting Satan on my altar (the goat god). But after a few days I couldn't sleep and couldn't resist the mood he gave me. Let's say I got too much "yin".

This image represents well how I felt:

I thought Satanism was more about enjoying life.

I've been advised by a friend to light a red or black candle for balance, but even then I think it was not enough. Did you guys feel the same when you were beginners?

The LHP is the Yin Path.

 

[agorman]

The LHP is the Yin Path.

And what do you do to get balance in that path?

 

[crossfire]

And what do you do to get balance in that path?

When you walk the path of darkness, you look for the light within. (See the white spot in the dark half?)

 

[Kapalika]

Embrace the Darkness. Praise His Darkness. (just something of mine)

Okay, but some real advice;

When I became a Satanist, I did kinda dive too much head in magically but sometimes you need to do that. It all really depends on what kind of person you are.

I will give you some advice: be prepared to face yourself for what you really are. If you are not willing for possibly very painful transition and/or self evolution you need to take a step back and what you've shared may or may not be an indication of that.

Ultimately you will have to make a call on that after self reflection and exploration. In the meantime, I would suggest meditating and looking within until you find the answer. Satanism is an intense path. It's often emotional and chaotic in the beginning if you are coming out of Christianity into it.

Satan is power. Satan is empowerment. Satan is when Lilith defied Adam and Yahweh and wouldn't submit. She deserved better, was demonized for it, but became a dark goddess unto herself.

If this is the start of a Satanic journey though, you are on the right track and this isn't wholly unusual for an ex-christian as you work through the baggage. Praise His Darkness!

Also the others are right, your view should even out over time. In the end it's all about balance. Satan was as much an angel of light as he was a demon of darkness.

 

[Sutekh]

And what do you do to get balance in that path?

Try your best and take a break. The Path of Darkness isn't a simple path and nor is it for everyone, even @Adramelek can agree with me on that. I have suffered through depressions continuously, but I was able to get over my depressions by using my will intact. To this day I suffer perhaps a lighter form of Depression, but I never give up.

Those who tread through this Path both beginning to end, are strong individuals who refuse the temptations of a path that is unbalanced and weak. It might get to the point to you, that you may have a stronger will, born or developing.


A quote from my book, "Darkness in a sense is never weakness, it goes against weakness. The Western Religions of those of the Right Hand Path would accept weakness. Our Path of the Left is pure Darkness Metaphorically, Darkness is for the strong to accept a path that is a straight line to stay balanced and to not fall off from that line. Lightness is for the Weak to accept an unbalanced line in which some would fall off from that line and give up. Darkness changes man so easily, he realizes the truth outside of Darkness." - Chapter 7 from "The Satanic Doctrine."

 

[Sutekh]

When I became a Satanist, I did kinda dive too much head in magically but sometimes you need to do that. It all really depends on what kind of person you are.

When one delves into Magick so deeply, it can be very invigorating. Over time, once your Novice experience is gone, you start to mellow out a bit with a full understanding with Magick.