Of course they aren't the same thing.I don't work under the same premises, therefore I am not bound by your reasoning. What I am saying is: I don't need to be a trans person to know that calling someone a big mean jerk and calling someone by a pronoun they don't like are not the same thing.
Deliberately calling a person the wrong pronoun is jerkish. In that situation, what the jerk is saying is incorrect, but the person calling the jerk out for what he is is correct.