Rant on asexuality

[VoidCat]

So dating as an asexual is frustrating... I dont feel any sexual attraction and I am sex replused. Yet I can be attracted to anyone romantically regardless of gender. One thing that frustrates me is there is this expectation among people is that if you are ace(short for asexual) and dating someone who is allosexual(someone who experience sexual attraction) then you must compromise your body and have sex in order to keep the relationship. Now some aces do have sex. Usually they arent sex-repulsed and they do so cuz it makes their partner happy. But I am not one of those. I can't ever imagine me having sex. I got into an argument with one of my ex-boyfriends about this...I made it clear before we even started dating I was ace. I told if he wants sex he could screw people outside the relationship I did not mind. However before I broke up with him he read somewhere about how some asexuals choose to have sex and kept trying to pressure me. He felt I owed it to him. Its such an odd concept that he felt that way...I dont see why anyone would want to have sex with someone who isn't interested, and would likely not enjoy it and finds it extremely repulsive. Even if I agreed to it it doesnt really seem like actual consent to me. It's so strange to me that anyone would feel that sex is owed to them. Why would anyone feel that way?

 

[Audie]

So dating as an asexual is frustrating... I dont feel any sexual attraction and I am sex replused. Yet I can be attracted to anyone romantically regardless of gender. One thing that frustrates me is there is this expectation among people is that if you are ace(short for asexual) and dating someone who is allosexual(someone who experience sexual attraction) then you must compromise your body and have sex in order to keep the relationship. Now some aces do have sex. Usually they arent sex-repulsed and they do so cuz it makes their partner happy. But I am not one of those. I can't ever imagine me having sex. I got into an argument with one of my ex-boyfriends about this...I made it clear before we even started dating I was ace. I told if he wants sex he could screw people outside the relationship I did not mind. However before I broke up with him he read somewhere about how some asexuals choose to have sex and kept trying to pressure me. He felt I owed it to him. Its such an odd concept that he felt that way...I dont see why anyone would want to have sex with someone who isn't interested, and would likely not enjoy it and finds it extremely repulsive. Even if I agreed to it it doesnt really seem like actual consent to me. It's so strange to me that anyone would feel that sex is owed to them. Why would anyone feel that way?

I don't know if guys actually think
they are owed, or just trying to
pressure and manipulate.

 

[Martin]

So dating as an asexual is frustrating... I dont feel any sexual attraction and I am sex replused. Yet I can be attracted to anyone romantically regardless of gender. One thing that frustrates me is there is this expectation among people is that if you are ace(short for asexual) and dating someone who is allosexual(someone who experience sexual attraction) then you must compromise your body and have sex in order to keep the relationship. Now some aces do have sex. Usually they arent sex-repulsed and they do so cuz it makes their partner happy. But I am not one of those. I can't ever imagine me having sex. I got into an argument with one of my ex-boyfriends about this...I made it clear before we even started dating I was ace. I told if he wants sex he could screw people outside the relationship I did not mind. However before I broke up with him he read somewhere about how some asexuals choose to have sex and kept trying to pressure me. He felt I owed it to him. Its such an odd concept that he felt that way...I dont see why anyone would want to have sex with someone who isn't interested, and would likely not enjoy it and finds it extremely repulsive. Even if I agreed to it it doesnt really seem like actual consent to me. It's so strange to me that anyone would feel that sex is owed to them. Why would anyone feel that way?

Maybe you need to find another ace? Is that a possibility?

 

[Unveiled Artist]

So dating as an asexual is frustrating... I dont feel any sexual attraction and I am sex replused. Yet I can be attracted to anyone romantically regardless of gender. One thing that frustrates me is there is this expectation among people is that if you are ace(short for asexual) and dating someone who is allosexual(someone who experience sexual attraction) then you must compromise your body and have sex in order to keep the relationship. Now some aces do have sex. Usually they arent sex-repulsed and they do so cuz it makes their partner happy. But I am not one of those. I can't ever imagine me having sex. I got into an argument with one of my ex-boyfriends about this...I made it clear before we even started dating I was ace. I told if he wants sex he could screw people outside the relationship I did not mind. However before I broke up with him he read somewhere about how some asexuals choose to have sex and kept trying to pressure me. He felt I owed it to him. Its such an odd concept that he felt that way...I dont see why anyone would want to have sex with someone who isn't interested, and would likely not enjoy it and finds it extremely repulsive. Even if I agreed to it it doesnt really seem like actual consent to me. It's so strange to me that anyone would feel that sex is owed to them. Why would anyone feel that way?

I would hope people don't think sex is owed to them. I value sexual attraction a lot as it's part of overall attraction loving your partners body and mind as one.

But as long as you make it clear before saying (as you have), make that your deal breaker. Majority of people want their partner to be sexually attracted to them...and I agree with the sentiment...why would an asexual choose to have sex with someone they're not attracted to (to me in other words, is there mutual connection or does the asexual person feel "left out.")

Don't let people force you to have sex. Sexual orientation (same/both/opposite/none romantic or not) can't be changed. Stand your ground. Sex isn't That important when you're with someone who doesn't define a relationship by it.

 

[VoidCat]

Maybe you need to find another ace? Is that a possibility?

It is but very difficult...not a very commin orientation. I've met very few aces.

 

[Martin]

It is but very difficult...not a very commin orientation. I've met very few aces.

Or maybe somebody for whom sex genuinely isn't a big deal?

 

[VoidCat]

Or maybe somebody for whom sex genuinely isn't a big deal?

Now that is more probable

 

[Secret Chief]

It is but very difficult...not a very commin orientation. I've met very few aces.

Online ace dating sites?

 

[VoidCat]

Online ace dating sites?

There are a few. Not really looking for a relationship right now to be honest

 

[Brickjectivity]

However before I broke up with him he read somewhere about how some asexuals choose to have sex and kept trying to pressure me. He felt I owed it to him.

What we think varies a lot from person to person. Some of us feel ownership over people. Some of us don't. We can be manipulative in our own way, and some people are more empathic than others. An empathic person will usually be considerate, but they can also be manipulative.

On the other hand are you interested in someone who has absolutely no manipulative skills? Do you want someone who isn't dangerous? Maybe you do. Or maybe you even want an emotionally backward person for the sake of safety, someone that you can manipulate through their tantrums? Different things for different people Perhaps what you want is the fellow who is absolutely unimaginative, good willed, methodical etc. There are different kinds, all somewhat lost. With slyness comes temptation, more ability, danger and sometimes harm. There is of course the occasional sociopath who saves the world, too. Its weird.

 

[PureX]

So dating as an asexual is frustrating... I dont feel any sexual attraction and I am sex replused. Yet I can be attracted to anyone romantically regardless of gender. One thing that frustrates me is there is this expectation among people is that if you are ace(short for asexual) and dating someone who is allosexual(someone who experience sexual attraction) then you must compromise your body and have sex in order to keep the relationship. Now some aces do have sex. Usually they arent sex-repulsed and they do so cuz it makes their partner happy. But I am not one of those. I can't ever imagine me having sex. I got into an argument with one of my ex-boyfriends about this...I made it clear before we even started dating I was ace. I told if he wants sex he could screw people outside the relationship I did not mind. However before I broke up with him he read somewhere about how some asexuals choose to have sex and kept trying to pressure me. He felt I owed it to him. Its such an odd concept that he felt that way...I dont see why anyone would want to have sex with someone who isn't interested, and would likely not enjoy it and finds it extremely repulsive. Even if I agreed to it it doesnt really seem like actual consent to me. It's so strange to me that anyone would feel that sex is owed to them. Why would anyone feel that way?

It's just as difficult for (him) to understand why you wouldn't want to engage in sexual activity, even if just for his sake.

The whole 'friend-zone' thing is difficult for a lot of people. Even when they agree to it up front, they're sort of doing it in theory, and their emotions may make it impossible for them to do once they try. All I can say is try not to be hurt or insulted by their apparent inconsistency. They can't know up front, really, if they can be what you want them to be. So if they try, and then fail, it's not that they were dishonest, or trying to trick you. It's just that their desires were something they couldn't fully control, and being denied became too frustrating. It's no one fault, really. Just different people wanting and needing different things from each other.

 

[Brickjectivity]

He was incorrect to think he was owed sex. Hands down in that situation just wrong, no matter how he felt about it.

 

[Stevicus]

I don't know if guys actually think
they are owed, or just trying to
pressure and manipulate.

I think there's some mandate where the government owes sex to everyone, which could explain why they try to screw as many people as possible.

 

[SomeRandom]

Oh that’s awful. No one is entitled to sex, regardless of orientation.

 

[Audie]

I think there's some mandate where the government owes sex to everyone, which could explain why they try to screw as many people as possible.

Including taking with force and violence.

 

[crossfire]

Just say you are looking for a friend and leave it at that. Many people tend to lose their minds when it comes to sex. I found that being sapiosexual is an exercise in frustration, so now I call myself an ace.

 

[VoidCat]

Just say you are looking for a friend and leave it at that.

Could you clarify on this? Are you saying that its not possible to be in a romantic relationship and not want sex or something else? Because if you are take sex out of the equation of a romantic relationship there's so much more to it than that...at least in my case.

 

[crossfire]

Could you clarify on this? Are you saying that its not possible to be in a romantic relationship and not want sex or something else? Because if you are take sex out of the equation of a romantic relationship there's so much more to it than that...at least in my case.

see my edit. Regarding romance--most people consider sex to be part of romance and don't separate the romance from the sex. You can say a close friend, if you like.