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Question for agnostics

Discussion in 'Religious Debates' started by Nimos, Jun 21, 2021.

  1. Nimos

    Nimos Well-Known Member

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    This is a true story and is one that is playing out as I write this.

    Im an atheist myself, and comes from a family where we don't talk about religion, not because its a no no, but because the rest of my family doesn't really care about it. Im the only one, that has an interest in it. Which will be important in a short bit.

    Anyway my brother is getting married in four days at the town hall, I don't know if that is possible where you live, but it is here and is primarily done by people that are non believers or don't want to make a huge deal out of it, or for homosexuals etc. as there are some benefits from being married when you have children etc.

    My brother is not religious as far as I know, he basically know nothing about it, he mix all the biblical stories and characters together in a huge mess, which is rather funny, when he occasionally tries to explain his kids something, when the topic for whatever reason might comes up.

    Yesterday he had an accident and broke 9 ribs and is currently in the hospital unable to really walk due to pain, but otherwise he is fine.
    It is important for both him and his wife to get married on that specific day, because both his/my parents and her parents are funny enough married on that very day, so they obviously thought it would be fun to also do that.

    The issue is that since he can't walk and I personally doubt that he can leave the hospital in four days, when he can hardly move now, I suggested to them to simply use the priest at the hospital, his wife is fine with it I think, as I believe she might be leaning more towards it being true. But my brother for whatever reason is not comfortable with it and my mother, believes that it is because he doesn't believe in it.

    I suspect that he is a bit superstitious, meaning that for some reason he wouldn't feel comfortable that it is a real, in this case, a Christian priest that did it, because if he doesn't really believe it, it's better to be safe than sorry. This is obviously just a guess, as I haven't asked him, which I might do, just out of curiosity :)

    So my question to the agnostics or anyone else for that matter, would you feel uncomfortable in the same situation, like if you are not convinced would you really like to do it?

    Because as I mentioned in the beginning im an atheist and im quite comfortable in my position, so for me personally I wouldn't care at all, it could be a priest with all the ceremonies and more if needed, or it could just be at the town hall, it would make no differences for me, I would probably just find it interesting.
    So I don't really have the agnostic or people that are in doubt thoughts about these things, so would like to hear how you would feel about it. Would it make a difference if it was a real priest or not?
     
    #1 Nimos, Jun 21, 2021
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2021
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  2. Left Coast

    Left Coast Circular File Complaint Analyst
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    I would only want the service to be performed by a priest or minister who was from a church/denomination/religion that was LGBTQ+ affirming. Aside from that I wouldn't really care.

    If I were to get married to my current partner (which I have no plans to do at this time), we'd probably get married by one of the Methodist pastors of the church he's part of. They're lovely, progressive people and I'd be totally happy with them officiating.
     
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  3. F1fan

    F1fan Well-Known Member

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    As I understand it getting married is a legal matter with the state, and not something that a religious aspect has any legal significance. The ceremonies are just ceremonies.
     
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  4. Heyo

    Heyo Well-Known Member

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    Depends on location. In Germany a marriage is only legally binding if it is performed by a marriage registrar (and they don't do home visits) or outside of Germany and is accompanied by a document. In New Zealand an FSM preacher got a license as a marriage registrar.
     
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  5. Heyo

    Heyo Well-Known Member

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    I wouldn't want to bother a believer whose believe I don't share to perform a ritual that I deem worthless.
    Otoh, when s/he is a state licensed marriage registrar and performs the ritual as a legal act, I don't care which religion s/he follows.
     
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  6. ChristineM

    ChristineM "Be strong" I whispered to my coffee.
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    Legally it make no difference if it's a priest or anyone else nominated to conduct marriages.

    A couple of ideas,. Contact the town hall and ask them if under the circumstances they can perform the marriage in hospital. If not, talk to the hospital priest, explaining your brothers situation and ask if he can perform a non religious marriage.
     
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  7. TagliatelliMonster

    TagliatelliMonster Veteran Member

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    Given that exact situation, if the date really were that important, then yes, I'ld simply use the priest.
    But I wouldn't feel good about it. For the sole reason that I assume that the priest wouldn't agree to leave to supernatural shenannigans at the door.

    It's an important day, ideally you'll have just one such day in your entire life. Why would I want to taint it with god nonsense. It just wouldn't feel right.



    btw, over here, you need to get married in town hall, or you're not considered married. Government doesn't care about whatever ceremony you might have had in whatever religious circle you happen to belong to. So if you have a church wedding, it's because you really want one. Because afterwards, you need to go to town hall and get married there officially anyway.
     
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  8. Nimos

    Nimos Well-Known Member

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    Well yes and no, there is a obviously a personal investment in it. Just like a person of one religion, probably wouldn't like to be married by one of another religious view, and probably wouldn't find it valid anyway. But one way or another, you are going to compromise with your own beliefs, even I would have to do that, despite that I wouldn't care about having to do it, as I don't believe it holds any meaning and therefore not worried about pissing off a potential God.

    But if you are in doubt, a lot more feelings can be involved I would assume. He weren't to keen on getting married, at all in the first place and I honestly think that it is almost entirely due to his children that he does it, because our ****ed up societies can't handle things equally for atheists/agnostics, so things gets a lot more complicated if you want to have the same "benefits" and securities as those that gets married.
     
    #8 Nimos, Jun 22, 2021
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2021
  9. Nimos

    Nimos Well-Known Member

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    I assume that as part of the whole married thing, that something similar will be done here "behind" the curtains or what to say.
     
  10. Nimos

    Nimos Well-Known Member

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    As I mentioned to the one above, it has a lot to do with the benefits of being married compared to if you ain't. My brother weren't really to keen on getting married with all the usual stuff it involves in the first place, as I also mentioned to someone else, I think he does it for his children. Obviously its possible that the priest can do it, but I would find it a bit weird if he said he would, because it would sort of go against what he believes and it is one of the reasons you can do it at the town hall.

    But I guess it doesn't hurt to ask, if that is really what concerns him.
     
    #10 Nimos, Jun 22, 2021
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2021
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  11. Nimos

    Nimos Well-Known Member

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    And I think that is fair, it is the priest's belief after all, and alternatives are in place for people that don't want it. And obviously he could argue that he don't think the date is a good enough reason for him to do it or that they can simply wait a year, I mean they have waited until now after all :D

    Yes and no, for my brother its not really that important, when he originally "agreed" to it, the idea was always just to go to the town hall and get it done, only inviting the very near family afterwards and then that was it. Now obviously it have gotten slightly bigger, because my mother really like socializing, so rarely anything goes without involving a ****load of people, and I know that she is an atheist as well, and is the only one, which I will say that im fairly certain about. But even with all these people it is still only for some quick celebration for a couple of hours afterwards. So its not exactly being treated as the potential most important day in their lives. :) And to me, getting children is far more important than a married, that involved taking responsibility of another life for as long as you live. So that really bind two people together. You can get a divorce over the internet now, so I think the idea of it being all that important is a bit misunderstood in my opinion, besides from an emotional point of view.
     
  12. TagliatelliMonster

    TagliatelliMonster Veteran Member

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    Ow yes, I don't particularly care for "marriage" either. I've been with my wife for over 20 years now. We have a house and 2 kids. We're not married. I call here my "wife", because calling her "girlfriend" after +20 years, a house and 2 kids feels kind of.... silly.

    But like with anything else in my life, if I'm going to do that, why would I want to drag anything religious into it...
    I'm just talking from the perspective of finding it important that it happens on a certain date. And if the only option is a priest at that point, for whatever reason, then I'ld probably just suck it up.

    I just think it's would taint it to pull in ridiculous fairy tale notions into what is otherwise a rather serious thing.
    Even though I don't particularly care for it (love/relationship-wise), it is quite a serious thing imo.
     
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