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Pursuing education

Discussion in 'Health & Healing' started by AT-AT, Jun 20, 2019.

  1. AT-AT

    AT-AT Well-Known Member

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    I finally figured out what direction I should go, when I studied the revelations of the Baha'i faith
    My family isn't very high IQ. They are a bit unforgiving and also there are a lot of double standards that they do. For example, they don't like people moving far away from them. They've pretty much disowned a couple of people over it, in the family. HOWEVER, whenever someone moves out of state in pursuit of college education, they somehow think they are doing a great thing. Many people in the family have done just that and saw the family maybe 1-2 times a year afterwards - moved out of state to pursue education and then work. Many of them went on to be successful and the family thought well of them.

    I think I understand the whole mentality though - my family had a colorful history in the distant past before I was born and now they want to paint the family as upper class educated conservative Christians and expand and grow a family tree of people of these beliefs.

    Do you think it would be dishonest to myself to just pursue education, make it an excuse, and move away from all the drama? I probably wouldn't even have to see them twice a year, and it'd most likely gain their respect to the point where I am not bothered.
     
  2. Amanaki

    Amanaki Well-Known Member

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    The way our world has become it is more important with education, and in your situation i think education is a good way to get away from the family when they treat you poorly
     
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  3. AT-AT

    AT-AT Well-Known Member

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    I finally figured out what direction I should go, when I studied the revelations of the Baha'i faith
    It might be best. If I don't, I have my fears that me living so close to them, they will learn things they don't like, like me possibly dating same-sex people a lot, and they may use that as an excuse to make me the Black Sheep of the family and paint me as someone pretty useless.

    I've already been accused of dismantling their family unit due to my different beliefs. The family unit they tried to set up after 1960.
     
  4. pcarl

    pcarl Well-Known Member

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    Your pursuit ought to be based on a desire for personal growth for your own benefit.
     
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  5. AT-AT

    AT-AT Well-Known Member

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    I finally figured out what direction I should go, when I studied the revelations of the Baha'i faith
    My best personal growth for my own benefit, I think, is leaving my family but on friendly terms.
     
  6. joe1776

    joe1776 Well-Known Member

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    If friendly terms means it must be on their terms, you're paying too high a price.
     
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  7. Audie

    Audie Veteran Member

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    Why only for personal (selfish) benefit?
     
  8. AT-AT

    AT-AT Well-Known Member

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    I finally figured out what direction I should go, when I studied the revelations of the Baha'i faith
    You're right.

    Before someone says '''sometimes it's beneficial to talk to a professional counselor or such to iron things out within yourself", I have to point out that the professionals in town I keep in contact with, are also on friendly terms with my family, and DO spill details to them, whether legal or not, so it's not a safezone.

    I'm going to see what I can do to move away within the next month. I'm 30, so not much they can do about it.

     
  9. AT-AT

    AT-AT Well-Known Member

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    I finally figured out what direction I should go, when I studied the revelations of the Baha'i faith
    My mom recently saw a TV show where they flew an LGBTQ+ rainbow flag by the American flag. She got out of her chair and had a ranting fit, saying God will punish America.
     
  10. Amanaki

    Amanaki Well-Known Member

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    Best advice i can give you is to do what feel right for you. :)
     
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  11. LightofTruth

    LightofTruth Active Member

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    Maybe your family has the wrong idea of what it means to be successful.

    What does it mean to you?
     
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  12. AT-AT

    AT-AT Well-Known Member

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    I finally figured out what direction I should go, when I studied the revelations of the Baha'i faith
    To me it means determining your values, and standing up for them, without becoming a part of the problems you protest.
     
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  13. LightofTruth

    LightofTruth Active Member

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    Sailing against the wind and tide is never easy. it takes a certain independent character.
     
  14. pcarl

    pcarl Well-Known Member

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    Desire for personal growth is not selfish. What one does with it, greed or paying forward may be selfish or for the benefit of others.
     
  15. Audie

    Audie Veteran Member

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    didnt say it was. i was responding to something
    about one's "own benefit" which is,you know,
    exclusive.
     
  16. Brickjectivity

    Brickjectivity Veteran Member
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    Two parts. 1. Fill out your fafsa forms very early in the year as close to January as possible. Have the information send to numerous universities. 2. apply as soon as the university windows open. There will be a fee for each. 3. Say yes to one. You can cancel. If you cancel make sure your course schedule is cancelled so that you don't get a row of F's and don't get charged.
     
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  17. KenS

    KenS Well-Known Member

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    I think it is more important to be honest with yourself than just yielding to family pressure.

    Love shouldn't have to be contingent on one's location IMO. If someone disowns me because I moved, there really wasn't love there in the first place. You can still love them and honor them even if they don't return what is freely given. Eventually, if you continue to honor, they should turn their viewpoint around.

    Study when you want or need to study for your benefit IMO
     
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  18. pcarl

    pcarl Well-Known Member

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    Must have misunderstood your post.
     
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  19. Audie

    Audie Veteran Member

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    yup, you missed the "only". no prob.
     
  20. dybmh

    dybmh Terminal Optimist
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    Good Morning AT-AT:

    I have plenty of flaws. But one things I am good at it is making decisions. This is my process, maybe it will help?

    1) Isolate issue

    -- seems like there are 2 decisions you are trying to make: Move away from family? AND Continue Education?
    -- I think it's easier to address each one individually and perhaps rank the two based on priority.

    2) Evaluate intellectual pros/cons

    -- i try to avoid judgments of good / bad in favor of constructive / destructive

    3) Evaluate emotional pros/cons

    -- same as above, i avoid good / bad in favor of constructive / destructive

    4) Offset personal bias

    -- i tend towards self-sacrifice in my choices. that's my bias. my natural tendency is to prioritize other people's material and emotional needs. If I do not offset this bias in my decision making process, my own needs are not considered. It is noble, but destructive. It leads to resentment. The converse is also true. For people who are naturally more self centered, they would need to offset this bias somehow or else their decisions would always favor themselves, potentially causing harm to others. This too is destructive.
     
    #20 dybmh, Jun 20, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2019
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