Processing what friendship is

[PoetPhilosopher]

I think the biggest thing standing between me, having a lot of friends, and my goals in life, is that I'm quick to pick up insincerity, and I also haven't in the past brushed it off well when I do.

I now realize that say you're meeting new people - that insincerity tends to come with the territory, and for as long as they don't know you well, or in some cases, even when they do.

I'll give an example of something I consider this "insincerity" that I speak about. Say a person really wants to be friends with you, invites you to a group with their much better friend, and spends most of the time interacting with their much better friend, almost like they expect you to be the person who stands by and says "Ba dum tss" as the two interact. This is just an example - different situations, the situation can be stacked differently, but still can play out with the end result of me feeling a sense of "insincerity".

While I don't like such moments which incidentally remind me of being back in high school, I actually now consider them a part of "friendship", and that my issue isn't so much with the people, it's more just complex issues like studying what causes person X to do Y, and weighing whether my former ideas on "friendship" are the same as other people's, and whether "friendship" is even something that I want.

For me, I don't process well what people speak of as "occuring organically". To me, I see it like the time I brought someone food in the middle of the night because they called me up and asked for it, and they were thankful for the food, but as we talked, I learned they didn't even consider the two of us friends yet, and were "seeing how things go", which didn't make sense to me.

I process things on contractual, near-robotic terms when it comes to human relations. Which doesn't seem to mix well with most ideas of friendship. The rest of my mind might be in the clouds, filled with colors and music and happy smiling, dancing elves, or off on some piece of computer code from a project I'm working on or some other problem I'm trying to solve, but process human relations in a non-contractual fashion? No.

 

[stvdv]

New I think the biggest thing standing between me, having a lot of friends, and my goals in life, is that I'm quick to pick up insincerity

Processing what friendship is

Friendship to me:
1) Accept the other as he is
2) Not try to change them
3) Not expect something from the other
4) Encourage each other, not criticise
*) Common decent behavior...don't hurt...

Those are a few things I value

 

[JustGeorge]

I think the biggest thing standing between me, having a lot of friends, and my goals in life, is that I'm quick to pick up insincerity, and I also haven't in the past brushed it off well when I do.

Insincerity bothers me some, too. I'd rather you say "George, you look like a tomato in that red dress" than a plastic smile and "wow! You look great!" Thankfully, my feelings don't hurt easily. I've come to accept its the way most people in these parts operate, though.

I'll give an example of something I consider this "insincerity" that I speak about. Say a person really wants to be friends with you, invites you to a group with their much better friend, and spends most of the time interacting with their much better friend, almost like they expect you to be the person who stands by and says "Ba dum tss" as the two interact. This is just an example - different situations, the situation can be stacked differently, but still can play out with the end result of me feeling a sense of "insincerity".

I haven't encountered this situation. Sometime I fade into the background, but I've never felt like I should be making drum sounds. I can be a bit daft, though.

Should I start making drum sounds?

While I don't like such moments which incidentally remind me of being back in high school, I actually now consider them a part of "friendship", and that my issue isn't so much with the people, it's more just complex issues like studying what causes person X to do Y, and weighing whether my former ideas on "friendship" are the same as other people's, and whether "friendship" is even something that I want.

In high school, I thought friends were people I connected with on a deep level. I was there when they needed me, they were there when I needed them(at least most of the time, on both of those). We would spend our lifetimes sharing and enjoying each other, of course(or, so we thought).

All of those people are gone now. So is that idea of friendship. My views on friendship have become shallow, as that's all I find people are capable of. Friends are people I enjoy being around, and whom I like, but will be there as convenient, and will burn out on me and most certainly be temporary. I'll make the best of it while it lasts.

For me, I don't process well what people speak of as "occuring organically". To me, I see it like the time I brought someone food in the middle of the night because they called me up and asked for it, and they were thankful for the food, but as we talked, I learned they didn't even consider the two of us friends yet, and were "seeing how things go", which didn't make sense to me.

I process things on contractual, near-robotic terms when it comes to human relations. Which doesn't seem to mix well with most ideas of friendship. The rest of my mind might be in the clouds, filled with colors and music and happy smiling, dancing elves, or off on some piece of computer code from a project I'm working on or some other problem I'm trying to solve, but process human relations in a non-contractual fashion? No.

I think sometimes it would be easier and less painful if there were contracts involved.

I've heard the Norse had some kind of ceremony involving friendships. I'm not real knowledgeable about the details, though.