Pray that I die soon. I am ready!

[Spiderman]

I'm sorry you are not feeling well. It sucks. But sometimes things can get better? Spring is on the way. What about tiny sprouts of old plants starting to poke little green spikes through the finally thawed ground?

What about little birdies who have flown thousands of miles to be in the brief sunshine?

Is that worth living for to see?

Can you get outside and outside of yourself?

I feel like you say this same thing every year. Can you just live with these feelings? It seems like you can

I'm sorry. I need to vent some times. I'm suicidal a lot. So, it comes out every few months.

But I have lots of things to say at this forum that are positive too, or at least not negative.

Yes, I love spring and summer, and am far more happy then, than I am during winter.

But I kind of consistently feel I'm ready to get diagnosed with cancer, and have no responsibilities, but to prepare for death
.


Life has enormous beauty. I love Capitol Hill, the cathedral , shrines honoring deceased heroes nearby. I have had great experiences with the supernatural and spirits, Angels, and God, or what appears to be them, paranormal supernatural activity. But maybe I'm just crazy like people say, and delusional.

I'm very grateful for it. But life involves a chronic pain, sorrow, aches, responsibilities, change, loss, poverty, weakness, disappointment, temptations, anger, annoyances, and agony, I just don't want to deal with.

I would much rather be dead!

 

[Spiderman]

Helpful support and love at RF has been helpful, but it is social media.

It would just be nice to know healthy people in real life, who are not mental health professionals, getting paid to be my friend.

I've been suicidal quite a bit since before I was ten years old. I was first hospitalized for it age 10.

It is a deep seated issue with me!

 

[JustGeorge]

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like Aries is a bad Deity, because I'm certain you would not have such a relationship with him, if he didn't have very good redeemable qualities and noble deeds.

Just being an Aries myself, I know he was an unpopular Deity to many people, representing the negative aspects of war , like violence , brutality, impulsivity, known for behaviors that remind me of myself, especially when I was a teenager.

But nothing says he cannot grow wiser and more mature and evolve over time, learning from some of his mistakes or errors in judgement. I have become very gentle and compassionate, and I used to be violent and terrible!

He had a very difficult past, and I feel that makes you love him more, and he does strike me as a Deity for outcasts!
View attachment 62317

If I start having more devotion to my Zodiac Deity sign, you were my inspiration. In fact, knowing that you have such a cool altar (shrine) to him, means I have to love and respect my zodiac sign , so I didn't mean to make him sound bad, it's just, the ways I relate to him, have more to do with his reputation, that I read is not good.

But reputation does not define a person or a Deity. If George has nothing but positive things to say about him, I'll take her word over what the Ancient Greeks had to say about him.

I know you didn't mean to make him sound bad.

Ares has a lot of brute strength and force, and is typically associated with death and destruction. This sounds undesirable, but this isn't necessarily always so. Sometimes something needs to be destroyed, as it is harmful or dangerous. Here is the Homeric Hymn to Ares, which is one of my favorite prayers:

Ares, exceeding in strength, chariot-rider, golden-helmed,
doughty in heart, shield-bearer, saviour of cities, harnessed in bronze,
strong of arm, unwearying, mighty with the spear, O defence of Olympus,
father of warlike Victory, ally of Themis,
stern governor of the rebellious, leader of righteous men,
sceptred King of manliness, who whirl your fiery sphere
among the planets in their sevenfold courses through the aether
wherein your blazing steeds ever bear you above the third firmament of heaven;
hear me, helper of men, giver of dauntless youth!
Shed down a kindly ray from above upon my life,
and strength of war, that I may be able to drive away
bitter cowardice from my head
and crush down the deceitful impulses of my soul.
Restrain also the keen fury of my heart which provokes me
to tread the ways of blood-curdling strife. Rather, O blessed one,
give you me boldness to abide within the harmless laws of peace,
avoiding strife and hatred and the violent fiends of death.

Like people, I believe Gods are complex, both in personalities, and in how they relate to individuals and the environment around them. Perhaps a young War Lord used his aggression mindlessly in pointless battles, but a mature War Lord could use his brutality to slay that which is harmful from poisoning his world.

 

[Spiderman]

I know you didn't mean to make him sound bad.

Ares has a lot of brute strength and force, and is typically associated with death and destruction. This sounds undesirable, but this isn't necessarily always so. Sometimes something needs to be destroyed, as it is harmful or dangerous. Here is the Homeric Hymn to Ares, which is one of my favorite prayers:



Like people, I believe Gods are complex, both in personalities, and in how they relate to individuals and the environment around them. Perhaps a young War Lord used his aggression mindlessly in pointless battles, but a mature War Lord could use his brutality to slay that which is harmful from poisoning his world.

Beautiful! Ares is definitely my friend then, because I need a strong warrior to destroy a lot of evil in this world, and it might as well be my Zodiac sign, of all warriors!

My prayers to war dead are in abundance, and prayers to mighty warriors and military strategists like Napoleon Bonaparte, and I love Athena, so thank you for bringing me to devotion to a new friend

Does he have a birthday. How many zodiac signs are named after actual Deities?

Please clarify something with me because I'm confused now. Aries can be an alternative name for Ares correct?

 

[Spiderman]

Oh wowsers! Remember, I said I shared the bad qualities associated with Ares.

Now I just read:

"Ares, the god of war, is representative of this strong and eager zodiac sign. If you're an Aries, you likely share many of the same traits as this fierce god. Individuals born beneath the Aries constellation ".....

 

[JustGeorge]

Beautiful! Ares is definitely my friend then, because I need a strong warrior to destroy a lot of evil in this world, and it might as well be my Zodiac sign, of all warriors!

My prayers to war dead are in abundance, and prayers to mighty warriors and military strategists like Napoleon Bonaparte, and I love Athena, so thank you for bringing me to devotion to a new friend

Does he have a birthday. How many zodiac signs are named after actual Deities?

Please clarify something with me because I'm confused now. Aries can be an alternative name for Ares correct?

That's good! Let him do his job.

Aries is a spelling used for the zodiac, and Ares is the spelling commonly used for the God. They're said the same, though. I occasionally see the Aries spelling for the deity, but Ares is by far more common.

Oh wowsers! Remember, I said I shared the bad qualities associated with Ares.

Now I just read:

Yes, there is a lot in common between the sign and the God. Ares is impulsive, and that can be bad... but it can be good. It depends on what your impulses are guiding you to. If one can't stop acting impulsively, its better to clean one's impulses up so that their actions lead only to betterment(if that makes sense).

 

[wandering peacefully]

I'm sorry. I need to vent some times. I'm suicidal a lot. So, it comes out every few months.

But I have lots of things to say at this forum that are positive too, or at least not negative.

Yes, I love spring and summer, and am far more happy then, than I am during winter.

But I kind of consistently feel I'm ready to get diagnosed with cancer, and have no responsibilities, but to prepare for death
.


Life has enormous beauty. I love Capitol Hill, the cathedral , shrines honoring deceased heroes nearby. I have had great experiences with the supernatural and spirits, Angels, and God, or what appears to be them, paranormal supernatural activity. But maybe I'm just crazy like people say, and delusional.

I'm very grateful for it. But life involves a chronic pain, sorrow, aches, responsibilities, change, loss, poverty, weakness, disappointment, temptations, anger, annoyances, and agony, I just don't want to deal with.

I would much rather be dead!

But a lot of us live with chronic pain and chronic sorrow and worry about the world and the people we live with. I do know what you are saying. And it's good you have a safe place to vent.

Happy spring to you and to all the new life that abounds. If the most unfortunate of us animals can endure and find that occasional joy of experiences, so can we all.

 

[Spiderman]

@JustGeorge , If this is the disease going around, it is worse than death and torture. It could be something combined with Suboxone withdrawal, but something very annoying in the chest, very aching bones, feeling cold when I shouldn't, twisting and turning in bed all day with pain and annoying torment that won't leave.

I couldn't even listen to my Dad talk, it was causing me too much pain.

I feel so bad for people who die like this, twisting and turning with inner agony and racked with pain every where!

 

[JustGeorge]

@JustGeorge , If this is the disease going around, it is worse than death and torture. It could be something combined with Suboxone withdrawal, but something very annoying in the chest, very aching bones, feeling cold when I shouldn't, twisting and turning in bed all day with pain and annoying torment that won't leave.

I couldn't even listen to my Dad talk, it was causing me too much pain.

I feel so bad for people who die like this, twisting and turning with inner agony and racked with pain every where!

Anything combined with Suboxone withdrawal is going to be so much worse... I'm so sorry you're going through it, and the quicker it passes, the better.

 

[Spiderman]

It feels like daggers stabbing me in the chest, I'm sick of rolling around in pain. It's extremely annoying, irritating, won't go away.

It's like bones aching everywhere and something boiling in the chest and stabbing pain, and I'm just sick of this!

 

[Psalm23]

I'm just sick of being alive, sick of the chronic aches and pains from my last suicide attempt, and the permanent handicaps, broken bones, metal and screws holding them together, and arthritis. I'm sick of being a drug addict, and a criminal.

My sentencing date was supposed to be today , and was moved back to May 20 , which is more than a year after I committed any crime. I just want it over!

I hate this sick repulsive world I live in, living in chronic poverty, being intelligent, but unable to afford or succeed at College or anything!

I hate the feeling that I'm just sick, disordered, wasting time, wasting potential.

The future will be agony because that has always been the past, and I'm too scared to commit suicide, because my last suicide attempt put me in a wheelchair for 10 weeks, and the suicide attempt before that with a train, got me into trouble.

I suck at suicide obviously, and if I had a gun, I would probably just blow chunks of my skull and face off and survive. Something is keeping me alive!

If God would just be merciful and kill me, I would be so relieved to get cancer that cannot be cured, and know that my only responsibility left, is to prepare for death with a clean conscience and soul.

I hate the fact that my mother never had an abortion! I am sick, and it was time to die long ago. A lot of people never should have been born

My friends are dead ghosts. The people I know in real life are no help, and my friends in real life use drugs.

It's going to be hard to get a job with a criminal record and being hospitalized every year, with bad work ethic with the jobs I have had.

I'm really looking for a way to kill myself where I have no chance of surviving. I thought jumping off a building onto concrete would do the trick. In the end, it only caused far FAR more pain, and permanent handicaps!

Ten weeks in a wheelchair over a suicide attempt, and the risk of never walking again, has made me very scared to attempt suicide again.

But it is simply past time to die! Life is miserable, and the people I love, none of them live in my city. There is no meaning as each day goes by waisting time and potential, waisting life, and seeking a God who hides himself and his desires for me. I wait for clarity and instructions in vain. Maybe if I die today, he will stop hiding from me.

This isn't my home. If there is no purgatory or heaven to go to, all the more reason to hurry up and die, because a hundred years from now, nothing matters to me, and it's just a lot of pain , and a worthless, stupid, annoying impoverished, sick , empty life, and terrible world!

I envy dead corpses, want what they have, to exit this annoying, stupid, needy, hurting body, let it rot!

I long for death more than I long for food or drink. Pray that my heart stops, or that I die very soon! I'm the walking Dead as is, and I have seen enough of this BS!

God please grant me a provided for death, very soon!

Hang in there. My prayer for you is for God to help you and show himself to you. To comfort and encourage you. Try to take it one day at a time.

 

[JustGeorge]

It feels like daggers stabbing me in the chest, I'm sick of rolling around in pain. It's extremely annoying, irritating, won't go away.

It's like bones aching everywhere and something boiling in the chest and stabbing pain, and I'm just sick of this!

Ares(my kid) had that initially when he first caught the 'yuck'... it was in his stomach, though. I distracted him though by letting him get in Sam's car(he likes sitting in there but usually isn't allowed to because he messes with stuff). He eventually tried to nap in the backseat.

Can you try to distract yourself with something you really like, or to be in a place you really enjoy?

 

[Spiderman]

I feel great need to sleep, but can't with this inner torment that leaves me writhing in agony like a worm that just got cut in half with a shovel, every time I lay in the bed of pain, I must get up and walk, can't sit still.

It's total misery!

 

[Spiderman]

Ares(my kid) had that initially when he first caught the 'yuck'... it was in his stomach, though. I distracted him though by letting him get in Sam's car(he likes sitting in there but usually isn't allowed to because he messes with stuff). He eventually tried to nap in the backseat.

Can you try to distract yourself with something you really like, or to be in a place you really enjoy?

I'm at the table eating sour gummy candy now. It's very hard to do the things I love. I'm kind of incapacitated!

I couldn't sleep.

 

[Spiderman]

I can't believe people live with this and die like this! Every single day!

 

[Spiderman]

I can't believe people live with this and die like this! Every single day!

Plus, people are dealing with the pain of loved ones dying every day. Some people never recover from that trauma and loss!

 

[JustGeorge]

I'm at the table eating sour gummy candy now. It's very hard to do the things I love. I'm kind of incapacitated!

I couldn't sleep.

I hope the candy is good, at least.

I can't imagine you would sleep, being in the pain you're in.

I had a couple sleepless nights this week, taking care of the kids. Then the fever kept waking me up... miserable times. Its never fun when sleep won't come when you need it...

 

[Spiderman]

I hope the candy is good, at least.

I can't imagine you would sleep, being in the pain you're in.

I had a couple sleepless nights this week, taking care of the kids. Then the fever kept waking me up... miserable times. Its never fun when sleep won't come when you need it...

If some one can take care of kids while sick, then I can carry my cross and deal with this.

I think kids sometimes could help give meaning and comfort to life too sometimes. Kids can be a blessing I bet, just a lot of work.

If the chest pain doesn't go away, I won't be sleeping, but I just took a gabapentin and ibuprofen. That is supposed to help a little.

I just feel so sorry for sick or injured, scared, or agonizing people in Ukraine right now. Suffering makes me more sensitive to what others go through. It is like sharing some of the burden I suppose!

Some Saints have looked at it that way, like bearing with other people's crosses and afflictions!

 

[AdamjEdgar]

I have never really experienced the pain of what the O.P is going through.

Having said that, could I refer you to a poem that brings tears to my eyes whenever I read it...

I'm posting the Wikipedia link to the history and meaning of the poem, please find the poem itself, read it, and ponder its implications for all of us in our journey through life.
Just know this, all life is meaningful and worthy to live to its natural conclusion. God gives us all talents...he is absolutely with us on our journey and he has a plan for each of us.
Death is not an escape from pain, it is a result of sin. We should seek life.

Footprints (poem) - Wikipedia

 

[Spirit of Light]

Thank you!

I might PM you, I just have no motivation for anything, with the exception of the prospect of not existing

If I knew a Doctor who could assist me with a guarantee of dying, preferably if it was state-sanctioned, I would die today.

I also was taken off Suboxone completely, and I am still in withdrawal. First they took me off cold turkey for 48 hours on accident, then a quick taper arrived in the mail, but it was a much quicker taper than usual, and I can feel the withdrawals deep in my broken bones, and feel like I'm running a fever.

Withdrawal from Suboxone can last 20 days.

But even after that I will still be sick and disabled, and my PSI report makes me look like a hideous monster, dangerous, like I should be dead or locked up, like a thread to society, only increasing my need to die, so others are not hurt, annoyed, offended , or burdened by me!

Anyway, it is good you are still with us, and sometimes gunshot suicides survive. It is never a guarantee, and there are people missing chunks of their face, skull, or eyes from failed gun suicides. Not ever a good idea .

If you were conscripted by the government, you had to pass some examinations or tests, and been found psychiatrically healthy, stable, in good shape, fit for service.

I would do anything to be found fit and sound enough for government conscription, or be a productive member of society, not a basket case that needs chronic treatment, physical therapy, hospitalizations every year, and sometimes trips behind bars.

Trust me, I have valid reasons for wanting to die, as an act of charity to the people I come into contact with, and how I drain tax payers dollars.

I simply never grew up, and had an extremely disturbing childhood in institutions, and here I am a 35 year old confused, mentally ill child, with shattered bones, and clueless how to make friends who are not drug addicts!

My reasons for craving death are very well warranted! Some people should have never been born! A lot!

Deep within you, you are a good person @Spiderman if you were to die today this world would lose a person who do have the skills to be an amazing man. So from this i can not pray for you to die.

But I can pray for you to find the strenght to get through the day and maybe tomorrow or very soon you will be able to see that you have a value to the people around you.