Pray that I die soon. I am ready!

[Spiderman]

I am so sorry to hear how you feel. I have longed for death at times but I was able to work through it by getting help I needed until I was able to cope better. My life is nothing to write home to mom about mostly because of what I have to deal with with my husband now, but I just try to do the best I can to get through each day.

Suicide was no solution for me because I know death is not the end of life, only the end of physical life. I don't look forward to the afterlife even though it is glorious according to my beliefs because I do not like change even if it is better.

My husband is suicidal because of his physical pain but I cannot understand how his kind of physical pain owing to an enlarged prostate and painful urination warrants suicide so I believe it is really depression. He saw that urologist yesterday and got three new prescriptions so he felt better about that for a few hours but now his is right back to feeling hopeless. Next week we see his primary care doctor and has an intake appointment with the psych assessment. He has lost so much weight if he loses any more he will die of starvation. I have no help from anyone because I have no family or friends so I have to depend upon the health care system and God for help.

That is very sad
I offer up my suffering and prayers for you and your husband as well.

This life is a crucifixion and humiliation for countless people out there. I feel helpless to make much difference in an agonizing world that seems to be getting worse.

But I appreciate your story, to know what others go through, I'm not alone, and God loves you and your husband, and God is close to those who carry the cross and suffer!

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

I offer up my suffering to God for you Frank! My heart just sank at court. I feel like a despicable person! A leper!

I can probably relate to Frankenstein better than anyone here can.

I can definitely relate to that feeling. I've felt like a total failure and worthless for much of my life. But that's how the world and people make us feel. That's not how God views us. Jesus preferred to hang around people like us. We probably would've been part of His entourage while He was here. I've been praying for you, and I know you pray for me.

Did they give a reason why it's pushed back, if you don't mind sharing?

 

[Debater Slayer]

I'm sorry your court date was pushed back. How odd. I know how stressed you were over it. Definitely better to get it over with. I'm still trying to find assistance with my own legal issue I told you about. So we're both waiting to get past harsh things that can impact our fates. I begged God to kill me or let me die a week ago. Apparently He doesn't want to grant my wish there. I guess He wants us both around.

Waiting to find out the outcome of an important matter sometimes makes me so unsettled until I know. I can only imagine what the feeling is like with something as potentially life-changing as a court date.

Best of luck with it to you and @Spiderman. I hope both of your cases are handled by an understanding and compassionate judge.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

My husband is suicidal because of his physical pain but I cannot understand how his kind of physical pain owing to an enlarged prostate and painful urination warrants suicide so I believe it is really depression.

I don't know how bad his pain is to him, but chronic pain can be severe enough to make you want to die. That certainly can make you depressed and want to end it. Kurt Cobain is actually an example of that. He suffered from severe stomach pain for years and that is one of the things that got him into heroin (to dull the pain) and apparently contributed to his suicide.

"Curiously, it was Cobain's chronic stomach pain, which the musician wrote made him vomit and want to kill himself, that drove him to try self-medicating with heroin."
Five Kurt Cobain Myths Dispelled in 'Montage of Heck'

I have chronic pain, myself, from various causes. It's certainly been bad enough to want to just die at times.

 

[JustGeorge]

I needed to hear that George! You give Aries, I mean the God with a bad reputation, you give him such a good name, the only one I ever met who gives him a good name. He appreciates it.

I've nothing but good to say of him.

And your children Ares, Yudhi, and LeeAnder are lucky to have you as a mom. When I went to the park in tears today, it was raining, I descended a flight of stairs , and this female jogger with blue hair ran right past me , seeming to come out of no where, because I didn't hear her jogging until she was right beside me, and jogging in the rain.

I doubt she was a fantom, but it had a feeling like that, and immediately I thought of you, because I almost never see blue haired adults, certainly not jogging past me in the rain as I'm begging God for death!

That happened right after I made this thread.

Thank you.

If you see her again, give her a thumbs up for the hair for me!

It's just hard to believe I'm not waisting time, when I'm not working, not going to school, sick, tired, and the only healthy connections I have are online, and I just have drug addict and criminal friends at my apartment that I will soon be returning to.

Well, when a person is sick, their job is to heal and feel better, so they can do things like work and go to school. Running in to do things before you're mentally or physically ready doesn't end well. If I want to climb a mountain, I shouldn't just charge up the side of a hill. I would need to learn, inquire about equipment and method, perhaps take a few lessons, meet up with others who have done it, see that I'm physically fit for it, and then start. To go before I'm ready courts disaster.

I know, waiting and healing can be dull, and make you feel inactive, but that's anything but true. Some actions are more subtle than others, but that doesn't mean they're not important.

 

[Debater Slayer]

I don't know how bad his pain is to him, but chronic pain can be severe enough to make you want to die. That certainly can make you depressed and want to end it. Kurt Cobain is actually an example of that. He suffered from severe stomach pain for years and that is one of the things that got him into heroin (to dull the pain) and apparently contributed to his suicide.

"Curiously, it was Cobain's chronic stomach pain, which the musician wrote made him vomit and want to kill himself, that drove him to try self-medicating with heroin."
Five Kurt Cobain Myths Dispelled in 'Montage of Heck'

I have chronic pain, myself, from various causes. It's certainly been bad enough to want to just die at times.

I have chronic pain from nerve issues, and sometimes what affects mental health isn't just the pain itself but also the limitations that the underlying causes of the pain can impose on someone's life--whether those manifest as something like reduced ability to work or inability to participate in certain physical activities. The effects can be quite distressing and sometimes need management through mental therapy along with physical treatment.

 

[Guitar's Cry]

<Hugs> You're a valued member of this community, and I hope you realize that this is a place where you belong and people genuinely care about you.

 

[Trailblazer]

I don't know how bad his pain is to him, but chronic pain can be severe enough to make you want to die. That certainly can make you depressed and want to end it. Kurt Cobain is actually an example of that. He suffered from severe stomach pain for years and that is one of the things that got him into heroin (to dull the pain) and apparently contributed to his suicide.

"Curiously, it was Cobain's chronic stomach pain, which the musician wrote made him vomit and want to kill himself, that drove him to try self-medicating with heroin."
Five Kurt Cobain Myths Dispelled in 'Montage of Heck'

I have chronic pain, myself, from various causes. It's certainly been bad enough to want to just die at times.

I do not know how bad his pain is either, only he knows that, but I would think the urologist has some idea, and he did not seem to think it was that serious. I suspect a lot of my husband's problem is psychological but I will let the counselors assess that. Meanwhile, the most important thing is getting him to eat so he will not lose any more weight.

 

[Spiderman]

I can definitely relate to that feeling. I've felt like a total failure and worthless for much of my life. But that's how the world and people make us feel. That's not how God views us. Jesus preferred to hang around people like us. We probably would've been part of His entourage while He was here. I've been praying for you, and I know you pray for me.

Did they give a reason why it's pushed back, if you don't mind sharing?

Well, I'm embarrassed, but it is over something I did online a while back, and nobody knows, including myself how to erase it , because I can't log in there, and I have reported everything, asking for help deleting things I cannot access, but that is as much detail as I want to get into.

Also, the prosecutor never showed up, he was in trial. He has done that more than three times now, and I worry he will do it again on May 20th

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Well, I'm embarrassed, but it is over something I did online a while back, and nobody knows, including myself how to erase it , because I can't log in there, and I have reported everything, asking for help deleting things I cannot access, but that is as much detail as I want to get into.

Also, the prosecutor never showed up, he was in trial. He has done that more than three times now, and I worry he will do it again on May 20th

If he keeps doing that, can they just drop the case? I mean, if the prosecutor doesn't seem to care, why bother?

 

[Debater Slayer]

Thank you!

I might PM you, I just have no motivation for anything, with the exception of the prospect of not existing

If I knew a Doctor who could assist me with a guarantee of dying, preferably if it was state-sanctioned, I would die today.

I also was taken off Suboxone completely, and I am still in withdrawal. First they took me off cold turkey for 48 hours on accident, then a quick taper arrived in the mail, but it was a much quicker taper than usual, and I can feel the withdrawals deep in my broken bones, and feel like I'm running a fever.

Withdrawal from Suboxone can last 20 days.

But even after that I will still be sick and disabled, and my PSI report makes me look like a hideous monster, dangerous, like I should be dead or locked up, like a thread to society, only increasing my need to die, so others are not hurt, annoyed, offended , or burdened by me!

You are being tried by a court of law and doing what you can to rehabilitate, so I think you deserve to not beat yourself up over the idea that you're a "threat to society" or a "burden." Everyone has their own demons and issues to reckon with, and you're already ahead of many by tackling yours head-on despite how difficult they have been.

Anyway, it is good you are still with us, and sometimes gunshot suicides survive. It is never a guarantee, and there are people missing chunks of their face, skull, or eyes from failed gun suicides. Not ever a good idea .

If you were conscripted by the government, you had to pass some examinations or tests, and been found psychiatrically healthy, stable, in good shape, fit for service.

I was released on medical grounds months later, as I was medically unfit from the beginning due to multiple issues. It's just that where I live, initial checkups for conscription often either overlook many issues or assume conscripts are feigning them by default.

I met schizophrenics (including one who had psychotic episodes during boot camp), people with herniated disks, and a couple of people with heart issues, among others with various health problems. Some were later released like I was, but that should give you an idea of the extent to which someone can still get into compulsory service despite having disqualifying issues.

I would do anything to be found fit and sound enough for government conscription, or be a productive member of society, not a basket case that needs chronic treatment, physical therapy, hospitalizations every year, and sometimes trips behind bars.

Trust me, I have valid reasons for wanting to die, as an act of charity to the people I come into contact with, and how I drain tax payers dollars.

I simply never grew up, and had an extremely disturbing childhood in institutions, and here I am a 35 year old confused, mentally ill child, with shattered bones, and clueless how to make friends who are not drug addicts!

My reasons for craving death are very well warranted! Some people should have never been born! A lot!

You're doing your best given the circumstances. That's the most anyone could ask of someone with troubles, present or past. I hope your pursuit of rehabilitation and improvement continues to yield good results, just as it has before (in my opinion based on your RF activity, at least).

 

[Spiderman]

If he keeps doing that, can they just drop the case? I mean, if the prosecutor doesn't seem to care, why bother?

They will definitely not drop the case. Im sorry, but they don't give a **** that I have to wait. I'm considered a career criminal. The prosecutor just apparently has trial he keeps getting caught up in during my case, but he clearly despises me, and would never let this case drop!

 

[Spiderman]

It's just the way things are. Prosecuting attorneys deal with threats to society constantly and are paid to keep the community safe.

He definitely doesn't like me, and he put my bail twice as high as a cop in Florida who is facing 94 years in prison!

 

[TransmutingSoul]

God please grant me a provided for death, very soon!

I personally have not been good at empathy for others who suffer the way you have. My wife's manic depression, though hard to face, was needed by me also to change my views on life.

In the end, it us not what we want to hear in times like this, but the reality is that life is a burden we must carry. God tests us with both the good of this world and the world to come, so we can become attached to this life and can come attached to leaving this life.

God has put us here to face those tests and find the balance. What makes it harder is the drugs and alcohol, as these substances alter our capacity to see this life in all its purity.

I have no answers as to how you can find that balance in life, as the balance is a state of mind that only we can search for as an individual. People can offer how they cope, but one has to find how to cope via their own journey.

My prayer for you would thus be may you find God's Will for your own self, and be less driven by the influences this life have imparted upon your will to live. There is nothing more precious than life, life in this world does not mean we have to suffer death to be released from it.

Always happy to chat, I only wish you all the best and for a happy life.

Regards Tony

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

They will definitely not drop the case. Im sorry, but they don't give a **** that I have to wait. I'm considered a career criminal. The prosecutor just apparently has trial he keeps getting caught up in during my case, but he clearly despises me, and would never let this case drop!

That's weird, because they were apparently only going to give you probation, so you're clearly not that huge of a threat.

 

[Spiderman]

That's weird, because they were apparently only going to give you probation, so you're clearly not that huge of a threat.

They gave me three months in jail, and were going to give twice that, and I completed three months drug rehab for them as well.

I got fortunate with probation, because I had a compassionate defense attorney, who went the extra mile.

Originally, this prosecutor did not like me at all. Then he saw me behave after the judge went against his recommendation and let me out.

But still, I know he would never consider dropping the case.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

They gave me three months in jail, and were going to give twice that, and I completed three months drug rehab for them as well.

I got fortunate with probation, because I had a compassionate defense attorney, who went the extra mile.

Originally, this prosecutor did not like me at all. Then he saw me behave after the judge went against his recommendation and let me out.

But still, I know he would never consider dropping the case.

Very odd. This can't go on forever. He sounds very immature.

 

[Spiderman]

I've nothing but good to say of him.



Thank you.

If you see her again, give her a thumbs up for the hair for me!



Well, when a person is sick, their job is to heal and feel better, so they can do things like work and go to school. Running in to do things before you're mentally or physically ready doesn't end well. If I want to climb a mountain, I shouldn't just charge up the side of a hill. I would need to learn, inquire about equipment and method, perhaps take a few lessons, meet up with others who have done it, see that I'm physically fit for it, and then start. To go before I'm ready courts disaster.

I know, waiting and healing can be dull, and make you feel inactive, but that's anything but true. Some actions are more subtle than others, but that doesn't mean they're not important.

Yes, I need to lower the bar. If I expect to get a college degree and hold a full time job at the same time. I have set the bar too high and will be very disappointed!

To bench press large weights, a person has to begin light, and not set the bar too high. I think you are getting at something similar.

There are little things I can do each day that are healthy improvements!

 

[wandering peacefully]

I'm just sick of being alive, sick of the chronic aches and pains from my last suicide attempt, and the permanent handicaps, broken bones, metal and screws holding them together, and arthritis. I'm sick of being a drug addict, and a criminal.

My sentencing date was supposed to be today , and was moved back to May 20 , which is more than a year after I committed any crime. I just want it over!

I hate this sick repulsive world I live in, living in chronic poverty, being intelligent, but unable to afford or succeed at College or anything!

I hate the feeling that I'm just sick, disordered, wasting time, wasting potential.

The future will be agony because that has always been the past, and I'm too scared to commit suicide, because my last suicide attempt put me in a wheelchair for 10 weeks, and the suicide attempt before that with a train, got me into trouble.

I suck at suicide obviously, and if I had a gun, I would probably just blow chunks of my skull and face off and survive. Something is keeping me alive!

If God would just be merciful and kill me, I would be so relieved to get cancer that cannot be cured, and know that my only responsibility left, is to prepare for death with a clean conscience and soul.

I hate the fact that my mother never had an abortion! I am sick, and it was time to die long ago. A lot of people never should have been born

My friends are dead ghosts. The people I know in real life are no help, and my friends in real life use drugs.

It's going to be hard to get a job with a criminal record and being hospitalized every year, with bad work ethic with the jobs I have had.

I'm really looking for a way to kill myself where I have no chance of surviving. I thought jumping off a building onto concrete would do the trick. In the end, it only caused far FAR more pain, and permanent handicaps!

Ten weeks in a wheelchair over a suicide attempt, and the risk of never walking again, has made me very scared to attempt suicide again.

But it is simply past time to die! Life is miserable, and the people I love, none of them live in my city. There is no meaning as each day goes by waisting time and potential, waisting life, and seeking a God who hides himself and his desires for me. I wait for clarity and instructions in vain. Maybe if I die today, he will stop hiding from me.

This isn't my home. If there is no purgatory or heaven to go to, all the more reason to hurry up and die, because a hundred years from now, nothing matters to me, and it's just a lot of pain , and a worthless, stupid, annoying impoverished, sick , empty life, and terrible world!

I envy dead corpses, want what they have, to exit this annoying, stupid, needy, hurting body, let it rot!

I long for death more than I long for food or drink. Pray that my heart stops, or that I die very soon! I'm the walking Dead as is, and I have seen enough of this BS!

God please grant me a provided for death, very soon!

I'm sorry you are not feeling well. It sucks. But sometimes things can get better? Spring is on the way. What about tiny sprouts of old plants starting to poke little green spikes through the finally thawed ground?

What about little birdies who have flown thousands of miles to be in the brief sunshine?

Is that worth living for to see?

Can you get outside and outside of yourself?

I feel like you say this same thing every year. Can you just live with these feelings? It seems like you can

 

[Spiderman]

I've nothing but good to say of him.



Thank you.

If you see her again, give her a thumbs up for the hair for me!



Well, when a person is sick, their job is to heal and feel better, so they can do things like work and go to school. Running in to do things before you're mentally or physically ready doesn't end well. If I want to climb a mountain, I shouldn't just charge up the side of a hill. I would need to learn, inquire about equipment and method, perhaps take a few lessons, meet up with others who have done it, see that I'm physically fit for it, and then start. To go before I'm ready courts disaster.

I know, waiting and healing can be dull, and make you feel inactive, but that's anything but true. Some actions are more subtle than others, but that doesn't mean they're not important.

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like Aries is a bad Deity, because I'm certain you would not have such a relationship with him, if he didn't have very good redeemable qualities and noble deeds.

Just being an Aries myself, I know he was an unpopular Deity to many people, representing the negative aspects of war , like violence , brutality, impulsivity, known for behaviors that remind me of myself, especially when I was a teenager.

But nothing says he cannot grow wiser and more mature and evolve over time, learning from some of his mistakes or errors in judgement. I have become very gentle and compassionate, and I used to be violent and terrible!

He had a very difficult past, and I feel that makes you love him more, and he does strike me as a Deity for outcasts!

If I start having more devotion to my Zodiac Deity sign, you were my inspiration. In fact, knowing that you have such a cool altar (shrine) to him, means I have to love and respect my zodiac sign , so I didn't mean to make him sound bad, it's just, the ways I relate to him, have more to do with his reputation, that I read is not good.

But reputation does not define a person or a Deity. If George has nothing but positive things to say about him, I'll take her word over what the Ancient Greeks had to say about him.