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Post-Valentine's Day Discussion

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Epic Beard Man, Feb 15, 2019.

  1. Epic Beard Man

    Epic Beard Man Bearded Philosopher

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    I know some of you do not reside in the United States so my critique on this matter is not necessarily focusing on the celebratory event of Valentine's Day, rather, the discussion is meant to focus on the perpetuation of gender stereotypes in our society. After spending roughly $150 on my girlfriend yesterday for Valentine's day not to mention being bombarded with endless commercials of jewelry commercials proclaiming that the value of my love depends on the cut of a diamond got me thinking. Valentine's Day in the U.S. is not only a time where so-called lovers spend a ridiculous amount of money on gifts to demonstrate appreciation (something that ought to be done everyday) but what is interesting to me is that men and women continue to perpetuate the stereotypes unconsciously.

    For example my girlfriend thought to commemorate our first Valentine's day together we ought to have breakfast together. Now, I would've love just having breakfast without the idea of having Valentine's Day behind it. Although philosophically I'm against materialism in relation of demonstrating devotion, but I find myself subconsciously following it because I've become conditioned to celebrating it. Like Valentine's Day, weddings is another day I believe has influenced gender roles. Weddings in the United States largely celebrated with the Bride being displayed on a pedestal, long flowing gown, decorative while walking down the aisle as the "man gives another man his prize" in the father gives the husband. Funnily, even progressive liberals a group I belong to, some are very staunch on the fluidity of gender roles and being against social inequality, are some of the most staunch proponents of gender stereotypes and gender roles.

    Many often celebrate Valentine's day hoping to get nice gifts and the nice rock that costs an arm and a leg because as some has once put it to me, "it's a man's job." Aside from the fact that the United States is a materialist society, we have not become that much progressive if we continue to perpetuate the idea that a woman's happiness comes from materials like jewelry and diamonds. I wonder why we continue as a supposed progressive society continue to advocate equality and gender fluidity on one hand but continue to promote gender roles and social inequality on the other?
     
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  2. Polymath257

    Polymath257 Think & Care
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    A few days ago, my wife and I looked at each other and asked 'What do you want to do for Valentine's Day?'. We both answered, 'Avoid places where people are celebrating Valentine's Day'.

    So we ordered out, stayed home, and saved money.
     
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  3. Saint Frankenstein

    Saint Frankenstein Pyrphóros ⚡ Lux Aeterna
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    It's because advertising has turned us into a bunch of consumerist zombies. There's a great documentary series about this called Century of the Self that you might want to look into. It goes into how certain people started using psychological techniques to influence the masses through tv and advertising. De Beers made diamonds into a status symbol of romantic love with their advertising. Before that, no one cared about them, really. Diamonds are common and aren't really worth much in real value. Those things (diamonds, fantasy weddings) are associated with status and worth, as material things always were but it's driven into overdrive in this culture with the peer pressure and competition. We're all hypnotized.

     
    #3 Saint Frankenstein, Feb 15, 2019
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2019
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  4. Nakosis

    Nakosis crystal soldier
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    I even heard on the radio, how my wife would love it if I bought her a new garage door for her for valentine's day. :confused:

    The gift that we keep on giving for years, long after all the candy and flowers are gone. :thumbsup:
     
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  5. Ray Warren

    Ray Warren There is beauty in the silence.

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    Because sadly this society is very gendered and very culture-bound......We are conditioned to think binary-male, female and to insist people act like one of those...This is part of the reason there is sexism-because we are told to act like what is consider to be traditionally female or traditionally male.Think about it how often growing up do people assigned female hear: "Don't do that that's not very lady-like" or people assigned male are told growing up"Don't do that or you'll look like a sissy."? And when someone acts outside this norm it's seen as weird and wrong sometimes immoral. You are shamed for it. Then we see sexism and we feel like we need to do something about it so we promote equality and say yes we are all equal but never revisit our inner biases the stereotypes we have.We never correct them so it stays as part of the culture
     
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  6. sun rise

    sun rise "Let there be peace and love among all"
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    I don't mind in the least having a day where people who feel like it give something from the heart to celebrate love.

    But of course the culture turns that into a consumerist frenzy where love is measured in carats, the size of bouquets etc that a man is expected to give to a women.
     
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  7. ADigitalArtist

    ADigitalArtist Well-Known Member
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    My husband and I have had joint bank accounts since we were teenagers. We have no concept of 'your money' and 'my money'.

    Buying things for each other always felt like self-indulgence since it never felt like 'not our money.' As a result our holidays tend to be much more about spending time together or preparing food together.
     
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  8. Revoltingest

    Revoltingest Libertarian Capitalist Atheist Baconist
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    No need to go crazy.
    This time around I spend $11 on flowers from the lumber yard.
    Usually I spend less.
     
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  9. ChristineM

    ChristineM "Be strong" I whispered to my coffee.
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    I had no idea a scottish groundskeeper could be so romantically generous
     
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  10. Revoltingest

    Revoltingest Libertarian Capitalist Atheist Baconist
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    Romantic?
    No, tis perfunctory.
    There are expectations.....low, but there nonetheless.
     
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  11. Vinayaka

    Vinayaka devotee
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    Without bacon or haggis at that.
     
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  12. Vinayaka

    Vinayaka devotee
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    In 43 years, we've never celebrated Valentine's Day. Neither of us is a romantic. I'm actually closer to one than Boss is though.
     
  13. ChristineM

    ChristineM "Be strong" I whispered to my coffee.
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    Posted this yesterday on another valentine's day thread. This is a slightly edited post-valentines day version.

    We've not bought each other anything for a few years for no other reason than 'bof'. We always wish each other 'happy valentine's day... Again' when we wake up but thats about it.

    Yesterday was different. We usually do the big weekly shop on thursdays, a 50km drive to a supermarket. We always take time out for a breakfast treat at a very nice patisserie. Really good coffee and pastries to die for. As you would expect for valentine's day, the shop window displayed wonderful valentine's creations.

    As we were leaving hubby dashed back and bought me a giant heart shaped macaron, filled with whole strawberries (imported) and cream. It was almost too good to eat... almost.
     
  14. Epic Beard Man

    Epic Beard Man Bearded Philosopher

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    Good idea. But alas, what of the norm that I addressed?
     
  15. Epic Beard Man

    Epic Beard Man Bearded Philosopher

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    I'll look at the video. So consumerism has made us zombies that in effect, helps us continue to promote gender roles, stereotypes etc.
     
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  16. Epic Beard Man

    Epic Beard Man Bearded Philosopher

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    Consumerism. So in your view because of consumerism does that influence us heavily when it comes to our personal beliefs regarding gender roles?
     
  17. Epic Beard Man

    Epic Beard Man Bearded Philosopher

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    That's great! remember folks some of you are exceptions not the rule. As a couple have mentioned regarding consumerism, does this in effect influence us to become hypocritical in our own beliefs concerning gender roles?
     
  18. sun rise

    sun rise "Let there be peace and love among all"
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    There is I think a circle where gender roles are on display in the marketplace and actions in the marketplace tend to reinforce gender roles.

    But that cycle is subject to other influences which drive change. One example is that it used to be that men worked and women stayed home. Now that is less and less true and women's pay is sometimes greater than a mans's. So the motivation of a woman to look for a "good provider" who demonstrates his worth by a mating display (expensive gifts) is less in evidence.
     
  19. Epic Beard Man

    Epic Beard Man Bearded Philosopher

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    Regarding the lower portion, is that according to research or according to you? If it’s the latter, then from my perspective as a Californian, it’s different.
     
  20. sun rise

    sun rise "Let there be peace and love among all"
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    I'm a Californian as well, so there's that. But I'm not sure what part you are questioning. As far as women participating in the workforce: Civilian Labor Force Participation Rate: Women

    As far as women earning more than a man in a relationship https://www.moneyunder30.com/women-earn-more-than-men-do-men-care

    As far as my thesis that what women look for in men is changing, that is my own opinion and could easily be wrong. Do Americans marry for love or money? Finally, an answer is an interesting article.
     
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