Poor judgement! :-(

[Spiderman]

You say some of the nicest things, too. You oughta give yourself credit there.

I don't think you realize how much the prayer you wrote for me a few weeks back meant. That was one of the kindest things anyone's done for me in a long time.

We've all done some stuff in our past. Can't do anything about it. All a person has is the future...

Addiction's a disease. You're getting help. Lots of people suffer from it. Good people, too. I have many indispensable people in my life who used to be drug addicts. For some, I think the craving is there, though they fight. And because these people have been so low, they better understand what it feels like so they are able to often act with more compassion than those who haven't been there.

I'm glad you're here.

It means a lot, thanks!

 

[Spiderman]

Even us drug addicts are worth it. And have worth enough to live a long fulfilled life.

Stay strong, stay sober. You've got support in me.

Edit: Feel free to PM if you need anything.

Thank you!

 

[Spiderman]

Yes, there are many things I want to do. Like drinking beer. I like the slight buzz and the taste of beer with food. However being diabetic it is bad for me. Actually causes me to physically suffer.

So I go along, a good person, not drinking alcohol and not suffering. After a while, I forget what the pain was like, and think a little can't hurt. Maybe I can enjoy the buzz this time without the suffering. Once you make that decision, go down that road, you can't stop the suffering that's going to come.

Life is better without it . But life is also average. No more lows but also, no more highs. I hope I've learn this time, the highs are not worth the lows, especially when the lows could kill me but It's not easy to give up a desire. It is always there just waiting for the next time.

Unfortunately, no one else can give you the will to say no. No one else can stop you from hurting yourself. Maybe create a routine that keeps you away from what you desire. Maybe it will stick.

Helpful, the part about living without highs or lows.

 

[The Hammer]

Thank you!

Anytime.

 

[Spiderman]

Look we all make bad choices. Drug addiction is a disease. No one asks to become addicted to drugs. It's not your fault you are even if you originally chose to use. Your brain got addicted whereas others might not have. I don't know how you got started Im not going to judge regardless. Many have fallen prey to drugs and society judges them rather then help. They even arrest folk. And I bet many of the poor choices you made were from the drugs impairing your judgement. I know if you could go back you wouldn't have ever started using but we can't go back. We can only move forward. You need help and you are getting it. You can only take this one moment at a time. Pat yourself on the back for getting help and noticing your mistakes. You deserve that at least.

True!

It's a terrible affliction. I would take cancer over the shame and misery of being a sick drug addict any day.

 

[PureX]

Does anyone else here struggle with poor judgement?

Oh higher power, any Kami, Spirits, or angels willing to help me. I just hate being alive, living a stupid unenlightened, confused life.

Drug addiction is so worthless, and now that I'm sober I realize how incredibly stupid my life and behavior has been, how stupid and reckless I have been, how creepy and disgusting, how undisciplined and immature! Being a drug addict is just gross! It kills not only the addict but harms so many innocent people!

Oddly enough, being aware of that just makes me want to go back to using drugs!

"The bottom is attractive".

There is great freedom in abject failure. In never having to even try, anymore. But it's an incredibly selfish freedom that feeds itself at everyone else's expense.

Addiction feeds that selfishness within us. And it also requires it to justify itself. So the more years we spend engaging in our addictions, the more this selfishness becomes who we are. The more those particular neural pathways in our brains get used, and become entrenched. This is why addiction is so difficult to break. And why my sponsor used to say that sobriety is only the ticket to the show; the show itself is recovery. The show is regaining the person we would have been had our minds and hearts not been so twisted up by the selfishness and insanity of addiction.

But recovery takes time, and persistent effort. And it takes the help of those who have already walked that road, to show us how. The good news is that it does not take nearly as long to recover from an addiction as it took to succumb to it. All it really requires is that we fully commit to it. And that every time we feel that attraction to the selfish annihilation of addiction (those old neural pathways activate) we have to stop, and consciously replace those thoughts with new, more positive ones. In time, the new neural pathways will become more entrenched than the old ones, and it will change who we are and how we think. But this takes commitment, and persistence. And a little time.

Hang in there, brother. You are not alone. Many have worked their way out, and recovered themselves even from the most nihilistic and selfish depths of addiction.

Please kill me soon Lord! Maybe there is a place for me other than earth.

Stop that bull****! Stop feeding that neural pathway!

I'm too old for this immature stupidity! When sober I can't stand seeing people high or being around it, I can't stand who I am, can't stand what I've done, can't stand a look in the mirror, while at the same time, I just want to go back to using.

Sure, because the bottom is attractive. And totally selfish. And because you don't know how to think or live like a happy sober person yet. You have not retrained your brain sufficiently. You have to keep replacing that addictive thinking with new, positive, thoughts. If you don't want to be an idiot, anymore, you have to stop wallowing in that old idiocy. See it for what it is every time it rears it's ugly selfish head in your brain, and reject it. Eventually it will stop rearing up in your mind.

God help us, and reward those whom I have hurt with my poor judgement! Even those whom I have offended at RF! I am notorious for saying the stupidest things sometimes!

Then shut up and think twice before you speak. it's not rocket science.