"Polyamory is for Rich, Pretty People."

[Drolefille]

https://medium.com/p/75b43ae5c2a1

I found this really interesting, and pretty true. Thought I'd bounce it here for others' thoughts.

Anyone who participates in polyamory MUST recognize that your ability to “be poly” is not a given—you are ******* lucky to be able to be in a place (physically, socially, financially) where you can love freely.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

https://medium.com/p/75b43ae5c2a1

I found this really interesting, and pretty true. Thought I'd bounce it here for others' thoughts.

This is what I have to say to it...

:clap

She brings up some very very good points about how polyamory holds up a mirror to society and shows blatantly how stratified we really are. Whether it's socioeconomic, hetero-normative, white-privileged, we can see how many of the swingers and triads and poly people fit into these demographics.

What is a poor white young poly woman living in a conservative rural part of the country supposed to do with her desire to love romantically or sexually with somebody else than who she is married to or engaged to? She's got to keep her desires in check and/or in private lest she discovers the social consequences of that part of her being exposed.

Trust me...I know these consequences well. :yes:

Thanks for sharing!

 

[Drolefille]

As well I like the advice that poly people should work for EVERYONE's sexual and reproductive freedoms.

 

[Sees]

I didn't know there was an official or polite name for this

 

[Drolefille]

I didn't know there was an official or polite name for this

Consensual honest non-monogamous relationships? Why yes there is! Although you can get into nitty gritty about what IS or ISN'T Polyamory but that's a good general definition.

 

[Drolefille]

Yeah that's... not helpful.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

As well I like the advice that poly people should work for EVERYONE's sexual and reproductive freedoms.

True that. I think the article hit on why it's important for those who are in a privileged demographic have to check their egos and their ignorance at the door when it comes to various social issues, including polyamory.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

Very few of the people I've known who live a polyamorous lifestyle I would consider as "pretty," or even "moderately attractive." You'd be surprised how many less than attractive people are involved in polyamory, swinging, etc.

 

[Drolefille]

Very few of the people I've known who live a polyamorous lifestyle I would consider as "pretty," or even "moderately attractive." You'd be surprised how many less than attractive people are involved in polyamory, swinging, etc.

Swinging is a very interesting demographic, there is a surprising amount of heternormativity, and (otherwise?) conservative Christianity involved.

I think "pretty" is the least important part of that article. Then again, plenty of people might not think I'm pretty or that my boyfriend is attractive, but I find him incredibly attractive. I suspect that the concept of sapiosexuality is at play here as well.

I never understand when people complain about nude beaches having essentially "normal" looking people on them. Like there's this shock that they have the audacity to not be models and be OK with their bodies.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Very few of the people I've known who live a polyamorous lifestyle I would consider as "pretty," or even "moderately attractive." You'd be surprised how many less than attractive people are involved in polyamory, swinging, etc.

It depends. My experience with online groups is a mix of middle-age hipsters and young experimenting types (usually it's a young hetero couple who are looking for a threesome with a "hot bi woman"). My experience with the upper middle class to the wealthy is white, charismatic, and lots of boob jobs and face lifts cover the image of couples who keep an open marriage as part of their unspoken contracts....given that divorce is a heck of a lot more damaging financially and socially. It's expensive and time-consuming, so since both spouses tend to wish to keep their status intact, they play around on the side.

 

[Drolefille]

It depends. My experience with online groups is a mix of middle-age hipsters and young experimenting types (usually it's a young hetero couple who are looking for a threesome with a "hot bi woman"). My experience with the upper middle class to the wealthy is white, charismatic, and lots of boob jobs and face lifts cover the image of couples who keep an open marriage as part of their unspoken contracts....given that divorce is a heck of a lot more damaging financially and socially. It's expensive and time-consuming, so since both spouses tend to wish to keep their status intact, they play around on the side.

Fairly accurate in my experience, though I wouldn't put hipster on everyone as a label. Unfortunately there isn't a strictly poly group in my area to compare people to, just the general fet/kink ones and those have odd/interesting demographics at times.

Never again a unicorn though. NEVER AGAIN.

 

[Flankerl]

Anyone who participates in polyamory MUST recognize that your ability to “be poly” is not a given—you are ******* lucky to be able to be in a place (physically, socially, financially) where you can love freely.

Well okay but that goes for pretty much all relationships.

 

[Drolefille]

Well okay but that goes for pretty much all relationships.

Yes but I think even more so when it's more than one relationship, particularly when there are some poly "supremacists" out there who claim that poly is how people are "meant" to be. It's something of a reality check.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

Yes but I think even more so when it's more than one relationship, particularly when there are some poly "supremacists" out there who claim that poly is how people are "meant" to be. It's something of a reality check.

Those kind of people are just trying to overcompensate for their insecurities and underlying awareness that the vast majority of "polyamorous" relationships are rooted in selfishness, immaturity, compulsive behavior, and fear of true intimacy and committment. These people eventually get plenty of harsh reality checks.

 

[Drolefille]

Those kind of people are just trying to overcompensate for their insecurities and underlying awareness that the vast majority of "polyamorous" relationships are rooted in selfishness, immaturity, compulsive behavior, and fear of true intimacy and committment. These people eventually get plenty of harsh reality checks.

Huh, don't think that's the case either. Any statistics for the "Vast majority" or just making that up?

 

[Kilgore Trout]

Huh, don't think that's the case either. Any statistics for the "Vast majority" or just making that up?

Do they collect statistics regarding what goes on inside peoples' heads? If so, do you have any statistics showing otherwise?

My personal opinion on the matter is due to my own experiences and relationships with people I've known. Your particular experiences may differ, but I've found that these types of relationships and situations generally consist of a narrow set of personality types, and invariably follow a limited collection of patterns in the long run - few of them beneficial or positive.

 

[oldbadger]

One of my work colleagues claims to be a 'player'. She likens herself almost to 'sexual hunter'. She is short, very thick-set, incredibly powerful (used to lay kerbstones = bloody tough) and wears drab clothing all the time. Women just throw themselves at her. She commences very romantic relationships..... very exciting.... which end suddenly. The trigger for her to drop the relationship can be any action or words that are ... um..... everday, such as 'We've run out of toilet-rolls. Can you bring some home?'

Question:- Is she a polyamorist?

 

[Kilgore Trout]

One of my work colleagues claims to be a 'player'. She likens herself almost to 'sexual hunter'. She is short, very thick-set, incredibly powerful (used to lay kerbstones = bloody tough) and wears drab clothing all the time. Women just throw themselves at her. She commences very romantic relationships..... very exciting.... which end suddenly. The trigger for her to drop the relationship can be any action or words that are ... um..... everday, such as 'We've run out of toilet-rolls. Can you bring some home?'

Question:- Is she a polyamorist?

Sounds more like a serialamorist.

 

[oldbadger]

Thirty years ago I worked with a man who was very tall, and described by many women as dazzlingly handsome. He was massively confident and money was no object to him. He was a 3-5 month romanticist. He met with tough 'go-get-it' professional women, impressed them, dated them, charmed them, must have been a good lover, the 'affair' would just rocket to a point where the woman pushed the relationship towards co-habitation. He would immediately destroy the relationship utterly, and if the woman appealed to him he would send a car to collect her and bring her to his place, use her, scorn her and send her back home. I often wondered what drove this guy.

Was he a polyamorist?

Question:- What's the difference between polyamory and polygamy?

 

[oldbadger]

Sounds more like a serialamorist.

Look at the next one...... what do you think ....?