1. Welcome to Religious Forums, a friendly forum to discuss all religions in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Access to private conversations with other members.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

Polyamory and swinging

Discussion in 'Sexuality' started by Riders, Dec 7, 2022.

  1. Riders

    Riders Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2015
    Messages:
    7,907
    Ratings:
    +2,272
    Religion:
    Unitarian Universalism,Pagan,Zen
    I dated a Poly guy for 2 and a half years and another guy who wanted to be poly. There's a big problem with both lifestyles. Many women don't want to do it but allow their husbands to so there's a shortage of women.

    Older guys and women who are not that attractive may have issues with finding sex partners, or relationships with other people.
    I dated a guy named Robert and also Randal who wanted to be polyamorous. They were jealous because I could get other sex partners and sometimes they could not.I decided to drop out and let them do what they wanted.

    They wanted me to swing and swap other partners with people because they would not let them participate in sex partners unless they brought me, then they would trade me off so they could get a sexual partner. They expected me to get them, sex partners, by having sex with the men. I think it's very self-centered that they wanted me to be responsible for getting them, sex buddies. This is a big reason I did not want to be in this lifestyle anymore.
     
    • Informative Informative x 1
  2. PureX

    PureX Veteran Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2006
    Messages:
    23,838
    Ratings:
    +13,210
    Religion:
    Philosophical Taoist/Christian
    Sexual selfishness is not usually a good basis for a relationship. There are folks that can carefully navigate it, but not many. And often not long term. It takes a lot of effort, attention, honesty, and self control. Far more then a monogamous relationship, and most people can't even handle those, very well.
     
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • Informative Informative x 1
    • Useful Useful x 1
  3. ChristineM

    ChristineM "Be strong" I whispered to my coffee.
    Premium Member

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2017
    Messages:
    52,583
    Ratings:
    +49,943
    Religion:
    None
    I was in a polyamorous relationship for 4 years with my husband (his idea) and the father of my children.

    As @PureX said, it takes honesty, total honesty, I'll add ai also takes a complete lack of jealousy.

    It can work well if all members of the group have the right attitude. Otherwise don't even try
     
    • Winner Winner x 2
    • Like Like x 1
    • Useful Useful x 1
  4. Polymath257

    Polymath257 Think & Care
    Staff Member Premium Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2017
    Messages:
    25,565
    Ratings:
    +32,601
    Religion:
    Non-theist
    Too many people think polyamory or swinging amounts to 'I can do whatever I want and there are no rules'.

    If they get upset when you can find partners and they can't, or want to 'bring you along' as bait so they can get laid, they don't really understand the lifestyle.

    They are posers who just want to get their rocks off.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Winner Winner x 2
  5. lewisnotmiller

    lewisnotmiller Grand Hat
    Staff Member Premium Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2013
    Messages:
    24,517
    Ratings:
    +18,100
    Religion:
    atheist
    Couldn't do it. I don't have the right temperament, and sex just isn't important enough to me to risk other aspects of a relationship over it.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Informative Informative x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  6. Yerda

    Yerda Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2004
    Messages:
    9,897
    Ratings:
    +2,819
    Religion:
    Nothing in particular
    Good luck if you can manage it.

    When I was younger and considerably better looking (and a bit dumber) I had a thing for a few years where I insisted to anyone interested that I wasn't going to be monogamous. Not doing it. If you want to get involved the package doesn't involve a settled relationship. So I had fwb type situations and casual affairs etc. Then I realised I was being a selfish arse and hurting people I cared about so I changed my ways and became the handsome, honest man you all know and love.

    I don't think I could have these kinds of feelings for anyone other than my partner now. I mean, I'm sure I could - if she kicked me out tomorrow I'd probably look for someone else eventually. But when...introspect...I can imagine it but I don't believe it. If that makes any sense.
     
    • Like Like x 3
  7. Trailblazer

    Trailblazer Veteran Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2017
    Messages:
    40,732
    Ratings:
    +13,177
    Religion:
    Baha'i
    I don't even want to have sex with one man, let alone many! I have never had sex with anyone except my late husband. I might have sex with a man if I get married again, but only because a man would want it.
     
  8. Balthazzar

    Balthazzar Christian Evolutionist

    Joined:
    May 7, 2022
    Messages:
    717
    Ratings:
    +193
    Religion:
    Christian Evolutionist
    I've considered the benefit of multiple partners (female) in my case - a preference. Then I considered the potential disaster on the other side of the pendulum swing - The benefit would be due to age differences, which is likewise the reason for choosing a solo lifestyle and avoiding monogamy - Death of partner - On the multiple side, death of one would leave no-one alone and broken, no matter which went first - At 51, I would obviously choose younger partners (female bi-sexual) to accommodate this. The disaster side would be in ability to live a domestic lifestyle and potential jealous bones. Seems pointless, aside from true friendships of similar fashion. Desire? Well ... of course - no or little touch policies, but then I think I prefer distance and true heart over sexual relations. Safer for me and them.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  9. Saint Frankenstein

    Saint Frankenstein I'm not deaf, I'm just a real bad listener
    Premium Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2012
    Messages:
    36,828
    Ratings:
    +22,476
    Religion:
    Catholic Christian
    Good that you got out of that. They sounded like selfish a-holes.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  10. Guitar's Cry

    Guitar's Cry The "I" in Reality

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2006
    Messages:
    16,276
    Ratings:
    +7,431
    Religion:
    Panreligious mystical paganism
    My partner and I have been poly for the majority of our 20 years and she absolutely has been more successful in her relationships than I. It sometimes bothers me more in the sense of self-esteem, but I am always very happy for her when she is in a happy relationship. I think successful polyamory involves enjoying the happiness your partner is experiencing in other relationships.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  11. Polymath257

    Polymath257 Think & Care
    Staff Member Premium Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2017
    Messages:
    25,565
    Ratings:
    +32,601
    Religion:
    Non-theist

    The word used is compersion.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  12. Guitar's Cry

    Guitar's Cry The "I" in Reality

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2006
    Messages:
    16,276
    Ratings:
    +7,431
    Religion:
    Panreligious mystical paganism
    Yes! It's a very strong emotion. I have heard it described as the opposite of jealousy, and what's interesting to me is that in every other relationship before my wife, I was intensely jealous. So in a sense, it was like flipping a coin and I am happy for it. Intense jealousy is very unhealthy.
     
  13. Twilight Hue

    Twilight Hue Twilight, not bright nor dark, good nor bad.

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2009
    Messages:
    48,636
    Ratings:
    +21,900
    Religion:
    Philosophical Buddhism
    It's better to be a boob streamer or something similar.

    At least you could make money, still have fun, and be in a safer and less toxic environment without the emotional hangup imv.
     
Loading...