Poll: An effect of pornography?

[Mock Turtle]

My boyfriend watches porn every day but only wants sex once a month

I’m a 29-year-old woman, my boyfriend is 32 and we have been together for more than a year. We moved in together a month after meeting. At the beginning, we had an amazing love life, often having sex daily. But after six months it was only once a week and it is now just once a month. I tried to talk to him about his lack of desire but he said that just made it worse. Recently, I found out he watches pornography every day and masturbates, which he doesn’t want me to know about. I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to have sex with me but likes watching porn. Is it because he wants other girls, or he’s bored by what we get up to? He said he loves me and he does show it in other ways. Do you think things will change? I love him, but I want to have a good sex life, too.

So, however we might interpret this issue, what would you do if in the female's position? Probably worth looking at the comments too. Whether this is a case of addiction to pornography or not we might not be able to judge but it sure seems to be a case on first looks - as to him getting more from pornography than any sexual experiences with her.

So what do you think as to such, and voting accordingly?

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

She should talk to him.

 

[PureX]

My advice- drop him like a hot rock and don't look back. Trying to fix someone else's addiction/obsession is a recipe for frustration and failure. Also, it's not just the porn, it's the psycho-sexual pathology that's fueling his obsession with it. You want no part of it.

 

[Estro Felino]

I wonder whether he loves her.
Whether he is in love with her.
I doubt it.

 

[Kenny]

My boyfriend watches porn every day but only wants sex once a month

I’m a 29-year-old woman, my boyfriend is 32 and we have been together for more than a year. We moved in together a month after meeting. At the beginning, we had an amazing love life, often having sex daily. But after six months it was only once a week and it is now just once a month. I tried to talk to him about his lack of desire but he said that just made it worse. Recently, I found out he watches pornography every day and masturbates, which he doesn’t want me to know about. I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to have sex with me but likes watching porn. Is it because he wants other girls, or he’s bored by what we get up to? He said he loves me and he does show it in other ways. Do you think things will change? I love him, but I want to have a good sex life, too.

So, however we might interpret this issue, what would you do if in the female's position? Probably worth looking at the comments too. Whether this is a case of addiction to pornography or not we might not be able to judge but it sure seems to be a case on first looks - as to him getting more from pornography than any sexual experiences with her.

So what do you think as to such, and voting accordingly?

She should remove herself. IMO. If he really wants her and she wants him, a "No Go until you have gotten counseling and are free".

A good case for establishing no sex until after you know someone and you are married IMO. (side issue - don't want to derail the OP - maybe another thread)

 

[Glaurung]

One of the ironies of heavy porn use. It subtracts from the desire to maintain real sexual relationships. I would end the relationship as his porn use of obviously compulsive and is unlikely to get any better.

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

I would seek the advice of a respected therapist rather than the responses available on social media.

 

[ChristineM]

Didn't vote because i see multiple possibilities. my suggestions are.

a/ consider seeing a therapist.
b/ join him in his porn watching, maybe learn what he likes and use that knowledge.
c/ dump him and find someone who cares.
d/ make a porn movie then ensure he watches it.

 

[pearl]

She should remove herself. IMO. If he really wants her and she wants him, a "No Go until you have gotten counseling and are free".

I agree, because the relationship has had a short life. I would insist on therapy, but it must be his choice, which means separation until he faces the consequence not only for the present relationship, but for his own health.
Porn can be addictive to the point which it becomes the only satisfaction. Your other choice is to suggest you both watch together.

 

[Polymath257]

The problem isn't the porn. The problem is that he just isn't into her. What the trigger was, we can't say from what is given.

I would guess there is little hope for this relationship, but any hope goes through therapy to get to the *real* problem he has with her.

 

[Kenny]

I agree, because the relationship has had a short life. I would insist on therapy, but it must be his choice, which means separation until he faces the consequence not only for the present relationship, but for his own health.
Porn can be addictive to the point which it becomes the only satisfaction. Your other choice is to suggest you both watch together.

I would agree... except for the last sentence.

 

[Revoltingest]

She should talk to him.

Then dump him (if he won't improve).

 

[Estro Felino]

If you have read 1984 by George Orwell, the regime wanted men and women to consider sex as a boring loveless mechanical act (Julia herself worked at Pornsec Department, which specifically used to churn out material to all workers).

What the regime did not want men and women to do, was falling in love. Love, romance were all horrendously dangerous for the survival of the regime.
To experience the beauty of romance would have been a catastrophe, because if they had discovered Beauty, they would have discovered the Truth (Beauty is Truth, said John Keats).

That is why, as soon as Julia and Winston fall in love with each other, they are arrested.

 

[Twilight Hue]

My boyfriend watches porn every day but only wants sex once a month

I’m a 29-year-old woman, my boyfriend is 32 and we have been together for more than a year. We moved in together a month after meeting. At the beginning, we had an amazing love life, often having sex daily. But after six months it was only once a week and it is now just once a month. I tried to talk to him about his lack of desire but he said that just made it worse. Recently, I found out he watches pornography every day and masturbates, which he doesn’t want me to know about. I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to have sex with me but likes watching porn. Is it because he wants other girls, or he’s bored by what we get up to? He said he loves me and he does show it in other ways. Do you think things will change? I love him, but I want to have a good sex life, too.

So, however we might interpret this issue, what would you do if in the female's position? Probably worth looking at the comments too. Whether this is a case of addiction to pornography or not we might not be able to judge but it sure seems to be a case on first looks - as to him getting more from pornography than any sexual experiences with her.

So what do you think as to such, and voting accordingly?

Go with, girls like their toys better than boys.

 

[VoidCat]

All I can suggest in this is communication with the boyfriend. Like actually talking to him rather then strangers on the internet about it. And if she can't talk about it to him then she shouldn't be having sex with him as sex requires communication. If you want to find out about your partner's wants and desires and what they like and dislike regarding sex you talk to them. If you want them to know your wants and desires and likes and dislikes you talk to them. If you have a problem with your sex life then again you talk to the person you are having sex with.

If needed and can afford it maybe see a counselor/therapist together. To learn communication and stuff.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Then dump him (if he won't improve).

Maybe, but she should talk first. There are so many different ideas a person can have, and not all of them terrible.

Let's not put the cart before the horse.

 

[pearl]

I would agree... except for the last sentence.

Not the best choice, considering the limited time of the relationship. But in general couples who have been together for a number of years may just want to spice thing up a bit. It keeps the 'sex toy' stores in business.

 

[Revoltingest]

Maybe, but she should talk first.

That was the point of my response to your urging that she talk to him.
Then dump him if no sign if progress.

 

[Mock Turtle]

If you have read 1984 by George Orwell, the regime wanted men and women to consider sex as a boring loveless mechanical act (Julia herself worked at Pornsec Department, which specifically used to churn out material to all workers).

What the regime did not want men and women to do, was falling in love. Love, romance were all horrendously dangerous for the survival of the regime.
To experience the beauty of romance would have been a catastrophe, because if they had discovered Beauty, they would have discovered the Truth (Beauty is Truth, said John Keats).

That is why, as soon as Julia and Winston fall in love with each other, they are arrested.

Read long ago, so can't remember the details. I think his not sharing one of the more important aspects of relationships if not addressed will cause the relationship to fail, and he might be prone to other females entering his life. I think that if he can't deal with this issue - which it is in my view - then she should just abandon him.

 

[Estro Felino]

Read long ago, so can't remember the details. I think his not sharing one of the more important aspects of relationships if not addressed will cause the relationship to fail, and he might be prone to other females entering his life. I think that if he can't deal with this issue - which it is in my view - then she should just abandon him.

Chemistry is essential for a relationship to succeed.