It seems to me that the best way to get even is to become stronger.
I also suspect that your sense of feeling friendless comes more from other things. I'll bet that you really do have friends, maybe not as good friends as you'd like, but friends in any event.
And if nothing else, there are some people here reaching out with feelings of friendship.
This illustrates my age since many won't have any idea who I'm referring to, but I remember Jack Benny claiming to be 39 for years on end. It was a joke, of course, but a joke with an element of truth. And there were people in the past who lied about their age to join the army or to be able to buy a drink (I did that back in the day). Or, perhaps did not want people to know how old they really were.
In a world where we have leaders who lie all the time, I would like total honesty and welcome those who admit faking, but I'm also going to cut slack to many people.
After all, we have the example of Diogenes the Cynic who according to legend spent his life searching for someone who was honest.
Is there a reason why people bully you? By all accounts, you are not a child but a grown woman. Are you vulnerable in some way? Bullies tend to target weakness because usually someone is targeting theirs at home. Its a power trip over someone who is perceived as weaker than themselves. Don't get angry....feel sorry for them.
I saw a video once about how to handle bullies.....just agree with them and make lighthearted fun of yourself....it takes the wind out of their sails. If you get wounded or angry.....they win.
I'm sorry to hear that you are being bullied. Bullies are often insecure about themselves and are taking it out on people who seem vulnerable. I agree with @sun rise , the best revenge is often to grow stronger.
You have the strength within yourself to overcome.
Often, being stronger means coming to see their cruelty as pathetic. Which it is.
Try not to let them have power over you.
If they say something about you that is not true, tell yourself the truth.
Breathe deeply - I know that this sounds cliche, but it really can be a game-changer. "The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength.” – Marcus Aurelius
Friends can help you find your strength, but in my opinion, it is your strength.
Sometimes, being friendless is at least partly at matter of perspective - It can sometimes be in how you look at it.
Maybe you just need to look somewhere else for new friends?
I was agreeing with you all the way, until...
I understand that things can cause us to lose control, but I think one who is in control of their emotion, is a true conqueror - not conquered.
I agree with you 100% however I use anger as a tool. Some folks don't respond to reason. Bullies are usually not looking for reasonable conversation. Normally I'm a quiet, friendly person.. No one expects the level of anger I am capable of "enacting" but I'm never not in control. I can turn it off as quickly as on. You'd be surprised in how effective anger can be when dealing with people of course when you are controlling it not when it's controlling you.
I think this is what @Musicfan seems to want - to deal with it without getting angry. Anger to a level is not all bad, but at another level, it's not good in many ways.
I like the advise given in scripture.
The one who is slow to anger has great discernment, But the impatient one displays his foolishness. A calm heart gives life to the body,. . .(Proverbs 14:29, 30)
Ephesians 4:26, 27, 31; Colossians 3:8
Of course everyone has to find a way to deal with bullying that effective for them. As a kid it's likely to get physical. Honestly, as a kid, I ended up putting a few bullies on the ground. It was always effective but probably not the best advice.
Adults on the other hand usually a display of intense anger handles it.
If you get even, unless you are a bully yourself, you probably won't like yourself much afterwards. You really just want it to stop. If your fear and anger are in control, you can't think with a clear head. You'll end up doing something you regret. If you can get control of your emotions, no one can control you or bully you anymore.
If someone is threatening you call the police. As I originally said, I was more angry at myself for letting others control me through my emotions. Don't let other people make you feel something you don't want to feel. That's when they win and you lose.
Doesn't that **** you off? Letting someone else control how you feel? IMO, it's not likely you are going to change them. They are going to keep being who they are. What you can do is change yourself.
While you are not going to win every confrontation, you can learn from it. Afterwards, when you've calmed down, reexamine your feelings during the confrontation. Identify whatever it was that caused you to lose control to your feelings. Think about what you could do next time to avoid that.
As @nPeace said, you lose control of your emotions, they win. Think of it as a game. You win by not letting them control your emotions. As a game, it's not personal. it's a challenge. They can't bully you if they can't affect your emotions.
I agree with you 100% however I use anger as a tool. Some folks don't respond to reason. Bullies are usually not looking for reasonable conversation. Normally I'm a quiet, friendly person.. No one expects the level of anger I am capable of "enacting" but I'm never not in control. I can turn it off as quickly as on. You'd be surprised in how effective anger can be when dealing with people of course when you are controlling it not when it's controlling you.
Of course everyone has to find a way to deal with bullying that effective for them. As a kid it's likely to get physical. Honestly, as a kid, I ended up putting a few bullies on the ground. It was always effective but probably not the best advice.
Adults on the other hand usually a display of intense anger handles it.
I believe you and from what you said, I know you understand the situation quite well. I can tell you've been there, done that. So you have been directly schooled.
I was quiet at school, but interestingly, I was never bullied - I think persons are usually wary of quiet people. ...but I usually had bullies step in if anyone tried to make trouble for me so I was probably blessed from youth.
I understand what you are saying about anger though. A friend of mine who was also quiet took a bully completely by surprise, when he unleashed on him. The bully got the message.
There is a danger to that lately though. Bullies are cowards, and in these times where people kill so easily, I think it's best to just do as Jesus said, - Turn the other cheek. Let them be. It's better than take the chance of someone waiting in the dark to put a knife in your back, because you embarrassed them, or bruised their ego.
There are other experiences like the following, that also shows how applying Jesus' words benefit, not just us, but others.
Can You Enjoy a Paradise Now? — Watchtower ONLINE LIBRARY"baseball+bat"&p=par
But several months later David had a disappointing setback. He was working on a construction job. One morning a co-worker started harassing him. David warned him to stop, but he did not. The result? David explains: “I hit him so hard I thought I had killed him. He was unconscious for about 20 minutes. I felt really ashamed of myself.”
However, David slowly progressed in making over his personality. A real test came several years after he became a baptized witness of Jehovah. He was out preaching from house to house. At one door a man came out and started swearing at him. The man then grabbed hold of David’s coat and threw him off the steps. Without saying a word David started walking to the next house. Not satisfied with this, the man chased after him and, picking up a baseball bat, hit David across his lower back. Yet this formerly violent young man did not retaliate! He just walked away. What a remarkable change in personality! This “wolf” is now getting along peacefully with “lambs,” serving as an elder and as a full-time minister in the congregation.
Often people are so impressed upon seeing such changes in others that they, too, are prompted to change their lives for the better.
What I find interesting, right, is that the very book people are trying to get rid of, is the very book that holds the solution to all of mankind's problems. We know why though, don't we? 1 John 5:19
Take care.
However what I did was become very covert. Instead of confronting them face to face, I'd be friendly, helpful whatever. Really mister nice guy. Then manipulate the people around into becoming critical of them. Once I did it so well the person was devastated. Crying, miserable, telling me all of their problems being the only "friend" they had left.
I ended up feeling really bad about it. I realized the bullies, bullying type really have fragile egos. Maybe that's why they end up bullies to hide how fragile they really are.
I'll pray for us both, as I have anger issues. Dear Jesus, please help my friend here and I overcome anger issues, and direct our lives according to Your Holy and Loving will, amen.
