Pesach Jokes

[Harel13]

Post your own.

"With tremendous gratitude to Hashem Almighty, I am proud to announce that I have finished going over the entire Shas, both the Bavli and the Yerushalmi. I would like to thank my wife who pushed me day and night and never let me quit.

I will now move on to clean the other half of our library: Rambam, Chumashim and the Shulchan Aruch sets."

 

[IndigoChild5559]

A Jew in Russia decides to hang up his Judaism and he joins the Russian army. His courage has him doing many great deeds and he quickly moves up the ranks. Finally he is invited to be seen by the Czar ti be made a knight.

As he knelt before the Czar, he realized that this day was the first day of Pesach. All his memories of his Jewish upbringing came flooding back and his heart was moved to repentance at having cast off his covenant. He began to recite the Shma, knowing that as he embraced Judaism once more, he would likely go from receiving a knighthood to receiving a bullet.

The Czar was mystified by this soldier chanting in a foreign language. He turned to his advisors and asked, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"

 

[Harel13]

Can't go wrong with this Aish classic:

 

[IndigoChild5559]

Can't go wrong with this Aish classic:

That was absolutely adorable!

 

[dybmh]

Bernie decides to become an aeronautical engineer. He goes to the best schools, studies hard and finally graduates. Soon he gains a reputation as the finest aeronautical engineer in all the land and starts his own company.

His company is such a hit that the President of the United States calls Bernie into his office. "Bernie," says the president, "we want to commission your company to build an advanced jet fighter for the United States Air Force. Go out and design the best jet fighter ever made."

Bernie is tremendously excited. The entire resources of his company go into building the most advanced jet fighter in history. But at the first test flight, disaster strikes: The wings can't take the strain and they break clean off of the fuselage! Bernie's company redesigns the jet, but again the wings break off. They try a third time, but the same thing happens.

Beside himself with worry, Bernie goes to the synagogue to pray. The rabbi sees Bernie and asks what's the matter. Bernie pours his heart out to the rabbi.

After hearing the problem, the rabbi put his arm on Bernie's shoulder and says, "I can solve your problem. Just drill a row of holes directly above and below where the wing meets the fuselage. If you do this I guarantee the wings won't fall off."

Bernie just smiles and thanks the rabbi for his simple advice. But the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes he has nothing to lose. So, Bernie does exactly as the rabbi said. On the next design of the jet, they drill a row of holes directly above and below where the wings meet the fuselage. And the test flight goes perfectly! The wings don't fall off!

Brimming with joy, Bernie goes to the synagogue to tell the rabbi that his advice worked.

"Naturally," says the rabbi.

"But Rabbi, how did you know that drilling the holes would prevent the wings from falling off?"

"Bernie," the rabbi says, "I'm an old man. I've celebrated Passover many, many times. And in all those years, not once - not once! - has the matzah ever broken along the perforation."

( source )

 

[dybmh]

The Fifth Question:

Why do we make balls out of matza and put it in soup?

Spoiler: Answer

Because we can. Boom.

 

[IndigoChild5559]

Bernie decides to become an aeronautical engineer. He goes to the best schools, studies hard and finally graduates. Soon he gains a reputation as the finest aeronautical engineer in all the land and starts his own company.

His company is such a hit that the President of the United States calls Bernie into his office. "Bernie," says the president, "we want to commission your company to build an advanced jet fighter for the United States Air Force. Go out and design the best jet fighter ever made."

Bernie is tremendously excited. The entire resources of his company go into building the most advanced jet fighter in history. But at the first test flight, disaster strikes: The wings can't take the strain and they break clean off of the fuselage! Bernie's company redesigns the jet, but again the wings break off. They try a third time, but the same thing happens.

Beside himself with worry, Bernie goes to the synagogue to pray. The rabbi sees Bernie and asks what's the matter. Bernie pours his heart out to the rabbi.

After hearing the problem, the rabbi put his arm on Bernie's shoulder and says, "I can solve your problem. Just drill a row of holes directly above and below where the wing meets the fuselage. If you do this I guarantee the wings won't fall off."

Bernie just smiles and thanks the rabbi for his simple advice. But the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes he has nothing to lose. So, Bernie does exactly as the rabbi said. On the next design of the jet, they drill a row of holes directly above and below where the wings meet the fuselage. And the test flight goes perfectly! The wings don't fall off!

Brimming with joy, Bernie goes to the synagogue to tell the rabbi that his advice worked.

"Naturally," says the rabbi.

"But Rabbi, how did you know that drilling the holes would prevent the wings from falling off?"

"Bernie," the rabbi says, "I'm an old man. I've celebrated Passover many, many times. And in all those years, not once - not once! - has the matzah ever broken along the perforation."

( source )

This had me in stitches~!!

 

[dybmh]

Bad news ... good news ...

Bad news: Due to poor planning we drank all our wine at the first seder.

Good news: It's possible to catch a buzz off grape juice if you drink enough of it.



Bad news ... good news ...

 

[dybmh]