Parent posts video of daughter smashing cellphone to teach her a lesson

[VoidCat]

Obviously something is not working.

I'm going to back off cuz im getting heated at the idea that someone thinks respecting children is a problem.

If I continue typing I might break RF guidelines.

Have a good day.

 

[Stevicus]

I've just finished reading a book on Medieval society. Back then it was expected that parents (specifically the male) physically and psychologically abuse their children (and wife) in the name of good discipline, or else you were considered to be a poor parent (or husband). Bring back the good old days.

Yeah, the old "spare the rod and spoil the child" idea. That, along with the directive to "honor thy mother and father," there are those who see that as a license to abuse and do whatever they want to their children.

 

[Twilight Hue]

Yeah, the old "spare the rod and spoil the child" idea. That, along with the directive to "honor thy mother and father," there are those who see that as a license to abuse and do whatever they want to their children.

Having children run the roost is not good either.

There needs to be a degree of structure and discipline and with consequences at times.

If children don't learn that now, with adult parents or guardians, then it will be much worse when they enter the real world that dosent coddle and nurture.

 

[Guitar's Cry]

Having children run the roost is not good either.

There needs to be a degree of structure and discipline and with consequences at times.

If children don't learn that now, with adult parents or guardians, then it will be much worse when they enter the real world that dosent coddle and nurture.

Kids do need boundaries, I agree. But I fail to see how forcing a kid to take a hammer to an expensive device and posting it on social media is going to teach the youngster about respecting her mom. If the cellphone was involved, simply take it away and have the child do some sort of restorative work to help teach her empathy and respect.

It seems unnecessarily performative.

The child may have learned a different lesson: If I really want to disrespect my mom, I need to take her cellphone and smash it on social media.

 

[We Never Know]

I'm not a fan of the Daily Dot or of their trite reports of Tik Tok videos, but this came through on the MSN feed, and I just had to look.

A TikToker Calls Out Emotionally Abusive Parenting On the Platform (dailydot.com)

I do agree that emotional abuse is oftentimes just as bad as physical abuse. However, what struck me about this was that the comments to this story seemed to lean towards it not being abuse but an act of discipline which they believe to be necessary for the child's well-being. A lot of criticism about the "woke crowd" being too soft and mollycoddling today's youth, who are apparently more disrespectful than the children raised in the 1950s and 60s, when parents were supposedly tougher and harsher with their children.







I couldn't find the original video in question, and it was never revealed what, exactly, this young girl allegedly did to "disrespect her mama."

Others were questioning why a child that young was given a cellphone, and some asked why he was forcing her to break it when he could have just taken it away, sold it, or just had the service turned off.

Those who recounted stories of abusive parents from their own lives seemed to side more with the child here. As a product of abusive, neglectful parents myself (and also the main reason I never married or had kids of my own), I also sympathized with kid. My problem at the time is that I didn't know what abuse was. I thought it was just normal human behavior. Adults are supposed to know these things, but kids typically would not unless someone teaches them. If I had known back then what I know now, I would have reported my parents to the proper authorities.

Which style of parenting is best: Old school or the softer style?

As a non-parent myself, I'm looking for answers here: What is it that gets into the mind of a parent like this? What do they think they're teaching their kids? It seems that most (if not all) criminals, to include the most despicable mass murderers and dictators in history, came from abusive backgrounds. So why do parents do it? Are they not aware of the consequences that it could have to their child's well-being?

Is there anything more the government can do to alleviate this problem? States have some sort of child protective services, but is it really enough? And what options does a child truly have, as they're virtual prisoners of their own parents' whims until they turn 18 and are legally allowed to leave? Should children have the right to opt out of living with their parents and being raised in the state's foster care system?

From the video.. "She is being forced to do something she would never on her own do"

Well duh! Of course kids won't discipline theirselves.

I guess that also goes for grounding, time outs, standing in the corner, going to bed early, etc. kids are being forced to do something they wouldn't do on their own.

BUT on the brightside, when she is allowed to have a phone again, it will be new phone and likely a newer version

 

[VoidCat]

Kids do need boundaries, I agree. But I fail to see how forcing a kid to take a hammer to an expensive device and posting it on social media is going to teach the youngster about respecting her mom. If the cellphone was involved, simply take it away and have the child do some sort of restorative work to help teach her empathy and respect.

It seems unnecessarily performative.

The child may have learned a different lesson: If I really want to disrespect my mom, I need to take her cellphone and smash it on social media.

The kid learned violence is the answer. They learned their property does not matter and if the adult has given them something it's not really theirs. They also learned not to trust folk as a result.

They also learnt that it's ok to destroy valuable possession and that valuable possessions do not matter so long as someone is angry

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

As a kid my preferred option was the cane.
Sure it hurt, and once or twice drew blood, but it was quick and over with in a couple of minutes.
It never changed what I did in the slightest. I was only ever beaten at school.
I never let on how much it hurt. As I had a quite high pain threshold.

However it is a stupid punishment, and certainly is mentally harmful to some children, many of whom go on to hit their own children.
Fortunately all physical punishment is now illegal in the UK and most of Europe.

 

[VoidCat]

The kid learned violence is the answer. They learned their property does not matter and if the adult has given them something it's not really theirs. They also learned not to trust folk as a result.

They also learnt that it's ok to destroy valuable possession and that valuable possessions do not matter so long as someone is angry

@Guitar's Cry

They also learned now i think on it to fear their parents which will strain their relationship in the future

Folks mistake fear for a parent as respect. In reality it's not respect and hurts the relationship in the long run. I speak from experience

 

[Stevicus]

Having children run the roost is not good either.

There needs to be a degree of structure and discipline and with consequences at times.

If children don't learn that now, with adult parents or guardians, then it will be much worse when they enter the real world that dosent coddle and nurture.

Yeah, I've often heard the refrain from parents (also from teachers) where they warn children "Just wait until you get into the >gasp< 'REAL WORLD'!"

Thing is, once we're born, we're already in the "real world." There's nothing fake about childhood or any of the things that happen to them, as they'll take them into the "real world" and carry them all their lives.

Those who were raised in more loving, emotionally stable environments will always tend to do better than those raised in toxic, emotionally unstable environments.

I think children learn more by watching and observing what's around them. Their own behaviors will tend to imitate and mimic the adults and other role models in their lives (which can also include older siblings). If their parent is an emotionally unstable rage-a-holic, then that's what the children might become if they're not careful. Parents might want their children to "do as I say, not as I do," but that's an unrealistic and borderline irrational attitude to have.

 

[Stevicus]

As a kid my preferred option was the cane.
Sure it hurt, and once or twice drew blood, but it was quick and over with in a couple of minutes.
It never changed what I did in the slightest. I was only ever beaten at school.
I never let on how much it hurt. As I had a quite high pain threshold.

However it is a stupid punishment, and certainly is mentally harmful to some children, many of whom go on to hit their own children.
Fortunately all physical punishment is now illegal in the UK and most of Europe.

I agree, although I would also add a few words about emotional abuse and that it can cause the same damage - even without it being physical. In fact, I would say the physical is more incidental than anything else, since physical injury can heal more quickly than emotional damage.

If I accidentally fell and broke my arm, it would hurt, but the emotional damage wouldn't be quite so severe if someone I trusted physically abused me and broke my arm. The physical damage would be exactly the same, but the emotional damage would be far worse.

 

[Stevicus]

From the video.. "She is being forced to do something she would never on her own do"

Well duh! Of course kids won't discipline theirselves.

I guess that also goes for grounding, time outs, standing in the corner, going to bed early, etc. kids are being forced to do something they wouldn't do on their own.

BUT on the brightside, when she is allowed to have a phone again, it will be new phone and likely a newer version

Well, it's hard to say whether they'll give her a phone again.

If parents have to discipline their children for legitimate reasons, then that's one thing. Most parents do it in private and (if they're decent human beings) they will explain why so that the child actually learns something and is able to process the lesson being taught.

When they turn it into a public display like this and post it on the internet, it seems clear that the needs of the child are not their concern at all. Instead, they make it about them: "Look at us! We're great parents for doing this! Don't we deserve all the admiration and adulation that society can bestow upon us?"

 

[We Never Know]

Well, it's hard to say whether they'll give her a phone again.

If parents have to discipline their children for legitimate reasons, then that's one thing. Most parents do it in private and (if they're decent human beings) they will explain why so that the child actually learns something and is able to process the lesson being taught.

When they turn it into a public display like this and post it on the internet, it seems clear that the needs of the child are not their concern at all. Instead, they make it about them: "Look at us! We're great parents for doing this! Don't we deserve all the admiration and adulation that society can bestow upon us?"

I agree 100%. It should be kept private and not add public humiliation to it.

 

[stvdv]

As a product of abusive, neglectful parents myself (and also the main reason I never married or had kids of my own)

Thank you for your OP. Good to see, that you are able to write so clear about it. Took me a very long time to figure things out. In certain areas I am a very slow learner

I also sympathized with kid.

I do the same

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Kids today are nothing like the kids of the past.

Yup. Your next statement is to tell us water is wet.

Obviously something is not working.

They are narcissistic little brats and pathological psychopaths today in unprecedented numbers.

More hot air sans citations.

Having children run the roost is not good either.

There needs to be a degree of structure and discipline and with consequences at times.

If children don't learn that now, with adult parents or guardians, then it will be much worse when they enter the real world that dosent coddle and nurture.

Boy you love running that mouth. Instead of saying what I'm promoting will raise narcissists you could have taken a moment to read that link I posted that shows healthy and positive ways to set boundaries and structure. But no, you'd rather show us you can get hot air balloons off the ground all day with your mouth and show us you aren't even trying to actively engage in discussions.

 

[stvdv]

I'm not a fan of the Daily Dot or of their trite reports of Tik Tok videos, but this came through on the MSN feed, and I just had to look.

My first thought was "maybe it was an act of father and daughter to create a video that goes viral". I've seen plenty of those

I read they try to reach the Father to find out more as to why and how. I rather wait for that then speculate

 

[stvdv]

Having children run the roost is not good either.

There needs to be a degree of structure and discipline and with consequences at times.

If children don't learn that now, with adult parents or guardians, then it will be much worse when they enter the real world that dosent coddle and nurture.

I agree with that

Quite a challenge for parents to find the middle way. Especially if their parents messed up. I do respect parents for trying the best they can

 

[The Hammer]

Kids today are nothing like the kids of the past.

""The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise," Greek philosopher Socrates onced *****ed""

Like every older generation, you all sound the same. And have for thousands of years.

 

[Twilight Hue]

""The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise," Greek philosopher Socrates onced *****ed""

Like every older generation, you all sound the same. And have for thousands of years.

Yea I remember that.

My guess is these things run like rollercoasters where you have well behaved generations sandwiched between generations that become problematic.

Maybe humanity is self adjusting when problematic generations occur making things like this cyclic. Hopefully the next will quiet qnd settle down again.

 

[The Hammer]

Yea I remember that.

My guess is these things run like rollercoasters where you have well behaved generations sandwiched between generations that become problematic.

Maybe humanity is self adjusting when problematic generations occur making things like this cyclic. Hopefully the next will quiet qnd settle down again.

I don't see it as cyclical. I think we just get to a certain age, and forget how to adapt to a changing society. We can keep up when younger and lose touch when older.

That's the true cycle.

*****ing about kids/new generation, is just the symptom of the above problem

 

[Twilight Hue]

I agree with that

Quite a challenge for parents to find the middle way. Especially if their parents messed up. I do respect parents for trying the best they can

I think a lot of it has to do with both parents needing two jobs just to make ends meet resulting in isolation for kids and young adults.