I know one can't necessarily generalise about the effects of early abuse (or any abuse), and the likelihood of any individual overcoming such so as it not to have any major effects on their subsequent lives, but I do know it is possible - from my mother's experiences and my own. So I'll detail as much as I know in both cases, which might be of use to others or perhaps encourage discussion of such.
My mother's experiences.
My mother apparently spent a year in the workhouse, another year in a convent, and gave birth to two children by her father, both children being taken away and adopted - not sure when such occurred but one can assume that she was mature enough to deliver healthy babies. She and some of her sisters were all sexually abused from a young age - which came out very late in her life and was very unexpected (I was looking after her when she told me about all of this). Her father's wife apparently left him at some stage, taking one daughter with her but I don't know when this occurred. Her father was jailed for a sexual offence (under age apparently but not with a family member) such that this might have been the reason as to why she was put in the workhouse - after his wife leaving and no one to look after the children.
My mother seems to have achieved this release because she coped with her family life (husband and three boys) so well without displaying any particular symptoms or signs of her previous abuse. So it seems that for some this is possible, but I don't know how she managed to achieve this. I know she took a nursing qualification when young and looked after children before being married. She didn't appear to be especially religious but perhaps had some beliefs - religion was never really mentioned in our family. So I can't really say where she might have obtained her release from what presumably would have been a horrible childhood - we never met her father and he was always described as being a drunkard. This all occurred in a coal-mining community, where death in the mines was common (including major events involving hundreds of deaths) along with strikes or being out of work for long periods, it should be noted.
Perhaps she just kept herself busy and devoted her time to her family, with which I can't find a fault, as we all knew that we were loved and she did her best (as did my father) to provide for us, such that we all had a reasonably happy childhood, give or take the odd trauma (which I seemed to have had more than most). She was quite intelligent it seems, and managed to have a cheery countenance for most of the time - no raised voices and no smacking in our family - and my parents didn't seem to argue at all either - my mother I would say was the boss and organiser of the two. There were few illnesses in the family (other than the usual childhood ones then), perhaps common after WWII where rationing was still in force and school meals were contrived so as to give the essentials to us children rather than being what we might like or prefer, and there were no complaints about food in the family since my mother was a good cook.
I suppose the love we showed her, which we all felt of course, also helped in overcoming any effects of the earlier abuse. I doubt she had any kind of therapy aimed at abuse since it was hardly likely to be available in those days (late 1920s to early 1930s). But I'm still not able to pinpoint why she never seemed to display any signs of any previous abuse, and perhaps it was just all about her own personality.
My own experiences.
My own abuse (I'll not go into the details but severe enough) was no doubt a lot less severe than that of my mother but which did have obvious effects on my life, and which I only resolved some decades later. Not really that serious by today's standards - by an older boy to whom I looked up to but who took advantage of such, and no doubt quite similar to what happens/happened in all too many Public schools. For me, it just caused me to doubt my sexual orientation, make me more introverted than I already was (being quite shy), to be less confident (never was such), and to make me more guarded about physical contact with others, and to be less trusting towards others. I also think that this caused me to disconnect emotionally from others, or at least make it harder to do so. So overall quite some consequences.
I appeared to have overcome this by regaining my emotional connection to others (can't really say how), by evaluating the experiences and putting them into perspective, and by accepting the nature of childhood where so many selfish desires arise and are just not controlled (lack of morality), such that I don't really hate the perpetrator and more pity him. The lack of confidence took some time to reverse and was also a bit haphazard, but it did happen - I suspect coming from physical pursuits and also from debating forums.
So, some experiences to spark discussion?
My mother's experiences.
My mother apparently spent a year in the workhouse, another year in a convent, and gave birth to two children by her father, both children being taken away and adopted - not sure when such occurred but one can assume that she was mature enough to deliver healthy babies. She and some of her sisters were all sexually abused from a young age - which came out very late in her life and was very unexpected (I was looking after her when she told me about all of this). Her father's wife apparently left him at some stage, taking one daughter with her but I don't know when this occurred. Her father was jailed for a sexual offence (under age apparently but not with a family member) such that this might have been the reason as to why she was put in the workhouse - after his wife leaving and no one to look after the children.
My mother seems to have achieved this release because she coped with her family life (husband and three boys) so well without displaying any particular symptoms or signs of her previous abuse. So it seems that for some this is possible, but I don't know how she managed to achieve this. I know she took a nursing qualification when young and looked after children before being married. She didn't appear to be especially religious but perhaps had some beliefs - religion was never really mentioned in our family. So I can't really say where she might have obtained her release from what presumably would have been a horrible childhood - we never met her father and he was always described as being a drunkard. This all occurred in a coal-mining community, where death in the mines was common (including major events involving hundreds of deaths) along with strikes or being out of work for long periods, it should be noted.
Perhaps she just kept herself busy and devoted her time to her family, with which I can't find a fault, as we all knew that we were loved and she did her best (as did my father) to provide for us, such that we all had a reasonably happy childhood, give or take the odd trauma (which I seemed to have had more than most). She was quite intelligent it seems, and managed to have a cheery countenance for most of the time - no raised voices and no smacking in our family - and my parents didn't seem to argue at all either - my mother I would say was the boss and organiser of the two. There were few illnesses in the family (other than the usual childhood ones then), perhaps common after WWII where rationing was still in force and school meals were contrived so as to give the essentials to us children rather than being what we might like or prefer, and there were no complaints about food in the family since my mother was a good cook.
I suppose the love we showed her, which we all felt of course, also helped in overcoming any effects of the earlier abuse. I doubt she had any kind of therapy aimed at abuse since it was hardly likely to be available in those days (late 1920s to early 1930s). But I'm still not able to pinpoint why she never seemed to display any signs of any previous abuse, and perhaps it was just all about her own personality.
My own experiences.
My own abuse (I'll not go into the details but severe enough) was no doubt a lot less severe than that of my mother but which did have obvious effects on my life, and which I only resolved some decades later. Not really that serious by today's standards - by an older boy to whom I looked up to but who took advantage of such, and no doubt quite similar to what happens/happened in all too many Public schools. For me, it just caused me to doubt my sexual orientation, make me more introverted than I already was (being quite shy), to be less confident (never was such), and to make me more guarded about physical contact with others, and to be less trusting towards others. I also think that this caused me to disconnect emotionally from others, or at least make it harder to do so. So overall quite some consequences.
I appeared to have overcome this by regaining my emotional connection to others (can't really say how), by evaluating the experiences and putting them into perspective, and by accepting the nature of childhood where so many selfish desires arise and are just not controlled (lack of morality), such that I don't really hate the perpetrator and more pity him. The lack of confidence took some time to reverse and was also a bit haphazard, but it did happen - I suspect coming from physical pursuits and also from debating forums.
So, some experiences to spark discussion?
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