Only superficial people are homo/heterosexual

[Me Myself]

I ve heard a lot around this forum that if you like someone's personality but you dont find this person sexy because you dont like hir body, then you "are" "superficial"

Is this different when it comes to homo/heterosexuality?

If so, Why?

 

[Sees]

Somes like something unattractive people like to pull out their donkey.

Sexy doesn't = clever, kind, funny, etc. though they can add to it.

 

[Me Myself]

Somes like something unattractive people like to pull out their donkey.

Sexy doesn't = clever, kind, funny, etc. though they can add to it.

It sounds more to me like some silly moral pedestal.

Different people find different things attractive but I admit I find it silly that someone tries to pretend it is morally wrong or "inferior" to be sexually influenced by a oerson's body above their personality traits.

So I d at least like to know how is this different from homo/heterosexuality.

I am sure they wont tell me "heterosexuality is when you are attracted to the personality of your opposite sex" , but I do wonder what they will say about it or if they will dosge the question.

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

There is no reason to think that everyone finds the same characteristics sexy.
or that people that they like and care for, must also be potential sexual partners.
How we pair off is absolutely unexplainable, which is just as well, or we would all be chasing the same hare.

 

[Drolefille]

Is your gender only about your appearance?

 

[Kilgore Trout]

This seems to stem from the somewhat simplistic notion of wanting someone "to like me for me." A notion which ignores the fact that your face, body, hair, style of dress, and mannerisms are all "you," along with your personality, likes, dislikes, talents, job, bankroll, and kind of car you drive. Everything that is a part of what you are and do comprises the totality of "you," in terms of what another person may find attractive or not. So, to arbitrarily deny the validity of certain aspects of "you," based on a naive "moral" judgements, seems to be the more shallow position to me.

And, insofar as it relates to homo/heterosexuality, I assume that people who hold the opinion that finding physical attraction valuable is shallow, compartmentalize fundamental sexual preference as "part of you" and not a "shallow" trait.

 

[Me Myself]

Is your gender only about your appearance?

It depends on how we define gender.

Yur appeareance is definetely a heck of a lot of whether you are of x sex or not.

 

[Me Myself]

This seems to stem from the somewhat simplistic notion of wanting someone "to like me for me." A notion which ignores the fact that your face, body, hair, style of dress, and mannerisms are all "you," along with your personality, likes, dislikes, talents, job, bankroll, and kind of car you drive. Everything that is a part of what you are and do comprises the totality of "you," in terms of what another person may find attractive or not. So, to arbitrarily deny the validity of certain aspects of "you," based on a naive "moral" judgements, seems to be the more shallow position to me.

And, insofar as it relates to homo/heterosexuality, I assume that people who hold the opinion that finding physical attraction valuable is shallow, compartmentalize fundamental sexual preference as "part of you" and not a "shallow" trait.

I do agree.

 

[Kerr]

This seems to stem from the somewhat simplistic notion of wanting someone "to like me for me." A notion which ignores the fact that your face, body, hair, style of dress, and mannerisms are all "you," along with your personality, likes, dislikes, talents, job, bankroll, and kind of car you drive. Everything that is a part of what you are and do comprises the totality of "you," in terms of what another person may find attractive or not. So, to arbitrarily deny the validity of certain aspects of "you," based on a naive "moral" judgements, seems to be the more shallow position to me.

And, insofar as it relates to homo/heterosexuality, I assume that people who hold the opinion that finding physical attraction valuable is shallow, compartmentalize fundamental sexual preference as "part of you" and not a "shallow" trait.

I would actually say that we are more then out bodies, and that when someone says they want to be liked for who they are, it means they dont want to be reduced to their physical appearence. Its like... our appearenece is part of us, but nothing more then a part. At least thats my perspective, I dont know if it makes sense to anyone else.

That said, I dont think its shallow to find some things attractive and some things unattractive. Its shallow to only consider that, though.

 

[Me Myself]

I would actually say that we are more then out bodies, and that when someone says they want to be liked for who they are, it means they dont want to be reduced to their physical appearence. Its like... our appearenece is part of us, but nothing more then a part. At least thats my perspective, I dont know if it makes sense to anyone else.

That said, I dont think its shallow to find some things attractive and some things unattractive. Its shallow to only consider that, though.

Well, almost no one considers only that. A body without a consciousness in it would pretty much be a dead body and most people are not into necrophilia (AFAIK)

What does happen is a lot of people find physical atributes to be the biggest turn ons when it comes to sex and other attributes to be almost of non importance.

Say, whether she is funny or book smart is laregely unimportant to most men I know when it comes to a fellatio or coitus.

 

[Sunstone]

Well, almost no one considers only that. A body without a consciousness in it would pretty much be a dead body and most people are not into necrophilia (AFAIK)

What does happen is a lot of people find physical atributes to be the biggest turn ons when it comes to sex and other attributes to be almost of non importance.

Say, whether she is funny or book smart is laregely unimportant to most men I know when it comes to a fellatio or coitus.

In my experience, the younger a male is, the more looks matter, and the more other attributes are ignored or overlooked -- at least, initially. I think by the time males get into their thirties, other attributes are becoming increasingly important.

Just my two cents.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

I would actually say that we are more then out bodies, and that when someone says they want to be liked for who they are, it means they dont want to be reduced to their physical appearence.

I would probably rephrase it as: when someone says they want to be liked for who they are, it means they don't want their physical appearance to be a relevant factor for the person liking them. Although, if we get more to the heart of the matter, I suspect, in most cases, when someone wants to be "liked for themselves," they in fact mean that they want to be liked for their internally perceived self-identity - a desire that is unlikely to be fulfilled since our internally perceived self-identities generally have only a passing similarity to our outward appearance and personality.

Its like... our appearenece is part of us, but nothing more then a part. At least thats my perspective, I dont know if it makes sense to anyone else.

It makes perfect sense. Our physical attributes are all parts of us. Just as our interests, personality quirks, style of dress, education, accent, and ability to empathize are also parts of us. We're made of literally thousands, if not millions, of discretely identifiable parts which form the totality of who we "are." Personally, I just think it's a bit arbitrary and naive of people to make broadbrushed judgements that some of these parts are relevant to attraction, and some aren't.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

In my experience, the younger a male is, the more looks matter, and the more other attributes are ignored or overlooked -- at least, initially. I think by the time males get into their thirties, other attributes are becoming increasingly important.

Just my two cents.

Seems to be a general pattern. I think people always are looking for "the total package." However, our idea of what the total package is, generally tends to become more layered and nuanced as we gain age and experience.

However, as an aside, I would say that most people, male and female, when presented with two potential partners who both meet the same non-physical requirements, will generally choose the more physically attractive person. Basically, all else being equal, physical attractiveness wins out. There are exceptions, of course. For example, I think many people would be justifiably uncomfortable dating someone who was too far out of their league - although many still do when presented with the opportunity, and predictably pay the price.

 

[Sunstone]

I had a friend in high school who was attracted to a boy with a really cool muscle car. They had sex and she formed a warm and fuzzy oxytocin bond to him. They got married right after graduation.

Five years later, she was divorced and with two kids. It turned out he wasn't good keeping up with child support. She came to realize that she'd made a mistake in this sense: She had expected more than she got without much reason to expect more than she got.

So, yeah, some things about other people that might attract us to them are things that add little or nothing to whether we will get from those people what we feel we want and need. If you go solely for looks, for instance, while expecting someone to hang in there during the tough times, you might be a wee bit disappointed when they take their looks along with them to the next guy.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

I had a friend in high school who was attracted to a boy with a really cool muscle car. They had sex and she formed a warm and fuzzy oxytocin bond to him. They got married right after graduation.

Five years later, she was divorced and with two kids. It turned out he wasn't good keeping up with child support. She came to realize that she'd made a mistake in this sense: She had expected more than she got without much reason to expect more than she got.

So, yeah, some things about other people that might attract us to them are things that add little or nothing to whether we will get from those people what we feel we want and need. If you go solely for looks, for instance, while expecting someone to hang in there during the tough times, you might be a wee bit disappointed when they take their looks along with them to the next guy.

In my experience, I'd say that people are generally terrible at identifying and choosing partners who will be a well-rounded, good match for them until their 30's. And usually after a number of failed relationships. Of course, there are no small number of people who never learn, no matter how many times they're presented with the same lesson. I suppose one has to have the ability to change and grow themselves in order to change relationship patterns.

 

[Sunstone]

In my experience, I'd say that people are generally terrible at identifying and choosing partners who will be a well-rounded, good match for them until their 30's. And usually after a number of failed relationships. Of course, there are no small number of people who never learn, no matter how many times they're presented with the same lesson. I suppose one has to have the ability to change and grow themselves in order to change relationship patterns.

I'd agree with you, based on what I've seen of couples. Besides, your comments reflect my own experience. I made two poor choices in mates -- both before my thirties. If I weren't celibate, I might make a third poor choice, although I sometimes suspect I might have learned something by now. But only suspect. I sure as hell wouldn't totally count on it.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

If I weren't celebrate

Freudian slip?

 

[Penumbra]

I ve heard a lot around this forum that if you like someone's personality but you dont find this person sexy because you dont like hir body, then you "are" "superficial"

Really? I haven't seen that too much.

Maybe I'm not looking in the right threads?

Is this different when it comes to homo/heterosexuality?

If so, Why?

Imo, physical attraction is an important part of sex and arousal, and that includes the person's sex.

 

[Penumbra]

Is your gender only about your appearance?

What else is it about?

 

[Sunstone]

Freudian slip?

LOL! And I keep wondering how everyone finds out about my partying.