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One can not become selfless by trying to become selfless.

Discussion in 'Journals' started by Seeker of White Light, May 20, 2022.

  1. Seeker of White Light

    Seeker of White Light Veteran Member

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    Selflessness has always been a "goal" for who I am......and thats where it all went wrong :p trying to become nothing????? @Seeker of White Light stop trying to become......stop trying to reach for something....

    Because if you don't stop trying it means you are not there yet....just be without being.

    Selflessness is not something....its a nothing...
     
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  2. ChristineM

    ChristineM "Be strong" I whispered to my coffee.
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    I quite happy to be who i am and concerned with others needs above my own, usually
     
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  3. joe1776

    joe1776 Well-Known Member

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    "Just be without being?" What does that mean? Does it mean one should stop trying to grow?

    All living things, animal or vegetable, are striving first to survive and then to thrive. IMO, personal development is the way we humans strive.
     
    #3 joe1776, May 20, 2022
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  4. Seeker of White Light

    Seeker of White Light Veteran Member

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    Personal growth comes when one stop trying....and just do it.
    That has been how things happen to me, as soon as I stop trying to become better or change, it automatically change or things become better in my life.
     
  5. Audie

    Audie Veteran Member

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    Or by constantly talking about yourself
     
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  6. joe1776

    joe1776 Well-Known Member

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    Stop trying and just do it without trying to do it? I wouldn't know how to do that.

    For me, I first had to figure out the Selfishness Paradox. When we are selfish at the expense of others, our brains punish our actions with guilt. When we act with the welfare of others foremost in our minds, our brains reward us with pleasure. We feel good about it. Thus, with the brain teaching us using the reward and punishment method, the Selfishness Paradox is created: We serve ourselves best when we act with the welfare of others in mind.
     
    #6 joe1776, May 20, 2022
    Last edited: May 20, 2022
  7. Audie

    Audie Veteran Member

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    Its super simple and needs no tying of
    spiritual pretzels to underdtand or do.
     
  8. Seeker of White Light

    Seeker of White Light Veteran Member

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    OP is not about spiritual selflessness at all.
     
  9. Nakosis

    Nakosis Time Efficient Lollygagger
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    I think part of it is letting go of all the things you think you ought to be.
    It's a lot of pressure wanting yourself to be something you are not.

    IMO, it is ok to look after your own needs on occasion. It is also ok to put the needs of others first because that is what you want to do, not because it is what you think it is something you have to do.

    Learn to be happy for yourself, learn to help others to be happy as well works for me
    I suspect you are still finding out what works for you.

    All them damn expectations from yourself and others just get in the way.
     
  10. Seeker of White Light

    Seeker of White Light Veteran Member

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    Personally I have found all those answers for me :)

    OP is not about me actually
     
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  11. osgart

    osgart Nothing my eye, Something for sure

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    I define selflessness as caring for others welfare without regard or desire for personal benefit. It's the highest form of love. When that opportunity presents itself it's good to bestow that upon people cared about.

    Sometimes the personal benefit is to see the other person have their deserved happiness and well being and nothing more.

    Love always seems to benefit the giver of it in the hands of the right people.

    The hardest selfless act is to give to those who have not the slightest care nor appreciation for your act.

    For me I try to give according to what I think deserves the giving. According to deserve and according to need I won't stray from that.

    I won't give where my giving is an offense to a person.

    I don't think it's good to be totally selfless all the time. Self care is important. However I'm a minimalist, I try not to have too many things.

    Sometimes discretion is the greatest virtue; knowing when to be selfless and when not to do it. Enough people out there will leave a selfless person high and dry.
     
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