Oi, you! Click on this thread! From the Ministry of Truth

[Rick O'Shez]

Guinness is now the new global religion, which means your religion or world-view is part of Guinness whether you like it or not. You don't have to drink Guinness, just worship it, though ultimate mystical union is much quicker if you imbibe this wondrous liquid.

You may still use terms like God, Cod, Brahman, Tao, Pooh, Nirvana ( nice band ), Ultimate Absolute Cosmic Reality, Saint Dawkins, etc, but these will now be need to be viewed through the megaphysical lens of Guinness, or through the bottom of a glass darkly or whatever. Aspects of your personal religion are currently being redefined and adapted to fit in with the sublime smooth tenets of Guinness, we might have to bash them about a lot to make them fit, but don't worry, it will be easier for you in the long run. Guinness is both a replacement and tranquilising pathology, so don't worry your pretty little heads about any of that.

Guinness is good for you!

 

[BSM1]

Speaking of Nirvana, my grandson informed me that Kurt Cobane evidently tried to hide his dandruff problem because they found his Head and Shoulders behind the couch.

 

[Quetzal]

Guinness is now the new global religion, which means your religion or world-view is part of Guinness whether you like it or not. You don't have to drink Guinness, just worship it, though ultimate mystical union is much quicker if you imbibe this wondrous liquid.

You may still use terms like God, Cod, Brahman, Tao, Pooh, Nirvana ( nice band ), Ultimate Absolute Cosmic Reality, Saint Dawkins, etc, but these will now be need to be viewed through the megaphysical lens of Guinness, or through the bottom of a glass darkly or whatever. Aspects of your personal religion are currently being redefined and adapted to fit in with the sublime smooth tenets of Guinness, we might have to bash them about a lot to make them fit, but don't worry, it will be easier for you in the long run. Guinness is both a replacement and tranquilising pathology, so don't worry your pretty little heads about any of that.

Guinness is good for you!

Will there be a Guinness communion? I am thinking in the form of a pint before service, during service, and after (of course).

 

[4consideration]

Oh, my! How exciting!

Are you saying that with this religion we can finally put to rest the entire argument about the origin of this world, since we now have a definitive, witnessed, and verified source for records -- The Guinness World Records book?

 

[Rick O'Shez]

Are you saying that with this religion we can finally put to rest the entire argument about the origin of this world, since we now have a definitive, witnessed, and verified source for records -- The Guinness World Records book?

That is currently being re-written to incorporate the various religious creation myths, though of course Guinness is really the sauce of everything ( it is the "dark matter" ).

There will be a Guinness catechism of course:
"Who made me?"
"Guinness made me."
"Why did Guinness make me?"
"To seek union with Guinness"

The Guinness Elders are in session as we speak:

 

[Rick O'Shez]

Will there be a Guinness communion? I am thinking in the form of a pint before service, during service, and after (of course).

The Guinness Elders are looking at this, it could be a communal Guinness Communion at services, or perhaps regular Guinness Communion throughout the day. The Guinness Elders are concerned not to be too prescriptive on this question, not wanting to upset anyone ( well, not to start with, anyway ).

 

[David1967]

Speaking of Nirvana, my grandson informed me that Kurt Cobane evidently tried to hide his dandruff problem because they found his Head and Shoulders behind the couch.

I almost feel guilty for liking this post, but I just can't help it.

 

[Rick O'Shez]

I almost feel guilty for liking this post, but I just can't help it.

With Guinness you can celebrate liking and be guilt-free.

 

[Rick O'Shez]

As with all new religions, natural leaders emerge and stamp their authoritah.

 

[Rick O'Shez]

Though this can lead to doctrinal disputes and heated discussions.

 

[Father Heathen]

They do say that religious beliefs and practices are often derivative:

https://wikiislam.net/wiki/Camel_Urine_and_Islam

 

[Rick O'Shez]

They do say that religious beliefs and practices are often derivative:
https://wikiislam.net/wiki/Camel_Urine_and_Islam

People will get the hump!

 

[Wu Wei]

Guinness is now the new global religion, which means your religion or world-view is part of Guinness whether you like it or not. You don't have to drink Guinness, just worship it, though ultimate mystical union is much quicker if you imbibe this wondrous liquid.

You may still use terms like God, Cod, Brahman, Tao, Pooh, Nirvana ( nice band ), Ultimate Absolute Cosmic Reality, Saint Dawkins, etc, but these will now be need to be viewed through the megaphysical lens of Guinness, or through the bottom of a glass darkly or whatever. Aspects of your personal religion are currently being redefined and adapted to fit in with the sublime smooth tenets of Guinness, we might have to bash them about a lot to make them fit, but don't worry, it will be easier for you in the long run. Guinness is both a replacement and tranquilising pathology, so don't worry your pretty little heads about any of that.

Guinness is good for you!

FINALLY.... a religion I can get behind and support...and a harp is already part of their logo too

angelic choir in the back ground and....

 

[BSM1]

I almost feel guilty for liking this post, but I just can't help it.

I know. Right?

 

[Augustus]

Oi, you! Click on this thread!

Your headline was simply the worst kind of clickbait. Being media savvy as I am, I didn't fall for your crude attempts at trolling for hits and steered well clear.

The joke's on you I'm afraid...

 

[Rick O'Shez]

Your headline was simply the worst kind of clickbait. Being media savvy as I am, I didn't fall for your crude attempts at trolling for hits and steered well clear.
The joke's on you I'm afraid...

I really must talk to my South Park "advisors", they read something similar here and thought it might work again. Such are the challenges of introducing a new religion to the world, prophets are invariably misunderstood, and often stoned ( or pelted with mushrooms ).

Anyway, it's good to hear you managed to avoid the awful click-bait and didn't post on this thread, you are an example to us all. Would you be willing to be involved in a Guinness photo opportunity to help launch the New Religion? Sceptics who convert are always wonderful press.

 

[YmirGF]

@Rick O'Shez ... I officially anoint you the Guinness Ayatollah Authoritah.

"Let the holy Guinness baptisms begin!"

 

[Augustus]

Anyway, it's good to hear you managed to avoid the awful click-bait and didn't post on this thread, you are an example to us all. Would you be willing to be involved in a Guinness photo opportunity?

Being photographed in oversized, novelty headgear intended to resemble a leprechaun's hat crossed with a large glass of branded stout would damage my reputation as a media savvy erudite who never falls for clickbait or generic marketing ploys (unless they involve oversized novelty headgear shaped like a giant glass of 19 year old malt whisky )

 

[Wu Wei]

Pearly Gates of Guinness

And...The Holy land

 

[Wirey]

Guinness is now the new global religion, which means your religion or world-view is part of Guinness whether you like it or not. You don't have to drink Guinness, just worship it, though ultimate mystical union is much quicker if you imbibe this wondrous liquid.

You may still use terms like God, Cod, Brahman, Tao, Pooh, Nirvana ( nice band ), Ultimate Absolute Cosmic Reality, Saint Dawkins, etc, but these will now be need to be viewed through the megaphysical lens of Guinness, or through the bottom of a glass darkly or whatever. Aspects of your personal religion are currently being redefined and adapted to fit in with the sublime smooth tenets of Guinness, we might have to bash them about a lot to make them fit, but don't worry, it will be easier for you in the long run. Guinness is both a replacement and tranquilising pathology, so don't worry your pretty little heads about any of that.

Guinness is good for you!

Guinness is what you drink if you miss the taste of camel urine. I declare your god baseless, and wet-leafy tasting.