rocala
Well-Known Member
I was very interested in @Eddi 's post, "blocking my father on FB". It brought back a lot of memories and I became very tense while reading it.
My father was always an absentee, luckily I was raised by my marvellous grandparents until I was thirteen. Then it was my mother and stepfather.
My father was a nasty, violent man who carried a gun at one time and mixed with gangsters. He did not hesitate to use violence towards me or my mother. He had been blessed with a private education, had a posh accent and was considered charming and great company.
When I was in my thirties he got in touch. My younger sister had no memories of him and was eager to arrange a meetup. For me it was it was like a whirlwind of emotions that I did not know I possessed.
It went well and we met several times. I even went with him for two weeks in order to meet relatives that I never knew existed.
On one occasion he talked briefly of his childhood. His father a very 'respectable' army officer was a pretty unsavoury character and a suspect of at least one murder. The grandfather sounded quite horrible too. My father was looking at me and he said "it seems we are a very cold family." He was not the type to talk about feelings and I believe that was his way of apologising.
He died in 2000, and I am glad that I did not block him out. It answered a lot of questions and I saw that he was not the complete monster I had previously believed.
The difference @Eddi is that in the end my father did make some effort, so I met him half way. But I feel sure that I understand your emotional turmoil.
Happy new year.
My father was always an absentee, luckily I was raised by my marvellous grandparents until I was thirteen. Then it was my mother and stepfather.
My father was a nasty, violent man who carried a gun at one time and mixed with gangsters. He did not hesitate to use violence towards me or my mother. He had been blessed with a private education, had a posh accent and was considered charming and great company.
When I was in my thirties he got in touch. My younger sister had no memories of him and was eager to arrange a meetup. For me it was it was like a whirlwind of emotions that I did not know I possessed.
It went well and we met several times. I even went with him for two weeks in order to meet relatives that I never knew existed.
On one occasion he talked briefly of his childhood. His father a very 'respectable' army officer was a pretty unsavoury character and a suspect of at least one murder. The grandfather sounded quite horrible too. My father was looking at me and he said "it seems we are a very cold family." He was not the type to talk about feelings and I believe that was his way of apologising.
He died in 2000, and I am glad that I did not block him out. It answered a lot of questions and I saw that he was not the complete monster I had previously believed.
The difference @Eddi is that in the end my father did make some effort, so I met him half way. But I feel sure that I understand your emotional turmoil.
Happy new year.
