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My translation of Suratul Fatihah, impressions?

TheSounding

village idiot
1 For God, the Grace, the Mercy!

2 Gratitude for God, of all things – Lord,

3 To all things – Grace, by all things – Mercy,

4 In seat of Judgment – Jury!

5 It is Thou that we worship, the One we hail in hardship.

6 See us the way – straight, as those Thou favored;

7 The way not woeful, the way not wayward.


Here is my translation of Suratul Fatihah. I am interested to know what others think about it. Does the flow of ideas correlate to the Arabic?

It is a liberal translation. By that I mean I tried to capture the original string of ideas, and not the original string of words. And I did this while trying to compliment al-Fatihah with English language.

And note: I avoided adjectives for describing the nature of God and instead focused on nouns, since God is the wellspring of Grace and Mercy, and all qualities. He is the absolute sense of His qualities, Grace and Mercy itself. For example I thought the absolute for God's judgment was Jury. It is meant to convey that through creations God implements His judgment. He is the Judge of all judges, and He judges in the present moment.

What are your impressions? If a poet or writer, what suggestions might you have to improve its literary flow?
 
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DawudTalut

Peace be upon you.
.....Here is my translation of Suratul Fatihah. I am interested to know what others think about it. Does the flow of ideas correlate to the Arabic?

It is a liberal translation. By that I mean I tried to capture the original string of ideas, and not the original string of words. And I did this while trying to compliment al-Fatihah with English language.

And note: I avoided adjectives for describing the nature of God and instead focused on nouns, since God is the wellspring of Grace and Mercy, and all qualities. He is the absolute sense of His qualities, Grace and Mercy itself. For example I thought the absolute for God's judgment was Jury. It is meant to convey that through creations God implements His judgment. He is the Judge of all judges, and He judges in the present moment.

What are your impressions? If a poet or writer, what suggestions might you have to improve its literary flow?
Peace be on you.
1--To this humble, at maximum you can say you have tried to write some literature which you think is based on Surah Al-Fatiha, BUT which may not reflect the real meanings of Surah Al-Fatiha. For example: You wrote:
"4 In seat of Judgment – Jury! "
In fact, maaleka yaum id din means: 'The Master of Day of Deen' or 'The Master of Day of Judgment'

The verse gives NO idea of Jury (group of people). The verse tells the idea of absolute ownership of Allah.


2--Original words of revelations in Arabic cannot be avoided at any cost. It opens door to many problems.

3-Here is original revelation and a translation.

001-001.png

[1:1] In the name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.



001-002.png

[1:2] All praise belongs to Allah, Lord of all the worlds,



001-003.png

[1:3] The Gracious, the Merciful,



001-004.png

[1:4] Master of the Day of Judgment.



001-005.png

[1:5] Thee alone do we worship and Thee alone do we implore for help.



001-006.png

[1:6] Guide us in the right path —



001-007.png

[1:7] The path of those on whom Thou hast bestowed Thy blessings, those who have not incurred Thy displeasure, and those who have not gone astray.


Ref:The Holy Quran Arabic text with Translation in English text and Search Engine - Al Islam Online
wwwDOTalislamDOTorg/quran/search2/showChapter.php?ch=1

More @ https://www.alislam.org/quran/Commentary-on-Surah-Fatiha.pdf
wwwDOTalislamDOTorg/quran/Commentary-on-Surah-Fatiha.pdf



What are your impressions? If a poet or writer, what suggestions might you have to improve its literary flow?
Frankly, such practice should not be done, as changing words will not guarantee divine-like correctness. In the end it will not be what Allah wants to teach.

Sorry for discouragement.

Good wishes.
 

TheSounding

village idiot
WAS and thanks for the input.

My use of 'Jury' was intended to draw on the 'all things' aspect of God and His qualities. 'Of all—to all—by all' is how I interpret God's interaction with His creation, and so Jury is meant to bring that notion into the idea of God's judgment. Therefore, God judges by using His creation to judge His creation, but it is ultimately God who judges. I think 'maliki yawm al-din' in context with 'rabb al-alamin, al-Rahman, al-Rahim' implies just that. Given this, does my translation convey such?
 

DawudTalut

Peace be upon you.
Peace be on you.....In making translations, knowledge of Arabic, others verses of Quran about the issue, explanations by Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.), contemporary knowledge and other things are needed.

Otherwise attempted-translation will create alien meanings and many side-notes would be required.

When Allah want to use 'all things' aspect of God and His qualities, He uses the word 'We'.


In the case of

001-004.png

[1:4] Master of the Day of Judgment.

The idea of Jury can be taken wrong by reader and you will have to provide side-note, what you meant or not........ How many notes you will provide?


====================

As you wrote:
"1 For God, the Grace, the Mercy!"

To me, it does not convey the message given in
001-001.png

[1:1] In the name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.
5VC0314.jpg

AND MORE

The Holy Quran
wwwDOTalislamDOTorg/quran/tafseer/?page=5&region=E1&CR=EN,E2&CR=EN,E2


In Islam, Allah is the basic name of God, and He has many attributes like the Gracious, the Merciful.
Allah
wwwDOTalislamDOTorg/allah/


If you provide
1-original Arabic of Quran with
2-a real translation
and then you provide your work......That will be an honest, riskless effort, and you will take responsibility of your thoughts.
 
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TheSounding

village idiot
Peace be on you.....In making translations, knowledge of Arabic, others verses of Quran about the issue, explanations by Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.), contemporary knowledge and other things are needed.

Otherwise attempted-translation will create alien meanings and many side-notes would be required.

When Allah want to use 'all things' aspect of God and His qualities, He uses the word 'We'.


In the case of

001-004.png

[1:4] Master of the Day of Judgment.

The idea of Jury can be taken wrong by reader and you will have to provide side-note, what you meant or not........ How many notes you will provide?


====================

As you wrote:
"1 For God, the Grace, the Mercy!"

To me, it does not convey the message given in
001-001.png

[1:1] In the name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.
5VC0314.jpg

AND MORE

The Holy Quran
wwwDOTalislamDOTorg/quran/tafseer/?page=5&region=E1&CR=EN,E2&CR=EN,E2


In Islam, Allah is the basic name of God, and He has many attributes like the Gracious, the Merciful.
Allah
wwwDOTalislamDOTorg/allah/


If you provide
1-original Arabic of Quran with
2-a real translation
and then you provide your work......That will be an honest, riskless effort, and you will take responsibility of your thoughts.
May I ask if you are a native English speaker? Was your upbringing bilingual and/or English is your second language?
 

DawudTalut

Peace be upon you.
Peace be on you.
I you do not mind, may I say that this knowledge about this humble will not make a difference to the issue at hand.

Wish you a blessed Eid.
 

TashaN

Veteran Member
Premium Member
Though this may capture some aspects of the verses, but it is far from being a translation of the verses. At best, you could make a poem inspired by the verses and i advice you to go that road because it's less complicated and also because you will have more freedom in writing about your impressions of the verses rather than what they actually mean in origin.

Note: Arabic is my mother tongue and English is a second language. I used to write poems, short stories and plays myself. ;)
 

TheSounding

village idiot
Though this may capture some aspects of the verses, but it is far from being a translation of the verses. At best, you could make a poem inspired by the verses and i advice you to go that road because it's less complicated and also because you will have more freedom in writing about your impressions of the verses rather than what they actually mean in origin.

Note: Arabic is my mother tongue and English is a second language. I used to write poems, short stories and plays myself. ;)
Totally. 'Translation' is far from what I am trying to achieve. It is exactly like you said, a poem inspired by the verses. My intent is to craft a personal 'translation' to use in Salat. I am looking to use something beautiful with rhyme and meter. I would use someone else's, but unfortunately nothing really exists like that, or at least that I can find.

Being a poet, have any suggestions?
 

TashaN

Veteran Member
Premium Member
Totally. 'Translation' is far from what I am trying to achieve. It is exactly like you said, a poem inspired by the verses. My intent is to craft a personal 'translation' to use in Salat. I am looking to use something beautiful with rhyme and meter. I would use someone else's, but unfortunately nothing really exists like that, or at least that I can find.

Being a poet, have any suggestions?

Well, to be honest, i didn't try before to use any aspects of the Quran in any poem because you could say that i was a bit far from the Quran and the religion as a whole. Only recently that i started to read the Quran more in depth than anytime before.

As for my advice, i believe it is going to be challenging for many Muslims to advice you because you want to say in your poem something like "this is how i feel the verses of Al-Fatihah really mean ...." and you even numbered them in a way resembling that of the original text in the Quran, which will not do justice to your effort because the focus will be on whether there is a match or not between the original text and yours rather than your feelings about how the verses speaks to you.

But let's say the poem is about "Allah" then you go on by describing what Allah mean to you inspired by that chapter then that would make more sense, and also it will be clear to the reader you were inspired by Al-Fatihah without even you having to mention it since this chapter especially is really unique. So, if i were you, i would have embedded my feelings toward the verses within my poem without any direct reference to Al-Fatihah because omitting my source would make it more powerful, mystic, challenging, teasing and more artistic, in my humble opinion.

Sorry for the lengthy post and i hope i was somehow useful.
 
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