My son has joined islam

[Shredmeister]

I am not at all okay with this.

He is 17 and did this behind his mother's back(we divorced years ago) and didn;t bother discussing it with me first.

A mere 7-8 months ago he claimed atheism. Then he joined a baptist church because a girl he was seeing went there. He said at that point that he did believe in God now. Hmmm......then she broke up with him and he didn't believe in God again. Then one day he said to me that he didn't eat pork anymore. "Pigs are filthy animals" he said. I responded "Did you watch Malcolm X or something??? Because that sure sounds like someone else's words and I am quite certain that line was spoken in that movie." "No, that's from me." Yeah, ok. I pressed further and asked if "this week" he was going to be Jewish or would he be muslim? He said neither. I told him chickens were filthy creatures as well, picking food out of their own waste.

So Father's Day comes and goes. He made little slip-ups but never admitted it.

Finally I got it out of him.

Why am i so outraged? Well........he has pretended to be many things in his teen years. More than what is normal. This is the latest example of him being something he is not.

I have asked him if i am now the infidel. If i am the enemy. He said no. If holy war were declared, I asked, and he were ordered to kill me would he try? He said no. I expressly told him i didn't approve of this latest stunt and that he didn't fully know what he was getting into. All the information he was given was from a mosque. He read all pro, no neutral, and no con. He is claiming that the beheadings, 9-11, suicide bombers, and attacks on Christians and jews here and abroad are largely fabricated and exaggerated.

Oh but there is more.......he got his *** in a sling last year in school for some threats he made. I'll leave it at that. But let's just say the mentality he exhibited gives me great concern.

I have since denied him the privilege to see his brother or sister until he gets out of this religion. It is very difficult to do and I may soften my stance, but for now this stands. I gave him the choice between islam and his family and asked if he thought it was worth it. He said he wasn't leaving islam, but that he still wanted to see his family. I told him he would have to decide and live with his decision. Though he never said he wanted to lose the privilege of being with his family, he refused to get out of islam. So i told him it sounded like he made his decision.

I am mainly doing this to buy time while i figure out what I need to do.

I have been researching islam from all sides. Much of what I have learned is disturbing. Like the 9 year old wife, Aisha, situation. Muhammad was in his 50s. Gross. He was also murderous. He tortured. If people did not convert to islam allegedly muhammad's interpretation of allah's wishes was to kill those people.

That said, I know a lot of people who are muslim who are perfectly wonderful. From my dentist to people I attended school with to close friends of my Mother. however, they were born into the faith and didn't suddenly sign up because they thought a certain muslim girl was cute, and NOT after making large-scale threats against a number of people.

I know I will likely be persecuted by some for this. But please bear in mind that i am not happy with his decision and that my reaction is temporary until I figure things out. That is why I am here. I know that I am opening myself to being judged and scorned. However, i do not know anyone here and I have only been researching this religion for a few weeks. I have no doubt that there are many here who can communicate with me in a helpful manner.

I would like some advice from fair-minded individuals on the matter. Especially if any of you have experienced something similar.

 

[Wannabe Yogi]

I am not at all okay with this.

He is 17 and did this behind his mother's back(we divorced years ago) and didn;t bother discussing it with me first.

I would say the best way to handle the situation is to be loving and kind to your son. However,You do not need to except behaviors that you find to be wrong (like making threats).
If he is rebelling he will only do it more if you create a big fight around it.

My question is does he get up real early to pray. He should do it 5 times a day. If he is muslim he needs to follow the disciple of Islam. I would insist that he follows all the rules of Islam if he wants to call himself a muslim.

 

[Shredmeister]

He claims to pray 5 times daily.

But another tenet of islam is to honor and obey your parents. He clearly seems to pick and choose. I guess he feels this is a religion of convenience.

 

[Wannabe Yogi]

He claims to pray 5 times daily.

But another tenet of islam is to honor and obey your parents. He clearly seems to pick and choose. I guess he feels this is a religion of convenience.

Would you know if he gets up before sunrise ? I would set an alarm. I would also talk to Imam with your son. Talk about your concerns in a very polite way. Help your son to follow the rules of Islam. Also the Imam might be of some help with your sons bad behavior. Be both gentle and polite at all times with both the Imam and your son in this meeting. If your son is rebelling this will take all the wind out of his sails. If he has found Islam you can't stop it so just be a good dad.

 

[Twig pentagram]

I am not at all okay with this.

He is 17 and did this behind his mother's back(we divorced years ago) and didn;t bother discussing it with me first.

A mere 7-8 months ago he claimed atheism. Then he joined a baptist church because a girl he was seeing went there. He said at that point that he did believe in God now. Hmmm......then she broke up with him and he didn't believe in God again. Then one day he said to me that he didn't eat pork anymore. "Pigs are filthy animals" he said. I responded "Did you watch Malcolm X or something??? Because that sure sounds like someone else's words and I am quite certain that line was spoken in that movie." "No, that's from me." Yeah, ok. I pressed further and asked if "this week" he was going to be Jewish or would he be muslim? He said neither. I told him chickens were filthy creatures as well, picking food out of their own waste.

So Father's Day comes and goes. He made little slip-ups but never admitted it.

Finally I got it out of him.

Why am i so outraged? Well........he has pretended to be many things in his teen years. More than what is normal. This is the latest example of him being something he is not.

I have asked him if i am now the infidel. If i am the enemy. He said no. If holy war were declared, I asked, and he were ordered to kill me would he try? He said no. I expressly told him i didn't approve of this latest stunt and that he didn't fully know what he was getting into. All the information he was given was from a mosque. He read all pro, no neutral, and no con. He is claiming that the beheadings, 9-11, suicide bombers, and attacks on Christians and jews here and abroad are largely fabricated and exaggerated.

Oh but there is more.......he got his *** in a sling last year in school for some threats he made. I'll leave it at that. But let's just say the mentality he exhibited gives me great concern.

I have since denied him the privilege to see his brother or sister until he gets out of this religion. It is very difficult to do and I may soften my stance, but for now this stands. I gave him the choice between islam and his family and asked if he thought it was worth it. He said he wasn't leaving islam, but that he still wanted to see his family. I told him he would have to decide and live with his decision. Though he never said he wanted to lose the privilege of being with his family, he refused to get out of islam. So i told him it sounded like he made his decision.

I am mainly doing this to buy time while i figure out what I need to do.

I have been researching islam from all sides. Much of what I have learned is disturbing. Like the 9 year old wife, Aisha, situation. Muhammad was in his 50s. Gross. He was also murderous. He tortured. If people did not convert to islam allegedly muhammad's interpretation of allah's wishes was to kill those people.

That said, I know a lot of people who are muslim who are perfectly wonderful. From my dentist to people I attended school with to close friends of my Mother. however, they were born into the faith and didn't suddenly sign up because they thought a certain muslim girl was cute, and NOT after making large-scale threats against a number of people.

I know I will likely be persecuted by some for this. But please bear in mind that i am not happy with his decision and that my reaction is temporary until I figure things out. That is why I am here. I know that I am opening myself to being judged and scorned. However, i do not know anyone here and I have only been researching this religion for a few weeks. I have no doubt that there are many here who can communicate with me in a helpful manner.

I would like some advice from fair-minded individuals on the matter. Especially if any of you have experienced something similar.

Whats wrong with islam? Are you mad because he did'nt choose christianity? I don't get it, If your son wants to practice islam you should respect his mind.

 

[YmirGF]

Whats wrong with islam? Are you mad because he did'nt choose christianity? I don't get it, If your son wants to practice islam you should respect his mind.

His son, from the sounds of it, is still a minor. Respect, be damned, until the kid earns it. I would enroll him in a sessions with qualified counselors.

To Shredmeister: My guess is that he chose Islam because it would provide the biggest slap in the face he could muster towards his parents. If that is the case, I'd give it a few months before the novelty wears off. The main thing is to not get a rise out of him. Try being totally indifferent to his choice. Do not make it a big deal. Do not try to "reason" with him as he is likely playing a game of emotional blackmail. Overall, my best advice is to beware of playing into his game. In theory, you are older and hopefully smarter, so it shouldn't be too much of a challenge.

 

[Shredmeister]

Whats wrong with islam? Are you mad because he did'nt choose christianity? I don't get it, If your son wants to practice islam you should respect his mind.

Perhaps re-reading what i wrote would clarify the matter for you.

I have issues with any religion or sect strongly associated with acts of violence. There are branches of Christianity that are just off the charts WHACKOS when it comes to matters such as these(eg abortion clinic shootings in the name of God). I disapprove of islam much the same as I disapprove of the Westboro baptist folks.

And please remember, I AM his father. He is a minor.

Let's be clear on something else: you are criticizing my viewpoint, yet your only response is basically "You're bad. What's your problem?"

Hopefully you are capable of more than that.

 

[TashaN]

Hi Shredmeister,

Welcome to our forum. I hope you will enjoy being here with us.

Regarding your son, at his young age, i believe he is just trying things out. Some teenagers would try smoking, drugs, others would go for religions, and some others would do other stuff to show they are different, and to show they are independent.

Sometimes jumping from a religion to another might be healthy to shape his personality and deepen his view of the world around him and especially the people he meet, or those who impress him or attract him.

But some other times these sort of actions are a result of bigger issues and he is trying to escape from it.

I'm not an expert on these issue, but i just advice you to be closer to him and try to understand him instead of condemning him or threatning him. Be his friend if you can, and accept whatever belief he has "just in the beginning" to gain his trust until you figure out with days if his change to Islam is genuine or just one more thing he embraced, just like the previous ones.

The more you fight his beliefs using confrontation, the more he will resist, but if you accept him for who he is, and welcome him to the family trying to be closer to him, you will definitely find the answer.

By the way, here in Religious Forums we have a section where any member is welcome to ask and discuss about Islam. If you want to know more about Islam's teachings or how Muslims behave, and what they believe in on various matters, please drop by and feel free to ask whatever you want, and don't worry because none of us will get offended because we know that many people misunderstood our religion because of 9/11 and the things going around the world.

This link below will direct you to the Islam section in this forum.

Islam DIR - Religious Education Forum


Peace and blessings,
Tashan

 

[YmirGF]

Hopefully you are capable of more than that.

You can't expect too much from some people. Hmmm.... apply this to your son, perhaps...

 

[Ordeet]

No offense, Shredmeister, but it sounds like your son might be dealing with peer acceptance issues or have some emotional problems. I second YmirGF's suggestion that your son should see counselors or psychiatrists. Perhaps he needs medication.

 

[Shredmeister]

Hi Shredmeister,

Welcome to our forum. I hope you will enjoy being here with us.

Regarding your son, at his young age, i believe he is just trying things out. Some teenagers would try smoking, drugs, others would go for religions, and some others would do other stuff to show they are different, and to show they are independent.

Sometimes jumping from a religion to another might be healthy to shape his personality and deepen his view of the world around him and especially the people he meet, or those who impress him or attract him.

But some other times these sort of actions are a result of bigger issues and he is trying to escape from it.

I'm not an expert on these issue, but i just advice you to be closer to him and try to understand him instead of condemning him or threatning him. Be his friend if you can, and accept whatever belief he has "just in the beginning" to gain his trust until you figure out with days if his change to Islam is genuine or just one more thing he embraced, just like the previous ones.

The more you fight his beliefs using confrontation, the more he will resist, but if you accept him for who he is, and welcome him to the family trying to be closer to him, you will definitely find the answer.

By the way, here in Religious Forums we have a section where any member is welcome to ask and discuss about Islam. If you want to know more about Islam's teachings or how Muslims behave, and what they believe in on various matters, please drop by and feel free to ask whatever you want, and don't worry because none of us will get offended because we know that many people misundertood our religion because of 9/11 and the things going around the world.

This link below will direct you to the Islam section in this forum.




Peace and blessings,
Tashan

Thank you SO MUCH! I am torn, as you can imagine. I have witnessed both sides of the equation pertaining to islam, and with his own individual past behaviors this is giving me grave concerns. Perhaps if the Imam knew the nature of my son's behavior, he may deem that any association with my son would be bad for the image of the mosque. Sounds harsh, I know. But I know of his past behavior in great detail, and it is consistent in many regards with the negative aspects of islam rather than the good.

He IS young. He DOES seem attracted to any culture which is not his own. This is healthy if done from a research and observation perspective, but when one tries to assimilate these cultures it is a bit excessive, in my opinion.

He needs to realize, as I have stressed to him all his life, that people will accept and embrace him for his differences and individuality if he allows himself to BE himself. I have always had friends of varying ethnic, racial, and religious backgrounds. The difference is, I never tried to become them.

 

[Shredmeister]

No offense, Shredmeister, but it sounds like your son might be dealing with peer acceptance issues or have some emotional problems. I second YmirGF's suggestion that your son should see counselors or psychiatrists. Perhaps he needs medication.

Oh I agree! I have suggested this to his mother and she said "he's fine!" I discussed with my son that he AND I go to a counselor together. He scoffed at the notion. I upped it to a desire to have a psychiatrist evaluate him at my expense. If I am to do this, he and his mother will not cooperate so i would have to have him committed. If possible, i would like to avoid this extreme......yet it may be my only resort.

 

[Muslim93]

Why dont you ask Muslims about Islam before jumping to conclusions.
Just make sure that he chooses the right people to talk with about the religion. Other than that, what harm could come out of it?

Btw, you need to check if he changes to the better or worse, then decide whether or not its a good thing for him.

 

[Shredmeister]

Why dont you ask Muslims about Islam before jumping to conclusions.
Just make sure that he chooses the right people to talk with about the religion. Other than that, what harm could come out of it?

Btw, you need to check if he changes to the better or worse, then decide whether or not its a good thing for him.

I intend to have discussions with people about this, muslims included. However, I suspect there may be a degree of denial among muslims regarding anything negative amongst their faithful. Seems my son is being taught to deny the authenticity of the much-publicized atrocities committed by muslims.

How about the beheadings around the globe? The suicide bombings? The attacks on Christians and westerners(aka infidels)? My family are western Christians. Will you, as an example, confirm or deny these things?

 

[saltandlight]

Dear Shredmeister,
Have you ever considered talking to your youth pastor about this, and praying about it? Make sure you pray to save your son from falling away permanently. I want you to know that I would be praying for you also, and that God may use your son's circumstances for His will.
Remember: Whatever happens, God works all things for your good, and it is up to Him, He is in control.

God Bless.

 

[Muslim93]

I intend to have discussions with people about this, muslims included. However, I suspect there may be a degree of denial among muslims regarding anything negative amongst their faithful. Seems my son is being taught to deny the authenticity of the much-publicized atrocities committed by muslims.

How about the beheadings around the globe? The suicide bombings? The attacks on Christians and westerners(aka infidels)? Will you, as an example, confirm or deny these things?

First of all, theres something very important taht you need to know.

As much as there are bad Muslims, there are Christians, Jews, Hindus etc.

Beheading is a form of death sentence. Its more merciful than hanging or electricution, as the person does not suffer.

When it comes to murder, Islam is very clear on this. You kill, youre a criminal. That includes suicide bombers, unless its in a form of war, like in Israel for ex. But bombing some random crowded area, thats not Islam.

Where are Christians and Westerners attacked? Again, Islam is clear on this matter. Youre not allowed to attack any person, whether a Muslim Christian Atheist or whatever. And please specify when you say attacks. Where? When?

Like I said, this has nothing to do with Islam, and it happens all over the world.

 

[TashaN]

Thank you SO MUCH! I am torn, as you can imagine. I have witnessed both sides of the equation pertaining to islam, and with his own individual past behaviors this is giving me grave concerns. Perhaps if the Imam knew the nature of my son's behavior, he may deem that any association with my son would be bad for the image of the mosque. Sounds harsh, I know. But I know of his past behavior in great detail, and it is consistent in many regards with the negative aspects of islam rather than the good.

He IS young. He DOES seem attracted to any culture which is not his own. This is healthy if done from a research and observation perspective, but when one tries to assimilate these cultures it is a bit excessive, in my opinion.

He needs to realize, as I have stressed to him all his life, that people will accept and embrace him for his differences and individuality if he allows himself to BE himself. I have always had friends of varying ethnic, racial, and religious backgrounds. The difference is, I never tried to become them.

You have to realize that different people deal with things differently. Some people like to do research, some others like to try things out by themselves, etc. I'm still young too and i still remember how hard it was for me few years back when i was still struggling to know who i was.

Back then, whatever my family was doing, i used to do the opposite till many of them hated my behavior or "hated me" as i have described it to myself back then.

I was just trying to prove that i'm different till the time came when i finally knew who i was and what i want from this life.

So, i know you might feel bad now, because you see around you wonderful young guys and they don't do what your son do. I feel from your tone that you are frustrated but you care alot about your son and you don't do what to do.

So, try to know more about the positive aspects of Islam, and ask him if he was doing it. Ask to explain to you some of the positive aspects you have done your resrarch about to know how far he would go. Don't go for the big topics like violence or 9/11, try to ask him about simple things in Islam, like the daily things which a Muslim should do and ask him to explain it to you.

Like that you will know whether he really knows what Islam is, and you will also be much more closer to him. You can also try to introduce him to the local imam "if that imam was trustworthy" because some ignorant imams might try to do their best to convince him how Islam is the truth regardless of your sons's unstable emotional status. After checking the background of the imam, let the imam give him some advice about Islamic teachings and observe your son's reaction to that. Then you will know whether your son is attached to the *idea* of being a Muslim, or if he is really attached to the beautiful teachings of Islam and he is practicing it on a daily basis.

Try so many things, but if you felt later on that his case is very serious, then try to get some help from a good counselor.

I know it's easy for me to say do that and try that, because i'm still not a father yet, but i'm just trying to help, using my experience as a teenager as a background to assist you to the best of my abilities.

Good luck!

 

[saltandlight]

Hi is it ok if comment? You must understand Shredmeister's predicament, he is most likely American and his view on Islam isn't very open. I myself as a Christian have a lot of Muslim friends, they're nice people, but I find an air of hostility sometimes when I discuss their faith with them. I was very tempted to comment on Mohammed's history, but I will refrain, as you said, no-one's perfect.
But I think, Jesus taught to love your neighbour and this also meant your enemies, not just your friends. And just a question: why do you think the islamic nations are at war with Israel? I mean no offense to you, but personally, I think it is the age-old battle between God and Satan, as represented in the Bible.

Peace and sincerity

 

[Shredmeister]

Beheading is a form of death sentence. Its more merciful than hanging or electricution, as the person does not suffer.

When it comes to murder, Islam is very clear on this. You kill, youre a criminal. That includes suicide bombers, unless its in a form of war, like in Israel for ex. But bombing some random crowded area, thats not Islam.

Where are Christians and Westerners attacked? Again, Islam is clear on this matter. Youre not allowed to attack any person, whether a Muslim Christian Atheist or whatever. And please specify when you say attacks. Where? When?

Like I said, this has nothing to do with Islam, and it happens all over the world.

Unless it's war, you say. Islam has declared war on infidels for centuries.

Saddam Hussein, the highjackers on 9-11, Osama Bin Laden....they all claim islam.

And how exactly would you know beheading doesn't involve suffering? Have you been beheaded? You make it sound so humane. You call it merciful. Have you lost your mind? Or your head?

How about the western journalist beheaded on film by muslims? Was that fabricated? You can still find it online. Sure didn't look merciful to me.:no:

You are exhibiting the level of denial I anticipated. Fortunately, there are other muslim members of this forum who have been very kind and understanding(I thank and respect them). You, on the other hand, make excuses, deny, justify, and minimize. If my son is associating with people of your mindset, my concerns are far graver than they were before I encountered you.

 

[Caladan]

He IS young. He DOES seem attracted to any culture which is not his own. This is healthy if done from a research and observation perspective, but when one tries to assimilate these cultures it is a bit excessive, in my opinion.

He needs to realize, as I have stressed to him all his life, that people will accept and embrace him for his differences and individuality if he allows himself to BE himself. I have always had friends of varying ethnic, racial, and religious backgrounds. The difference is, I never tried to become them.

I wholeheartedly agree with this. a little bit of educated syncretism can be creative, but adopting the traditions of a different culture because of romanticism usually comes from a place of ignorance about these cultures (and about oneself). I'm curious to know Shredmeister, did your son talk to you at all about what was his introduction to Islam? I think that this is important to know even before finding out what are his opinions about evolution and Islamic theology? or not having sex before marriage? or fasting during the month of Ramadan?
did he at all talk with Muslim clerics? or is his intro to Islam comes from cruising the net?