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My Muslim husband

suncowiam

Well-Known Member
Go see a counselor if you want to make it work.

If not, then move on.

The issue here is that we only hear one side of the story. There can only be a few logical conclusions from your side of the story.

If you're asking for advice, I would say this is the worst form to do so.

No one here is trained for counseling. We all hear abusiveness and of course, we're going to suggest to you to move on.

What I hear is that you just wanted to have sex and date. Well, why get married then? Take responsibility where you can and you take more control of your life. :)
 

Windwalker

Veteran Member
Premium Member
It sounds to me like he wants an obedient dog. Imagine what he would be like with children??? Chalk this up to a case of temporary insanity and get out now. Unless you want him to take over full control of your life from you? Then you'll eventually adjust to his rule as you hand over all independent thought to him and become his servant. Maybe you should seek out a therapist to talk to about why you got into this with him?
 

Audie

Veteran Member
Go see a counselor if you want to make it work.

If not, then move on.

The issue here is that we only hear one side of the story. There can only be a few logical conclusions from your side of the story.

If you're asking for advice, I would say this is the worst form to do so.

No one here is trained for counseling. We all hear abusiveness and of course, we're going to suggest to you to move on.

What I hear is that you just wanted to have sex and date. Well, why get married then? Take responsibility where you can and you take more control of your life. :)

Not all of us have been around the block a
few times, but even a short stroll down the
street so to speak, should be more than
enough to know how to recognize some things
for what they are.

"He is a dope dealer and he beats me and we are
not even married yet", say.

If that does not do it, how about,"And he has three
other girls pregnant and the ATF is looking for him."

Really, a pro counselor is needed?
 

FearGod

Freedom Of Mind
An incomplete, hurried and incomprehensible description of my marriage. I married (islamic marriage alone - not legally binding in my country) a muslim a couple months ago after knowing him for a week.

Yes, laugh, but then retain seriousness.

I really enjoyed being with him for the three days before he ever mentioned this islam ****.

And at first it was just the marriage because he wanted to have sex - and so did I.

Nothing else but the marriage, he says; we don't beed to live together, I don't need to wear a ring, or anything ....we just go on normal, like dating.

But after we get married... then he starts talking about us living together - right away. It would be a great insult of course of me to not think of us as married, me not wearing a ring or not wanting to live with him. He said I'm a bad wife.

(And my thoughts go like - "did you hear that, a WIFE! :eek::rolleyes:o_O:confused::mad::(:flushed::grimacing::imp::rage::glomp2::laughing::shrug::tearsofjoy::triumph::unamused::fearful::astonished::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm:)

Then he started spending nights at my place (occasionally, perfectly fine by me), he started critizising my home. The cleanliness. Subjective all but i dare say I'm pretty clean. Disorderly in many ways but clean. And hell I cleaned the apartment before he ever stepped into it because i guessed he has high standards..:facepalm: but no. I cannot wash the dishes right, i dont do my laundry (and his) often enough

(I have a full time job - he goes to school (the easiest school in the country) a few hours a day)

I walk in my home with my shoes on. I don't gather my beddings into one big bunch in the morning (looks nice but hygienically not recommended - i told him but he doesn't have ears for science), i don't wash the dishes immediately after eating (i do when he's there he likes it- but i wouldn't; I'm just a filthy christian) i don't cook (the foods i offer to cook he doesnt want (((pickyyyyy))).

It all started to come out one by one so I told him to tell me all. Tell me everything he has in his mind about me and my doing that he doesn't like. And he says there is nothing. Everything's great. Just this one thing; dont walk with your shoes on where I pray (one room flat) and I say okay......

Dont even think of stepping inside with one foot with your shoes on.

As if you ever cooked

You need to wash this - there's a stain

You need to stop taking vitamines - they are bad for you. I never took any, I'm healthy

Don't believe doctors - mohammad wrote the Quran in 600AC. Everything is in the quran.

Read the Quran

(I started reading the Quran with translation of meanings and commentary)

Study arabic

(I study arabic. I Really want to go on studying other languages and reading other books i enjoy reading but...)

Read about Islam. You don't know what day it is? Why not? Why haven't you looked it up? I'm a muslim. I'm your husband.

(I ask him in the library if i should take some of these books about islam he says irritated, "no, not here." I read about it online and "consult him" and he gets irritated again, "don't read these. They're wrong." I ask what should I read? He says the quran. It has all that you need to know.)

These last few days, I hate him. I hate everything about him. Everything he says and does. Ugh, disgusting. But I don't know if I should leave him or not. When we fight he always returns to that nothing is wrong, everything is perfect - I can do whatever I want. But the NEXT day......

Don't don't don't don't

Why? Because it "isn't good".

Do do do do do do this this this this

:facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm:

Leave him, here I'm :)
 

suncowiam

Well-Known Member
Not all of us have been around the block a
few times, but even a short stroll down the
street so to speak, should be more than
enough to know how to recognize some things
for what they are.

"He is a dope dealer and he beats me and we are
not even married yet", say.

If that does not do it, how about,"And he has three
other girls pregnant and the ATF is looking for him."

Really, a pro counselor is needed?

If you take her comment at face value, then there's really no other conclusion to be made, other then to leave him. She's preaching to the choir.

That's why a counselor is needed to dissect between perceptions, beliefs, misconceptions and more specifically, reality.
 

Audie

Veteran Member
If you take her comment at face value, then there's really no other conclusion to be made, other then to leave him. She's preaching to the choir.

That's why a counselor is needed to dissect between perceptions, beliefs, misconceptions and more specifically, reality.

Ok,whatevs.

I would not wait around for someone to analyze
whether the bruises were self inflicted.
 

Windwalker

Veteran Member
Premium Member
Just to continue your hypothetical... What if they were self-inflicted? I'm not saying they are. I'm not saying anything but what do you or I really know?
Simple answer. Leave. If the beatings stop, then you have your answer. Stay, and then you risk far more. Would you suggest she stay in an abusive situation?

I believe NO counselor would recommend that, unless they were some hack-religious "counselor" who think it's God's duty for the woman to obey her husband at all costs. If it's a religious choice to endure the Master/Slave relationship of an abuser, then hopefully their "sacrifice" will serve as motives for others to leave that religion as soon as possible before they too must suffer under their master.
 

suncowiam

Well-Known Member
Simple answer. Leave. If the beatings stop, then you have your answer. Stay, and then you risk far more. Would you suggest she stay in an abusive situation? I believe NO counselor would recommend that, unless they were some hack-religious "counselor" who think it's God's duty for the woman to obey her husband at all costs. If it's a religious choice to endure the Master/Slave relationship of an abuser, then hopefully their "sacrifice" will serve as motives for others to leave that religion.

Of course, she should leave if there's violence. There's no disputing that.

Religion is just a tangent.
 

Elliott5779

Member
An incomplete, hurried and incomprehensible description of my marriage. I married (islamic marriage alone - not legally binding in my country) a muslim a couple months ago after knowing him for a week.

Yes, laugh, but then retain seriousness.

I really enjoyed being with him for the three days before he ever mentioned this islam ****.

And at first it was just the marriage because he wanted to have sex - and so did I.

Nothing else but the marriage, he says; we don't beed to live together, I don't need to wear a ring, or anything ....we just go on normal, like dating.

But after we get married... then he starts talking about us living together - right away. It would be a great insult of course of me to not think of us as married, me not wearing a ring or not wanting to live with him. He said I'm a bad wife.

(And my thoughts go like - "did you hear that, a WIFE! :eek::rolleyes:o_O:confused::mad::(:flushed::grimacing::imp::rage::glomp2::laughing::shrug::tearsofjoy::triumph::unamused::fearful::astonished::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm:)

Then he started spending nights at my place (occasionally, perfectly fine by me), he started critizising my home. The cleanliness. Subjective all but i dare say I'm pretty clean. Disorderly in many ways but clean. And hell I cleaned the apartment before he ever stepped into it because i guessed he has high standards..:facepalm: but no. I cannot wash the dishes right, i dont do my laundry (and his) often enough

(I have a full time job - he goes to school (the easiest school in the country) a few hours a day)

I walk in my home with my shoes on. I don't gather my beddings into one big bunch in the morning (looks nice but hygienically not recommended - i told him but he doesn't have ears for science), i don't wash the dishes immediately after eating (i do when he's there he likes it- but i wouldn't; I'm just a filthy christian) i don't cook (the foods i offer to cook he doesnt want (((pickyyyyy))).

It all started to come out one by one so I told him to tell me all. Tell me everything he has in his mind about me and my doing that he doesn't like. And he says there is nothing. Everything's great. Just this one thing; dont walk with your shoes on where I pray (one room flat) and I say okay......

Dont even think of stepping inside with one foot with your shoes on.

As if you ever cooked

You need to wash this - there's a stain

You need to stop taking vitamines - they are bad for you. I never took any, I'm healthy

Don't believe doctors - mohammad wrote the Quran in 600AC. Everything is in the quran.

Read the Quran

(I started reading the Quran with translation of meanings and commentary)

Study arabic

(I study arabic. I Really want to go on studying other languages and reading other books i enjoy reading but...)

Read about Islam. You don't know what day it is? Why not? Why haven't you looked it up? I'm a muslim. I'm your husband.

(I ask him in the library if i should take some of these books about islam he says irritated, "no, not here." I read about it online and "consult him" and he gets irritated again, "don't read these. They're wrong." I ask what should I read? He says the quran. It has all that you need to know.)

These last few days, I hate him. I hate everything about him. Everything he says and does. Ugh, disgusting. But I don't know if I should leave him or not. When we fight he always returns to that nothing is wrong, everything is perfect - I can do whatever I want. But the NEXT day......

Don't don't don't don't

Why? Because it "isn't good".

Do do do do do do this this this this

:facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm:

Mutual respect, no matter what kind of relationship it is, is very important. If one or both parties are incapable or unwilling to be flexible then there is a real problem.
 

shunyadragon

shunyadragon
Premium Member
I don't feel anything about Islam. Never did. But I love freedom.

This really does not address your self-inflicted problem. Since your designated faith is Lutheran, and the history of your posts on this site it is terribly naive to think you are neutral to Islam
 

Nakosis

Non-Binary Physicalist
Premium Member
An incomplete, hurried and incomprehensible description of my marriage. I married (islamic marriage alone - not legally binding in my country) a muslim a couple months ago after knowing him for a week.

Yes, laugh, but then retain seriousness.

I really enjoyed being with him for the three days before he ever mentioned this islam ****.

And at first it was just the marriage because he wanted to have sex - and so did I.

Nothing else but the marriage, he says; we don't beed to live together, I don't need to wear a ring, or anything ....we just go on normal, like dating.

But after we get married... then he starts talking about us living together - right away. It would be a great insult of course of me to not think of us as married, me not wearing a ring or not wanting to live with him. He said I'm a bad wife.

(And my thoughts go like - "did you hear that, a WIFE! :eek::rolleyes:o_O:confused::mad::(:flushed::grimacing::imp::rage::glomp2::laughing::shrug::tearsofjoy::triumph::unamused::fearful::astonished::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm:)

Then he started spending nights at my place (occasionally, perfectly fine by me), he started critizising my home. The cleanliness. Subjective all but i dare say I'm pretty clean. Disorderly in many ways but clean. And hell I cleaned the apartment before he ever stepped into it because i guessed he has high standards..:facepalm: but no. I cannot wash the dishes right, i dont do my laundry (and his) often enough

(I have a full time job - he goes to school (the easiest school in the country) a few hours a day)

I walk in my home with my shoes on. I don't gather my beddings into one big bunch in the morning (looks nice but hygienically not recommended - i told him but he doesn't have ears for science), i don't wash the dishes immediately after eating (i do when he's there he likes it- but i wouldn't; I'm just a filthy christian) i don't cook (the foods i offer to cook he doesnt want (((pickyyyyy))).

It all started to come out one by one so I told him to tell me all. Tell me everything he has in his mind about me and my doing that he doesn't like. And he says there is nothing. Everything's great. Just this one thing; dont walk with your shoes on where I pray (one room flat) and I say okay......

Dont even think of stepping inside with one foot with your shoes on.

As if you ever cooked

You need to wash this - there's a stain

You need to stop taking vitamines - they are bad for you. I never took any, I'm healthy

Don't believe doctors - mohammad wrote the Quran in 600AC. Everything is in the quran.

Read the Quran

(I started reading the Quran with translation of meanings and commentary)

Study arabic

(I study arabic. I Really want to go on studying other languages and reading other books i enjoy reading but...)

Read about Islam. You don't know what day it is? Why not? Why haven't you looked it up? I'm a muslim. I'm your husband.

(I ask him in the library if i should take some of these books about islam he says irritated, "no, not here." I read about it online and "consult him" and he gets irritated again, "don't read these. They're wrong." I ask what should I read? He says the quran. It has all that you need to know.)

These last few days, I hate him. I hate everything about him. Everything he says and does. Ugh, disgusting. But I don't know if I should leave him or not. When we fight he always returns to that nothing is wrong, everything is perfect - I can do whatever I want. But the NEXT day......

Don't don't don't don't

Why? Because it "isn't good".

Do do do do do do this this this this

:facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm:

Good story. I mean bad story but good narrative.

Tell him you are a atheist. Yes I see Lutheran but being truthful isn't always a good thing.

And/or, why the heck do you need to covert to his religion? Insist he convert to yours.
 

Revoltingest

Pragmatic Libertarian
Premium Member
I'm greatly experienced in psychotherapy, having been landlord
to a great many dozens of them. Armed with this deep insight,
I offer advice.....

Just reimagine the gender roles....
 
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