My Muslim husband

[Anthem]

An incomplete, hurried and incomprehensible description of my marriage. I married (islamic marriage alone - not legally binding in my country) a muslim a couple months ago after knowing him for a week.

Yes, laugh, but then retain seriousness.

I really enjoyed being with him for the three days before he ever mentioned this islam ****.

And at first it was just the marriage because he wanted to have sex - and so did I.

Nothing else but the marriage, he says; we don't beed to live together, I don't need to wear a ring, or anything ....we just go on normal, like dating.

But after we get married... then he starts talking about us living together - right away. It would be a great insult of course of me to not think of us as married, me not wearing a ring or not wanting to live with him. He said I'm a bad wife.

(And my thoughts go like - "did you hear that, a WIFE! )

Then he started spending nights at my place (occasionally, perfectly fine by me), he started critizising my home. The cleanliness. Subjective all but i dare say I'm pretty clean. Disorderly in many ways but clean. And hell I cleaned the apartment before he ever stepped into it because i guessed he has high standards.. but no. I cannot wash the dishes right, i dont do my laundry (and his) often enough

(I have a full time job - he goes to school (the easiest school in the country) a few hours a day)

I walk in my home with my shoes on. I don't gather my beddings into one big bunch in the morning (looks nice but hygienically not recommended - i told him but he doesn't have ears for science), i don't wash the dishes immediately after eating (i do when he's there he likes it- but i wouldn't; I'm just a filthy christian) i don't cook (the foods i offer to cook he doesnt want (((pickyyyyy))).

It all started to come out one by one so I told him to tell me all. Tell me everything he has in his mind about me and my doing that he doesn't like. And he says there is nothing. Everything's great. Just this one thing; dont walk with your shoes on where I pray (one room flat) and I say okay......

Dont even think of stepping inside with one foot with your shoes on.

As if you ever cooked

You need to wash this - there's a stain

You need to stop taking vitamines - they are bad for you. I never took any, I'm healthy

Don't believe doctors - mohammad wrote the Quran in 600AC. Everything is in the quran.

Read the Quran

(I started reading the Quran with translation of meanings and commentary)

Study arabic

(I study arabic. I Really want to go on studying other languages and reading other books i enjoy reading but...)

Read about Islam. You don't know what day it is? Why not? Why haven't you looked it up? I'm a muslim. I'm your husband.

(I ask him in the library if i should take some of these books about islam he says irritated, "no, not here." I read about it online and "consult him" and he gets irritated again, "don't read these. They're wrong." I ask what should I read? He says the quran. It has all that you need to know.)

These last few days, I hate him. I hate everything about him. Everything he says and does. Ugh, disgusting. But I don't know if I should leave him or not. When we fight he always returns to that nothing is wrong, everything is perfect - I can do whatever I want. But the NEXT day......

Don't don't don't don't

Why? Because it "isn't good".

Do do do do do do this this this this

 

[Dawnofhope]

That's quite a story. How did you feel out about Islam before you married him? I'm presuming you are Christian.

 

[Mindmaster]

An incomplete, hurried and incomprehensible description of my marriage. I married (islamic marriage alone - not legally binding in my country) a muslim a couple months ago after knowing him for a week.

Yes, laugh, but then retain seriousness.

I really enjoyed being with him for the three days before he ever mentioned this islam ****.

And at first it was just the marriage because he wanted to have sex - and so did I.

Nothing else but the marriage, he says; we don't beed to live together, I don't need to wear a ring, or anything ....we just go on normal, like dating.

But after we get married... then he starts talking about us living together - right away. It would be a great insult of course of me to not think of us as married, me not wearing a ring or not wanting to live with him. He said I'm a bad wife.

(And my thoughts go like - "did you hear that, a WIFE! )

Then he started spending nights at my place (occasionally, perfectly fine by me), he started critizising my home. The cleanliness. Subjective all but i dare say I'm pretty clean. Disorderly in many ways but clean. And hell I cleaned the apartment before he ever stepped into it because i guessed he has high standards.. but no. I cannot wash the dishes right, i dont do my laundry (and his) often enough

(I have a full time job - he goes to school (the easiest school in the country) a few hours a day)

I walk in my home with my shoes on. I don't gather my beddings into one big bunch in the morning (looks nice but hygienically not recommended - i told him but he doesn't have ears for science), i don't wash the dishes immediately after eating (i do when he's there he likes it- but i wouldn't; I'm just a filthy christian) i don't cook (the foods i offer to cook he doesnt want (((pickyyyyy))).

It all started to come out one by one so I told him to tell me all. Tell me everything he has in his mind about me and my doing that he doesn't like. And he says there is nothing. Everything's great. Just this one thing; dont walk with your shoes on where I pray (one room flat) and I say okay......

Dont even think of stepping inside with one foot with your shoes on.

As if you ever cooked

You need to wash this - there's a stain

You need to stop taking vitamines - they are bad for you. I never took any, I'm healthy

Don't believe doctors - mohammad wrote the Quran in 600AC. Everything is in the quran.

Read the Quran

(I started reading the Quran with translation of meanings and commentary)

Study arabic

(I study arabic. I Really want to go on studying other languages and reading other books i enjoy reading but...)

Read about Islam. You don't know what day it is? Why not? Why haven't you looked it up? I'm a muslim. I'm your husband.

(I ask him in the library if i should take some of these books about islam he says irritated, "no, not here." I read about it online and "consult him" and he gets irritated again, "don't read these. They're wrong." I ask what should I read? He says the quran. It has all that you need to know.)

These last few days, I hate him. I hate everything about him. Everything he says and does. Ugh, disgusting. But I don't know if I should leave him or not. When we fight he always returns to that nothing is wrong, everything is perfect - I can do whatever I want. But the NEXT day......

Don't don't don't don't

Why? Because it "isn't good".

Do do do do do do this this this this

You have no obligation to follow the Q'uran if you are not a Muslim, it's their book for them. If he makes a Muslim marriage with you and you agree then he also agrees to honor you and respect your beliefs, as you do not pretend to be Muslim. Becoming a Muslim obligates you to live by those standards in his eye, but those obligations are not required of others. If he considers himself a husband what is yours is his, but not the other way around necessarily. He's not complaining about your house, but his own from his perspective. It's his job to explain his beliefs to you, not yours to read in the Q'uran. He shouldn't expect you to know anything about it.

Secondly, most Muslim marriages require a mahr (the idea as this is your personal wealth, coming into the marriage) to be legitimized though there is no need to make it legal with state/country authorities. The Mahr is written on paper on a contract typically, and specifies a particular amount of wealth that is transferred and yours and yours only. The rest of the property belongs to him, as far as Islam is concerned. Dowry (payment to your family) is usually customary as well. If you have not received that you can leave at any time -- you are not married, and he's actually breaking Muslim rules on sex outside of wedlock. He'd be playing one mean trick on you.

Mahr - Wikipedia

The short of it is that God and Allah are the same guy any differences are between you and that one not between you and your husband.

 

[Kirran]

Bail out Anthem. Tell him it's over. If you're not even legally married what's the point staying? If you both basically wanted to have sex but had hardly known each other.

 

[Anthem]

That's quite a story. How did you feel out about Islam before you married him? I'm presuming you are Christian.

I don't feel anything about Islam. Never did. But I love freedom.

 

[Anthem]

Bail out Anthem. Tell him it's over. If you're not even legally married what's the point staying? If you both basically wanted to have sex but had hardly known each other.

I just wanted to have sex and date. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me..........

 

[Kirran]

I just wanted to have sex and date. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me..........

OK, so bail out. Leave him. Easy.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

do this

Do this and kick his *** to the curb. It won't get better. If he's doing that and it's just getting started, just imagine how much worse it will get when he feels more comfortable and familiar.
His religion has nothing to do with this following statement - you can't change him, you won't change him, he doesn't love you. He's not worthy of being a douche. Go find someone who won't be a dick to you.

 

[Cacotopia]

whut?

Divorce, 1 week of knowing him?

Sounds like an abusive a-hole.

 

[Dawnofhope]

I don't feel anything about Islam. Never did. But I love freedom.

So other than sex, was there anything else that led to your decision to marry?

 

[England my lionheart]

Sounds like a controlling *** hole, dump him it's only going to get worse Imo.

 

[Anthem]

So other than sex, was there anything else that led to your decision to marry?

Yes.

 

[Kenny]

An incomplete, hurried and incomprehensible description of my marriage. I married (islamic marriage alone - not legally binding in my country) a muslim a couple months ago after knowing him for a week.

Yes, laugh, but then retain seriousness.

I really enjoyed being with him for the three days before he ever mentioned this islam ****.

And at first it was just the marriage because he wanted to have sex - and so did I.

Nothing else but the marriage, he says; we don't beed to live together, I don't need to wear a ring, or anything ....we just go on normal, like dating.

But after we get married... then he starts talking about us living together - right away. It would be a great insult of course of me to not think of us as married, me not wearing a ring or not wanting to live with him. He said I'm a bad wife.

(And my thoughts go like - "did you hear that, a WIFE! )

Then he started spending nights at my place (occasionally, perfectly fine by me), he started critizising my home. The cleanliness. Subjective all but i dare say I'm pretty clean. Disorderly in many ways but clean. And hell I cleaned the apartment before he ever stepped into it because i guessed he has high standards.. but no. I cannot wash the dishes right, i dont do my laundry (and his) often enough

(I have a full time job - he goes to school (the easiest school in the country) a few hours a day)

I walk in my home with my shoes on. I don't gather my beddings into one big bunch in the morning (looks nice but hygienically not recommended - i told him but he doesn't have ears for science), i don't wash the dishes immediately after eating (i do when he's there he likes it- but i wouldn't; I'm just a filthy christian) i don't cook (the foods i offer to cook he doesnt want (((pickyyyyy))).

It all started to come out one by one so I told him to tell me all. Tell me everything he has in his mind about me and my doing that he doesn't like. And he says there is nothing. Everything's great. Just this one thing; dont walk with your shoes on where I pray (one room flat) and I say okay......

Dont even think of stepping inside with one foot with your shoes on.

As if you ever cooked

You need to wash this - there's a stain

You need to stop taking vitamines - they are bad for you. I never took any, I'm healthy

Don't believe doctors - mohammad wrote the Quran in 600AC. Everything is in the quran.

Read the Quran

(I started reading the Quran with translation of meanings and commentary)

Study arabic

(I study arabic. I Really want to go on studying other languages and reading other books i enjoy reading but...)

Read about Islam. You don't know what day it is? Why not? Why haven't you looked it up? I'm a muslim. I'm your husband.

(I ask him in the library if i should take some of these books about islam he says irritated, "no, not here." I read about it online and "consult him" and he gets irritated again, "don't read these. They're wrong." I ask what should I read? He says the quran. It has all that you need to know.)

These last few days, I hate him. I hate everything about him. Everything he says and does. Ugh, disgusting. But I don't know if I should leave him or not. When we fight he always returns to that nothing is wrong, everything is perfect - I can do whatever I want. But the NEXT day......

Don't don't don't don't

Why? Because it "isn't good".

Do do do do do do this this this this

This probably happens more often that one thinks. If one's husband is Iranian and the wife goes to Iran, the moment you touch their territory, you are now Iranian and you have no US or any other country rights. Embassy's can't help you.

I don't know if it is the same in other muslim countries.

 

[Brickjectivity]

It sounds difficult. I have no opinion about what to do whether to try to make the marriage work or not. Get advice from someone who understands marriage situations not from me.

You may want to make sure your records are secure, such as your passport kept in a safety deposit box and consider whether to keep finances separate or not. Perhaps get an extra mailing address, such as a PO Box or mailing address at a friend's house. I guess since the marriage is so surprising you may want to reconsider previous decisions in light of your uncertainty.

 

[Dawnofhope]

Yes.

There are three sides to every story - His side, her side and what really happened. The decisions to marry or to divorce are amongst two of the biggest decisions we may make in life. Whatever you do, ensure its the best decision. Take time out, reflect, pray and talk to people you trust and know you well.

 

[shunyadragon]

I just wanted to have sex and date. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me..........

Very naive worst reasons to have a relationship whether marriage or not is what is the issue here. Your problems are your responsibility of your poor choice of relationship with an "individual." As such this is not an issue with Islam.

......

 

[Audie]

Dont walk into my home with shoes on,
either. Really, it is very insensible to do that.

What species of tropical pit viper are you btw?
In the event, bit or use bug spray, but
get rid of that cockroach!!

 

[pearl]

My advice is to run

 

[Anthem]

Very naive worst reasons to have a relationship whether marriage or not is what is the issue here. Your problems are your responsibility of your poor choice of relationship with an "individual." As such this is not an issue with Islam.

......

I always post on the wrong forum. I shall remove it from the "issues with islam forum" and add it to the journal section. My apologies.

 

[icehorse]

bail out