My Daughter

[Isabella Lecour]

It's been awhile sense I've posted on the this site. I'm a constant lurker anyway, just a side effect of being a watcher. I've changed my signature and so I guess I better fill in the gaps.

The picture is of my daughter when she was just a few days old. She's really changed sense then, filled out a bit and not so red anymore. She's a preemie, born at 26 weeks gestation weighing 2lbs 2.3oz. She's still in NICU and will be until she's ready, when every that is. She's calling the shots.

It's really hard for me to express alot of my feelings right now, some of them threaten to overwhelm me. I have found it hard to walk the middle path through all of this. I keep reminding myself, "what will be, will be. there is nothing I can do to change that." It gives me comfort and perspective.

I remember when my husband asked me, how are we going to raise her, regarding religion? I had been hopeing he wouldn't ask that because I don't and still don't have an answer for that. It's another example of crossing the bridge before we get there. I've got so many dreams for her, some of which can not happen. I am reminded of Buddha, "desire causes suffering", and I find it to be true.

Ah, I'm a jumble. More than anything right now, I want to celebrate her life, to be in the moment, and to enjoy what I have right now. She is my well wanted daughter, a little miracle, and proof that one must be careful with Beltain rites! lol

The hardest part of life is living it well.
The easiest part of life is swimming in guilt.

I think I've rambled quite long enough now...
thanks for letting me.

 

[jacquie4000]

I am sure your emotions are very up and down right now. Especially when you have a little one that is not with you. My heart goes out to you and your daughter and my thoughts are with you both. I hope you are soon together.

 

[lunamoth]

Welcome to RF.

Your miracle is precious...it's a roller coaster ride right after birth even without the added challenge of a preemie baby. Both of my daughters are adopted and even without the stress of giving birth I could not remember my name for about six months after bringing them home. You will be able to put the guilt down...

Best wishes to you, your husband and your new baby girl. I look forward to reading more of your posts (and commend you for being able to think at this stage of the game!).

luna

 

[angellous_evangellous]

You're probably doing this, but I'd be sure that she's being touched by yourself and your husband. Premature babies formerly were only touched by needles and other medical instruments and not humans for a while, but thankfully that is changing.

 

[Guitar's Cry]

It's good to meet you! I wish you and your little one well.

 

[Majikthise]

My hopes and thoughts are with your family.

 

[BFD_Zayl]

well, welcome back. I hope everything goes fine with your daughter, if you so wish it I can ask a spirit to watch over her.

 

[Feathers in Hair]

Ah, I'm a jumble. More than anything right now, I want to celebrate her life, to be in the moment, and to enjoy what I have right now. She is my well wanted daughter, a little miracle, and proof that one must be careful with Beltain rites! lol

LOL! Those energies can be quite powerful, I hear!

Blessings upon you and your family. If it is okay, I will be sending healing energy.

 

[lizskid]

Awww...what a sweetie! I pray you peace and healing. The other decisions can come later, and they will feel right when they do.

 

[Isabella Lecour]

Thank you all for those kind words.

It's been a roller coaster ride and it started early. I hope I will be ready when she comes home. I have a lot to learn about taking care of her. They won't let her go home without the parents having an infant CPR course, which is a very good thing. I'm expecting her to come home on oxygen and moniters galore.

I've learned to put what the doc's say about Emily into perspective. I take it day by day, one hurdle at a time. She's had good days and bad days, but there is a sense of progress as long as she continues to gain weight.

So far I haven't been able to hold her as often as I'd like. I'm hopeing I don't have to wait too long to hold her for a bottle feeding, or even kangaroo care. Right now it's her reflux that's keeping us from holding her. As to anyone wanting to wish her well, I have no problem with it. Every little bit helps.

I just really wanted to tell someone about her, thank you for being here.

 

[cardero]

Hi Isabella,
Our son Kal-El was born a preemie (24 weeks). The best advice I can give is if the opportunity is available, spend as much time as you can with the child. The doctor’s and nurses are very understandable in situations like this and allow lengthy visitations for the parents. The important thing I wanted to tell you is you are not alone in this. Mrscardero and I are also rooting for you.

 

[dawny0826]

You and yours will be in my thoughts and prayers. She's a precious little miracle.