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Featured My bizarre church experiences:

Discussion in 'Theological Concepts' started by KelseyR, May 11, 2019.

  1. KelseyR

    KelseyR The eternal optimist!

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    I thought I'd share a few bizarre incidents that happened in churches I attended. They aren't meant to suggest a stain on what is being taught, and I hold no animosity toward Christians. The relevance to theological concepts will become apparent.

    Story #1
    From the balcony seats I watched an old man struggling to rise and sit as the minister repeatedly said to do so. On the fourth "all rise" he dropped dead from the exertion.

    Story #2
    The minister thought he could make Jesus seem more real by mentioning that every morning Christ would rise with halitosis and an erection. Bad breath and a b---r? I was so shocked!

    Story #3
    I attended one church where I was quickly warned that I could stay this once but must never return. Apparently, my being white was in defiance of God's intent at the Tower of Babel- or so they said.

    Post your bizarre stories here!
     
    #1 KelseyR, May 11, 2019
    Last edited: May 12, 2019
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  2. Enoch07

    Enoch07 It's all a sick freaking joke.
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    I don't have any bizarre church stories. Other than my spooky ghost stories I spin.

    But my brother who is 3 years younger than I.

    He once got caught up in a born again evangelist church. You know with cameras and giant TV screens etc. (Puke)

    But anyways he was 16 and he lost his virginity in that church's bathroom. A girl that liked him snatched him when he came out of the men's bathroom and dragged him into the women's bathroom and well, she had her way with him!

    But that's all I got!
     
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  3. whirlingmerc

    whirlingmerc Well-Known Member

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    It is bizarre a sinner like me could be forgiven and adopted by God as His own child, yet true.
     
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  4. KelseyR

    KelseyR The eternal optimist!

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    Like. Was her name Mary? Now that would be fitting!
     
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  5. adrian009

    adrian009 Well-Known Member
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    I was accused of being demon possessed (evidently the demon of lust as I may have looked at the church elder's daughter the wrong way). As the church elders were praying over me I had this intense urge to physically strike the instigator of this nonsense. I never did of course but left the church a few weeks later.
     
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  6. KelseyR

    KelseyR The eternal optimist!

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    Nice! Are you possessed?
     
  7. Mindmaster

    Mindmaster Well-Known Member
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    Was she hot? :D

    Better have been worth it... :D
     
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  8. adrian009

    adrian009 Well-Known Member
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    Lol. It’s always possible though I don’t believe in demons or the existence of Satan. So there you go. I must have the demon of deception too not to believe as my Christian fundie brothers and sisters do. It was all a long time ago and I have a much better relationship with Christians I’m pleased to say.

    That Tower of Babel story sounds pretty weird. Any idea what they were on about?
     
  9. Firemorphic

    Firemorphic Activist Membrane

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    This will probably sound funnier than it actually was (cause it really deeply depressed me) but at a church service I attended as a kid, there was a guy (only really in his 50s) who suffered a heart attack while playing "Amazing Grace" on a piano-accordion. He was accompanied by a pianist and a bass player, both who rushed over to him.
    That church service was excruciating, the ambulance came about 20 minutes later and the service was put to a halt. On the next Sunday the pastor gave his regards/respects/prayers to the Widow of the guy who died and mentioned the funeral date for those who knew the guy.

    It sounds funny (a guy dying playing amazing grace on a piano-accordion) and perhaps ironic, but it did impact me deeply. It led into (it didn't start it though) my long period of hard-Atheism back then too.

    This experience of mine does fit "bizarre" though, thoroughly.
     
  10. adrian009

    adrian009 Well-Known Member
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    I'm going to regret posting in this thread, I can tell!

    She was no more or less beautiful than a lot of the university students at that time.

    As a new Christian I had been invited to join a home group and as it was my first time was invited to the church elder's place for dinner beforehand. His daughter was sitting around the dinner table as everyone else was so she was difficult not to notice.
     
  11. Enoch07

    Enoch07 It's all a sick freaking joke.
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    He was just playing it so good the Lord called him on home to play for Him! >insert drum roll<

    Ok got my Dad joke out of the way. Thank you thank you everyone have a good night!
     
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  12. mikkel_the_dane

    mikkel_the_dane Active Member

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    I once as a soldier including my weapons were blessed by a priest in the name of an universal all loving god so I could go out and kill the enemy. I have never taken organized religion seriously since then and tried to find my own way.
     
  13. Enoch07

    Enoch07 It's all a sick freaking joke.
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    Interesting, do you view these as mutually exclusive or opposing ideas then?
     
    #13 Enoch07, May 12, 2019
    Last edited: May 12, 2019
  14. mikkel_the_dane

    mikkel_the_dane Active Member

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    That there is an all loving god versus that I kill another human. No. Not as they stand. But it is to simple for me.
    There is more to it. Since I am a die hard skeptic, when it come to all versions of Knowledge, Truth and what not in all forms and not just religion, I don't believe in any version of Objective Authoritative Moral Truth whether in the name of Science, Philosophy or Religion.
    So how we behave as humans are based for all of us as an act of faith in how we Ought to behave, but only God Knows. So I never use any version of Objective Authoritative Moral Truth, because I don't have access to it. I look at God's work, the world and try to do the work of being a human.
    In a way there is no way to God, many ways and only one. If you are humble enough, you know, you can be mistaken, when you speak in the name of God, so there is no way to God. Because there is no clear road map, there are many ways to God. And yet only one, because only God Knows.
     
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  15. PureX

    PureX Veteran Member

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    Humans are crazy. The older I get the more obvious that becomes. The trick, I'm thinking, is to try and appreciate them even IN their craziness. Because otherwise, they will drive me even crazier than I already am.
     
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  16. FineLinen

    FineLinen Active Member

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    "If ever I want to amuse myself with an idiot, I have not far to look for one. I laugh at myself." -Frederic Farrar-
     
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  17. mikkel_the_dane

    mikkel_the_dane Active Member

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    I even have it worse. I am in part crazy, yet I know it. So my sane parts of my brain have to spend time managing the crazy part. :D
     
  18. PureX

    PureX Veteran Member

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    At least you know it. That puts you way ahead of the curve.
     
  19. Left Coast

    Left Coast Active Member
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    Yikes those are crazy stories! In my old church college group we were told by one leader that holding hands was a form of foreplay, and by another that he didnt want us to frontally hug the opposite sex because, "you dont need to feel their breasts against your chest." As a closeted gay kid I found that pretty humorous.
     
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  20. Zita

    Zita Solitary Eclectic Witch

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    I went up for prayer, and everyone was falling out in the spirit.(so they say), then when he came to me and touched my forehead, I was still standing!! so he started to push harder and harder trying to push me down!! I wouldn't fall!!
    another one is the pastor was on house arrest with the ankle bracelet, anyway he was praying and dropped down, they thought he was slain in the spirit!! He was dead!!!
    Wonder why?
     
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