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Men - Would you take your wife's last name instead?

Discussion in 'General Debates' started by Nanda, May 15, 2007.

  1. Nanda

    Nanda Polyanna

    Messages:
    5,069
    Before I was married, my partner used to insist upon the fact that when we got married, he wanted me to change my last name to his. While an atheist, he was raised in a very traditional Portuguese, Roman Catholic family, and that's "just how things were done." I, on the other hand, was raised an atheist, in a very non-traditional family, where my mother was the head of the household, and while she had changed her name to my fathers, many of her sisters had chosen not to when they married. I was insistant on keeping my last name when we married. My partner and I bickered back and forth about this for years, but ultimately, I won out, and I think mainly because I posed this question: "Why don't you change your name to mine when we marry?" He didn't want to. "Why not?" I asked, "Then we'll have the same last name, just like you want. There will be no question that we're married, no confusion over whose last name to give the children." After much discussion, he really couldn't come up with a good reason not to change his name to mine other than the fact that he just didn't want to, and if that reason was good enough for him to keep his name, it was good enough for me to keep mine.

    So, now I pose the question to the men of RF: Would you change your last name to your wife's if she asked you to? And if not, what are your reasons? Would you expect her to change her last name to yours? Why, or why not?
     
    Ozzie likes this.
  2. Wandered Off

    Wandered Off Sporadic Driveby Member Staff Member

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    12,748
    Religion:
    Generally a bad idea
    Before we got married, I was very clear that it was my wife's sole decision about whether to change her name upon marriage, and I would be completely at peace with whatever she decided. I didn't want to change mine, and I didn't think it fair that she should have to change hers if she didn't want to either.

    If it had been really important to her that I change my name, I would have suggested that we hyphenate as a compromise, even though that has its own logistical problems.
     
  3. Terrywoodenpic

    Terrywoodenpic Oldest Heretic

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    11,722
    Religion:
    Anglican...heretic
    Over the years this has caused problems in many families
    It is often settled by turning it into a double barrelled name.

    I think we tend to cling to our family history if we know it.
    It would also be strange to be a head of a large family of many branches and not have the family name.

    I like the old Spanish system where the children use both their parents family names and when married use their fathers and their husbands , it makes cousin relationships much clearer.
    A wife uses her name first then her husbands
    A daughter uses her fathers first then her mothers.
    when she marries she drops the mothers name and adds her husbands.
     
  4. angellous_evangellous

    angellous_evangellous Pater Familias Staff Member Premium Member

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    I care more about being with my wife than what our name is. I'd rather our names were hyphed so that our friends could both locate us easily.
     
  5. michel

    michel Administrator Emeritus Staff Member

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    28,683
    It is part of the Culture in the U.K that the wife takes on the husband's surname......... I have never heard of anyone who has even thought to question that, but I guess I can understand your point. The only time I have seen a wife retain her maiden name has been when she was a professional person before marriage, and didn't want to lose the name.

    As far as the married name is concerned, I don't think that the married name has anything to do with the Religious aspect of a marriage; on the European Continent, a wife legally is called by her husban'ds surname ( hyphen ) her Maiden name.

    i.e my mother was (legally) Mrs Hiernaux-Copping.
     
  6. Darkness

    Darkness Psychoanalyst/Marxist

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    3,805
    I would have no problem changing my name as long as it was a good last name I was changing it to.
     
  7. The Seeker

    The Seeker Once upon a time....

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    467
    I wouldn't change my last name and I wouldn't care if my wife decided to keep her maiden name. I would want my children to have my name though.
     
  8. Nanda

    Nanda Polyanna

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    5,069

    Please explain why that is. (This is what my husband and I did, too, mainly as a compromise for him, and because I didn't really care. But if I had cared, it might have lead to another 8 years of bickering, because I don't think his wants would be any more important than mine in this regard.)
     
  9. CaptainXeroid

    CaptainXeroid Following Christ

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    4,782
    I've heard of people taking each other's last names and hyphenating when they get married, but I can't say I'm a real fan of it.

    My wife took my last name, and as I am an old traditionalist, were I faced with marrying again, I would insist that a future wife take my name as well.:eek: I think it's important for family cohesiveness that a married couple shares a common last name and a religious faith(yes, I know that's a different thread).

    So, the answer to the thread title question, for me, is an unequivocal NO.
     
  10. Nanda

    Nanda Polyanna

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    5,069
    But why does it have to be your name and not hers?
     
  11. The Seeker

    The Seeker Once upon a time....

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    467
    Because I'm the man and what I say goes! Just kidding. I really don't have a very good reason for wanting my kids to have my name. I guess it's just a preference.
     
  12. Dream Angel

    Dream Angel New Member

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    2,490
    My parents just had a double barrel! But i think thats because at the time I was the only grandchild of my grandfather and it is a way of continuing his name! Because he had died years before they were married, I think it was a comfort to my mum too! Generally, I would take my husbands name not for religious reasons but thats the whole fun of getting married. You know the whole writing down and practising your new surname? I cant imagine men doing that - its more of a girly trait! :)
     
  13. Nanda

    Nanda Polyanna

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    5,069
    What if the mother of your children wanted them to have her last name?
     
  14. Reverend Rick

    Reverend Rick Frubal Whore Staff Member Premium Member

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    Let's just abandon all traditions and burn all religious books and string up every white hetero male on the planet and worship the woman and make her all powerful.

    Is there any traditions not coming under attack?

    I feel like a dinosaur breathing his last breath. Lord take me now! I don't want to live among the unbelievers any longer. The world has gone to hell in a hand basket.

    Quibbling over a last name and disrespecting tradition is insulting to the traditional family. What is wrong with traditions?
     
  15. The Seeker

    The Seeker Once upon a time....

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    Nothing is wrong with traditions if you're the benefactor of them.
     
    Nanda and Smoke like this.
  16. The Seeker

    The Seeker Once upon a time....

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    She would have to offer a compelling reason as to why our kids should have her name instead of mine.
     
  17. Nanda

    Nanda Polyanna

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    5,069
    I'm sorry, who suggested that? It certainly wasn't me.

    Godspeed. *waves*
     
    Hema and Smoke like this.
  18. Nanda

    Nanda Polyanna

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    5,069
    Why? What if, like you, it was just her preference? What would be your compelling reason for them to have your name?
     
  19. Nanda

    Nanda Polyanna

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    5,069

    Precisely. Frubals.
     
  20. The Seeker

    The Seeker Once upon a time....

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    467
    If it were just her preference then I wouldn't allow it because it is tradition for the child to carry the father's name. I'm not sure what compelling reason would cause me to change my mind, but there may be one.
     
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