Losing my atheism

[Sha'irullah]

Over the last couple of weeks I have become very doubtful of my atheism and after weeks of dialogue with a close I finally shredded myself of the remaining remnants of my atheism. It still feels weird despite how organic my lack of belief was and my contempt for religion as a whole. To even admit my belief in a god at this very moment feels like an utter humiliation considering how secular minded I have always been and to some degree still am although with a very different interpretation.

When I was an atheist I was comfortable with myself until I felt that urge to be free and experience the beauties that religions have offered. The very minute I wanted to return to that I could not as my heart was closed to anything involving the mere conception of a god. My pragmatic attitude only developed in me having to reassure myself that I am not only an atheist but an anti-theist. My opposition to religion is still strong but at the same time I appreciate it more now.

 

[Lyndon]

God is very real, religions are mostly made up IMHO. Don't feel you have to follow any one religion to have a strong belief in God, God has so much more to offer than any one religion IMHO.

 

[Sha'irullah]

God is very real, religions are mostly made up IMHO. Don't feel you have to follow any one religion to have a strong belief in God, God has so much more to offer than any one religion IMHO.

There are things I appreciate about religion yet at the same time I can't legitimize them. Having been a Muslim before I find the religious natural to me yet profoundly flawed in severe ways. I think I'm going to find my way back the god through means I find practical and intellectually honest

 

[Jumi]

Theism doesn't conflict with secularism so you don't need to feel a bit of shame in that regard. It's mostly religious based institutional powers combined with state power that conflict with it.

 

[Twilight Hue]

Over the last couple of weeks I have become very doubtful of my atheism and after weeks of dialogue with a close I finally shredded myself of the remaining remnants of my atheism. It still feels weird despite how organic my lack of belief was and my contempt for religion as a whole. To even admit my belief in a god at this very moment feels like an utter humiliation considering how secular minded I have always been and to some degree still am although with a very different interpretation.

When I was an atheist I was comfortable with myself until I felt that urge to be free and experience the beauties that religions have offered. The very minute I wanted to return to that I could not as my heart was closed to anything involving the mere conception of a god. My pragmatic attitude only developed in me having to reassure myself that I am not only an atheist but an anti-theist. My opposition to religion is still strong but at the same time I appreciate it more now.

Best of luck.

 

[LuisDantas]

Here is hoping that you find your peace, @Sha'irullah

Atheism is not a big deal. If anything, it is even less consequential than theism.

Religion, however, has much to offer. Although I frankly doubt that Islaam helps any in that regard.

How aware of Dharma are you?

 

[Erebus]

Theism doesn't conflict with secularism so you don't need to feel a bit of shame in that regard. It's mostly religious based institutional powers combined with state power that conflict with it.

This is very much worth keeping in mind. You can be a theist while still advocating secularism.

For that matter, you can be a theist and still be critical of the harm caused by some forms of theism/religion.

 

[Windwalker]

There are things I appreciate about religion yet at the same time I can't legitimize them. Having been a Muslim before I find the religious natural to me yet profoundly flawed in severe ways. I think I'm going to find my way back the god through means I find practical and intellectually honest

Are you seeing yourself going back to the beliefs you held as a Muslim, or is this an evolving or building upon the good bits while discarding the bad as you find something that works for you?

 

[blü 2]

Sha'irullah

You make it sound as though you're leaving truth for beauty.

Good luck with these matters (and everything else).

And the future is long, so we can always change our minds.
.

 

[The Holy Bottom Burp]

Funny old world, personally going back to believing in god would feel like abandoning my intellect but all the best if you get something out of it. If I understand the comments you are going to be some sort of cultural Muslim?

 

[Windwalker]

You make it sound as though you're leaving truth for beauty.

Hopefully, like I did, you find both: reason and faith held together without conflict or compromise. Rather than an "either/or" choice, it becomes a "both/and" move. That's hard for a lot of people to realize.

 

[sun rise]

There are things I appreciate about religion yet at the same time I can't legitimize them. Having been a Muslim before I find the religious natural to me yet profoundly flawed in severe ways. I think I'm going to find my way back the god through means I find practical and intellectually honest

That seems right to me. To me, honesty is a root virtue and intellect a gift that should be appreciated.

Rites, rituals and ceremonies can be beautiful or a straight-jacket imprisoning the essential self. A growing number of people experience them as confining and deadening to the spirit especially when demanded by some religious authority.

 

[George-ananda]

Over the last couple of weeks I have become very doubtful of my atheism and after weeks of dialogue with a close I finally shredded myself of the remaining remnants of my atheism. It still feels weird despite how organic my lack of belief was and my contempt for religion as a whole. To even admit my belief in a god at this very moment feels like an utter humiliation considering how secular minded I have always been and to some degree still am although with a very different interpretation.

When I was an atheist I was comfortable with myself until I felt that urge to be free and experience the beauties that religions have offered. The very minute I wanted to return to that I could not as my heart was closed to anything involving the mere conception of a god. My pragmatic attitude only developed in me having to reassure myself that I am not only an atheist but an anti-theist. My opposition to religion is still strong but at the same time I appreciate it more now.

I am curious to hear a little about what you do believe now.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

Over the last couple of weeks I have become very doubtful of my atheism and after weeks of dialogue with a close I finally shredded myself of the remaining remnants of my atheism. It still feels weird despite how organic my lack of belief was and my contempt for religion as a whole. To even admit my belief in a god at this very moment feels like an utter humiliation considering how secular minded I have always been and to some degree still am although with a very different interpretation.

When I was an atheist I was comfortable with myself until I felt that urge to be free and experience the beauties that religions have offered. The very minute I wanted to return to that I could not as my heart was closed to anything involving the mere conception of a god. My pragmatic attitude only developed in me having to reassure myself that I am not only an atheist but an anti-theist. My opposition to religion is still strong but at the same time I appreciate it more now.

Yon can still think of yourself and how you define atheism. The only difference is the foundation is on god. Atheists see beauty just as theists do. We just have no god as a foundation. Im an atheist and dont use science as validate it. I just dont believe. Nothing scientific. Just not there.

Find secularism snd yourself through god. Its the same. Just yours not an atheist by definition.

 

[Sha'irullah]

Here is hoping that you find your peace, @Sha'irullah

Atheism is not a big deal. If anything, it is even less consequential than theism.

Religion, however, has much to offer. Although I frankly doubt that Islaam helps any in that regard.

How aware of Dharma are you?

Very familiar with Dharma . I was also implying Islamic philosophy not Islam itself technically

 

[Sha'irullah]

Funny old world, personally going back to believing in god would feel like abandoning my intellect but all the best if you get something out of it. If I understand the comments you are going to be some sort of cultural Muslim?

I feel the exact same way, I can intellectually rationalize atheism yet at the same time I find strongly detrimental to myself. Oddly enough my knowledge of the sciences and in particular mathematics has always challenged me as an atheist, I find great divinity in the mere existence of mathematics.

And I am not going back to Islam in ay shape or form. I merely wish to study Islamic philosophy again along with its theology. I wish to make sense of the debate between polytheism and monotheism.

Are you seeing yourself going back to the beliefs you held as a Muslim, or is this an evolving or building upon the good bits while discarding the bad as you find something that works for you?

I am merely going back to Islamic philosophy and studying monotheism and seeings if it is sensical. The only thing that conflicts my mind still is the age old debate of monotheism and polytheism.

 

[URAVIP2ME]

Over the last couple of weeks I have become very doubtful of my atheism and after weeks of dialogue with a close I finally shredded myself of the remaining remnants of my atheism. It still feels weird despite how organic my lack of belief was and my contempt for religion as a whole. To even admit my belief in a god at this very moment feels like an utter humiliation considering how secular minded I have always been and to some degree still am although with a very different interpretation.
When I was an atheist I was comfortable with myself until I felt that urge to be free and experience the beauties that religions have offered. The very minute I wanted to return to that I could not as my heart was closed to anything involving the mere conception of a god. My pragmatic attitude only developed in me having to reassure myself that I am not only an atheist but an anti-theist. My opposition to religion is still strong but at the same time I appreciate it more now.

You're Not alone in your opposition to religion. In Scripture I find Jesus was also opposed to it at Matthew 15:9.
Also, in chapter 23 of Matthew Jesus' pronounced many ' woes ' against corrupted religion.
However, like you, Jesus appreciated religion, just Not corrupted religious practices.
Mankind's religious family tree can be traced back to its roots or its base in ancient Babylon.
As the people left ancient Babylon they took with them their false religious-myth practices and ideas and spread them them world wide into a greater religious Babylon or Babylon the Great.
That is why we see so many similar or overlapping religious teaching throughout the world today.
So, why Not compare what the Bible really teaches (Jesus' 1st-century teachings) with what the world often teaches, and I find that Jesus' teachings about his God are the real teachings.

 

[Lyndon]

God: quote "I did not write the Bible, and you can quote me on that"!!!

 

[sun rise]

I feel the exact same way, I can intellectually rationalize atheism yet at the same time I find strongly detrimental to myself. Oddly enough my knowledge of the sciences and in particular mathematics has always challenged me as an atheist, I find great divinity in the mere existence of mathematics.

And I am not going back to Islam in ay shape or form. I merely wish to study Islamic philosophy again along with its theology. I wish to make sense of the debate between polytheism and monotheism.
....

I particularly like the view of a physicist on God and you might as well: ‘Star Trek’s’ William Shatner Interviews Physicist Michio Kaku: ‘The Universe Is A Symphony’ All Is Music

As far as Islam goes, I'm not nor have been a Muslim, but I found personally approaching it from the perspective of great Islamic Sufis such as Rumi and Hafiz to be helpful in my attempt to understand. I learned that there are multiple ways of approaching scriptures starting with the literal and going beyond to the metaphorical.

And I realized that "polytheism" is not a simple one vs many. Islam has 99 names of the divine. In some systems, these names are called gods while recognizing that there is only one God. Other systems are different.

 

[Sha'irullah]

I am curious to hear a little about what you do believe now.

Well it all starts with mathematics because when I see mathematics I see something metaphysical, something absolute and transcendental in every regard. My long time interest in Pythagoreanism is what brought this into me as I value numbers beyond all else. When I was an atheist this always stuck with me because here I am disregarding metaphysics yet the one thing I value and use with certainty and utmost faith is the one thing that I know for a fact is metaphysical.

So when I began contemplating the existence of gods I was always taken away by the mere concept of a monad, an originator of numbers and metaphysical absolutes. If there is order in something metaphysical and it offers absolutes then why is it agency and intent is thrown out of the question as well. So it naturally progressed from that and slowly began making me try to legitimize my atheism constantly while also trying to engage in things people deem spiritual.

Furthermore the concept of a god to me is a very over hyped and blown completely out of proportion. Gods merely provide man with a way of legitimizing and understanding order and to extend it beyond that is of great error. Christians and the atheists they spawned from the wretches of their own community have only perpetuated this lengthy cycle of bickering over an irrelevant concept of a metaphysical being.