The Sum of Awe
Brought to you by the moment that spacetime began.
So if you saw my last depressing post from a while ago (lol) things have gotten better (albeit slightly). I'm talking to this girl at work I like more often now (it's off and on because back in march she found out I had a crush on her and things been on and off awkward since then but they seem to be getting better, I think I need to be patient and let her speak to me first more often), and I bought a house in a city where three coworkers live and a couple of them talked about hanging out sometimes so it sounds promising like I might make friends there, and I also recently started opening up to my current neighbor (sucks that I'm moving just as I get to know him but if I can befriend him enough within a month (my moving date is July 24th) I could perhaps get his number and text him once in a while -- my issue is that I develop friendships slowly, but I'm pretty sure that's normal. I'm not the type that goes up to my neighbor's house after just two decent conversations, I'm the type that would say "hey" when I see him outside and see if they'd say hi back before approaching them)
My problem is I am very particular with who I talk to; just has to be good vibes and I have to trust them. Also a lot of my interests are obscure and deep/sensitive so maybe the reason why I feel like I'm not fully expressing myself is because a lot of my personality is based on more sensitive topics that I shouldn't get into until I know people more (I cannot stand small-talk because it feels so redundant and fake but I've gotten better at doing it with practice, and I think small-talk is the only way to make new friends)
Just kinda sharing my journey. I've been introverted and shy my entire life. Yes I've had friends but I haven't been a good friend to them because I was learning social skills this entire time and also, as a reaction to my trauma and trust issues, pushed everyone away (twice, once at ages 19-20 and then again just last year for half a year) and of course it made things distant between us when I tried to reconnect but they seem to forgive me. I've definitely learned my lesson and want to be a better friend from now on to the friends I do make.
But as I was saying, I've been introverted my whole life and I'm beginning to realize being alone in life is pretty depressing. I'm glad I finally decided to work on changing that instead of just accepting it. I feel like the future is promising.
My problem is I am very particular with who I talk to; just has to be good vibes and I have to trust them. Also a lot of my interests are obscure and deep/sensitive so maybe the reason why I feel like I'm not fully expressing myself is because a lot of my personality is based on more sensitive topics that I shouldn't get into until I know people more (I cannot stand small-talk because it feels so redundant and fake but I've gotten better at doing it with practice, and I think small-talk is the only way to make new friends)
Just kinda sharing my journey. I've been introverted and shy my entire life. Yes I've had friends but I haven't been a good friend to them because I was learning social skills this entire time and also, as a reaction to my trauma and trust issues, pushed everyone away (twice, once at ages 19-20 and then again just last year for half a year) and of course it made things distant between us when I tried to reconnect but they seem to forgive me. I've definitely learned my lesson and want to be a better friend from now on to the friends I do make.
But as I was saying, I've been introverted my whole life and I'm beginning to realize being alone in life is pretty depressing. I'm glad I finally decided to work on changing that instead of just accepting it. I feel like the future is promising.
