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Learning from those who critique you.

Spirit of Light

Be who ever you want
For the longest time i can remember i disliked being critiqued, and not only when it comes to religious practice, but in daily life too. But in the last few months something changed within me. Not that i love being critiqued for my belief or thoughts :D But the reaction i gained is to not be frustrated or angry at those who may see the world different than i do. Instead of taking it as critique of me, i try to understad where the other person coming from and why they have their understanding or view of the topic. It has helped me calm down in discussion or debate. and i can actually learn about my own inner being from those who critique what i say or write.

How is that for you? Do you take critique well? or do you have to fight for your views and beliefs to feel whole?
Do you get to fast ticked off by those who critique you?

If yes. why?
 
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SalixIncendium

अग्निविलोवनन्दः
Staff member
Premium Member
I take critique quite well, but only because I understand that a critique is only a projection of the critic's reality. It only becomes a part of mine if I allow it to. It's up to me to accept the critique or dismiss it.
 

pearl

Well-Known Member
If the one who critique you have less knowledge, and still critique you from their standpoint, can you not learn from them how to not behave toward others?

No, as it usually puts one on the defensive with no actual knowledge of how the subject pertains to me.
 

Vinayaka

devotee
Premium Member
For the longest time i can remember i disliked being critiques, and not only when it comes to religious practice, but in daily life too. But in the last few months something changed within me. Not that i love being critiqued for my belief or thoughts :D But the reaction i gained is to not be frustrated or angry at those who may see the world different than i do. Instead of taking it as critique of me, i try to understad where the other person coming from and why they have their understanding or view of the topic. It has helped me calm down in discussion or debate. and i can actually learn about my own inner being from those who critique what i say or write.

How is that for you? Do you take critique well? or do you have to fight for your views and beliefs to feel whole?
Do you get to fast ticked off by those who critique you?

If yes. why?

Either. Consider the source. Simply put, if a wise man critiques me, I'll listen, but a fool, well, no.
 

nPeace

Veteran Member
For the longest time i can remember i disliked being critiques, and not only when it comes to religious practice, but in daily life too. But in the last few months something changed within me. Not that i love being critiqued for my belief or thoughts :D But the reaction i gained is to not be frustrated or angry at those who may see the world different than i do. Instead of taking it as critique of me, i try to understad where the other person coming from and why they have their understanding or view of the topic. It has helped me calm down in discussion or debate. and i can actually learn about my own inner being from those who critique what i say or write.

How is that for you? Do you take critique well? or do you have to fight for your views and beliefs to feel whole?
Do you get to fast ticked off by those who critique you?

If yes. why?
I'm very glad to hear that. You have no idea. ;)
I welcome critique because I love when people feel free to express their feelings, views, etc. without feeling they have to "walk on eggshells", so I never am angry when someone expresses a negative view about me or my beliefs.

What may anger me, is if they show that they are being dishonest or hypocritical, by not being reasonable - that is, they don't back up what they say, or they evade questions that would reveal the truth.
I wouldn't really say I am angry though. It's more like disgusted, because I hate hypocrisy, and deceit. :)

I think I am that way, partly because of my background, but also because of my teaching.
JWs have helped me to understand the Bible, and how to view and respond to the reactions of people. So that I am more aware that there are always underlying reasons for people's reactions, so the important thing to do, is what you mentioned... think about and try to understand where the other person coming from and why they have their understanding or view of the topic.
That's key. :) I'm so proud of you Conscious thoughts.
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Spirit of Light

Be who ever you want
I'm very glad to hear that. You have no idea. ;)
I welcome critique because I love when people feel free to express their feelings, views, etc. without feeling they have to "walk on eggshells", so I never am angry when someone expresses a negative view about me or my beliefs.

What may anger me, is if they show that they are being dishonest or hypocritical, by not being reasonable - that is, they don't back up what they say, or they evade questions that would reveal the truth.
I wouldn't really say I am angry though. It's more like disgusted, because I hate hypocrisy, and deceit. :)

I think I am that way, partly because of my background, but also because of my teaching.
JWs have helped me to understand the Bible, and how to view and respond to the reactions of people. So that I am more aware that there are always underlying reasons for people's reactions, so the important thing to do, is what you mentioned... think about and try to understand where the other person coming from and why they have their understanding or view of the topic.
That's key. :) I'm so proud of you Conscious thoughts.
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We think often same way @nPeace and now when i have realized my fault when i in the past got upset, i think we understand each other even better :)
 

nPeace

Veteran Member
We think often same way @nPeace and now when i have realized my fault when i in the past got upset, i think we understand each other even better :)
I agree. I find that to be the case recently. That's what warms my heart,,, to see that you honestly evaluated yourself, and humbly adjusted.
Those are two qualities Jehovah looks for in people.
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Spirit of Light

Be who ever you want
I agree. I find that to be the case recently. That's what warms my heart,,, to see that you honestly evaluated yourself, and humbly adjusted.
Those are two qualities Jehovah looks for in people.
t2007.gif
I do not know why it happend, but after i converted to sufism, it is like a doorway open and i could see truth from all religions, not only Islam :) So i do no longer reject people from any walk of life or religion
 

Unveiled Artist

Veteran Member
For the longest time i can remember i disliked being critiques, and not only when it comes to religious practice, but in daily life too. But in the last few months something changed within me. Not that i love being critiqued for my belief or thoughts :D But the reaction i gained is to not be frustrated or angry at those who may see the world different than i do. Instead of taking it as critique of me, i try to understad where the other person coming from and why they have their understanding or view of the topic. It has helped me calm down in discussion or debate. and i can actually learn about my own inner being from those who critique what i say or write.

How is that for you? Do you take critique well? or do you have to fight for your views and beliefs to feel whole?
Do you get to fast ticked off by those who critique you?

If yes. why?

I actually don't for a couple of reasons both what I can control, just trying, and things I can't I just got to accept. It's a combination of things.

I kinda get what you mean, though. Well, at least recently so not too much practiced. My therapist gave me a website with some handouts. On one of them you write your stressful situation (say being critiqued for your maturity for me) then you write down your feelings and thoughts. Then you chance those thoughts and situation to the other person's point of view. The next section you do the same based on a traumatic situation that may relate in the past. You change the cognitive distortions with that and see how the cause of your present emotions and reactions may be caused by things you have in a sense no control over. It puts things in a different light.

In light of your OP, its getting more fun than upsetting. When another stressful situation comes up, I fill it out. If I see a connection, it helps to find a cause and a solution(s). The thing I can control is the present reactions.

The thing is, we can control what we say online. My thing is that, and we need to be mindful we're talking to humans online just as we do in person. Do unto others...

It's good you have some insight and putting it into practice though.
 

nPeace

Veteran Member
If the one who critique you have less knowledge, and still critique you from their standpoint, can you not learn from them how to not behave toward others?
I like that. That's excellent. I get that a lot from @stvdv and I appreciate it. He may not know that I read him loud and clear, but I'm often way ahead of him. :D
His reminders are good, to keep me in check, because I do get out of line... sometimes. ;) Thanks @stvdv
t2007.gif
 

nPeace

Veteran Member
I do not know why it happend, but after i converted to sufism, it is like a doorway open and i could see truth from all religions, not only Islam :) So i do no longer reject people from any walk of life or religion
You have your teachings to thank for that. I think you will continue to grow, as you keep searching. :)
 

Spirit of Light

Be who ever you want
I actually don't for a couple of reasons both what I can control, just trying, and things I can't I just got to accept. It's a combination of things.

I kinda get what you mean, though. Well, at least recently so not too much practiced. My therapist gave me a website with some handouts. On one of them you write your stressful situation (say being critiqued for your maturity for me) then you write down your feelings and thoughts. Then you chance those thoughts and situation to the other person's point of view. The next section you do the same based on a traumatic situation that may relate in the past. You change the cognitive distortions with that and see how the cause of your present emotions and reactions may be caused by things you have in a sense no control over. It puts things in a different light.

In light of your OP, its getting more fun than upsetting. When another stressful situation comes up, I fill it out. If I see a connection, it helps to find a cause and a solution(s). The thing I can control is the present reactions.

The thing is, we can control what we say online. My thing is that, and we need to be mindful we're talking to humans online just as we do in person. Do unto others...

It's good you have some insight and putting it into practice though.
Every day is a day of learning about what is actually how i want to become, and every day i find new areas of my own being i wish to peel away so the "less good" side of me disapear more and more.
The balance is to not peel away something i do need in life
 

Jose Fly

Fisker of men
Instead of taking it as critique of me, i try to understad where the other person coming from and why they have their understanding or view of the topic. It has helped me calm down in discussion or debate. and i can actually learn about my own inner being from those who critique what i say or write.
The older I get, the more I realize how being able to see things from another's perspective is a very rare skill. IMO, it's also an important one, so...good on ya' for acquiring it!

How is that for you? Do you take critique well? or do you have to fight for your views and beliefs to feel whole?
Do you get to fast ticked off by those who critique you?

If yes. why?
I seek out critique and debate. I remember even when I was a little kid my mom saying about me "He just has to know what everyone thinks". ;)

I see it as an important means to test what I think and see if it can withstand scrutiny. IMO, the alternative is to live in a self-confirming bubble, which I don't think is any way to live.

But then, I'm also a scientist so being critiqued and not taking it personally is basically my job description. :)
 

Spirit of Light

Be who ever you want
The older I get, the more I realize how being able to see things from another's perspective is a very rare skill. IMO, it's also an important one, so...good on ya' for acquiring it!


I seek out critique and debate. I remember even when I was a little kid my mom saying about me "He just has to know what everyone thinks". ;)

I see it as an important means to test what I think and see if it can withstand scrutiny. IMO, the alternative is to live in a self-confirming bubble, which I don't think is any way to live.

But then, I'm also a scientist so being critiqued and not taking it personally is basically my job description. :)
Life is about learning :)
 

Jose Fly

Fisker of men
Life is about learning :)
I absolutely agree! There's no limit to the variety of things you can learn in a lifetime, and being fortunate enough to have been born in a time and place where we can actually spend time time learning about whatever we like, it'd almost be a crime not to take advantage of it.
 
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