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"Jailbait"/Ephebophilia
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desideraht
Hellspawn
Fact is? I did not base My ex's douchetardiness on elements which are beyound his control, such as his physical appearance or age. Therein lies the distinction.
Again, this has nothing to do with your attraction, but how you then extrapolate to stereotype youthful appearing people.
People can catch onto human nature at different rates. Some 50 year olds are dumber than a bag of nails, and their "aged wisdom" doesn't mean anything. They make the same mistakes over and over because they are stupid and incapable of learning. Then there are young people, who are vastly intelligent and insightful, who often have "wisdom beyond their years." It simply means they have a better grasp on understanding things than most people their age—that is, the average majority. You cannot tell if this person is exceptional, average, or sub-par simply by their physical age.
I understand not being attracted to youths. On the other hand, I do not believe being young means a person has no life experiences or accomplishments. I for one, have a litany. I could write a novel (and many have suggested I should), from the horrors and terrors I have endured as a human being. Far more than many far older than I. My life is not "just beginning". It has been occurring, and I have been enduring. I do not mark the beginning of life at the beginning of a career or the beginning of supplemental income.
What I am referring to is the assumption that because someone is younger than you, you slap them with a label that they must be ignorant and dumber and understand less than you. I am fairly certain now that you feel I am arguing from a position of ignorance and don't know what I'm talking about because you're older and have more experience.
Ad. Hominem.
Wisdom, knowledge, experience, and valued ideas can come from unexpected places—only if you are open to it and do not hold preconceived notions about the source.
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I see. You took my comment about not even being physically attracted to younger looking people as an insult and read a lot more into it that was never intended nor mentioned. That's too bad. I never said that younger looking people just aren't attractive period. Just that *I* can't be physically attracted to teenagers or people who look like teenagers. Of course younger-looking people can be physically attractive and can offer a lot....
They're just not for me.
I have my reasons. And they certainly don't include sayings like "16 year olds are just stupid."
I'm sure you've seen a lot and have been through a lot. At your age, I was there, too. If you were to write a book, I'd read it simply because I like your style and think you have an interesting story. I disagree with you in that the average 16 year old has as much to offer as the average 45 year old. Like others have said, the minute a teenager opens his or her mouth, if there were any attraction at all before it completely disappears like a puff of smoke.
Just so you know, I'm a business owner that works with kids and teens every day, and I'm a college instructor who works with young adults. I hear the conversations and am approached with topics that interest the majority of these young adults and teens. I'm also a mom to four kids between the ages of 14 and 20. I'm no stranger to what interests these good folks have.
Therefore, I disagree with you that my perspective is placing an unfair stereotype that younger people overall are much less mature than older people.
Mystic is more than capable of speaking for herself. But I am pretty sure if a young person came across as exceptionally mature and wise, and an old fart like Heather...heehee...was in the market, she'd not ignore them purely on their age. But you would have to admit, that based on averages, older people ARE going to have more life experiences and wisdom.
How do you think the you of now will compare to the you of 10 years? Some people might prefer the current version, some might prefer the 10 years time version. To some degree it might depend on whether it's the optimism, energy and beauty of youth that is the most attractive to a person, or maturity, life experience and...well...in my case jaded cynicism...lol
That doesn't mean all youngsters are immature or 'unwise'. Just like I can name PLENTY of hot 40 years olds. But if you look at the OP, it's not exactly like the thread is about anything more than across the board averages, or stereotypes.
*shrugs*
Oh, and Horrorble...I dunno how old you are, but I've knocked back one young, attractive girl who was just over half my age. Does that get me respect? Got me plenty of bagging from my mates, I know that much.
desideraht
Hellspawn
You are twisting my words and I am going to state for the third time that My issue has nothing to do with what you are and are not attracted to. It has to do with stereotyping young people as unwise.
For the record, I never made such a claim.
And that would be the general population. There are exceptions. I do not relate to My age group or demographic at all. I do not have the same "dreams and ambitions" you and other users have mentioned young persons having. There are exceptions, which is why I resent stereotypes. That is all.
Obviously experience comes with age. However I do not think a blanket should be cast over a particular age group, restricting them to the stereotypes of said age group.
Fair enough. I'm not a fan of stereotypes either. But if we're talking about attractiveness, it's hard not to talk in stereotypes.
Blonde, brunette or redhead?
Young (as in the OP) or not so young?
Boys, girls or chickens?
I mean, I might generally prefer brunettes of my own age, but I married a blonde a few years younger than myself. I've never considered turning, but one day I might meet an irresistible chicken. Who knows?
Horrorble
Well-Known Member
desideraht
Hellspawn
Let me be the first to admit that I love the military man stereotype. Muscular, clean-cut, sharp jaw, great bubble butt, that whole "professional" mannerand yet, he is totally a drunk and a goof behind the sceneswreckless but driven, and frighteningly cunning. At least, the smarter ones. Some Servicemen (usually Marines) are about as smart as a two-by-four.
So I understand stereotypes. BUT. I know there are exceptions. MANY of them. And I would never say, "ALL MILITARY MEN ARE HOT" based on my stereotyping. That is definitely not the case. Besides, it is not because they are enlisted. I have met men who meet all of this criteria who are not in the Service. It's just the Service seems to have an abundance of the type of man I am attracted to. And yet, I know there is an incredible variety of types of people in the U.S. Armed Forces.
That's the thing. I don't ignore people based on how they look or if they have something to say. What got the emotions fired up was that I said I mentored a few young men on how to approach women if they were stumbling while trying to with me. Mix that with a statement that I just can't find myself physically attracted to somebody that looks like a teenager, and suddenly it's interpreted as an unfair stereotype that younger people have nothing to offer to anybody.
The prefrontal cortex in the brain doesn't stop developing until a persons mid-20s, so impulsiveness and the beginning awareness of an individual identity are still prevalent. There's still a natural dependence on various things simply because of hormonal and neurological development. I find acknowledging that is healthiest, and far from insulting.
I was in my mid-20s when I called my mother and thanked her for all she did for me. I have a relationship with my father now that I never had when I was growing up. And it's funny, but I think my dad never knew what to do with kids, teens, and young adults. He seems much more comfortable relating to older adults, which helps with all his kids their 40s.
Did that mean he didn't love me when I was younger? I thought so then. But I see things differently now. I know he loved me and was proud of me and wanted the best for me. But he's human just like everybody else with quirks and oddities. I'm happy that we've both lived this long to relate to each other with love and support.
Hubbie and I once had a dinner party where a man in his mid-60s came over. I knew him from a meditation group, and I never saw him before as somebody who was sexually attractive (usually we were discussing Dharma or sitting quietly in meditation, probably). But he came over with such a charisma, and began dancing to some disco music we put on, and he just was so better than Hugh Hefner that I couldn't help but cozy up to him the whole night. He didn't mind, either.
He then asked me and my husband if we knew more people he could be friends with because most of his friends are dead now. Yeah, I can't relate to that yet.
*sigh*
Oy, this isn't getting anywhere.
Look, it's nothing personal. I'm not attracted to people who look like teenagers. I'm not attracted to teenagers. I'm not attracted to college-aged kids. It's just not in my blood. If you think I'm stereotyping unfairly, I have to say that's your problem. I, for one, think it's wise to err on the side of caution when it comes to sexual attraction and teenagers, and to know that it would be very very easy for someone my age to take full advantage of someone much younger.
desideraht
Hellspawn
The cessation of that development, however, does not guarantee a cessation in impulsive behaviour, as is evidenced by drug addicts in their older age. Psychic Vampires can exist at any age, feeding off of drama and people's emotions.
You have failed to own up to your statements and keep diverting to talking about your attraction, which I will state for the fourth time was never the issue. Being in denial about a prejudice that you have is not My problem: it is yours. The only problem I had was wasting hot breath on deaf ears.
The reason for that is because addiction and prefrontal cortex development are two different issues. One deals with basic and general neurological development, and the other occurs with a chemical dependence on the release of dopamine on the body.
LOL good luck with that. It's notable that you think I'm prejudiced against teenagers when we're talking about potential statutory rape with an older adult trying to hook up with a 16 year old.
I don't go for jailbait. If that makes me prejudiced, so be it. Have a nice day.
desideraht
Hellspawn
This is where I put my hands on My ears and go, "LALALALALA" and prove you right that 20-something year olds are actually 5 in their heads.
Also I just used a bad example. Take drug addiction out and just add that some adults never grow the f*** up, and are emotionally wounded and need therapy and continue to wreak havoc in people's lives. Basically turning 30 doesn't magically make someone a well put-together human being, was My point.
Also I just used a bad example. Take drug addiction out and just add that some adults never grow the f*** up, and are emotionally wounded and need therapy and continue to wreak havoc in people's lives. Basically turning 30 doesn't magically make someone a well put-together human being, was My point.
This is where I put my hands on My ears and go, "LALALALALA" and prove you right that 20-something year olds are actually 5 in their heads.
LOL I'll join you just for fun.
Yes, I agree. I have family members who struggle with various neuroses and addictive behaviors and narcisissim. Family holidays are interesting that way because they remind us how human we all are.
This is different than the OP, however. Recognizing that we all are human and might struggle with various forms of addiction and neuroses does not automatically equate to the requirement to be attracted to 16 year olds.
I was planning to check this thread for a minute because the title caught my eye and then log out, but this particular post attracted my attention. So, the thread will now have to endure a response from me before I leave.
I don't really think that not being attracted to people who are much younger or older than you is a "prejudice" or anything of the sort. It seems natural to me, since age on average does tend to be an indicator of one's interests, goals, and way of thinking. It doesn't mean you have to have less respect for people of a different age than you to recognize and acknowledge that.
Personally, I usually find myself bored out of my mind when I sit with people in their mid-40s and 50s and listen to their conversations. I often find said people's lives or at least their ideal visions of their lives to be far too stable (relatively) and unchanging for me to relate to or be attracted to them romantically. They generally talk about things that I don't find interesting, can't relate to, and probably won't relate to for decades to come, literally. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with either of us; it just means there are differences that are too fundamental to allow for attraction to occur.
The same way I'm not attracted to the average 40- or 50-something, I also don't expect them to be attracted to me or to share my interests. In fact, if we had the exact same way of thinking despite the age difference, I'd most likely think about possible reasons for such. It would probably seem to me that either they had awfully little experience for their age or I had extraordinarily abundant experience for mineboth of which would be problematic (in my opinion) and unnatural; I like to take my time learning things, and it would be boring to me to know so much (as much as the average 50-year-old, that is) early on.
In any case, I just thought I'd clarify that I wasn't offended at all by Mystic's posts here, nor did I find them to be unfair or prejudiced. Heck, I strongly suspect that one day I'll look back on certain posts she has made and go, "Oh... so this is what that post I fruballed back in the day was talking about."
Back out again. Apologies if this post is too long winded, and have a good day.
Secret Chief
nirvana is samsara
I'm 53, boring and proud.
In fact, I may start a thread on Being Boring.
In fact, I may start a thread on Being Boring.
Erebus
Well-Known Member
I heard a theory that for men the ideal age for a woman (in terms of looks at least) is half his own age plus 7 years. So for example, I'm 23 so my ideal girl would be 18-19.
16 year olds wouldn't be jailbait for me as 16 is the age of consent in the UK. I think it's 18 if you're considered a person of trust though (teachers, doctors etc). Still, I tend to find teenagers pretty irritating in general. Nice to look at maybe, but not to sleep with and certainly not to have a relationship with.
For what it's worth Jailbait to me means somebody who is beneath the age of consent, but physically looks older. So in the UK a 15 year old who can get into a bar might qualify, as most bars have an under 21 or under 25 policy. If you look below that age you're asked for ID.
16 year olds wouldn't be jailbait for me as 16 is the age of consent in the UK. I think it's 18 if you're considered a person of trust though (teachers, doctors etc). Still, I tend to find teenagers pretty irritating in general. Nice to look at maybe, but not to sleep with and certainly not to have a relationship with.
For what it's worth Jailbait to me means somebody who is beneath the age of consent, but physically looks older. So in the UK a 15 year old who can get into a bar might qualify, as most bars have an under 21 or under 25 policy. If you look below that age you're asked for ID.
I was planning to check this thread for a minute because the title caught my eye and then log out, but this particular post attracted my attention. So, the thread will now have to endure a response from me before I leave.
I don't really think that not being attracted to people who are much younger or older than you is a "prejudice" or anything of the sort. It seems natural to me, since age on average does tend to be an indicator of one's interests, goals, and way of thinking. It doesn't mean you have to have less respect for people of a different age than you to recognize and acknowledge that.
Personally, I usually find myself bored out of my mind when I sit with people in their mid-40s and 50s and listen to their conversations. I often find said people's lives or at least their ideal visions of their lives to be far too stable (relatively) and unchanging for me to relate to or be attracted to them romantically. They generally talk about things that I don't find interesting, can't relate to, and probably won't relate to for decades to come, literally. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with either of us; it just means there are differences that are too fundamental to allow for attraction to occur.
The same way I'm not attracted to the average 40- or 50-something, I also don't expect them to be attracted to me or to share my interests. In fact, if we had the exact same way of thinking despite the age difference, I'd most likely think about possible reasons for such. It would probably seem to me that either they had awfully little experience for their age or I had extraordinarily abundant experience for mineboth of which would be problematic (in my opinion) and unnatural; I like to take my time learning things, and it would be boring to me to know so much (as much as the average 50-year-old, that is) early on.
In any case, I just thought I'd clarify that I wasn't offended at all by Mystic's posts here, nor did I find them to be unfair or prejudiced. Heck, I strongly suspect that one day I'll look back on certain posts she has made and go, "Oh... so this is what that post I fruballed back in the day was talking about."
Back out again. Apologies if this post is too long winded, and have a good day.
Wait. Hold up. I bore you?
You just broke my heart, DS!! :sad4:
.
.
.
Just kidding. I have fun when we're in chat together. You've got a remarkable mind, plus you let me tell all my weird stories of my crazy experiences and act like you care.
:hug:
desideraht
Hellspawn
There you go twisting My words again. For the 5th time, it is not your attraction I take issue with. Are you not capable of reading that particular sentence? Because you choose to continuously ignore it.
But this was not what was stated. What was stated is that younger people are ignorant/immature. And it was that I took issue with, and nothing else.