Is ****-Shaming the First World's version of FGM?

[MysticSang'ha]

I wanted an excuse to put in this video of a 13-year-old girl that I would be proud to call my daughter.

[youtube]SXH2K7OC37s[/youtube]
**** Shaming and Why it's Wrong - YouTube

Now obviously, I AM already proud of my own daughter for who she is and how she lives her life so far at 14. But I was very impressed with a young teen girl understanding and explaining why ****-Shaming is wrong.

She also brings up some salient points for further discussion/debate on the topic and how it springs up in various cultures around the world. I had the thought that ****-shaming is our version of FGM, and is also actively propagated not by men, but by other women to uphold sexual purity - or at least the image of sexual purity - in a culture's young women. Here are my arguments as to why:

1) Though the means of protecting a female purity for honor (whether it's a husbands honor or a familys honor), the motivation is the same. A female who enjoys sex, "gives it up" often indiscriminately, or is aggressive in her seeking of sexual partners brings shame to an institution that perceives her as part of its property. Whether it is to mutilate her clitoris and/or her labia, or to socially exile her, the female must learn that she is not to stray from the model of being owned by an institution and/or a man. She must not think she has self-ownership of her body. And her community will remind her many times that self-ownership is a grave sin.

2) The people (mostly women who are perpetuating the misogynistic patriarchal construct mentioned above) who support and/or advocate such measures as warnings or as rites of passage are also left with a conundrum that a virgin girl who is told she must not enjoy sex, must not seek it out, must deny any advances unless marital rites are granted, or that she must feel pain during intercourse, urinating, or with her menstrual cycle....continue to carry this baggage in their marriages and to be reminded that she is not an equal partner in sexual enjoyment. She remains a "keeper" of emotional intimacy, or of the kitchen. But in the bedroom, she is always reminded after decades and generations of being told that to enjoy sex, or to communicate sexual desire, is to be met with pain or shame.

Any thoughts to add?

 

[DallasApple]

2) The people (mostly women who are perpetuating the misogynistic patriarchal construct mentioned above) who support and/or advocate such measures as warnings or as rites of passage are also left with a conundrum that a virgin girl who is told she must not enjoy sex, must not seek it out, must deny any advances unless marital rites are granted, or that she must feel pain during intercourse, urinating, or with her menstrual cycle....continue to carry this baggage in their marriages and to be reminded that she is not an equal partner in sexual enjoyment. She remains a "keeper" of emotional intimacy, or of the kitchen. But in the bedroom, she is always reminded after decades and generations of being told that to enjoy sex, or to communicate sexual desire, is to be met with pain or shame.

Thoughts? On a different less overt level and with no violence involved this happened to me.The message is you are a dirty little whore if you have sex of course until you are married. Enjoying it? That part doesn't ever get mentioned. Unless these hang ups/baggage(whats in your head) keep you from enjoying it in marriage or you feel "repressed" even guilty if you like it physically,then you are a cold unloving frigid woman.The "gate keeper" of sex.Using sex as a "weapon" against your very own husband.

Because of course the day you get married suddenly you are supposed to ACT like a dirty little whore in the bedroom and swing off the ceiling fan licking and sucking and contorting in screaming multiple orgasms every day if that's what HE NEEDS.Because MEN need SEX and that is why they get married.You need to BE a porn star minus the camera and the money.

That's how MEN experience LOVE. Didn't you get the memo?

 

[DallasApple]

Oh and YES...I think it is .Our version of FGM. Its just our brains are what get mutilated.The main sexual organ.

 

[DallasApple]

Oh ma gosh ! Shes adorable! Thinking for her self and taking action!

Shes a very brave young lady!

 

[Titanic]

I was pretty much **** shamed to the extreme during my childhood. I am a guy too.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Thoughts? On a different less overt level and with no violence involved this happened to me.The message is you are a dirty little whore if you have sex of course until you are married. Enjoying it? That part doesn't ever get mentioned. Unless these hang ups/baggage(whats in your head) keep you from enjoying it in marriage or you feel "repressed" even guilty if you like it physically,then you are a cold unloving frigid woman.The "gate keeper" of sex.Using sex as a "weapon" against your very own husband.

Because of course the day you get married suddenly you are supposed to ACT like a dirty little whore in the bedroom and swing off the ceiling fan licking and sucking and contorting in screaming multiple orgasms every day if that's what HE NEEDS.Because MEN need SEX and that is why they get married.You need to BE a porn star minus the camera and the money.

That's how MEN experience LOVE. Didn't you get the memo?

I think that's the societal expectation of sexual dynamics, though you put it so eloquently here. (Did I mention before how I've missed you? )

I too find it amusing that women are expected to be innocent, virginal, and to deny most if not all of our sexual desires. But then the moment we get married we're supposed to be completely comfortable in our own skin and to share and communicate in the bedroom what we want. It's a Marriage Myth that is utterly unrealistic.

However, with the Sexual Revolution IMO, I think we are at least finding a collective step up from marriage including NO sexual desire from women. At least now with research by Kinsey and Masters and Johnson, husbands and wives are well aware of female sexual pleasure existing at all. I think we're just really clumsy now as a culture in its expectations of women transitioning overnight from virginal sex-denier to dirty little whore for her husbands fantasies.

Oh and YES...I think it is .Our version of FGM. Its just our brains are what get mutilated.The main sexual organ.

Yes. The mind is the most powerful sexual organ humans have.

Oh ma gosh ! Shes adorable! Thinking for her self and taking action!

Shes a very brave young lady!

Isn't she? I was very impressed with how eloquently she argued against ****-Shaming at 13. Seeing her and other young teens like her gives me hope for our future.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

I was pretty much **** shamed to the extreme during my childhood. I am a guy too.

We have ourselves a pretty repressed sexual culture. We advertise it everywhere and then scream bloody murder at our youth for looking at it or fantasizing about it. It's sad to see just how manic our society is when it comes to sex.

 

[Titanic]

I wanted an excuse to put in this video of a 13-year-old girl that I would be proud to call my daughter.

[youtube]SXH2K7OC37s[/youtube]
**** Shaming and Why it's Wrong - YouTube

Now obviously, I AM already proud of my own daughter for who she is and how she lives her life so far at 14. But I was very impressed with a young teen girl understanding and explaining why ****-Shaming is wrong.

She also brings up some salient points for further discussion/debate on the topic and how it springs up in various cultures around the world. I had the thought that ****-shaming is our version of FGM, and is also actively propagated not by men, but by other women to uphold sexual purity - or at least the image of sexual purity - in a culture's young women. Here are my arguments as to why:

1) Though the means of protecting a female purity for honor (whether it's a husbands honor or a familys honor), the motivation is the same. A female who enjoys sex, "gives it up" often indiscriminately, or is aggressive in her seeking of sexual partners brings shame to an institution that perceives her as part of its property. Whether it is to mutilate her clitoris and/or her labia, or to socially exile her, the female must learn that she is not to stray from the model of being owned by an institution and/or a man. She must not think she has self-ownership of her body. And her community will remind her many times that self-ownership is a grave sin.

2) The people (mostly women who are perpetuating the misogynistic patriarchal construct mentioned above) who support and/or advocate such measures as warnings or as rites of passage are also left with a conundrum that a virgin girl who is told she must not enjoy sex, must not seek it out, must deny any advances unless marital rites are granted, or that she must feel pain during intercourse, urinating, or with her menstrual cycle....continue to carry this baggage in their marriages and to be reminded that she is not an equal partner in sexual enjoyment. She remains a "keeper" of emotional intimacy, or of the kitchen. But in the bedroom, she is always reminded after decades and generations of being told that to enjoy sex, or to communicate sexual desire, is to be met with pain or shame.

Any thoughts to add?

I agree 100%. Frubal time I believe.

 

[Titanic]

We have ourselves a pretty repressed sexual culture. We advertise it everywhere and then scream bloody murder at our youth for looking at it or fantasizing about it. It's sad to see just how manic our society is when it comes to sex.

Yes your right. Then it seems violence is okay for the youths today. A mention of sex though gets you in trouble.

 

[DallasApple]

(Did I mention before how I've missed you? )

And I was SOO happy you were still around.I wasn't sure who was here still or not.I haven't even lurked in over two years.Missed you too!!! ((((((HUGS))))))

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I wouldn't call it comparable to FGM (assuming FGM is female genital mutilation), as ****-shaming is with words and isn't hacking off body parts. But it is incredibly sexist and a blatant double-standard of society as sex is a conquest and competition for men but something women are not supposed to be that interested in. It is also psychologically damaging, and is really nothing more than adhering to outdated patriarchal views of the demands of female sexual purity. I'm honestly surprised we even moved on from men having a wife only for baby-making and some mistresses on the side for sexual gratification.
I also find that I am quickly annoyed and frustrated with people who assume it is within their rights to decide how many sex partners is too many, and who completely ignore the fact it is not for them to decide.