Honestly kathryn, posts like this, especially following my own,
really tend to **** me off.
I don't owe you my life story,
however, as much as I'd like to move from this god forsaken expensive state,
it takes MONEY to move.
I don't even have security. First months rent.
Money to take an airline where I might want to move for a job interview.
I have nothing but bill money each month IF I'm lucky.
then nothing.
We live so simply, WE COULD NOT POSSIBLY DOWNGRADE.
The only thing I spend a little extra on each month is DSL.
And really for web building, which I do for myself, for my own business
I need it.
So that's it.
no cable. no satalite. no cell phones.
old van that looks like crap.
no new furniture. no flat screen tv's.
no blue ray.
I don't even own an ipod.
What do you suggest Kathryn?
How shall I move.
(If you plan to answer me from atop your high horse of financial judgement, please don't bother.
It makes my blood pressure rise sky high. and I have no health insurance.)
Shakespeare said it better than I can:
The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
But your response doesn't really surprise me - you tend to react very strongly every time I post anything about taking personal responsibility for one's actions.
I didn't ask for your life story - and you're absolutely right, you don't owe it to me. I have no idea why you are in such a wretched financial situation and I have no intention of judging you - and I couldn't anyway. I would be basing that judgment on only what you told me, and I have no way or desire to verify any of that information.
I am basing my opinions on personal responsibility and the ability to take control of one's life on my own personal experiences and the observation of others' success at doing so.
I sincerely hope that your financial situation improves. Sounds like you're really going to have to work hard to make that happen. If what you're doing now isn't working for you, then I guess you need to try something else.
You sound like an intelligent, articulate person, so the odds are that you can improve your life significantly over time. My point is that when people get stuck in a rut, they usually have to CHANGE DIRECTION - and that means taking personal responsibility, making tough decisions, and taking ACTION. This takes a change of attitude, heart, and mind.
I really encourage you to take a hard look at your life, and your choices, and do something DIFFERENTLY. I don't know what - I don't know your situation. But I bet you can change the direction of your life if you really sit down and think it through.
My ex husband was born in a tiny town in East Texas, a horrible little town that is still horrible to this day. In that town, you are either rich or poor - no middle ground - and the only rich people are white. My ex husband's parents were 17 and unmarried when he was born. His mother was a maid and his dad was a laborer - at least that's what's on his birth certificate. Neither finished high school. They raised their three kids in the depths of poverty - I mean, abject, nearly Third World sort of poverty. To further complicate things, my ex has a learning disability.
But he also has amazing drive. He decided as a young child that he REFUSED to live in that environment one minute longer than he had to.
I won't bore you with all the details, but I'll just say that now, he has three college degrees and is a colonel in the US Army.
My current (and favorite!) husband was also born in a tiny little town in Texas. His dad was killed in an oilfield accident when my husband was 6 years old. His mother had to go back to school in order to get a teaching degree so that she could provide for her two boys. She went to school at night and worked doing laundry for others during the day. Neither family could help much - they were all poor, working class people - dirt farmers, oilfield workers, etc. But she raised two fine boys whose work ethics were shaped by her example.
My husband determined that he would do things in the right order, try to shape his life so that his children were not put in a similar situation - basically parentless for the years that his mother had to work and go to school. He went to college, then worked his tail off in a very tough and competitive industry (oilfield) so that he could provide a comfortable life full of opportunities for his family.
Listen, in my line of work I see all types. Two particular types stand out in my mind - victims and victors. Those two types come in some amazing combinations. For instance, I see victors who have overcome debilitating physical handicaps, and I see victims who are attractive, intelligent, and perfectly healthy individuals. Two examples come immediately to mind:
"Tom" is 35 years old and has cerebral palsy. He can hardly walk and his speech is very slow - but understandable, because he's worked so hard for so many years with a speech therapist. Guess what his occupation is? He's a pastor of a small but growing church. You should hear that man talk about his faith and beliefs! He's mesmerizing! He's one of the most upbeat, positive people I know and he lives life with gusto. He doesn't make much money, but his enthusiasm for life says it all. Tom isn't a victim, he's a victor.
"Jenny" is about 60 years old. She has over $100,000 in the bank and an income of about $6000 a month. She hasn't worked outside the home for decades - her deceased husband's pensions and oil interests have provided her a financially secure and comfortable life. Every time I meet with her, she is miserable and does nothing but complain - about her neighbors, what the plumber charged her, how stupid her podiatrist is, how someone she knows talked ugly about her, etc etc. Jenny is a victim.
Whether you are a victim or victor in life has less to do with your actual living conditions than it does your state of mind. A person can't overcome whatever adverse condition is in their life as long as they are stuck in a victim mentality.
its called the american dream
