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Invent a Religion

Onyx

Active Member
Premium Member
If you could invent a new religion, what would you call it? Some Examples:

Church of Haten
Baconism
Society of Fractalists
Joy of Cake
Sisters of Percy

percy.jpg
 

SabahTheLoner

Master of the Art of Couch Potato Cuddles
Temple of Chikaan.

Chikaan is the lord of plenty. When he flaps his mightily wings, the lands become fertile. The sun is his caw and the moon is the egg he keeps cold that will hatch during the Great Famine. But the Great Famine won't happen until many years in the future. And then Chikaan will die, bringing sad nature, and a new Chikaan shall rise. The new Chikaan will take seven full years to become an adult and then he'll do all the same things his parent did. Chikaan looks like a rooster but he is also a hen, creating the Egg of Chikaan and the eggs that become other babies. You need two things to make another so Chikaan is both, and good at it.

Chikaan is eternal, holy and pleasurable. Offerings to Chikaan includes seeds, eggs and corn. The life span of Chikaan will depend on how much offerings he receives. Offerings must be made once a month and thrown into the Pit of Beek. Beek is the part of Chikaan that takes, so Chikaan can create from the Sky of Tail Fan. Sometimes it's useful, sometimes it just rots away, but Chikaan will create it. And then eat it because everything tastes like Chikaan.

In order to preform a ritual, one needs a Cloak of Many Feathers, the Knucklebones of Holy Life (any bone, really), the Wigglething, and knowledge of the Dance of Creation, distorted by the populace as the "chik-en dance". You must dance to uplifting folk dance music, but specifically the song of the name "chicken dance" is best, for it is the footsteps of Chikaan. You must dance for at least one full minute in the circle made of the Knucklebones, in the Cloak of Many Feathers, with the Wigglething on the ground in the circle. Then, in the middle of the ritual dance, one must shake the Wigglething in one's hand three times and praise Chikaan, and then say "bubble-gobble-hobble-wobble, I ask for a feather to help (state your rite in the shortest way possible), bobbly-boo". Repeat what you did in the first minute of the ritual.

This is how we praise Chikaan! Hail Chikaan!
 

VioletVortex

Well-Known Member
The Temple of Equimanthorn. I couldn't think of a good sounding "ism" name for it, so that's it. Equimanthorn is a word that has become valuable to me since I have learned its meaning.

 

Brickjectivity

Turned to Stone. Now I stretch daily.
Staff member
Premium Member
Chemultra -- the combination of Chemistry and idealism it is the eternal search for the ultimate chemical. One of our core principles is to steal ideas from other religions and say we have come up with them first.
 

The Holy Bottom Burp

Active Member
Dude-ism, it is where only Dudes are in charge of the religion right, females are given an inferior role, they have to stay quiet and keep covered up, they cant become priests like the Dudes, it is only Dudes that have a hotline to god, Dudes get the money from the faithful as well, and....what's that you say? Every religion in the world has already beaten me to the mark? Oh yeah? Who told you that? Probably one of the infidel from Chick-ism right? They claim they should have "equal rights" with the Dudes, that sort of talk is going to get you in Dude hell my friend, in Dude hell the only conversation is about "emotion" and "relationships", and there are literally NO wars and nobody even knows what a car or a motorbike, or SPORT is. Is that what you want "Dude"??? No, didn't think so. Repent and be saved, in Dude heaven there are loads of wars, video games, internet porn 24/7, the only way of getting around is by car or motorbike (really helps if you know your way around an engine), and rain is literally beer - chilled, and a decent alcohol content as well. Coming round to my way of thinking Dude? Yes, you know it makes sense. Dude-ism forever!
 

The Holy Bottom Burp

Active Member
Dude-ism, it is where only Dudes are in charge of the religion right, females are given an inferior role, they have to stay quiet and keep covered up, they cant become priests like the Dudes, it is only Dudes that have a hotline to god, Dudes get the money from the faithful as well, and....what's that you say? Every religion in the world has already beaten me to the mark? Oh yeah? Who told you that? Probably one of the infidel from Chick-ism right? They claim they should have "equal rights" with the Dudes, that sort of talk is going to get you in Dude hell my friend, in Dude hell the only conversation is about "emotion" and "relationships", and there are literally NO wars and nobody even knows what a car or a motorbike, or SPORT is. Is that what you want "Dude"??? No, didn't think so. Repent and be saved, in Dude heaven there are loads of wars, video games, internet porn 24/7, the only way of getting around is by car or motorbike (really helps if you know your way around an engine), and rain is literally beer - chilled, and a decent alcohol content as well. Coming round to my way of thinking Dude? Yes, you know it makes sense. Dude-ism forever!

Oh yeah, and every TV channel in Dude heaven is sport, war machines, or about automobiles. There is a one hour slot for romantic fiction/QVC etc., outside primetime hours, for any Chicks that are lucky enough to make it into Dude heaven. Mmm, Dudes....
 

Brickjectivity

Turned to Stone. Now I stretch daily.
Staff member
Premium Member
Just embrace the original Chemultra. I can't believe you folks are talking about all this newfangled stuff that is merely a poor copy of the original.
 

The Holy Bottom Burp

Active Member
Just embrace the original Chemultra. I can't believe you folks are talking about all this newfangled stuff that is merely a poor copy of the original.
As the chief High Priest of Dude-ism (ignore those imposters the Reformed Dude-ists, they are heretics, they claim the rain in Dude heaven is made out of Budweiser, when the Big Dude in The Sky wrote, er some time ago, it is made out of Stella) I hereby declare a fatwa on Chemultra. It is clearly a false religion, and an offence to the Big Dude in The Sky. It's holy war!!
 

Brickjectivity

Turned to Stone. Now I stretch daily.
Staff member
Premium Member
As the chief High Priest of Dude-ism (ignore those imposters the Reformed Dude-ists, they are heretics, they claim the rain in Dude heaven is made out of Budweiser, when the Big Dude in The Sky wrote, er some time ago, it is made out of Stella) I hereby declare a fatwa on Chemultra. It is clearly a false religion, and an offence to the Big Dude in The Sky. It's holy war!!
Actually you can't. You can only declare against the false Chemultra which I am not a part of, so there is no ought between us. Anyway we invented fatwas, so stop copying us.
 

The Holy Bottom Burp

Active Member
Actually you can't. You can only declare against the false Chemultra which I am not a part of, so there is no ought between us. Anyway we invented fatwas, so stop copying us.
Damn, thwarted by your legal mumbo jumbo! :DJust as well really, the faithful Dudes are too busy watching TV or drinking beer to be bothered with holy war. We are essentially a religion of peace.
 

Twilight Hue

Twilight, not bright nor dark, good nor bad.
Lemonites

Soured by religion, we worship in a yellow building, sit on yellow pews, ring yellow bells, burn yellow candles, and suck on lemons and drink lemonade as communion to remind us of the great souring that is soon to come upon us all as it is recorded from our holy yellow book.

A yellow bus will transport those who don't have yellow cars. Those that do, please park within the yellow lines.
 
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