In a bit of a pickle. Honest advice please.

[chief30]

After two years of being single I finally met a girl who shared the same intrests in me, had a wonderful personality, and hasn't used me. After talking to her for about a month, she started to say things to me like "I wish i could tell you some stuff but i dont think you would like me any more..." etc. But I didn't want to deal with secrets. These were her secrets:

1. She's an athiest
-Reason? She doesn't understand why bad things happen to good people.

2. She' not a virgin

3. She is addicted to cutting.

You may be thinking that number 3 is the worst but for me personaly i can stant to bear thinking about 2. It really hurts.

So I gave it thought, asked some friends, and went and talked to my priest who said "Its time for you to be a big brother instead of a boyfriend." - I firmly believe this. However as the days went on I didn't want to become distant. She was really a great person just 'messed up'. I asked her to dance at prom and we held hands... Im going to hang out with her now. What is your opinion/advice? Please see it from my perspective too. Thanks

 

[chief30]

Hey i really appreciate the advice Don Penguinoini, im only 18 so im kinda a kid too I'll tell you how this whole bowling adventure goes in a bit. cya!

 

[Jordan St. Francis]

Well, I think in regards to the 2nd problem, it should be something that you need to overcome. She has given up her virginity and that can not be undone, so I don't think it would be fair to hold that against her. It is an ideal to strive for, yes, but so many factors set in and people lose their way. Especially as Christians, who know the redeeming power of grace and God's mercy, we know that God renews us and regenerates in us what we could not recover on our own. This is true also of our sexual behaviors. So let her past be her past.

In regards to the point, that "Its time for you to be a big brother instead of a boyfriend", this could very well be true. Intimate and romantic love can be a powerful means of spiritual and psychological healing, and a healthy relationship must acknowledge that the other person has baggage and be willing to work through that with them.

On the other hand, a relationship should not be an extended therapy session. There is a difference between "baggage" and being in a place where our inner barriers and issues mean that a mature relationship can find no fertile ground. Don't romanticize "fixing her" because it could simply turn into an unhealthy dependency.

I can not say what you can do, but I don't think an addiction, whether it be cutting or not, is necessarily a reason in and of itself to end a romantic relationship, though on a case by case basis it might be.

Hope that might be of some help.

 

[3.14]

you need to be carefull with the cutting bit, selfmutilation is a serious mental issue and hard to quit without profesional help

 

[Don Penguinoini]

Well, everyone has given him PLENTY of advice...

 

[smitten508]

Pray your Rosary!!!! Say the Three Hail Mary's daily on her behalf.
In the case of #1: show her what it is to live a Christlike life. Talk to her and when bad things happen in your own life, praise God through it and that way be a living example of how God in His mercy can help us overcome.
#2: Don't sweat it, fidelity is much more important than virginity
#3: Seek counceling! That can be a phase or can be a serious mental health issue.

 

[blackout]

If you want a virgin honey.... you'd better hurry up and get yourself married.

A couple more years there won't be any left.
(unless you date jailbait... which I guess won't matter... cause you won't be havin' sex. lol )

Seriously... I wouldn't take it so personally.


EDIT:
Sorry! Sorry! missed the catholic directory.
Should I take the post down, I wonder?

 

[Dezzie]

I think you should get this girl some help with the cutting thing... I really do. If you really care for this girl, you would help her... She may not seem like she appreciates the help at first but I'm almost positive she will eventually... She needs help and maybe you met her for that reason.

 

[Quagmire]

***Mod Post***

Catholic DIR, guys.
​

 

[Tristesse]

After two years of being single I finally met a girl who shared the same intrests in me, had a wonderful personality, and hasn't used me. After talking to her for about a month, she started to say things to me like "I wish i could tell you some stuff but i dont think you would like me any more..." etc. But I didn't want to deal with secrets. These were her secrets:

1. She's an athiest
-Reason? She doesn't understand why bad things happen to good people.

2. She' not a virgin

3. She is addicted to cutting.

You may be thinking that number 3 is the worst but for me personaly i can stant to bear thinking about 2. It really hurts.

So I gave it thought, asked some friends, and went and talked to my priest who said "Its time for you to be a big brother instead of a boyfriend." - I firmly believe this. However as the days went on I didn't want to become distant. She was really a great person just 'messed up'. I asked her to dance at prom and we held hands... Im going to hang out with her now. What is your opinion/advice? Please see it from my perspective too. Thanks

Number 1, I personally wouldn't think should matter at all. Number 2, I also don't think is a big deal, but thats just me. Number 3 is by far the worst of all. She might need some help with that. Depending on how old you are, it might be nearly impossible to find someone who is a virgin. Plus, the ones who aren't virgins are more experienced, hence more fun. If you really like her, numbers 1 and 2 should be a non issue, number 3 should concern you a great deal.

 

[MarvelousWorksofGod]

I think you could be a boyfriend and a "big brother" at the same time. I think the best thing you can do is to encourage her to become a believer and to help change her ways. Her not a being a virgin isn't the end of the world, it is bad though, but no one is perfect and you should just help her, then your relationship can grow into something better than just being "brother and sister".