I'm Insane.

[Link]

I wrote this on another forum:

I went through Atheistforums.org, and was going through many topics I've created over the years. There is nothing normal about me. That was not the way to approach the God question. Talking about deep stuff to a bunch of people that ridiculed and didn't care to know.
It's insanity, madness, and it's become obvious to me, no one will marry me if I remain like this. I read my many topics on shiachat.com and a lot of it when I disbelieved in Islam, I see how the madness took me then too.
It was than I was writing to Shiite Muslims how their religion is false and at the same time arguing with Atheists and approaching the God question there. It's the worse insanity at it's worse.
It's absolutely retarded what I did. + all the other forums I been to and argued with Sunnis or Bahais, or Christians.
I've been insane. This is insanity. This isn't normal. And it has to stop.
I've been super pathetic my whole life. Got to stop wasting time. The world beacons and as insane and retarted as I am, I have a lot to contribute and my analytical reasoning and insights can be geared and funnelled better.
My apologies to all Atheists on here and on Atheistforums.org, for my annoying behaviour over the years.
It's truly been a waste of time.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

You seem to think you've reached some sort of epiphany.
If that's true, the journey might have been important.

But it's worth remembering that what seems certain to us one day might not be so the next, and act accordingly.

 

[Spirit of Light]

I wrote this on another forum:

I went through Atheistforums.org, and was going through many topics I've created over the years. There is nothing normal about me. That was not the way to approach the God question. Talking about deep stuff to a bunch of people that ridiculed and didn't care to know.
It's insanity, madness, and it's become obvious to me, no one will marry me if I remain like this. I read my many topics on shiachat.com and a lot of it when I disbelieved in Islam, I see how the madness took me then too.
It was than I was writing to Shiite Muslims how their religion is false and at the same time arguing with Atheists and approaching the God question there. It's the worse insanity at it's worse.
It's absolutely retarded what I did. + all the other forums I been to and argued with Sunnis or Bahais, or Christians.
I've been insane. This is insanity. This isn't normal. And it has to stop.
I've been super pathetic my whole life. Got to stop wasting time. The world beacons and as insane and retarted as I am, I have a lot to contribute and my analytical reasoning and insights can be geared and funnelled better.
My apologies to all Atheists on here and on Atheistforums.org, for my annoying behaviour over the years.
It's truly been a waste of time.

It is never to late to realize our own mistakes, and do something about it
You and I am in the same boat i made the same mistanke too on my path

But you awaken to it, and thats what is important to take with you

 

[YoursTrue]

I wrote this on another forum:

I went through Atheistforums.org, and was going through many topics I've created over the years. There is nothing normal about me. That was not the way to approach the God question. Talking about deep stuff to a bunch of people that ridiculed and didn't care to know.
It's insanity, madness, and it's become obvious to me, no one will marry me if I remain like this. I read my many topics on shiachat.com and a lot of it when I disbelieved in Islam, I see how the madness took me then too.
It was than I was writing to Shiite Muslims how their religion is false and at the same time arguing with Atheists and approaching the God question there. It's the worse insanity at it's worse.
It's absolutely retarded what I did. + all the other forums I been to and argued with Sunnis or Bahais, or Christians.
I've been insane. This is insanity. This isn't normal. And it has to stop.
I've been super pathetic my whole life. Got to stop wasting time. The world beacons and as insane and retarted as I am, I have a lot to contribute and my analytical reasoning and insights can be geared and funnelled better.
My apologies to all Atheists on here and on Atheistforums.org, for my annoying behaviour over the years.
It's truly been a waste of time.

That's kind of hard to fathom. Many of us (that is, people...) spend their lives looking for something to give meaning to their lives. And unfortunately many do not find it. There are artists, social workers, musicians, writers, do-gooders, etc., and they may think that interest gives their lives meaning, but from the outside looking in, it may be but it's not my way of looking at things. Mozart, for instance, was imo totally brilliant as a musician. And he left quite a legacy, dying as he did very young. But I don't think he was a happy person.
On the other hand, when you get married, you should marry someone who shares your interests to an extent (I liked folk music and so did my prospective husband, PLUS he had a good job, that was a plus). I knew marriage was a deep, deep commitment and so did not take the commitment lightly. I knew I was giving up my life to be with someone else. My life, wretched as it was, was not going to be mine once I got married. But I did get married, and we have many years together.
I'm not sure what you refer to as normal. Most people, when you think of it, are not normal. Well not that I know of. Normal people can be very boring anyway. Or annoying. Some people in my family are normal. While I love them, I certainly wouldn't want to be like them.

 

[epronovost]

@Link

I'll tell you the same thing I've told you on atheisdiscussion.org; if you think you have a problem of compulsive behavior or passing through severe mood swings you might want to consult a certified psychologist or your familly doctor if you have one/GP that could orient you toward care appropriate for you. Even perfectly healthy people can gain from a visit to a psychologist just like healthy people benefit from a visit to their GP for a checkup.

 

[ChristineM]

I wrote this on another forum:

I went through Atheistforums.org, and was going through many topics I've created over the years. There is nothing normal about me. That was not the way to approach the God question. Talking about deep stuff to a bunch of people that ridiculed and didn't care to know.
It's insanity, madness, and it's become obvious to me, no one will marry me if I remain like this. I read my many topics on shiachat.com and a lot of it when I disbelieved in Islam, I see how the madness took me then too.
It was than I was writing to Shiite Muslims how their religion is false and at the same time arguing with Atheists and approaching the God question there. It's the worse insanity at it's worse.
It's absolutely retarded what I did. + all the other forums I been to and argued with Sunnis or Bahais, or Christians.
I've been insane. This is insanity. This isn't normal. And it has to stop.
I've been super pathetic my whole life. Got to stop wasting time. The world beacons and as insane and retarted as I am, I have a lot to contribute and my analytical reasoning and insights can be geared and funnelled better.
My apologies to all Atheists on here and on Atheistforums.org, for my annoying behaviour over the years.
It's truly been a waste of time.

It's only been a waste of time if your mind is closed to other ideas. Not necessarily to take them on board (although that is an option) but to at least consider that everyone is unique (just like everyone else) and has their own view.

But if your actions disturb you then as @epronovost recommends, talk to your GP about a referral to a psychologist who will talk through your concerns and help put them in focus.

And as an atheist who has communicated with you on occasion, i can say with hand on heart that there are far more annoying posters around.

 

[A Vestigial Mote]

Don't let it get you down. Like any of us, you're figuring this stuff out as you go along. The best of us barely gets to a point of knowing anything in a meager 70-year lifespan. You can't have it held over your head that you aren't sure about what you've been doing for some portion of that. At least you are self-reflecting. That's always a step in the right direction as far as I am concerned.

 

[PureX]

For no small number of humans, religions can become an addiction. A kind of drug that creates or promises a false reality that they prefer over the confusion, struggle, and pain of real life. And the big problem with addiction is that the more time one spends chasing after that false "high", the worse they get at actually living their real lives, until their real lives fall apart, and they lose everything they love.

A God that can't be found in the 'mud, blood, and heartbreak' of the real world that we all live in, is just a fantasy, IMO.

 

[icehorse]

My apologies to all Atheists on here and on Atheistforums.org, for my annoying behaviour over the years.

We live in extremely complicated times, and even in the best of times finding meaning is always tricky business. We've sparred a few times on this forum, but I respect that you're on a quest to find meaning!

My only feedback - and this applies to many of the religious apologists - is to be honest about when you're making faith based arguments and when you're making logical arguments. We ALL make faith based arguments sometimes

 

[dybmh]

@Link,

You're going to be OK. Take good care of yourself during this time in your life. Eat, sleep, take it easy. The let-down that follows a realization like this can be devastating and long.

But, I'd like to point out that everyone goes through this to some degree in their lives: realizing the futility in trying to convince people to change their minds. The best a person can do is change themselves: be a good person, a good neighbor, and a good friend.... the rest will happen on its own.

But I don't think you're crazy at all. And I enjoy reading your posts. They're deep, spiritual, and they take risks.

Warm wishes,

 

[dybmh]

Most people, when you think of it, are not normal.

Just putting this out there... What is "insane" anyway?

To me, insane is not being able to recognize and accept another person's perspective. Using this definition, anytime a person tries to convince another person that they're wrong... it's a little crazy. And that's what an argument is: two or more people who have lost their minds acting like crazy people. And then they "come to their senses" and compromise.

If arguing is craziness, then compromise is the sign of sanity ?

 

[mojtaba]

I wrote this on another forum:

I went through Atheistforums.org, and was going through many topics I've created over the years. There is nothing normal about me. That was not the way to approach the God question. Talking about deep stuff to a bunch of people that ridiculed and didn't care to know.
It's insanity, madness, and it's become obvious to me, no one will marry me if I remain like this. I read my many topics on shiachat.com and a lot of it when I disbelieved in Islam, I see how the madness took me then too.
It was than I was writing to Shiite Muslims how their religion is false and at the same time arguing with Atheists and approaching the God question there. It's the worse insanity at it's worse.
It's absolutely retarded what I did. + all the other forums I been to and argued with Sunnis or Bahais, or Christians.
I've been insane. This is insanity. This isn't normal. And it has to stop.
I've been super pathetic my whole life. Got to stop wasting time. The world beacons and as insane and retarted as I am, I have a lot to contribute and my analytical reasoning and insights can be geared and funnelled better.
My apologies to all Atheists on here and on Atheistforums.org, for my annoying behaviour over the years.
It's truly been a waste of time.

Dear Link
I think you are absolutely right and spending too many times in religious forums is not good at all. Debating itself is not bad, but spending so many times for it can drown an individual in the deep sea of different arguments.
Be honest with yourself and break the loop. You are not the guardian of the others. You are responsible of your life. Love yourself and those people who are in your real life. Make your life happier. Resist the temptations of coming back in the previous life style and make a new one. Keep in mind the following Hadith of Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him):
... Do not quarrel people about your faith because quarrelling sickens the heart. Allah, the Most Holy, the Most High, said to His Prophet (s.a.) "(Muhammad), you cannot guide whomever you love, but God guides whomever He wants and knows best those who seek guidance" (28:56). "(Muhammad), ... So, can you force people to have faith?" (10:99). Leave the people alone. ...
(Sahih Al-Kafi)

Waffaqakallah!

 

[YoursTrue]

Dear Link
I think you are absolutely right and spending too many times in religious forums is not good at all. Debating itself is not bad, but spending so many times for it can drown an individual in the deep sea of different arguments.
Be honest with yourself and break the loop. You are not the guardian of the others. You are responsible of your life. Love yourself and those people who are in your real life. Make your life happier. Resist the temptations of coming back in the previous life style and make a new one. Keep in mind the following Hadith of Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him):
... Do not quarrel people about your faith because quarrelling sickens the heart. Allah, the Most Holy, the Most High, said to His Prophet (s.a.) "(Muhammad), you cannot guide whomever you love, but God guides whomever He wants and knows best those who seek guidance" (28:56). "(Muhammad), ... So, can you force people to have faith?" (10:99). Leave the people alone. ...
(Sahih Al-Kafi)

Waffaqakallah!

That's a good point about drowning oneself in myriads of arguments. Our lives are not that long that we can learn everything in these years we have now on earth.

 

[YoursTrue]

Dear Link
I think you are absolutely right and spending too many times in religious forums is not good at all. Debating itself is not bad, but spending so many times for it can drown an individual in the deep sea of different arguments.
Be honest with yourself and break the loop. You are not the guardian of the others. You are responsible of your life. Love yourself and those people who are in your real life. Make your life happier. Resist the temptations of coming back in the previous life style and make a new one. Keep in mind the following Hadith of Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him):
... Do not quarrel people about your faith because quarrelling sickens the heart. Allah, the Most Holy, the Most High, said to His Prophet (s.a.) "(Muhammad), you cannot guide whomever you love, but God guides whomever He wants and knows best those who seek guidance" (28:56). "(Muhammad), ... So, can you force people to have faith?" (10:99). Leave the people alone. ...
(Sahih Al-Kafi)

Waffaqakallah!

And there are some things that right now I wouldn't want to immerse myself in. After all, time is short. 24 hours to a day.

 

[Deidre]

I've followed your stories throughout the years on AF, and don't be too hard on yourself. You're not ''insane.'' If anything, you're quite human. Exploring faith means that sometimes, we see things differently from time to time. Maybe there was a time you thought you were offering insights to atheists. Now, you regret some of those posts. But, in everything, we gain experience and insight into ourselves. Take the bad with the good. And there definitely is good in your posts.