Im going insane!

[Mike Raines]

I know that I am everything that I seek. I am know that the only thing preventing me from self realization is simply my effort to do so..

I know that I am one with all. I know all these things and yet I haven't reached "enlightenment."

Is there some big wow lsd trippy moment where you can just see the vibrations? What is this total feeling of unity that I can not obtain?

I have researched, learned, and meditated myself into insanity. I feel so far away from what I was but yet so clouded of what's to come.

 

[Sundance]

They who try to seek the Light, walking in Darkness, stumble.

 

[TruthEnder]

I know that I am everything that I seek. I am know that the only thing preventing me from self realization is simply my effort to do so..

What is your method, or where do you look for self-realization?

I know that I am one with all. I know all these things and yet I haven't reached "enlightenment."

Don't you feel enlightened after having said this? This has certainly enlightened me.

Is there some big wow lsd trippy moment where you can just see the vibrations? What is this total feeling of unity that I can not obtain?

Again, what is your method, where do you seek enlightenment?

I have researched, learned, and meditated myself into insanity

What have you researched? What have you learned?

I feel so far away from what I was but yet so clouded of what's to come.

Being that I don't know much about Buddhism yet (I know someone who is into it, so maybe I'll pick some things up if I ask politely) so I can't really understand you clearly.

 

[psychoslice]

Just drop everything you are trying to do to become Enlightened, you are already there, keep telling yourself "who am I", remind yourself that you are not the body, for where in the body are you found, and keep going from there, it will click and the jig will be up. Also why wast your time trying to be Enlightened, just enjoy your life to its fullest no matter what, nevr clinging to anything, especially Enlightenment.

 

[loverofhumanity]

I know that I am everything that I seek. I am know that the only thing preventing me from self realization is simply my effort to do so..

I know that I am one with all. I know all these things and yet I haven't reached "enlightenment."

Is there some big wow lsd trippy moment where you can just see the vibrations? What is this total feeling of unity that I can not obtain?

I have researched, learned, and meditated myself into insanity. I feel so far away from what I was but yet so clouded of what's to come.

If you are sincere you will be guided. It is like a gift that is given not something one can obtain.

I wasn't seeking. I wasn't sincere like you appear to be. I was against everything good and true. Then one day it happened. I can tell you about it if you would like. It might help you but you might just think I'm being silly.

It begins with........

"One day I became weary of life and myself and decided if this is all that life is about then I don't want it anymore.. Thus began my long journey of suffering and severe mental anguish until.........

 

[Acim]

I know that I am everything that I seek. I am know that the only thing preventing me from self realization is simply my effort to do so..

I know that I am one with all. I know all these things and yet I haven't reached "enlightenment."

If you truly know all these things, then perhaps the "reaching" part is the problem?

Like let's say you are already enlightened, and this is established by what you know (i.e. you are one with all). Then let's say you reach for (greater) enlightenment. How does that make sense to you? I'm not saying it can't make sense, because well, I feel what you are expressing at least some of the time.

But I've also come to realize that there is part of me (part of what I'm attached to) that thinks lesser of me, and thinks I'm nowhere near enlightened, never will be, and that regardless of how much I reach, I'll always be in a state of lack. Lacking eternal life, lacking knowledge, lacking love, lacking enlightenment (as if that means something other than life, knowledge and Love).

Is there some big wow lsd trippy moment where you can just see the vibrations? What is this total feeling of unity that I can not obtain?

I've had such a moment, which has provided great insight for me. I didn't see vibrations with my physical eyes. This moment was a couple decades ago for me and lasted a few weeks. I've had glimpses of it (several times) since the longer duration episode. The glimpses last minutes or at most a couple hours.

For me, that experience was never overwhelming, and thus I don't recall having overwhelming feeling that I am literally one with everything. What were main takeaways for me from the experience is that a) joy is exponentially increasing, b) best way to receive more joy is to give as much as humanly possible, c) I distinctly recall welcoming all moments/events in my life at the time, without exception. For me, this would be noticeable difference to the less enlightened experience as I currently think of moments throughout the day where I'll be doing something I loathe or rather not have to do, and other things that I think in that moment (later), I'll be more happy than I am now. In my enlightenment experience, there was no such let down, and all of experience was welcomed as great opportunity to experience (more) joy and give of myself as much as humanly possible. I'd also add d) that I knew (early on) that this is always occurring. I could, on day 1 of that event, understand (acutely) how I generally don't have this type of experience, as in truly understand how I am blocking awareness of it normally. But because I was more aware, I didn't analyze it too much then as I did on hindsight later on, and as I'm doing right now. I'd say (a whole lot) more, but essentially comes to be willing to identify own blocks and desire to have them removed. I still think of that as a bit of 'sacrifice' and yet a crystal clear realization in enlightenment is that there is literally zero sacrifice.

I have researched, learned, and meditated myself into insanity. I feel so far away from what I was but yet so clouded of what's to come.

So, here's where I'm going to pretend to give you some advice to help you out, when in reality I do understand what I'm conveying is foremost for myself. Right before my enlightenment is what I'd call a little willingness to fully submit to Higher Power/God. I was a bit agnostic at the time, and fairly aware of arguments against God/God existence. Thus, it wasn't IMO a 'full surrender' or 'complete submission' and yet, I now realize that for where I was at (then), it was on par with 'complete submission.' For surely there is part of me/us that knows all of what we are up against and using as blocks to awareness to justify not going in direction of what we perceive to be 'sacrifice of own identity.' But that 'little willingness' to turn over all current issues, problems, blocks to whatever we self identify as Higher Self is I think key to experiencing full(er) enlightenment.

Would probably help a bit if I were a little more willing or more consistent in submitting to Higher Self to be more attuned to what I'm conveying, but I do feel what trumps some of what I'm saying and what I get from your OP is to not beat yourself up foremost. Be happy with where you are at. Realize there are literally no wrong steps in the path. Be content knowing what you know. And if at some point a submission to Higher Self make sense or is meaningful, then choose that. In every moment you don't choose that, realize you are still doing very well and are truly perfect in your own right.

 

[Sw. Vandana Jyothi]

Namaste (salutations to God within you), Mike
First of all, welcome to the RF forum! There are some wonderful, supportive, knowledgeable people here who contribute wisdom from many different faiths, as well as skilled moderators who do a great job of keeping things civil.

It is the "I" based ego/personality speaking which causes you (and me and so many others!) such torment. I urge you to be cautious of adding any modifiers after the words "I am." The universe is programmed to swing into line to make sure it manifests whatever modifier(s) you add to the phrase, adding and filling in any blanks, as it were, and then offers--oh my, insists!--on showing you its opposite. The eternal I AM is all that you are, nothing more, nothing less and It has no opposite. Everything else is a costume or prop on top of or somehow engaged with that Reality. It's not something you "go out and seek." It already is you so stand still, be still and let everything that isn't you fall off.

Thus, "I am hot, I am cold..." or "I know, I don't know"... or "I am insane, I am not insane," the dualities, in other words, the things which have opposites and flip sides, NONE of those are capable of describing or revealing the I AM of you, the God or whatever you choose to call it, the Light which you are. But all of them are statements/thoughts/feelings capable of swinging your mind to and fro. As you know from your studies, a stilled mind is a requisite for Self-realization. If one compares his mind to a lake, and the "enlightenment" one seeks as the reflection of the one Sun in that lake, the myriad thoughts are like pebbles (or boulders on some days, like mine today ) which cause ripples on the surface of the lake. Those ripples cause the lake to appear as if there are many suns reflecting in it, even when we already know it is not so. And that's the source of the maddening, hand-wringing, curse-creating misery of dancing with duality to the point of forgetfulness of one's true being.

I am. Period. Only affirm That. If your mind insists on thinking, voicing itself and meddling with your meditations, until you succeed in getting it to quiet down to silence/stillness, only allow it to affirm that Truth... I Am. I'm pretty sure you've been taught to be mindful of your breath, too, as breath is to the mind as reins are to a horse, so inhale, exhale with a slow, intentional rhythm to help in the work of getting a handle on your mind. First things first, eh? And make sure to cast a warm glance in your heart, the hrit padma. Because another name for I Am is mmmmmmm... LOVE! and that's where It lives, waiting for you and your embrace. Hugs.

 

[George-ananda]

I know that I am everything that I seek. I am know that the only thing preventing me from self realization is simply my effort to do so..

I know that I am one with all. I know all these things and yet I haven't reached "enlightenment."

Is there some big wow lsd trippy moment where you can just see the vibrations? What is this total feeling of unity that I can not obtain?

I have researched, learned, and meditated myself into insanity. I feel so far away from what I was but yet so clouded of what's to come.

My judge of spiritual progress is; am I more at peace in my mind?...more content?....feel more compassion with all I meet?...am I more detached from the temporary ups and downs of material life?.....am I happy?

What say you?

 

[Ben Dhyan]

I know that I am everything that I seek. I am know that the only thing preventing me from self realization is simply my effort to do so..

I know that I am one with all. I know all these things and yet I haven't reached "enlightenment."

Is there some big wow lsd trippy moment where you can just see the vibrations? What is this total feeling of unity that I can not obtain?

I have researched, learned, and meditated myself into insanity. I feel so far away from what I was but yet so clouded of what's to come.

Enlightenment is the realization of non-duality...union of self awareness with the ONE universal existence. Each person is, from the non-enlightened pov, an aspect of the universe that is a separate entity relative to the Universe Itself.....but in the enlightened state..there is union and thus the seeker of enlightenment and enlightenment are one... So long as there is a 'you' seeking to be enlightened or not to be enlightened....you are no nearer to enlightenment than the day you were born..

So the question becomes....how does human self awareness that sees 'God' as separate become not separate? Well the truth is, you are not separate in absolute reality, but your mind does not realize it! The reason you do not realize it is that the human thinking mind uses dualistic perception and will naturally see everything as relative to yourself....so you see yourself separate from everything you see 'outside' of your self...yes? What is required then is to discipline the mind so that it is able to cease thinking....no thinking means no sense of self arises in the mind to create the duality of perceiver and perceived....when the mind is still....absolute reality is realized... Many seekers understand this and meditate to still the mind, and even may succeed for brief periods, but never become enlightened because they fear ego annihilation (and madness).. Only the few who are brave enough to overcome this fear will go on to realize enlightenment..

 

[loverofhumanity]

I know that I am everything that I seek. I am know that the only thing preventing me from self realization is simply my effort to do so..

I know that I am one with all. I know all these things and yet I haven't reached "enlightenment."

Is there some big wow lsd trippy moment where you can just see the vibrations? What is this total feeling of unity that I can not obtain?

I have researched, learned, and meditated myself into insanity. I feel so far away from what I was but yet so clouded of what's to come.

This may help explain the process a bit clearer Mike.

“Only when the lamp of search, of earnest striving, of longing desire, of passionate devotion, of fervid love, of rapture, and ecstasy, is kindled within the seeker’s heart, and the breeze of His loving-kindness is wafted upon his soul, will the darkness of error be dispelled, the mists of doubts and misgivings be dissipated, and the lights of knowledge and certitude envelop his being.

At that hour will the mystic Herald, bearing the joyful tidings of the Spirit, shine forth from the City of God resplendent as the morn, and, through the trumpet-blast of knowledge, will awaken the heart, the soul, and the spirit from the slumber of negligence. Then will the manifold favours and outpouring grace of the holy and everlasting Spirit confer such new life upon the seeker that he will find himself endowed with a new eye, a new ear, a new heart, and a new mind.

Excerpt From: Bahá’u’lláh. “The Kitáb-i-Íqán.” Bahá’í eBooks

 

[sun rise]

I know that I am everything that I seek. I am know that the only thing preventing me from self realization is simply my effort to do so..

I know that I am one with all. I know all these things and yet I haven't reached "enlightenment."

Is there some big wow lsd trippy moment where you can just see the vibrations? What is this total feeling of unity that I can not obtain?

I have researched, learned, and meditated myself into insanity. I feel so far away from what I was but yet so clouded of what's to come.

I don't know your state nor what is best for you, so all I can write is my own experience. I've been trying to walk a spiritual path for over 40 years now and have seen slow, back-and-forth progress in some areas and in non-dramatic ways. I have some friends who have had dramatic but also temporary experiences of unity so I also know it's different for every one.

Over decades my greatest realization is not enlightenment or Satori or Samadhi but, quoting Rumi, the feeling That I am part of the ploys of this game makes me amazingly happy.

 

[Shia Islam]

I have researched, learned, and meditated myself into insanity. I feel so far away from what I was but yet so clouded of what's to come.

insanity can't take you to enlightenment, sanity can.

 

[Brickjectivity]

I know that I am everything that I seek. I am know that the only thing preventing me from self realization is simply my effort to do so..

I know that I am one with all. I know all these things and yet I haven't reached "enlightenment."

Is there some big wow lsd trippy moment where you can just see the vibrations? What is this total feeling of unity that I can not obtain?

I have researched, learned, and meditated myself into insanity. I feel so far away from what I was but yet so clouded of what's to come.

Welcome to RF Forums. Good post.

You may want to know since this is your first post: we have a Buddhist Dir area and a specific Zen Dir area if you are looking for information from other Buddhists or Zen students. :http://www.religiousforums.com/forums/buddhism-dir.10/ If you want to debate but limit discussion to Zen practitioners only, you should try starting a post in the same-faith-debates area: http://www.religiousforums.com/forums/same-faith-debates.63/

 

[Twilight Hue]

I know that I am everything that I seek. I am know that the only thing preventing me from self realization is simply my effort to do so..

I know that I am one with all. I know all these things and yet I haven't reached "enlightenment."

Is there some big wow lsd trippy moment where you can just see the vibrations? What is this total feeling of unity that I can not obtain?

I have researched, learned, and meditated myself into insanity. I feel so far away from what I was but yet so clouded of what's to come.

Yep. People do feel that way time to time.

 

[rusra02]

I know that I am everything that I seek. I am know that the only thing preventing me from self realization is simply my effort to do so..

I know that I am one with all. I know all these things and yet I haven't reached "enlightenment."

Is there some big wow lsd trippy moment where you can just see the vibrations? What is this total feeling of unity that I can not obtain?

I have researched, learned, and meditated myself into insanity. I feel so far away from what I was but yet so clouded of what's to come.

I believe true enlightenment comes from the true God who created us, and that the Bible is the book that enlightens, since it is inspired by the true God. (2 Timothy 3:16,17) Turning inward to achieve "enlightenment" will not work, IMO.

 

[JesusBeliever]

I know that I am everything that I seek. I am know that the only thing preventing me from self realization is simply my effort to do so..

I know that I am one with all. I know all these things and yet I haven't reached "enlightenment."

Is there some big wow lsd trippy moment where you can just see the vibrations? What is this total feeling of unity that I can not obtain?

I have researched, learned, and meditated myself into insanity. I feel so far away from what I was but yet so clouded of what's to come.

Hi there, I'd highly recommend reading the Gospels in the Bible about the life of Jesus (Maybe starting with John, and then Matthew, Mark & Luke). Being a Buddhist maybe you've already read them I don't know. I just know Buddhist that have greatly benefited from His teachings. Kind Regards!

 

[paarsurrey]

I know that I am everything that I seek. I am know that the only thing preventing me from self realization is simply my effort to do so..
I know that I am one with all. I know all these things and yet I haven't reached "enlightenment."
Is there some big wow lsd trippy moment where you can just see the vibrations? What is this total feeling of unity that I can not obtain?
I have researched, learned, and meditated myself into insanity. I feel so far away from what I was but yet so clouded of what's to come.

Light is Word of Revelation from God, one could access it:

http://www.alislam.org/quran/search2/showChapter.php?ch=1
No compulsion, however.

Regards

 

[tth1119]

This is all overly complicated. That is a major problem. Make yourself happy, truly happy. Do not try to make yourself happy by what the world around you wants, or what you think has to be done because others say so. Do it for you.

 

[JesusBeliever]

This is all overly complicated. That is a major problem. Make yourself happy, truly happy. Do not try to make yourself happy by what the world around you wants, or what you think has to be done because others say so. Do it for you.

While I agree with your sentiment, it can be really hard to know how to do that. I've been trying to be happy all my life and found I wasn't able to do it without a lot of assistance. So I'm a big believer in loving my neighbour as myself coz it's other people loving me like themselves that continues to help me find happiness.

Kind Regards

 

[jonathan180iq]

I know that I am everything that I seek. I am know that the only thing preventing me from self realization is simply my effort to do so..

I know that I am one with all. I know all these things and yet I haven't reached "enlightenment."

Is there some big wow lsd trippy moment where you can just see the vibrations? What is this total feeling of unity that I can not obtain?

I have researched, learned, and meditated myself into insanity. I feel so far away from what I was but yet so clouded of what's to come.

The desire is a hindrance. Let it go.