1. Welcome to Religious Forums, a friendly forum to discuss all religions in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Access to private conversations with other members.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

I'm Done

Discussion in 'Member Announcements' started by nutshell, Mar 4, 2006.

  1. Buttercup

    Buttercup Veteran Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2006
    Messages:
    20,960
    Ratings:
    +3,694
    Yes, Katzpur is a girl but I was wondering why her name came up at all, silly!

    Nutshell, you are loving this conversation darlin? :) At least it gets you back here to read something!
     
  2. Squirt

    Squirt Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2006
    Messages:
    1,239
    Ratings:
    +158
    I think it was because FFH suggested that I was Katzpur reincarnated or something to that effect.

    I'm just trying to get Nutshell to commit to a temporary break instead of to a permanent farewell.
     
  3. Buttercup

    Buttercup Veteran Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2006
    Messages:
    20,960
    Ratings:
    +3,694
    Oh I see. I must have missed that!...Anyway Goodmorning Squirt!

    Let's post some jokes in this thread to keep Nutshell entertained! I will dig a good one up!
     
  4. nutshell

    nutshell Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2005
    Messages:
    7,136
    Ratings:
    +669
    Buttercup, where are the jokes, hun?:)
     
  5. Squirt

    Squirt Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2006
    Messages:
    1,239
    Ratings:
    +158
    :biglaugh: I know what the pink "thing" is. It just struck me as funny hearing it described that way.
     
  6. nutshell

    nutshell Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2005
    Messages:
    7,136
    Ratings:
    +669
    :)
    I'm glad my farewell thread could turn into a discussion about Squirt's gender.
    :)
     
  7. Squirt

    Squirt Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2006
    Messages:
    1,239
    Ratings:
    +158
    The funny thing is, I totally think my avatar must be a tomcat! He's got such an attitude, don't you think?
     
  8. FFH

    FFH Veteran Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2005
    Messages:
    12,063
    Ratings:
    +374
    Yeah.
     
  9. Buttercup

    Buttercup Veteran Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2006
    Messages:
    20,960
    Ratings:
    +3,694
    I'm sorry for slacking my beloved Meat Helmet. Sunday's are busy around the Montague household with family and such. I hope you don't mind a rather tawdry joke (well, for LDS) but this is the funniest one I've heard all week. I did post it but it got passed over by many......

    *author disclaimer.....I'm from Oregon. [​IMG]


    A Texan, a Californian, and an Oregonian are out riding horses.

    The Texan pulls out an expensive bottle of whiskey, takes a long
    draught, then another and suddenly throws it into the air, pulls out
    his gun and shoots the bottle in midair.

    The Californian looks at him and says, "What are you doing? That was a
    perfectly good bottle of whiskey!"

    The Texan says, "In Texas, there is plenty of whiskey and the bottles
    are cheap."

    A while later, not wanting to be outdone, the Californian pulls out a
    bottle of champagne, takes a few sips, throws the champagne into the
    air, pulls
    out his gun and shoots it in midair.

    The Oregonian can't believe his eyes, "What the heck did you do that
    for? That was a perfectly good bottle of champagne!"

    The Californian says, "In California, we have plenty of champagne and
    bottles are cheap."

    So, awhile later, the Oregonian pulls out a bottle of Widmer
    Hefeweizen. He opens it, takes a sip, and then chugs the whole bottle.
    He then puts the bottle in his saddlebag, pulls out his gun, and shoots
    the Californian.

    The Texan, shocked, says, "Why the hell did you do that?!"

    The Oregonian replies, "In Oregon, we have plenty of Californians and
    the bottles are worth a nickel.
    ___________________________
     
    • Like Like x 1
  10. Buttercup

    Buttercup Veteran Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2006
    Messages:
    20,960
    Ratings:
    +3,694
    Well, it was phrased that way on purpose....you know how chimps are, we can't help being cheeky!:p
     
  11. Master Vigil

    Master Vigil Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2004
    Messages:
    5,746
    Ratings:
    +607
    HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

    Sounds like a standup joke. HAHA!!
     
  12. nutshell

    nutshell Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2005
    Messages:
    7,136
    Ratings:
    +669
    I LOVE IT!!!

    Being a part time Oregonian myself, I really enjoyed that.
     
  13. Evelyn

    Evelyn Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2006
    Messages:
    193
    Ratings:
    +32
    Didn't now you very well but good luck.
     
  14. FFH

    FFH Veteran Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2005
    Messages:
    12,063
    Ratings:
    +374
    And God Created...

    And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetable of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. And Satan created fast food and the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?" And Man said, "Supersize them." And Man gained pounds.

    And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair. And Satan brought forth chocolate. And woman gained pounds.

    And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad." And Satan brought forth ice cream. And woman gained pounds.

    And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them." And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

    And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.
    And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained pounds.

    And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil."

    And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also. And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw and said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

    And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. And Satan created HMO's
     
  15. FFH

    FFH Veteran Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2005
    Messages:
    12,063
    Ratings:
    +374
    More misunderstandings....

    Heber and the Minister

    Many years ago in a foreign country, the local minister decided that all the Mormons had to leave the city. Naturally, there was a big uproar from the Mormon community. So, the minister made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Mormon community. If the Mormon won, the Mormons could stay. If the minister won, the Mormons would leave.

    Realizing they had no choice, the Mormons picked a young missionary from Idaho named Heber, to represent them.

    Not able to speak the language very well, Heber asked for one addition to the debate. To make it more interesting, neither side could talk. The minister agreed.​

    The day of the great debate came. Heber and the minister sat opposite each other for a full minute before the minister raised his hand and showed three fingers. Heber looked back at him and raised one finger. ​

    The minister waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Heber pointed to the ground where he sat.​

    The minister pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Heber pulled out an apple.​

    The minister stood up and said, "I give up! This man is too good! The Mormons can stay."​

    Afterwards, the church council, gathered around the minister, asking him to explain what had happened. The minister said, "First, I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions.​

    Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us.​

    I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"​

    Meanwhile the Mormon community and all the missionaries had crowded around Heber. "What happened?" they asked.​

    "Well," said Heber, "First he said to me that the Mormons had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. He told me that his whole city would be cleared of Mormons. I let him know we were staying right here."​

    "And then?" asked a woman. "I don't know," said Heber, "He took out his lunch and I took out mine."​
     
  16. Daniel Burbank

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2006
    Messages:
    119
    Ratings:
    +10
    That's very funny!

    Sorry to hear that you're leaving, Nutshell! I hope it's not permanent and you can get whatever issue you have with the moderators solved.
     
  17. Popeyesays

    Popeyesays Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2005
    Messages:
    6,768
    Ratings:
    +469
    I heard this joke years ago but it was an Indian chief and a federal official.

    Regards,
    Scott
     
  18. nutshell

    nutshell Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2005
    Messages:
    7,136
    Ratings:
    +669
    I just wanted to pop in and same I'm ecstatic about Crash winning the Oscar for Best Picture! Go, Crash!
     
  19. Bishka

    Bishka Veteran Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2005
    Messages:
    18,919
    Ratings:
    +1,487
    I was going to say the same thing.
     
  20. Buttercup

    Buttercup Veteran Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2006
    Messages:
    20,960
    Ratings:
    +3,694
    cRASH is the only movie I saw that was nominated. So, yay Crash! We don't go to the movies very often.
     
Loading...