I went to counseling

[Riders]

I finally found a lady counselor who seems to be pretty good.I get to see her once a week. Shes 73 and single living alone. So shes kind of womans rights person female positive which is good this what I need. But its like I told her about my Mom beating my Dad up in her alcoholic days verbally abusing him for years, him being quite wimpy and distant with us growing up.

He let my Mom be dominant more or less. She said there is no way either me or any of my sisters could get out of that with out being male dependant , codependant on men.

But sometimes I think counseling is useless because I know she wants to show me how not to need men and all. But the Big Book of AA says it takes years for the effect of dependency on alcohol to me;t away. Dr. Bob took 2 or 3 years before he quit lusting and looking for alcoholic after he quit, and some people take 10 years before the obsession is gone.'

I was just thinking when I was with my counselor yea right lady you don't know how dependent on men I am. I don't have to be acting bad with sex or be sexual or go church at a cult that makes women go by a sexually restrictive dress code to be dependent.

I can be at the grocery store and ask for help from my managers and talk to men there and be dependent on men,I can watch a movie about women being dependent on men and feel my dependency so it doesn't take people...........

 

[Riders]

Sex Addicts Anonymous says it can take years for the lust of the mind on sex to melt away.

 

[sun rise]

But sometimes I think counseling is useless because I know she wants to show me how not to need men and all.

How do you know that? Is it something she said or the way she responded?

I was just thinking when I was with my counselor yea right lady you don't know how dependent on men I am.

I would not expect a counselor to know much about you after one session. That's the kind of thing that is explored not revealed all at once with full understanding.

 

[dybmh]

Try to keep an open mind. Hopefully the therapist will give you things to work on thru the course of the sessions. Employing these techniques consistently will ( hopefully ) slowly reduce the intensity of how you feel in the moment in your daily life. It won't be a like turning off a light switch, and it will probably always be a struggle.

Also, it may take some trial and error to find which techniques work for you. That's why keeping an open mind is important.

 

[Nakosis]

I finally found a lady counselor who seems to be pretty good.I get to see her once a week. Shes 73 and single living alone. So shes kind of womans rights person female positive which is good this what I need. But its like I told her about my Mom beating my Dad up in her alcoholic days verbally abusing him for years, him being quite wimpy and distant with us growing up.

He let my Mom be dominant more or less. She said there is no way either me or any of my sisters could get out of that with out being male dependant , codependant on men.

But sometimes I think counseling is useless because I know she wants to show me how not to need men and all. But the Big Book of AA says it takes years for the effect of dependency on alcohol to me;t away. Dr. Bob took 2 or 3 years before he quit lusting and looking for alcoholic after he quit, and some people take 10 years before the obsession is gone.'

I was just thinking when I was with my counselor yea right lady you don't know how dependent on men I am. I don't have to be acting bad with sex or be sexual or go church at a cult that makes women go by a sexually restrictive dress code to be dependent.

I can be at the grocery store and ask for help from my managers and talk to men there and be dependent on men,I can watch a movie about women being dependent on men and feel my dependency so it doesn't take people...........

I'd suspect she is going with whatever worked for her. May not work for everyone.

My experience, the only way to get over an addiction is to fast from it. It's the only way to know you have power over it.

For me, the unconscious mind kind of takes over my will, like I'm catatonic. Without conscious thought/decision, I find myself feeding my addiction. I regret it, get mad at myself, but what is done is done. I'll tell myself I'm going to do better next time.

Takes an enormous amount of conscious control/commitment. Also it's not once and your done. Every chance the unconscious mind will try to lead you back to addiction.

The benefit of the "fast" is the knowledge that you can have conscious control. The need to exercise that control may get easier with practice, but never seems to completely go away.

Might ask her what her personal experience with addiction is. It's easier to work with people you have common ground with.

This is all IMO, from my own experience. If helpful great. It not, tell me to go screw myself.

 

[Riders]

I'd suspect she is going with whatever worked for her. May not work for everyone.

My experience, the only way to get over an addiction is to fast from it. It's the only way to know you have power over it.

For me, the unconscious mind kind of takes over my will, like I'm catatonic. Without conscious thought/decision, I find myself feeding my addiction. I regret it, get mad at myself, but what is done is done. I'll tell myself I'm going to do better next time.

Takes an enormous amount of conscious control/commitment. Also it's not once and your done. Every chance the unconscious mind will try to lead you back to addiction.

The benefit of the "fast" is the knowledge that you can have conscious control. The need to exercise that control may get easier with practice, but never seems to completely go away.

Might ask her what her personal experience with addiction is. It's easier to work with people you have common ground with.

This is all IMO, from my own experience. If helpful great. It not, tell me to go screw myself.

Thanks I will ask her that next time good idea.I did ask her if she did do trauama counseling edmi which I need but she said it would be great for me but her center doesn't have it. Uh I can't find anyone who will,I was lucky to find one single place that took my insurance so.

 

[PureX]

Sex Addicts Anonymous says it can take years for the lust of the mind on sex to melt away.

You got something else more important to be working on?

 

[PureX]

I noticed that in AA it took about 5 years for people to work through the insanity that comes with long term addiction, and to finally be happy and at peace. And that's about how long it took me. But now I'm 26 years sober, so that 5 years doesn't seem like such an impediment. And it was well worth the effort. I've been recovered longer than I drank. And I wouldn't trade my worst day sober for my best day drunk.

I know it's hard for you to imagine, now. But just keep going one day at a time, and the time keeps adding up. And things keep getting better, because you keep getting better.

 

[Riders]

I noticed that in AA it took about 5 years for people to work through the insanity that comes with long term addiction, and to finally be happy and at peace. And that's about how long it took me. But now I'm 26 years sober, so that 5 years doesn't seem like such an impediment. And it was well worth the effort. I've been recovered longer than I drank. And I wouldn't trade my worst day sober for my best day drunk.

I know it's hard for you to imagine, now. But just keep going one day at a time, and the time keeps adding up. And things keep getting better, because you keep getting better.

Yea right it takes time. I have more then an addiction to men though. i am codependant and at times attracted to alcoholics and drugs addicts, so I may got o Alanon eventually. I am also an over eater. So I have several thigngs not just sex addiction to work on.

I also tend to develop OCDS Obsession compulsive thoughts on men as well. I use to be obsessed with The Doors, Jim Morrison and one time New Kids On The Block so I didn't even have to be in my sex addiction to satisfy my need for that.

I lost 5 pounds this week on my diet which is good. So my eating is another thing I need to work on as much as sex. I told my counselor I would start going to Take Off Pounds Sensibly next month as well. Hopefully I can get an exercise program going.

But I can not do everything all at once. I may tend to be attracted to strict religions or meditation groups zen groups even Hare Krishna for awhile. Religions is the only thing I have right now. So its just the best I can do.

 

[Riders]

You got something else more important to be working on?

I will be working on my weight was well as sex addiction. I lost 5 pounds this week. So it will be both my sex addiction and food addiction.

 

[PureX]

Yea right it takes time. I have more then an addiction to men though. i am codependant and at times attracted to alcoholics and drugs addicts, so I may got o Alanon eventually. I am also an over eater. So I have several thigngs not just sex addiction to work on.

I also tend to develop OCDS Obsession compulsive thoughts on men as well. I use to be obsessed with The Doors, Jim Morrison and one time New Kids On The Block so I didn't even have to be in my sex addiction to satisfy my need for that.

I lost 5 pounds this week on my diet which is good. So my eating is another thing I need to work on as much as sex. I told my counselor I would start going to Take Off Pounds Sensibly next month as well. Hopefully I can get an exercise program going.

But I can not do everything all at once. I may tend to be attracted to strict religions or meditation groups zen groups even Hare Krishna for awhile. Religions is the only thing I have right now. So its just the best I can do.

I suspect there may be a common 'hole' at the core of all those compulsions and addiction that drive them, though. And as that becomes clearer in time, they may all become manageable under one holistic lifestyle change.

 

[PureX]

I will be working on my weight was well as sex addiction. I lost 5 pounds this week. So it will be both my sex addiction and food addiction.

You are doing great! Every day is another "win". And they do add up.

 

[Riders]

Yea right it takes time. I have more then an addiction to men though. i am codependant and at times attracted to alcoholics and drugs addicts, so I may got o Alanon eventually. I am also an over eater. So I have several thigngs not just sex addiction to work on.

I also tend to develop OCDS Obsession compulsive thoughts on men as well. I use to be obsessed with The Doors, Jim Morrison and one time New Kids On The Block so I didn't even have to be in my sex addiction to satisfy my need for that.

I lost 5 pounds this week on my diet which is good. So my eating is another thing I need to work on as much as sex. I told my counselor I would start going to Take Off Pounds Sensibly next month as well. Hopefully I can get an exercise program going.

But I can not do everything all at once. I may tend to be attracted to strict religions or meditation groups zen groups even Hare Krishna for awhile. Religions is the only thing I have right now. So its just the best I can do.

Dr Bob took 2 or 3 years before he didn't walk into bars looking for a drink or searching his cabinets for alcohol or being obsessed with the drink. To me that pretty quick. Its gonna take me awhile.

My Mom quit drinking but she had to go to a halfway house the first 6 months or she probably would not have made it. She then did not quit being verbally abusive to my Dad and talking negatively about sex and men till I wa sin my 30s , so it took her 15 years or so to straighten a lot of her behavior.

The last 10 years of my Dads life was a lot more peaceful and I was really glad about that.

She still had on acd for sex almost untill the last year of her life. But it changed which was good and bad for me. I mean she the negative hateful verbally abusive talk about sex in my 30s which was really really good.


But she got to where she was like many people in AA who told sex jokes a lot and talked about sex flirted with the men at AA a lot. She and I both together talked about sex a lot. It wasn't healthy for me but like I said it was lets say less unhealthy t then the negative verbal abuse she did earlier in my life which I am grateful for.

That was an improvement but still the ocd was there till the end. She became mentally ill the last couple of years of her life. SO I went to AA meetings with her and sometimes shed start talking about the program to someone and couldn't make herself stop talking and Id have to drag her out of the meeting.

But its all good like I said I forgave my Mom and am grateful my Dad got 10 peaceful years.

But my Dad was a wimp and in my teens and twenties when my Mom was verbally abusive to him she was the dominant one and my Dad was distant. He also Did not visit me while I was in psych wards, he distanced himself between me and my sisters when my Mom was running the show.So there's no surprise that me and my sisters as my counselor put it became male dependent.

My sister Lynel shes on her 4th man now so. She been married 3 times before so shes the queen of codependancy and one of her husbands was a porn addict so.Being attracted to the submissive lifestyle with dominant men its a get back on my Mom I see that and its not healthy for me.

 

[Riders]

Everyday is a win but and I know this is paranoia. But I feel like some people like maybe my counselor and or others talk to me about spending a lot of time in therapy because with my stupid things I have done with men means I should never be in a relationship again.

To me that to me is demonizing men and sex. My Mom was raped and beaten by her first husband which is sad.
Back int he 1940s when she was married to her first husband hey there was no such thing as the law or police being called on an abusive spouse, if the man was beating his wife well, she made her bed she needs to lie in it. You could not go to the police and turn in a wife batterer sorry no such thing.

My Moms Dad luckily took a shot gun fired it in her Hubbys direction told him he would kill him. So her family ran him off. That's all you had if your dad or brothers could beat the guy up or threaten to kill him or kill him that's what had to be done, there was no help.So its not wonder she became bitter at men.

But she did demonize men and sex to me along time. Sometimes I just feel like its going to happen again, this counselor is going to tell em no men no way, thats what she said " You can live without men the rest of your life you don't need them."

I worry that's all. Demonizing men and sex is what started my sex addiction.

 

[Riders]

The Pentecostal church who sexually repressed us with strict old timey dress codes also demonized sex to women and men and sex...........its EVILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

 

[Riders]

Guess i am just being a baby. I have things to be grateful for. Sometimes I hear old voices talking to me that remind me of why I became a sex addict in the first place.