I want to believe in God again.

[Saint Frankenstein]

I keep flip-flopping between religions and I'm tired of it. I should just learn my lesson - polytheism doesn't really click with me and it's a lonely experience for me. It doesn't bring me peace of mind and I don't really feel the gods, not in the same way I've experienced the Christian God in the past. That's just my experience.

But I am very angry and bitter at Christians, specifically Catholics, for how they have treated me and people like me. I do not feel like I was really accepted as a Catholic. I cannot stand the judgmentalism and hypocrisy. But if I commit to Christianity again, it would have to be Catholicism because I simply can't see myself being a Protestant. Orthodoxy is an option, but that's too culturally foreign to me. I miss going to Mass, I miss the feeling of peace, warmth and love I felt praying and meditating, I miss the sense of wonder. I also would not become some super-conservative type. That's just not me. I know how to reconcile being queer, trans and sex-positive with Christianity, within myself.

I don't know. A lot of the time I feel like my relationship with God and the Church is so broken that it can't be fixed and I'm just fooling myself.

I don't know where I'm going with this post, I'm just tired.

 

[Rival]

I, for one, don't care how many times you flip-flop between religions. it shows that you take an interest in all, and not just your own culture or your own background. It shows that you want to take on board new ideas and worldviews. I remember when I was a Christian, I eventually devolved into simple Yahwism, because I've had the same experience: the only God that ever seemed to hear me was Yahweh. I can openly say that even as a Mazdayasnian, because it's true. If this is the God you feel and experience, I don't see a problem with putting your own twist on it. You well know that throughout the goodness knows how many years of Biblical-God history that this God has been shaped and reshaped and formed and reformed again and again.

Have you read Armstrong's 'A History of God'? It really gave me a new perspective, I really enjoyed it.

I do understand though, that things like the mass, communion and so on are greatly missed. The sense of community too, but given what you've said about feeling not accepted, perhaps this is not the community you need to run back to?

 

[Vouthon]

Why not try "Old Catholicism"?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_Catholic_Church

An Old Catholic Church originated with groups which separated from the Roman Catholic Church over certain doctrines, primarily concerned with papal authority. These churches are not in full communion with the Roman Catholic Church; member churches of the Union of Utrecht of the Old Catholic Churches (UU) are in full communion with the Anglican Communion;[1] and some are members of the World Council of Churches.[2] The formation of the Old Catholic communion of Germans, Austrians and Swiss began in 1870 at a public meeting held in Nuremberg under the leadership of Ignaz von Döllinger, following the First Vatican Council...

​

http://www.advocate.com/politics/religion/2013/10/03/alternative-way-be-catholic-and-lgbt

An Alternative Way to Be Catholic — and LGBT

The liturgy and rituals are those familiar to Roman Catholics. The pageantry is beautiful. But there’s no doctrine condemning same-sex relationships — and the priest offering communion may be a man or a woman, married or not, straight or LGBT.

Welcome to the world of many Old Catholic and Independent Catholic churches, which offer a Catholic style of worship, sometimes with elements drawn from other traditions, but are not Roman Catholic — not under the Vatican’s authority — and affirm the equality of LGBT people and women.

“It’s a more open and accepting environment,” says Rev. Chris Carpenter, pastor of the Community of the Resurrection in Long Beach, Calif., and bishop of the Diocese of St. George in the Reformed Catholic Church. “You can be yourself and you don’t have to cover up if you’re in a same-sex relationship.”​

It is socially 'liberal' and fully accepting of LGBT but rooted in apostolic tradition. Until now they have maintained the legitimate apostolic succession and valid sacraments.

However, they have some strong doctrinal differences with the Catholic Church and after 1996 have begun to ordain woman as priests, which isn't a problem so far as the validity of orders is concerned. Unless these Churches eventually accept woman bishops (don't know how many/if any have yet done so) and these women starting 'ordaining' people, they will maintain the legitimate apostolic succession.

These churches thus possess valid sacred orders (i.e. sacraments) from a Roman Catholic perspective.

So you would be receiving valid sacraments from their churches from an RC perspective but without being RC.

 

[FearGod]

I keep flip-flopping between religions and I'm tired of it. I should just learn my lesson - polytheism doesn't really click with me and it's a lonely experience for me. It doesn't bring me peace of mind and I don't really feel the gods, not in the same way I've experienced the Christian God in the past. That's just my experience.

But I am very angry and bitter at Christians, specifically Catholics, for how they have treated me and people like me. I do not feel like I was really accepted as a Catholic. I cannot stand the judgmentalism and hypocrisy. But if I commit to Christianity again, it would have to be Catholicism because I simply can't see myself being a Protestant. Orthodoxy is an option, but that's too culturally foreign to me. I miss going to Mass, I miss the feeling of peace, warmth and love I felt praying and meditating, I miss the sense of wonder. I also would not become some super-conservative type. That's just not me. I know how to reconcile being queer, trans and sex-positive with Christianity, within myself.

I don't know. A lot of the time I feel like my relationship with God and the Church is so broken that it can't be fixed and I'm just fooling myself.

I don't know where I'm going with this post, I'm just tired.

Follow what you think is right.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

The sense of community too, but given what you've said about feeling not accepted, perhaps this is not the community you need to run back to?

I think when it comes my experience with my parish, it's mostly because it's a cathedral and tends towards conservatism. Beautiful cathedral and beautiful liturgy, but the regulars tend to be elderly people. When I joined the Church, the rector of the cathedral was a very kind, humorous, friendly and energetic type. He's since retired and now the new rector comes off as stuffy and doesn't strike me as very approachable. However, there are lists of parishes in my city that are said to be more accepting of LGBT people, so maybe it's really a matter of switching parishes. It's just that my life has been so chaotic and I've been hit with so many hardships, one after another, that my spiritual life has pretty much reflected that chaos and religious practice has been placed on the backburner as I simply try to survive and not give into my depression and despair. But I do miss being religious and I want to be part of a community. I actually was an altar server for a time, if you can imagine that, with my piercings and all. Lol.

So maybe I should look for another parish. I haven't really ventured outside of the cathedral.

 

[BSM1]

I keep flip-flopping between religions and I'm tired of it. I should just learn my lesson - polytheism doesn't really click with me and it's a lonely experience for me. It doesn't bring me peace of mind and I don't really feel the gods, not in the same way I've experienced the Christian God in the past. That's just my experience.

But I am very angry and bitter at Christians, specifically Catholics, for how they have treated me and people like me. I do not feel like I was really accepted as a Catholic. I cannot stand the judgmentalism and hypocrisy. But if I commit to Christianity again, it would have to be Catholicism because I simply can't see myself being a Protestant. Orthodoxy is an option, but that's too culturally foreign to me. I miss going to Mass, I miss the feeling of peace, warmth and love I felt praying and meditating, I miss the sense of wonder. I also would not become some super-conservative type. That's just not me. I know how to reconcile being queer, trans and sex-positive with Christianity, within myself.

I don't know. A lot of the time I feel like my relationship with God and the Church is so broken that it can't be fixed and I'm just fooling myself.

I don't know where I'm going with this post, I'm just tired.

We all have to find our own truth, SF. Do not be afraid to look for yours.

 

[uncung]

I keep flip-flopping between religions and I'm tired of it. I should just learn my lesson - polytheism doesn't really click with me and it's a lonely experience for me. It doesn't bring me peace of mind and I don't really feel the gods, not in the same way I've experienced the Christian God in the past. That's just my experience.

But I am very angry and bitter at Christians, specifically Catholics, for how they have treated me and people like me. I do not feel like I was really accepted as a Catholic. I cannot stand the judgmentalism and hypocrisy. But if I commit to Christianity again, it would have to be Catholicism because I simply can't see myself being a Protestant. Orthodoxy is an option, but that's too culturally foreign to me. I miss going to Mass, I miss the feeling of peace, warmth and love I felt praying and meditating, I miss the sense of wonder. I also would not become some super-conservative type. That's just not me. I know how to reconcile being queer, trans and sex-positive with Christianity, within myself.

I don't know. A lot of the time I feel like my relationship with God and the Church is so broken that it can't be fixed and I'm just fooling myself.

I don't know where I'm going with this post, I'm just tired.

I suggest you to learn Islam. Read Quran translation in online. Compare it with your previous religion.

 

[syo]

The Ten Commandments don't forbid homosexuality. God accepts people who are not heterosexuals.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

I suggest you to learn Islam. Read Quran translation in online. Compare it with your previous religion.

I respect Islam, but I have way too many ties to Catholicism. I'm not looking to learn Arabic. I'm also not giving up alcohol and pork. Sorry.

 

[BSM1]

The Ten Commandments don't forbid homosexuality. God accepts people who are not heterosexuals.

You know this how?

 

[Demonslayer]

The happy, positive me will tell you that you can grasp on to God again regardless of how you feel about the Catholic Church or the continued bigotry displayed by a healthy number of Christians in the name of their religion. My mother, a devout Catholic her whole life, was devastated by the molestation scandal when it broke. I mean dev. is. tate. ed. That woman loved the church like no one I've ever met. But she loves children more and she stopped attending church and giving money to the church when it became clear how much covering up was going on. BUT, she still has Jesus and God and all that in her life, and that part of it is still a positive for her. It can be for you too if you choose.

The bi*chy old curmudgeonly me will tell you, don't bother. There is not really a God watching you, waiting to help you out, etc. so in reality it's an empty gesture and you'd be far better off spending your time doing something real to help yourself. You know my opinion about self improvement through physical activity, but if that's not for you join a book club or volunteer somewhere. Help can be found on the inside, not through some horsepoop God.

Feeling a little Jeckel and Hyde today, so take whichever answer suits you.

 

[uncung]

I respect Islam, but I have way too many ties to Catholicism. I'm not looking to learn Arabic. I'm also not giving up alcohol and pork. Sorry.

I don't understand arabic either. I said learn Islam, since you look for a new religion.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

The Ten Commandments don't forbid homosexuality. God accepts people who are not heterosexuals.

Oh, I know. I've done my research into the issue. It's just draining arguing about it over and over.

 

[Aiviu]

... within myself.

Why you need to be home in a religion then? What you miss the most is to find within yourself.

 

[Sees]

Hey bro, to me it is perfectly legit to be whatever sort of monotheist even if detached from Abrahamic traditions or others normally associated with it. If your gut and experiences point to that, then it is what it is. Definitely depends a lot on how you evaluate your experiences.

I still think it's good keeping an open mind and heart while incorporating various spiritual practices day to day if on the fence. They are more beneficial for your mind, heart, soul, etc. than having the correct dogma ironed out. If you look at spirituality and religion as a whole as a developmental thing, then you can accept the ups and downs as urging to move along the path. It is only a problem when wanting to start at the end goal and then simply stay there.

Narrow down to what you seriously know and let other stuff come in time...without a primary focus on knowing and believing. By nature, firmly grounded knowing and believing have to come later regardless of path, otherwise they are simply forced or for show.

 

[HonestJoe]

I’m a little biased (and maybe shouldn’t be posting here at all) but why do you need a “church”? You either believe in God or not and you’re free to pray and meditate whenever you want. It can’t be the community you’re missing since that appears to be the negative aspect that drove you away. Why not just live the faith and religious practices that feel right to you and seek wider and further afield for the community and social acceptance?

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

For what it's worth, @Rival, I still think that Zoroastrians worship the same God as Jews, Christians and Muslims. The similarities are far too much for that not to be true, imo. So I would say you're still a Yahweh worshiper.

 

[Vouthon]

For what it's worth, @Rival, I still think that Zoroastrians worship the same God as Jews, Christians and Muslims. The similarities are far too much for that not to be true, imo. So I would say you're still a Yahweh worshiper.

Same here, Zoroastrianism has exerted so much influence upon Abrahamic monotheism for it to be otherwise.

 

[Rival]

For what it's worth, @Rival, I still think that Zoroastrians worship the same God as Jews, Christians and Muslims. The similarities are far too much for that not to be true, imo. So I would say you're still a Yahweh worshiper.

Haha. I'd say the only major difference is that Yahweh is all-powerful and creates evil, where Lord Mazda is not and does not. Other than this, yes, they are very alike.

 

[Madhuri]

SF, you and many others these days do this flip-flopping. I personally have never really understood it. Why commit to a religion unless you feel that it represents the actual reality? Until you feel certain of a truth, why feel the need to have a label at all? Isn't it enough to learn about different religions and be spiritual until such a time that you realise what the truth really is? And if that day doesn't come, is it really so awful?