I need advice on how to handle my hypochondriac mother!

[Kathryn]

OK, she is driving me CRAZY. And I feel like such a jerk.

My mother has enjoyed exuberant health her entire life, though to hear her talk that's not the case. She has always exxagerated any pain or slight condition she might have - except the REAL ones. Let me give an example or two:

All my life, she's told me that she has "weak lungs and poor circulation." (Neither of these self diagnoses has any bearing in fact whatsoever, but can be used to justify occasional drama). Whenever she had her period, she took to her bed, with a little bell that she could ring to get people to bring her whatever she needed in her darkened "sick room." She always had extreme premenstrual syndrome, for over a week before each period, and she wreaked havoc in our household - then went to bed for several days when her period finally did come. I firmly believe she is bipolar and in fact a doctor did put her on some sort of meds for that at one time, which helped a lot - but she doesn't trust doctors (because they are always ruling out whatever condition she thinks she has), so she soon got off those meds and was back to her crazymaking self.

About 8 years ago, lo and behold, she had an actual medical condition - she had a major stroke, which affected her balance and her optic nerve, creating some vision disturbances and balance problems. So now she can't drive - but she doesn't seem to mind this at all, because she is convinced that driving is very dangerous and she "welcomes this reason to be off the roads." She has never had a serious wreck, but when she does get in a car, she gets in the back seat - she won't ride in the front seat.

But back to the stroke. Amazingly, she had a great attitude about this REAL issue. She did her PT and recovered well - and hasn't had any strokes or other problems related to it since. However, she refuses to acknowledge that the dizziness she feels sometimes is related to the stroke at all. She seems to be in complete denial of any symptoms that may be REAL and grounded in actual health issues, in other words. For instance, she had to practically be dragged to the eye doctor to have something that could be corrected, actually corrected. She wouldn't even admit that she was having vision problems - and did her best to try to get out of the appointment that she really did need. And yet, she wants to have all sorts of medical tests and appointments for things that she DOESN'T need.

She often wears a surgical mask outside because of pollution. She won't hold a cordless or cell phone to her ear because it will give her a brain tumor. She puts phones on a little plate and holds the plate about six inches from her ear.

Over the past year, she's been convinced that she has diabetes (she doesn't), hypoglycemia (she doesn't), COPD (she doesn't), deep vein thrombosis (she doesn't), and a torn tendon (she has an appointment for an MRI Friday, which she is already threatening to cancel because she doesn't want to "fall into the doctor trap"). Now she has confined herself to her bed and is using a portable toilet and having my dad and others bring her meals in bed and help her to the portable toilet, bathtub, etc.

She is lining up home health care today and is FURIOUS at my dad because he won't let her buy a wheelchair. He wants her to wait for the MRI results and see if the doctor prescribes one - and this suggestion makes her so mad! I am sure she is afraid that the MRI will show that nothing is wrong. Anyway, she wants that wheelchair TODAY and is determined to get one.

My fears are that she won't go the doctor, but will confine herself to this wheelchair/bed thing, and actually BECOME an invalid when there is probably nothing wrong with her at all!

My other frustration is that she doesn't seem to fit the "normal" hypochondriac mentality - she doesn't seem fearful of disease or injury. She seems to CRAVE it and to be VERY disappointed - and hostile - when she is told that her tests are normal or that nothing seems to be wrong with her. Cancel all your plans, sit all afternoon in the ER with her, only to watch her become excited and animated and forget to use her "sick voice" with the staff - who pretty quickly figure out there's no emergency - and then drive her home, while she dissects, with great hope, any stray comment that the doctor may have said about "Well, we should check for (fill in the blank)..." and simultaneously dismisses everything he said about what she DOESN'T have ("How would he know - doctors miss things all the time. He doesn't know how I feel - only I know how I feel." AUGH!

To top off everything else, my dad seems to have no concept of boundaries. He's always afraid something really MIGHT be wrong with her (keep in mind, she did have a stroke once, which scared him to death), and she plays on his fears and insecurities. So she's got him bringing her meals in bed and emptying her toilet, and alternating between anger and fear.

And she's FURIOUS with me because I'm not falling for it. Then my dad calls me and he's so frustrated and worried and angry and distraught, and she knows he vents to me, and it's become like a direct challenge to her - who wins my dad - her or me? I mean, this is in her mind, not mine - I just feel bad for my dad.

WHAT ON EARTH!!! Has anyone else had to deal with this sort of thing?

 

[Kathryn]

I have reconsidered. I think my mom has Munchausen Syndrome.

What is Munchausen syndrome?
Munchausen syndrome is a type of factitious disorder, or mental illness, in which a person repeatedly acts as if he or she has a physical or mental disorder when, in truth, he or she has caused the symptoms. People with factitious disorders act this way because of an inner need to be seen as ill or injured, not to achieve a concrete benefit, such as financial gain. They are even willing to undergo painful or risky tests and operations in order to get the sympathy and special attention given to people who are truly ill. Some will secretively injure themselves to cause signs like blood in the urine or cyanosis of a limb. Munchausen syndrome is a mental illness associated with severe emotional difficulties.

Munchausen syndrome—named for Baron von Munchausen, an 18th century German officer who was known for embellishing the stories of his life and experiences—is the most severe type of factitious disorder. Most symptoms in people with Munchausen syndrome are related to physical illness—symptoms such as chest pain, stomach problems, or fever—rather than those of a mental disorder.

Note: Although Munchausen syndrome most properly refers to a factitious disorder with primarily physical symptoms, the term is sometimes used to refer to factitious disorders in general. In this article, Munchausen syndrome refers to a more dramatic form of factitious disorder with physical symptoms.

What are the symptoms of Munchausen syndrome?
People with this syndrome deliberately produce or exaggerate symptoms in several ways. They might lie about or fake symptoms, hurt themselves to bring on symptoms, or alter diagnostic tests (such as contaminating a urine sample). Possible warning signs of Munchausen syndrome include the following:

Dramatic but inconsistent medical history
Unclear symptoms that are not controllable and that become more severe or change once treatment has begun
Predictable relapses following improvement in the condition
Extensive knowledge of hospitals and/or medical terminology, as well as the textbook descriptions of illnesses
Presence of multiple surgical scars
Appearance of new or additional symptoms following negative test results
Presence of symptoms only when the patient is alone or not being observed
Willingness or eagerness to have medical tests, operations, or other procedures
History of seeking treatment at numerous hospitals, clinics, and doctors’ offices, possibly even in different cities
Reluctance by the patient to allow health care professionals to meet with or talk to family, friends, or prior health care providers
Problems with identity and self-esteem
More comfortable being in the hospital than you might think
Medical knowledge may be quite extensive from many hospitalizations or prior work
There are many forms this disorder may take: feigning cancer, cardiac disease, skin disorders, infections, bleeding disorders, metabolic disorders, chronic diarrhea, and many more.

What causes Munchausen syndrome?
The exact cause of Munchausen syndrome is not known, but researchers believe both biological and psychological factors play a role in the development of this syndrome. Some theories suggest that a history of abuse or neglect as a child, or a history of frequent illnesses requiring hospitalization, might be factors associated with the development of this syndrome. Researchers also are studying the possible link with personality disorders, which are common in individuals with Munchausen syndrome.

How common is Munchausen syndrome?
There are no reliable statistics regarding the number of people in the United States who suffer from Munchausen syndrome, but it is considered to be rare. Obtaining accurate statistics is difficult because of dishonesty in representation. In addition, people with Munchausen syndrome tend to seek treatment at many different health care facilities, which causes misleading statistics. These patients are more often males (2:1), but in other factitious disorders, females are more frequent.

While Munchausen syndrome can occur in children, it most often affects young adults.

How is Munchausen syndrome diagnosed?
Diagnosing Munchausen syndrome is very difficult because of the dishonesty that is involved. Doctors must rule out any possible physical and mental illnesses, and often use a variety of diagnostic tests and procedures before considering a diagnosis of Munchausen syndrome.

If the doctor finds no physical reason for the symptoms, he or she might refer the person to a psychiatrist or psychologist — mental health professionals who are specially trained to diagnose and treat mental illnesses. Psychiatrists and psychologists use a thorough medical history and physical, laboratory imagery, and psychological assessment tools to evaluate a person for Munchausen syndrome. The doctor bases his or her diagnosis on the exclusion of actual physical or other psychiatric disorders, and his or her observation of the patient’s attitude and behavior. However, personality concerns are prominent and can make it that much more confusing to sort out organic from factitious etiologies.

Questions to be answered include:

Do the patient's reported symptoms make sense in the context of all test results and assessments?
Do we have collateral information from other sources that confirm the patient's information? (If the patient does not allow this, this is a helpful clue.)
Is the patient willing to take the risk for more procedures and tests than you would expect?
Are treatments working in a predictable way?
The doctor then determines if the patient’s symptoms point to Munchausen syndrome as outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition Test Revision (DSM-IV-TR), which is the standard reference book for recognized mental illnesses in the United States.

How is Munchausen syndrome treated?
Although a person with Munchausen syndrome actively seeks treatment for the various disorders he or she invents, the person often is unwilling to admit to and seek treatment for the syndrome itself. This makes treating people with Munchausen syndrome very challenging, and the outlook for recovery poor. If caretakers can protect the patient from self-harm and educate him or her about consequences that can occur, it may be helpful. Trying to reduce his or her care through only one physician, or two working closely together (psychiatrist and internist), is also suggested.

When treatment is sought, the first goal is to modify the person’s behavior and reduce his or her misuse or overuse of medical resources. Once this goal is met, treatment aims to work out any underlying psychological issues that might be causing the person’s behavior or help him or her find solutions to housing or other social needs.

As with other factitious disorders, the primary treatment for Munchausen syndrome is psychotherapy (a type of counseling). Treatment likely will focus on changing the thinking and behavior of the individual (cognitive-behavioral therapy). Family therapy also might be helpful in teaching family members not to reward or reinforce the behavior of the person with the disorder, but often the person is estranged from his or her family.

There are no medicines to treat factitious disorders themselves. Medicine might be used, however, to treat any related disorder—such as depression, anxiety, or a personality disorder. The use of medicines must be carefully monitored in people with factitious disorders due to the risk that the drugs might never be picked up from the pharmacy or might be used in a harmful way.

What are the complications of Munchausen syndrome?
People with Munchausen syndrome are at risk for health problems (or even death) associated with hurting themselves or otherwise causing symptoms. In addition, they might suffer from reactions or health problems associated with multiple tests, procedures, and treatments, and are at high risk for substance abuse and suicide attempts.

What is the prognosis (outlook) for people with Munchausen syndrome?
Some people with Munchausen syndrome suffer one or two brief episodes of symptoms. In most cases, however, the disorder is a chronic, or long-term, condition that can be very difficult to treat. Further, many people with Munchausen syndrome deny they are faking symptoms and will not seek or follow treatment. Even with treatment, it is more realistic to work toward managing the disorder rather than to try curing it. Avoiding unnecessary, inappropriate admissions to the hospital, testing, or treatment is important.

Can Munchausen syndrome be prevented?
There is no known way to prevent this disorder. However, it might be helpful to begin treatment in people as soon as they begin to have symptoms.

References
Phillips KA. Munchausen Syndrome. THE MERCK MANUALS - Trusted Medical and Scientific Information Accessed December 14, 2010.

Huffman JC, Stern TA. The diagnosis and treatment of Munchausen’s syndrome. General Hospital Psychiatry.2003;25:358–363. www.sciencedirect.com

© Copyright 1995-2010 The Cleveland Clinic Foundation. All rights reserved.

 

[sandandfoam]

Hi Kathryn,

Parents were put here to try us. Another 40 yrs and it'll be our turn

 

[Alceste]

My bipolar friend had a similar psychosis. She is convinced there is something wrong with her. It started with Alzheimer's Syndrome, then debilitating arthritis, then she thought she was going to go blind from toxoplasmosis, and now she's paranoid about STDs. With every new obsession, she goes all over hell's half-acre getting every kind of test, sometimes paying out of pocket (rarely happens in Canada), seeing all kinds of quacks. She suffers from extreme, constant anxiety over all these imaginary problems, but is curiously unconcerned and unmotivated to do anything about her real problem, which is mental illness. I think she hopes to discover that her mental illness is a side effect of a physical condition, rather than a consequence of a lifetime of abuse.

It is frustrating and tedious. I talk to her almost every day. You and your father need to assert your boundaries, and not allow your mother to emotionally blackmail you into playing along with her psychosis.

 

[Kathryn]

My bipolar friend had a similar psychosis. She is convinced there is something wrong with her. It started with Alzheimer's Syndrome, then debilitating arthritis, then she thought she was going to go blind from toxoplasmosis, and now she's paranoid about STDs. With every new obsession, she goes all over hell's half-acre getting every kind of test, sometimes paying out of pocket (rarely happens in Canada), seeing all kinds of quacks. She suffers from extreme, constant anxiety over all these imaginary problems, but is curiously unconcerned and unmotivated to do anything about her real problem, which is mental illness. I think she hopes to discover that her mental illness is a side effect of a physical condition, rather than a consequence of a lifetime of abuse.

It is frustrating and tedious. I talk to her almost every day. You and your father need to assert your boundaries, and not allow your mother to emotionally blackmail you into playing along with her psychosis.

Thanks for the insight. I really appreciate it.

After researching this, I think my mom has Munchausen's Syndrome (now I'm sounding like I have Munchausen's by Proxy Syndrome!). I mean, she is not at all DISTRESSED that she may have an illness - she seems to WANT to have an illness, and anyone who points out to her that all her medical tests return as normal be DAMNED!

Now she is on a tear to get a wheelchair. She will not rest until she gets one - which is a bit of a challenge because her doctor won't prescribe one and my dad won't buy one, and my mom can't drive. So she's calling everyone she knows to see if they can help her get a wheelchair.

Now - she has an MRI scheduled for Friday and if there's something wrong with her leg (which I seriously doubt), the doctor may prescribe a wheelchair - but that's not good enough or soon enough for her. In fact, she's threatening NOT to go to the doctor at all, because she doesn't want to "fall into the doctor trap" as she says. What this really means is that she doesn't want the doctor to confirm that there's nothing wrong with her leg because then she won't be able to get him to prescribe a wheelchair.

Kudos to my dad, who has adamantly refused to allow her to order a wheelchair on Amazon (which she still may do against his will - or give him so much hell he orders one just to get her to shut up). But he is bringing her breakfast in bed and sitting with her and she is just eating this up. Oh well, I can't worry about that - it's his job to lay out his own parameters. I sure wouldn't do it. But then, maybe I'm a jerk. Part of me feels like a jerk - it's very difficult to be firm with your mother when she's moaning and gasping for air over the phone.

Last week I was there, and she started this mess. I immediately told her to go to the doctor. She made an appointment but then ended up making my dad take her to the ER. At first she demanded that he call an ambulance because she felt "worse than she has ever felt in her entire life" and felt like she was "near death." He pointed out that he could get her to the ER faster than calling an ambulance, and then did so. As soon as he bundled her up in the car, she perked up and began to talk in an animated fashion - clearly excited about going to the ER.

When they got there, the staff screened her and could find no need to act quickly. She waited for three hours (as did my dad). Every time they would come in to check on her, she perked up and was joking and acting "charming" with them, so much so that my dad actually caught them rolling their eyes at each other. Of course, they found nothing at ALL wrong with her, and sent her home with the vague instructions to "take it easy and if the pain wasn't better in a week, call back to schedule an MRI." They gave her a leg brace, which she removed immediately in the car on the way home (it was uncomfortable) and has refused to wear ever since. She has confined herself to the bed and had people COME OVER TO BATHE HER (till they began refusing as well).

Of course, now she is proclaiming that doctors don't know what they're doing, that only she knows how she feels, and that she needs a wheelchair, dammit! And by golly, she is going to get one.

Their house, which is a historical home built in 1890, is not conducive to a wheelchair. I can assure you that this won't matter to her if she manages to find some poor sod who will bring her a wheelchair. She will then begin insisting that my dad make modifications to the house - which would be very expensive - and pointless.

I AM SO PUT OUT WITH HER! I'm starting to think that I need psychological help in dealing with HER psychological problems!

 

[Alceste]

That sounds like a pain in the butt. Don't feel like a jerk, though. Being kind doesn't require that you play along with somebody else's self-destructive game of make-believe. If you want to help somebody, you could always help your dad, let him know he can come over and decompress if he gets tired of nursing his perfectly healthy wife.

 

[Reverend Rick]

Kathryn, my mother would not retire gracefully. She needed to be the center of attention and did all kinds of crazy things to receive the mental stimulus she craved. I was like, perhaps you are bored and have time on your hands, but the rest of us have other responsibilities that need our attention.

The more I ignored her crazy crap, the worse it got. She was hell bound to receive attention no matter if it was positive or negative. Some of the things where medical while others where crazy trips or major purchases. She drove my Father absolutely nuts. After 40 years of marriage, she divorced my Dad, split their assets and promptly spent them in less than two years, (not a small sum I might add).

I refused to let her disrupt my life with her constant drama. I felt like a total jerk, but stuck to my guns. I feel your pain and sadly cannot give you much advice other than you should do what you must. I wish I could tell you things got better but sadly they have not.

My grandmother was a pill when she got older, (Moms Mom). She spent her last days in an alzheimers wing at the nursing home.

It is almost like they resent not being the center of the universe and do everything they can to get the attention they crave. It is much more than a cry for help, it becomes a compasion with them. No matter how much you do, it is never enough and the guilt trip they put on you makes you feel just awful.

I decided I was never going to be happy if I continued my relationship with my mother any longer.

To me, she is dead. She is not the person I remember her to be. The situation is sad indeed.

 

[Kathryn]

Kathryn, my mother would not retire gracefully. She needed to be the center of attention and did all kinds of crazy things to receive the mental stimulus she craved. I was like, perhaps you are bored and have time on your hands, but the rest of us have other responsibilities that need our attention.

The more I ignored her crazy crap, the worse it got. She was hell bound to receive attention no matter if it was positive or negative. Some of the things where medical while others where crazy trips or major purchases. She drove my Father absolutely nuts. After 40 years of marriage, she divorced my Dad, split their assets and promptly spent them in less than two years, (not a small sum I might add).

I refused to let her disrupt my life with her constant drama. I felt like a total jerk, but stuck to my guns. I feel your pain and sadly cannot give you much advice other than you should do what you must. I wish I could tell you things got better but sadly they have not.

My grandmother was a pill when she got older, (Moms Mom). She spent her last days in an alzheimers wing at the nursing home.

It is almost like they resent not being the center of the universe and do everything they can to get the attention they crave. It is much more than a cry for help, it becomes a compasion with them. No matter how much you do, it is never enough and the guilt trip they put on you makes you feel just awful.

I decided I was never going to be happy if I continued my relationship with my mother any longer.

To me, she is dead. She is not the person I remember her to be. The situation is sad indeed.

Sigh. Yes, I am very frustrated. It's been a really rough year, much harder on our family than the year she had her REAL stroke and recovery - which she sailed through with flying colors. This is very frustrating largely because it has become so obvious that she's not really sick, and the more we try to reason with her, establish boundaries GENTLY, try to be supportive without enabling her - the madder and more strident she gets.

The sad thing is that at age 73, something real is bound to come along for her healthwise. I mean, something serious. I just hope we don't miss it, trying to avoid all of her fake stuff.

 

[Kathryn]

That sounds like a pain in the butt. Don't feel like a jerk, though. Being kind doesn't require that you play along with somebody else's self-destructive game of make-believe. If you want to help somebody, you could always help your dad, let him know he can come over and decompress if he gets tired of nursing his perfectly healthy wife.

LOL he is having to sneak out of his house and call me on his cell phone in order to vent! They live a couple of hours away, so that's the best he can do.

He did call her doctor and give them a heads' up - and they have an action plan to get her to a doctor who specializes in Munchausen and hypochondria patients - or determining if this is indeed the issue - if her MRI Friday comes back normal, which I believe it will. IF indeed she will even go to the doctor Friday - she's already threatening not to go and to just get someone to bring her a wheelchair because "she knows what she needs better than those doctors."

AUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Wirey]

If I may make a suggestion? Get a syringe, fill it with distilled water, and inject it into your own thigh in front of her. Tell her it was HIV, and now you're winning. It won't cure her, but a little healthy competition never hurt anyone.

 

[Quagmire]

That's rough, Kathryn.

Yeah, my mom had make-believe problems too: kept telling everybody she had a deranged juvenile delinquent for a son for one thing.



edit: what?

 

[croak]

If I may make a suggestion? Get a syringe, fill it with distilled water, and inject it into your own thigh in front of her. Tell her it was HIV, and now you're winning. It won't cure her, but a little healthy competition never hurt anyone.

I do hope that's a joke.


Kathryn, that sounds horrible. I hope your father is able to get her to see a doctor that will be able to help her — but I have the feeling she'd call him a crackpot and a quack and ask to go back home, if indeed she reaches the doctor's office to begin with.

:hug: Hope everything works out.

 

[Kathryn]

If I may make a suggestion? Get a syringe, fill it with distilled water, and inject it into your own thigh in front of her. Tell her it was HIV, and now you're winning. It won't cure her, but a little healthy competition never hurt anyone.

EXCELLENT idea!

 

[Kathryn]

Kathryn, that sounds horrible. I hope your father is able to get her to see a doctor that will be able to help her — but I have the feeling she'd call him a crackpot and a quack and ask to go back home, if indeed she reaches the doctor's office to begin with.

:hug: Hope everything works out.

Thanks for the hug!

It's pretty horrible, but entertaining in a dysfunctional sort of way.

Yesterday my mother determined that she was going to get a wheelchair come hell or high water (hey, that's a good phrase for that other thread about local phrases...but I digress). She spent the entire day on the phone (I'm sure her ever dwindling circle of friends loved that) trying to find someone who might know someone who might know someone who would bring her a wheelchair, since my father laid down the law (hey, another phrase!) and told her he absolutely would not allow her to order a wheelchair unless the doctor prescribed one.

Well, my dad went out and ran some errands, and when he came back, he walked into the house and my mother wheeled herself out of the bedroom with a look of immense pride. Some sot somewhere had dug up a wheelchair and brought it to her!

My dad looked at her and said, "Hey, I don't throw my weight around often, but I'm putting my foot down about this right this minute. That wheelchair will not stay in this house for even five more minutes. Get out of it and I am taking it outside to the storage building." She looked at him indignantly and proclaimed, "You have no right to make that decision for me! You're being such a jerk!"

My dad said, "Tell you what. Maybe I am a jerk. If I am, consider me your cross to bear. You get to show the world what a good, submissive Christian wife you are, even when your husband is an insensitive jerk."

With that, she got out of the chair and my dad took it out to the shed, and there it sits right now. Later that evening, he was watching TV in the den, and in she came, and sat down as if nothing whatsoever was wrong.

Oh, and she managed to get an MRI scheduled for Friday, but now she's talking about canceling that, because "doctors don't know what they're talking about, and no matter what they tell me, they don't know how my leg feels - only I know that." And "They're just trying to catch me in their doctor trap."

EGADS!!!!!!
:help:

 

[croak]

My dad looked at her and said, "Hey, I don't throw my weight around often, but I'm putting my foot down about this right this minute. That wheelchair will not stay in this house for even five more minutes. Get out of it and I am taking it outside to the storage building." She looked at him indignantly and proclaimed, "You have no right to make that decision for me! You're being such a jerk!"

My dad said, "Tell you what. Maybe I am a jerk. If I am, consider me your cross to bear. You get to show the world what a good, submissive Christian wife you are, even when your husband is an insensitive jerk."

It sounds like your dad's stumbled onto something.

But otherwise... Friday can't come soon enough, can it?

 

[Rakhel]

Better than pretending to inject yourself with an HIV.

If you are sure she is faking for attention, here is what you do, with your dad's okay of course(This is truly evil and I should be ashamed of myself for even suggesting this, but hey...)

Get a bunch of Nursing Home brochures.
Figure out a way to "drop" a few on the floor in her room.
Pace infront of your mother's bedroom, and pretend to talk to one of the staff about your mother, making sure you mention her symptoms and and the fact that she needs 24 hour help due to her being bed-ridden, and that this is just too much for your family to take on your own and that you need help caring for her.
Lay it on thick, after all you are your mother's daughter.
Make sure you "get an estimate for the cost of her stay."
Ask about visiting hours(Nursing homes don't have regular visiting hours but ask anyways)

It's cruel, I know, but it will do one of two things. It will either have her jumping out of bed screaming about how you don't love her or it will convince her that she needs to some real help.

 

[Kathryn]

Better than pretending to inject yourself with an HIV.

If you are sure she is faking for attention, here is what you do, with your dad's okay of course(This is truly evil and I should be ashamed of myself for even suggesting this, but hey...)

Get a bunch of Nursing Home brochures.
Figure out a way to "drop" a few on the floor in her room.
Pace infront of your mother's bedroom, and pretend to talk to one of the staff about your mother, making sure you mention her symptoms and and the fact that she needs 24 hour help due to her being bed-ridden, and that this is just too much for your family to take on your own and that you need help caring for her.
Lay it on thick, after all you are your mother's daughter.
Make sure you "get an estimate for the cost of her stay."
Ask about visiting hours(Nursing homes don't have regular visiting hours but ask anyways)

It's cruel, I know, but it will do one of two things. It will either have her jumping out of bed screaming about how you don't love her or it will convince her that she needs to some real help.

Oh, this is brilliant!

We've started doing a few things which allow her to "enjoy" the life of the chronically ill (which she most certainly is not). The main thing we're doing is allowing her to become very bored. She's worn most of her friends out by now, and I'm not sitting on the phone talking with her for hours. I get off the phone with her pretty quickly. My daughter changed plans to go to her house with the kids "because she is just too sick" though my mom was begging to see the kids "before she dies." (She is FAARRRRRRR from death as far as anyone else can tell!) My dad is checking in on her every couple of hours but otherwise finding all sorts of projects to do around the farm.

We'll see!

 

[Kathryn]

It sounds like your dad's stumbled onto something.

But otherwise... Friday can't come soon enough, can it?

I'm tempted to bet my father $10 that she gets up Friday morning trying to weasel out of that appointment. He has already told me that if he has to drag her there, she's going.

GO, DAD!

 

[Wirey]

Sorry about the joke. If I may, it has been my experience that the vast bulk of damaged people do not wish to be repaired. They must be accepted as is, or ignored. That said, it's still okay to have some fun at her expense. That said, try these:

1) The next time you see her, point at her neck, yell "What the hell is that?", and run to the washroom with your hand over your mouth.

2) Replace some of her medication with those pink Pepto Bismol pills. Tell her there's a bacterial infection in the town water that makes your poop turn really dark, and then your intestines fall out.

3) Repeatedly and constantly tell her she looks great now that she's putting on weight. Mess with her bathroom scale.

4) Print up a fake on-line medical school certificate. Show it to her, and tell her you can help. Whip out a hand saw and say "Them legs has got to go!"

5) Pour red food dye into her coffee. Tell her caffiene allergies are on the rise, along with bladder infections.

I hope this helps.

 

[Revoltingest]

Wirey is correct that people never recognize their own delusions.
So it's best to make reasonable accommodations.
I have some productive suggestions:
- Buy her a tombstone inscribed with....SEE! I TOLD YOU SO!
- Buy her a cemetery plot next to a doctor.