I have discovered something

[janesix]

I am an arrogant, unlikeable jerk. I thought for a long time that I was going through a "spiritual awakening" and I thought I was becoming a better person.

Now I think I realize that I am not changing, not going to change either. That I will remain a jerk. That it is just my responsibility to not BEHAVE like one, as far as I can.

I guess I was lazy, and wanted God's grace of changing me and making me a better person. But people are jerks, for the most part. It is a daily, hourly, minutely choice ALL THE TIME to choose whether to act on my true nature.

 

[Twilight Hue]

I am an arrogant, unlikeable jerk. I thought for a long time that I was going through a "spiritual awakening" and I thought I was becoming a better person.

Now I think I realize that I am not changing, not going to change either. That I will remain a jerk. That it is just my responsibility to not BEHAVE like one, as far as I can.

I guess I was lazy, and wanted God's grace of changing me and making me a better person. But people are jerks, for the most part. It is a daily, hourly, minutely choice ALL THE TIME to choose whether to act on my true nature.

"Don't be a jerk".

Reading Brad Warner again...

 

[janesix]

"Don't be a jerk".

Reading Brad Warner again...

I try, but sometimes I like being a jerk.

 

[JoshuaTree]

You don't have free will, no worries.

 

[JoshuaTree]

Romans 7:15-20
New International Version

15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I am an arrogant, unlikeable jerk. I thought for a long time that I was going through a "spiritual awakening" and I thought I was becoming a better person.

Now I think I realize that I am not changing, not going to change either. That I will remain a jerk. That it is just my responsibility to not BEHAVE like one, as far as I can.

I guess I was lazy, and wanted God's grace of changing me and making me a better person. But people are jerks, for the most part. It is a daily, hourly, minutely choice ALL THE TIME to choose whether to act on my true nature.

It's a lot of hard work, but change is possible. There is no magical quick fix for it, however, and it's up to you to do the work and find the drive and ambition to change. It won't be easy, but if it's a goal it is something you.can work towards.

 

[exchemist]

I am an arrogant, unlikeable jerk. I thought for a long time that I was going through a "spiritual awakening" and I thought I was becoming a better person.

Now I think I realize that I am not changing, not going to change either. That I will remain a jerk. That it is just my responsibility to not BEHAVE like one, as far as I can.

I guess I was lazy, and wanted God's grace of changing me and making me a better person. But people are jerks, for the most part. It is a daily, hourly, minutely choice ALL THE TIME to choose whether to act on my true nature.

Perhaps what you are describing is no more than the Original Sin we all share, according to standard Christian theology. That is something we all have to wrestle with.

I think it is important, when you consider some weakness you may have, to bear in mind that while you need to control it, or compensate for it, as far as you are able, other people almost invariably suffer from the same weakness too. So you are not alone and not uniquely "bad". This is something the church teaches, too.

 

[janesix]

You don't have free will, no worries.

That is possible. I believe that about 25% of the time. Mostly though I think I have free will. But when the synchronicities are happening a lot, It looks like everything is predetermined.