• Welcome to Religious Forums, a friendly forum to discuss all religions in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Access to private conversations with other members.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

I feel whole for the first time in my life.

Spirit of Light

Be who ever you want
Let me start by saying it's always hard to truly understand what somebody else is struggling with. That is why we really should avoid judging, and why we should avoid giving advice unless it is asked for -- and even then be honest and say that our advice is only our opinion, and might not work for you.

And truthfully, I'm not sure what you are struggling with. The desire to put on makeup? Well, the "metrosexual" era seems to have passed, but a lot of urban men were using makeup then, although they tried to make it as "masculine" as they could. In my own case, while I am gay, and have basically always been gay, that was never something that interested me. I've never felt like a have a "feminine side." I am a man who only likes sex with other men. (I'll say this part in lingo, so that it's not too offensive: while I generally like to "pitch," I've been known to "catch" sometimes, and enjoy it, too, with the right person.)

Then again, you say you don't really identify with being sexually interested in men -- although you hint you might get there for the right personality. I honestly don't know what that really means in your case. Maybe you are experiencing bisexual stirrings, maybe you've repressed other yearnings completely (as you did with make-up). That is pretty common for people in families or communities who are generally unaccepting. Nobody wants to be rejected by those close to them. And that kind of repression can become a habit, and very hard to break out of.

I had the great advantage of never having been brought up in a family at all, nor in one community, and certainly not a community that cared about such things -- so I never felt the need to hide my real self. When I was asked in high-school if I was a "fruit," (that was a common term for gay at the time) my response was, "No, I'm the whole &$%## orchard!"

If I were to give you any un-asked-for advice, it would be this -- proceed very cautiously. Make sure whatever you do, you do safely. I mean that in every way. I suspect you may be vulnerable to some emotional hurt, as well as the ever-present threat of STDs.
First of all, thank you for great advice, i will take with me what you said, and learn from it.
As far as i have read about people with sMe feelings and e perien es as my self, i would say i am probably closer to Pansexual than pure Bi-sexual.
As you may have read before in things i written in RF, i used to have a fear of other men in my past, i now understand this fear could have been from me supressing certain feelings and being afraid of how people would react to me if i openly showed a form of interest in men,.

My family has been non existing in understanding LTBTQ+ comunity. So i may had some fear there too.

But this summer until now i have opened up a lot more about my true feelings, and yes i am in a relationship with a Bi-sexual woman, and she has helped me a lot to open up about how i feel.
 

Spirit of Light

Be who ever you want
I think you owe it to yourself to carefully examine what is happening here and why. Since childhood, you have been living a way that was expected of you, and you were unhappy. You began looking for answers in religions, two of which you have cast off in the time I've known you. They didn't satisfy.

Your present religion, an Abrahamic religion, will attempt to dissuade you from your thinking. Already one believer has told you how uncomfortable this makes him, and he considers you confused in a negative sense, as in mistaken. Another warns you about trusting feelings, which he puts in scare quotes, and he no doubt means the ones that contradict his religious sensibilities. Your fellow Baha'i will not encourage or congratulate you like most of this thread has but will also try to herd you back into the fold. One describes leaving that path as failing and being faint-hearted.

And please notice where did these good ideas that make you feel whole come from? Not these religions. Probably your bisexual girlfriend. You've turned from holy book to holy book for answers and found no satisfaction. A new influence came into your life, one all Abrahamic adherents will disapprove of and try to stifle if they can. But her ideas connected with who you actually are. Theirs try to shape you to conform to their moral dicta.

Shouldn't your "religion" come from life and not a book, from experience and exploration rather than trying to conform to one straitjacket after another? I highly recommend a "Rumspringa" for you - a clean break from religion for a season to look at it again from the outside in and decide if you prefer being within or without. See what a year or two of exploring life with a guide like your girlfriend gives you and compare it to what the religions give you.

Then if you like the change, make your own "religion" from the parts of these other ism that resonate with you. What parts of Baha'i seem right to YOU? Keep those and discard the rest. Likewise with any other philosophy or worldview. That's what those of us outside of religion do perforce. We piece together a world view rather than choose a prefab one and try to make it fit - a procrustean feat for some.

Now THAT'S a spiritual journey, and one that might actually reveal spiritual truths about your own spirit and spirituality, which you will recognize by the way these ideas resonate. You trust your own instincts, which has been difficult for you in the past, but you are learning how to do that now thanks to your girlfriend.

Congratulations and good luck in your journey.
If you only knew how much these words mean to me, holy crap dude....
Thank you :)
 

TransmutingSoul

Veteran Member
Premium Member
To be honest @Evangelicalhumanist i think you would be able to understand this situation :) the one thing i truly struggle with

Thank you Tony, your words always give me energy to discover more :)
This part of me that i discover an investigate now may not lay good in the Baha'i teaching and faith.

But it is something i have accepted and it is a part of me, and with Gods guidance i know i will be safe

You must speak with your heart. It is your journey with God. I can only support, if needed.

I do not know any Baha'i that has not had conflict with the laws, it is those experiences that enable greater change.

All the best, Regards Tony
 

Sand Dancer

Crazy Cat Lady
I wish you always the best in life and faith. It is a journey of discovering our own self and our willingness of submission unto all that is of God.

This journey is not for the faint hearted. :) Many do not start, many who start fail, a few keep trying and rare amount find that true self.

:heart:Regards Tony

I picture you as the RF grandpa. Not an age thing, but you give kindly and wise advice. You stay positive and nonjudgmental. That's pretty cool.
 

Wildswanderer

Veteran Member
Feelings are something we should control, not the other way around.
If I feel attracted to another woman, I don't say: " Hey maybe I'm not married anymore. "
Just saying.
 

Spirit of Light

Be who ever you want
Feelings are something we should control, not the other way around.
If I feel attracted to another woman, I don't say: " Hey maybe I'm not married anymore. "
Just saying.
I have not said i will act out a sexual feeling toward men, but I have to accept that yes they are there. Anyway what is happening to me is more on a romantic non sexual thing. I do not see me having sex wirh an other man.
 

Brian2

Veteran Member
I have not said i will act out a sexual feeling toward men, but I have to accept that yes they are there. Anyway what is happening to me is more on a romantic non sexual thing. I do not see me having sex wirh an other man.

Loving people of the same sex is encouraged Biblically.
 
Top