I feel whole for the first time in my life.

[Spirit of Light]

For the first time in my life i am actually feeling whole as a human being.
A few days ago i started wearing makeup and nail polish, as you guys already have seen a bit about in my other OP. But i never said anything about the full feeling it made me have.

When i looking in the mirror after i put on the makeup i see a person i recognize as me....i didn't do that before without the makeup
My mind has gone silent and it relax, i don't feel a need to have outbursts of frustration anymore. So now i know why i lashed out on people in discusion and debate....because i was not whole.

I am not a transexual person, i don't feel as a woman and i don't see myself wearing woman clothing

Did i "come out of the closet?" To be honest from my side, i don't actually know yet, give me a little time and i can answer better.
But if you have gone this phase in life before, and gotten out of it as someone who come out as something differently sexually, feel free to explain if you think i just got out of the closet sexually in any way. I need a bit of guidance i think.

Yes i do trying to find my sexuality.....i am clearly not as straight as i thought i was

 

[JustGeorge]

What is it about the make up that you think opened up this part of yourself?

 

[Spirit of Light]

What is it about the make up that you think opened up this part of yourself?

First of all being able to show the femininity i always felt within me. And it has given me more confidence in expressing myself outward, showing who i see myself as. I never been a masculine person.

When i saw myself in the mirror the first time with makeup on i said out aloud "There you are, why did you hide from me" it sound silly i know

 

[Aštra’el]

Contemplate why it is that you are developing this way. Now. In 2022.

 

[John53]

If you're not hurting anyone else do what makes you happy.

 

[Spirit of Light]

Contemplate why it is that you are developing this way. Now. In 2022.

The answer to your question is, that when i grew up i could not express these feelings due to my parents and especially my brother. They would never approve of this at all. So i hide it, than i got scared and felt left out in the dark, nobody to talk to about how i felt.

Now in 2022 i have some beautiful friends and a girlfriend who saw me for who i am, both my ex-girlfriend and my girlfriend are Bi-sexual so i guess they saw something in me.
And they waited for me to be ready to "come out"

Just want to add, nobody has pushed me to do this they only guided me when i asked, and they showed me the road.

 

[Gargovic Malkav]

When i looking in the mirror after i put on the makeup i see a person i recognize as me....i didn't do that before without the makeup
My mind has gone silent and it relax, i don't feel a need to have outbursts of frustration anymore. So now i know why i lashed out on people in discusion and debate....because i was not whole.

I've heard things like this come from you several times before.
What I'm curious about is whether you're finally on the right track now, or that it's just another phase you're going through.

Imo, you exhibit histrionic personality traits.

I don't know whether this will help you to understand yourself better or that it is a misanalysis, take it for what you will.

 

[questfortruth]

Yes i do trying to find my sexuality.

Tell us, please, about positive and neutral major aspects of your Biography. First of all, how old are you now? I am guessing between 20 and 27?

 

[Spirit of Light]

I've heard things like this come from you several times before.
What I'm curious about is whether you're finally on the right track now, or that it's just another phase you're going through.

Imo, you exhibit histrionic personality traits.

I don't know whether this will help you to understand yourself better or that it is a misanalysis, take it for what you will.

All i can say is, i feel whole on a different level than before.

 

[Spirit of Light]

Tell us, please, about positive and neutral major aspects of your Biography. First of all, how old are you now? I am guessing between 20 and 27?

I am 45 year old

 

[Gargovic Malkav]

All i can say is, i feel whole on a different level than before.

I guess time will tell.

 

[questfortruth]

I am 45 year old

Then, please, recall the point of your sexuality at the age of 20, and stick to it. No point in changing sex.

 

[Spirit of Light]

I guess time will tell.

First of all, coming out this way has taken me about 20 years, i even hide it from myself because i was afraid of being judged. Now when i am secure enough on myself i accept that not everybody will understand what i have been going through. And still going through

I will say all of the changes you have seen in me since i become a member in RF has led up to this moment, thats how i see it anyway.

As long i actually benefit from this and accept myself for whom I am, that is all that matter right now

 

[Spirit of Light]

Then, please, recall the point of your sexuality at the age of 20, and stick to it. No point in changing sex.

I haven't fully known my sexuality, i lived a life as a straight man but never felt fully me.

 

[questfortruth]

I haven't fully known my sexuality, i lived a life as a straight man but never felt fully me.

You are feeling pressure from bad examples around you. The doctors cut human flesh in hospitals without any need to cut it. It is money. They are paid. No human will be evil without getting paid for evilness.

 

[Spirit of Light]

You are feeling pressure from bad examples around you. The doctors cut human flesh in hospitals without any need to cut it. It is money. They are paid. No human will be evil without getting paid for evilness.

Just to clerify something i am not changing my gender from male to female. Sexuality is a lot more than man/woman

 

[JustGeorge]

Then, please, recall the point of your sexuality at the age of 20, and stick to it.

20? Jeez Louise, I can't replicate the libido at had at 20...

Not sure many can!

 

[Subduction Zone]

Then, please, recall the point of your sexuality at the age of 20, and stick to it. No point in changing sex.

Makeup does not change sexuality. And sexuality is much more complex than totally straight male that eats rust and pine cones for breakfast vs. being a flaming homosexual.

As to @Seeker of White Light good luck on your journey. Don't pay too much attention to any naysayers that you meet on the way.

 

[questfortruth]

As to @Seeker of White Light good luck on your journey.

Or he could travel to Carribean or Afrika.

 

[Spirit of Light]

Makeup does not change sexuality. And sexuality is much more complex than totally straight male that eats rust and pine cones for breakfast vs. being a flaming homosexual.

As to @Seeker of White Light good luck on your journey. Don't pay too much attention to any naysayers that you meet on the way.

Thank you @Subduction Zone
People have their right to say what they think about this but for me i re-discovered something i had put away for many years due to fear.
Asyou maybe remember when i come to RF, ii was very homophobic but now i realize it was out of fear for showing the real me. I carried a form of secret.

I don't know exactly where on the scale i am, but right now i am probable closer to Pansexual, but i will not openly say I am that yet.