I am in a dark place

[Richard Huckvale]

Hi firstly I am new to online forums and if I am being totally honest with anyone that reads this I am new to religion.

I have been in a very dark place for over a year now. My whole life got ripped apart in 2019 and I have found it increasingly difficult to get out of the dark place my life has become. I lost my home, my job everything I had and I am on the other side of the world from my family. I have never felt so alone, I have never felt so helpless and worthless in my life. I have never been a religious man but over the last few months I have been praying and I don't feel I deserve anyone to listen to me or help me yet alone god? Why should he listen to me? I have never believed or wanted to talk to him until I was in need. I am not 100% sure if I am going out of my mind or not.

I am struggling to survive with little to no money, the fear of not knowing if ill somehow be able to afford my rent and food this week and I guess I am just looking for someone to talk to to keep me feeling alive because I have felt empty for a very long time now and I'm scared that this is now my life living alone in the darkest place off all which is my mind.

I have no idea how this works but if anyone wants to talk please talk to me please.

Richard

 

[Secret Chief]

Hi Richard
The darkness can end, you can come out the other side. There are all sorts of people here to talk to.

 

[Richard Huckvale]

Hi

I have tried so hard to get out of the darkness but no matter what I do I just cant get out.

 

[danieldemol]

Hi

I have tried so hard to get out of the darkness but no matter what I do I just cant get out.

Have you spoken to doctors about it? Sometimes our brains can become chemically unbalanced and a good psychiatrist can bring us back from a dark place.

I wouldn’t be too concerned about not having prayed before, in my opinion God is not so petty as to mind such things

 

[Secret Chief]

No one knows what is just "around the corner." Keep on in there.

Rent, food, practicalities... is there anyone or organisation you can go to now for assistance? Friends, neighbours, relatives, local government, charity organisations, doctor?

 

[Richard Huckvale]

I can't afford to see a Dr as its costs here in NZ I have had the help and support of friends for the last 12 months but since the COVID-19 break out and going into lockdown the interactions with friends have been limited. I am not a citizen of NZ so not entitled to any government help.

As with a lot of people during this pandemic my friends have lost their jobs or had to close their businesses so are finding it tough.

 

[Terry Sampson]

I am not a citizen of NZ so not entitled to any government help.

Richard:
Then, what pray tell are you doing in NZ? Where's home, son?

 

[Spirit of Light]

Hi firstly I am new to online forums and if I am being totally honest with anyone that reads this I am new to religion.

I have been in a very dark place for over a year now. My whole life got ripped apart in 2019 and I have found it increasingly difficult to get out of the dark place my life has become. I lost my home, my job everything I had and I am on the other side of the world from my family. I have never felt so alone, I have never felt so helpless and worthless in my life. I have never been a religious man but over the last few months I have been praying and I don't feel I deserve anyone to listen to me or help me yet alone god? Why should he listen to me? I have never believed or wanted to talk to him until I was in need. I am not 100% sure if I am going out of my mind or not.

I am struggling to survive with little to no money, the fear of not knowing if ill somehow be able to afford my rent and food this week and I guess I am just looking for someone to talk to to keep me feeling alive because I have felt empty for a very long time now and I'm scared that this is now my life living alone in the darkest place off all which is my mind.

I have no idea how this works but if anyone wants to talk please talk to me please.

Richard

I relate strongly to your post, because i am in a very similar situation my self. And living in a friends home, because i can't afford rent right now, starting over again from zero is really hard, but there will be more easy times
I know it's not easy to see the "easier times" when we feel so down, and lonely. But hang in there, and speak with people here in the forum some Amazing people here.
I my self had a talk with @ChristineM who by only a few messages the other day helped me out of a deep depression.
@SalixIncendium, @adrian009 and many others are great people here who might be able to guide you

 

[Richard Huckvale]

Richard:
Then, what pray tell are you doing in NZ? Where's home, son?

I am from England. Been living in NZ for 4 years only had work visas which have now expired so going through the stress and cost of immigration is not helping at all.

 

[Richard Huckvale]

I relate strongly to your post, because i am in a very similar situation my self. And living in a friends home, because i can't afford rent right now, starting over again from zero is really hard, but there will be more easy times
I know it's not easy to see the "easier times" when we feel so down, and lonely. But hang in there, and speak with people here in the forum some Amazon people here.
I my self had a talk with @ChristineM who by only a few messages the other day helped me out of a deep depression.
@SalixIncendium, @adrian009 and many others are great people here who might be able to guide you

Thank you for reaching out. I am at the moment staying with a friend too but its been 6 weeks now and once our lockdown ends here I will have to find alternative accommodation which I can not afford. The stress of it all keeps me awake at night and just makes the dark place even worse

 

[Curious George]

I am from England. Been living in NZ for 4 years only had work visas which have now expired so going through the stress and cost of immigration is not helping at all.

If you are struggling it with feelings of depression it is probably best if you were near wherever you had the largest social network, however many that may be. So if you have good friends and family still in England, why not move back there? But if you have more people in NZ, it might be better to stay.

Self care is important, even if you do not feel like it. Establish a routine, force yourself to do it.

Why do you believe your mind is the darkest place?

 

[SalixIncendium]

Hi firstly I am new to online forums and if I am being totally honest with anyone that reads this I am new to religion.

I have been in a very dark place for over a year now. My whole life got ripped apart in 2019 and I have found it increasingly difficult to get out of the dark place my life has become. I lost my home, my job everything I had and I am on the other side of the world from my family. I have never felt so alone, I have never felt so helpless and worthless in my life. I have never been a religious man but over the last few months I have been praying and I don't feel I deserve anyone to listen to me or help me yet alone god? Why should he listen to me? I have never believed or wanted to talk to him until I was in need. I am not 100% sure if I am going out of my mind or not.

I am struggling to survive with little to no money, the fear of not knowing if ill somehow be able to afford my rent and food this week and I guess I am just looking for someone to talk to to keep me feeling alive because I have felt empty for a very long time now and I'm scared that this is now my life living alone in the darkest place off all which is my mind.

I have no idea how this works but if anyone wants to talk please talk to me please.

Richard

Hi, Richard. Welcome to RF. I hope you are able to find what you need here.

I guess before I (or anyone else for that matter) should offer advice, I suppose we should better understand the origin of this dark place you describe.

You mention 2019 being the year your life got ripped apart. Did it get ripped apart as a result of your being in this dark place, or is the dark place a product of losing your home, job, etc.?

 

[Spirit of Light]

Thank you for reaching out. I am at the moment staying with a friend too but its been 6 weeks now and once our lockdown ends here I will have to find alternative accommodation which I can not afford. The stress of it all keeps me awake at night and just makes the dark place even worse

Do you know if there is a governmental office near you, who might be able to help you with a home? At least for some time? Thats how i have done it here in Norway, i asked local government for help, and now i get a small payment each month, they looking for a home same time i am looking too.

As soon you gain some help your stress will ease off but yes i understand your situation.

 

[Terry Sampson]

Richard,
Are you ready to go back to England, or are you hell-bent on staying in NZ?

 

[Revoltingest]

Greetings!

I have no solutions to anyone's problems,
but I can invite you to the free breakfast
in the staff cafeteria.

 

[Dawnofhope]

I can't afford to see a Dr as its costs here in NZ I have had the help and support of friends for the last 12 months but since the COVID-19 break out and going into lockdown the interactions with friends have been limited. I am not a citizen of NZ so not entitled to any government help.

As with a lot of people during this pandemic my friends have lost their jobs or had to close their businesses so are finding it tough.

Welcome to RF Richard. I live in New Zealand too, the South Island. I think its been a really tough time for many of us here, especially for those who have lost their income. Hopefully many of the restrictions will be lifted soon and there will be new opportunities that arise. That’s really tough not having access to financial assistance and its uncertain times. If you want someone to talk to either through this forum or by phone or a video app PM me. Best Wishes, Adrian

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

Shalom and welcome.

It's a dark time to be in such a dark place, and I imagine that a sense of desperation can seem pretty reasonable right now. It must be easy to feel paralyzed in your situation. Good for you for reaching out!

I hope you continue to do so. So, for example, have you considered a crises hotline such as Samaritans Aotearoa New Zealand? Perhaps they could offer some next steps.

And be sure to keep in touch here at RF. You deserve to persevere.

 

[SalixIncendium]

Hi

I have tried so hard to get out of the darkness but no matter what I do I just cant get out.

"Can't" can be a nasty little four-letter-word.

I find it best to not place limits on what I can do.

 

[Secret Chief]

Richard
On this forum a PM (Private Message) is called a Conversation. If you want to start one, click on the person's username. This opens a small window with various options. Click on "Start a Conversation" and you're good to go.

 

[ChristineM]

Hi Richard, welcome to RF.

Sorry to hear about your troubles. It sounds to me like you are in need of a little medical help, unfortunately I know little about the NZ health system but there must be aid organisations who can advise.

What i can say from experience is that attitude helps. Feeling good about yourself can lighten the load. Take a long walk or two, its good exercise and it's free. Keep busy, even if it's make work. If you have a good friend there speak to them. And although family is not close at hand, open up to them in whatever way you keep in touch, perhaps they can offer advice. Remember, it's good to talk

In the meantime perhaps a gateaux or few may help... Enjoy