I am Catholic she is Baptist what do I do?

[CNovaJason]

Hey all I am 24 year old male from Louisiana and my g/f is a 36 yr old female from Las Vegas. We are both in love and I am moving to live with her and start a life with her in a month or two. I was raised Catholic and she was raised Baptist but also goes sometimes to a non-denominational church in her city. I talked to her today about marriage and she has been married twice before and doesn't want to get either of them annulled because she feels like in the eyes of God that it means you were never married. Which I can understand but if she doesn't get them annulled then we cannot get married in a Catholic church. My mother said she would be devistated if me or my sister didn't get married in a Catholic church because she said that "in the eyes of God you aren't really married". To me that is a bunch of malarchy. I love this woman and she loves me and there is of course going to have to be some work involved in this relationship. What do I do?? I'm so not ready to give up on her just because of our difference in faiths. She said she doesn't want to see my mother upset but I don't want to lose this woman because she is the one for me. Also she said she wants our kids to choose the religion if we do have any. I'm just at a loss of words right now and thoughts on what to do about this. I feel that love is the main thing that keeps people together and our faith is strong just with some small differences. We both believe in God, and that is what matters to me. Someone help please, I'm really confused and don't want to lose this lovely woman.

 

[Rex]

Hmm tough spot, I'm sure others here have the answers for you.

On a side note, welcome to the forum. I will be 24 very soon also and I live in Louisiana!!!

 

[SK2005]

Wow....I've always worried about something like this happening to me. I would say pray, not only alone, but pray with each other! I pray that everything works out for the best!

 

[Scott1]

Errr.... hate to point out the obvious, but..... you two are going to live together before you are married?

#2.... if she is not a Catholic, then her marriages don't need to be annulled.... in the eyes of the Church they didn't exist in the first place.

#3 To get married in a Catholic Church your future wife would have to agree to have future children raised in the RCC... I'm fairly certain that's a deal-breaker with the Church.

My advice? Introduce yourself to your new parish priest when you move.... explain all the issues.... maybe confess a few sins (**cough, cough**)... and then listen to his advice.

Peace,
Scott

 

[SK2005]

You must spread some karma around before giving it to SOGFPP again.

 

[Prima]

Personally, it seems to me that you want a Catholic marriage to make your family happy.

And that, love, is never a good reason!

Do what makes YOU happy, what YOU think is right. If you do something because your mom wants you to, you might be resentful and unhappy.

Scott is correct in his RCC doctrine. But are you sure you want to be Roman Catholic? Like Scott pointed out, you're not really following RCC doctrine anyway! And she goes to a non-denominational church....are you completely sure that neither of you are willing to convert?

The other thing is, just because you raise a child in a religion doesn't mean that you don't let them choose. That's kind of what confirmation is. I was raised Roman Catholic, but right now I'm old enough to choose whether I want to continue in the Roman Catholic Church or whether I want to follow another religion.

Oh, also, welcome to the forums. Why don't you make an introduction thread?

 

[Original Freak]

I say tell your mother you love her, god will understand, and do what your heart tells you. Of course that might mean going from RC to something along the same lines.

Of course this is coming from an Atheist, so take it for what it is.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

I talked to her today about marriage and she has been married twice before and doesn't want to get either of them annulled because she feels like in the eyes of God that it means you were never married.

I would think twice about this... you could very well be ex-husband number three.

Or you could just do whatever makes you feel warm and fuzzy. If you feel fuzzy, then it must be right.

 

[BUDDY]

I feel for your predicament. I think it comes down to what do you love more, your relationship with the Church and your family, or your relationship with this woman. Keep in mind, as a christian, we have to think of the things that are eternal not of the things of this short life. Hard deal, I know, but God never said being a christian would be easy.

 

[johnnys4life]

Umm...yeah, the whole "living togethor" thing is a big no-no for SO many reasons.

Also, if you are going to be a Christian for real, the Bible says if a woman leaves her husband and marries another it is adultery. She should go back to her first husband, or else stay unmarried.

As for you, being a husband #3 may seem right at the moment...but you're SO young, (heh heh, I'm 24 too) and marriage is HARD, it's a LOT harder than you think. Just trust me on that. If you don't have a solid foundation, and the determination to work things out no matter what...then, well, I hate to say it but it's kinda doomed before it starts....

Upon my engagement I was given some good advice from a friend who's been married for over 20 years. He said, "The secret to staying married is, DON'T GET DIVORCED." It sounds simple, but it's true. We made a commitment, and we're standing by it come what may. That's really all you can do to stay married sometimes. Statistically speaking, your chances of staying togethor forever are pretty slim being #3, not that it can't happen, but it sounds like you've got a lot more against you than for you.

I say give the relationship a rest, and "find yourself" so to speak, first. It doesn't sound like you have quite settled into life yet.

Just tryin to spare you some pain in the long run...hate to be the killjoy.

 

[CNovaJason]

The thing is, her first marriage was over b/c of drugs. The guy was clean for years and then relapsed. He almost OD'd and she almost lost him and couldn't deal with that. The second one was because he didn't respect her wishes of not going out and partying all the time and coming home drunk so she had to let him go. She and I are going to work on this and I talked to my priest today and things are really ok. Thanks for all the feedback and I'll decide what is right for me and we'll make things work. I love her and she loves me and, we both love God and in our eyes, that is what matters. We will all be saved if we follow HIM. Thanks again to all and to all God Bless.

 

[niceguy]

I hope everything works out for you even thou I am a little worried about the age difference.

 

[Stormygale]

Hmmm...growing up my mother ever battered me about getting involved with women who believed like I did. If you are both stable in your religion, and there is little room for swaying, as most Catholics are, then you have a problem. Probably, earlier on in a marriage it will not surface. The whole newness thing modifies much about how people act and accept each other at the start. Yet, as time goes on and she and you begin to want to share more of a spiritual relationship, it could possibly cause ripples in the pool.
Consider deeply your choice. MAKE IT KNOWN this whole thing about religious preferences between you both before you get married. It matters. Talk about it deeply and decide things ahead of time.